The Pacific Ocean is really, really wet. Damp doesn't even begin to
cover it, and moist leaves much to be desired.
Most people don't haul out and really think about just how wet the
largest body of water on earth is. Some simply take it for granted, some
can't spare the time to ponder the ocean's wetness, and some just don't
care. But be that as it may, the Pacific, unmindful of whether or not
people considered it, is really, really wet.
And to Han Murphson, that was really not good at all.
"I hate water." Han made this particular statement on the ship "Mother
One," a two man fishing rig that was well out to the middle of the
pacific, almost two hundred miles from Tokyo, its primary port of call.
Needless to say, he was surrounded by 200 billion gallons of water, a
fact that did not make Han happy.
A My Diseased One AM Ramblings Production
Mizuno Ami was an ordinary girl. She went to Juuban middle school,
liked chess and swimming, and dreamed of meeting the man of her dreams.
she also had an IQ of 212, was the reborn princess of a long dead
kingdom, and fought to save the world as a Sailor Senshi each night.
Hmm. Then again, maybe not.
Osaka Naru was an ordinary girl. She had an ordinary, if slightly geeky
boyfriend, liked Mexican food, and her mother ran a jewelry store. She
was also attacked by monsters with a frequency which defied description.
Her best friend, though she didn't know it, was the reincarnated warrior
of the Moon and --- Never mind.
Shirow Kiso was an ordinary girl. Sometimes. Friday and Saturday nights
mainly but he was considering adding Wednesdays too. Actually, let's
leave this one alone for now.
Meiou Setsunna was--- I'm not even going to start.
A Sailor Moon Fanfic
Water wise, Phil Batam didn't really care. He was a fisherman, whether
he wanted to be one or not, and as a result, professionally liked water.
Had he been required to professionally like horrible burning death, he
would have.
Since they were harvesting well the bounty of the sea that day and
everything was going well, he let Han's irate comment slide. It wasn't
really that important.
"Hey, buddy," Han spoke again. "Have I ever told you just how much I
hate water? And why?"
"Yes. Quite a number of times. I believe your main problem with it is
it's wet."
"Yeah, there is that. But also there's a little problem like the fact
that it mixes with dirt and makes mud. I was thinking..." Han continued
to speak in some meaningless torrent about why water was so bad, and
Phil tuned him out. He had better things to do, like pick his nose.
It was almost fifty minutes into his rant that Han was interrupted.
Phil had finished his nasal attentions and was pointing straight up in a
most insistent way. Han looked up.
There appeared to be a lightning storm going on. While worthy of
attention in and off itself, the noted absence of clouds, rain, and the
fact the lightning storm was confined to one spherical area was quite
worthy of attention. In addition, it was purple.
"What the heck is that?" Han had never got the hang of nautical
obscenities. He had tried, oh how he tried, but anything worse than
'darn' just never seemed to emerge from his lips. It caused him no end
of problems.
"Hell if I know."
The lightning continue for roughly ten seconds before a pitch black
ball appeared in the center.
Yes, I did it. I'm that tasteless.
The black ball abruptly disappeared after a moment and in its place a
large, human figure appeared to be suspended in midair, flying if you
will.
Unfortunately, the figure couldn't actually fly and fell like a stone,
thus ruining the image. The plummet was arrested at sea level by the
wonderful interaction of man, for such it was, and boat. The man won and
went straight through the bottom. The resultant hole allowed the boat to
sink almost instantly.
"Phil, you do know I really hate water don't you?"
"Yes. Yes I do. And I think we're both to about to be very, very wet."
"Arg."
Eclipse of the Moon 2: Purification Day.
Nemesis, the Black Moon, The Place of Imprisonment, Domain of the Black
Moon Clan, That Weird, Funky Black Round Thing Way the Hell Over There.
It had many names. Those were a few. Most of the rest were all censored
by order of God for language. But regardless of what it was called,
Nemesis was were Prince Diamond reigned. At late evening, one Thursday,
he was holding court and dispensing justice.
"You are found guilty of littering. The sentence is death."
"What!?"
BZZZAAP!
"Ahh!"
"Next!"
Well, he was holding court at any rate.
"Milord, the defense would like to-"
"Oh, shut up you guilty bastard. You are found guilty of, um, what was
it you were charged with again?"
"Eight counts of first degree murder, three counts of second degree
murder, seven counts of arson, and whole mess of other stuff."
Diamond whistled, impressed. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't have
you fundamentally annihilated right here."
"I'm innocent."
"And that means what to me?"
"I'm your brother?"
Diamond gave him a look.
"That wouldn't be fun at all, and I wouldn't be able to play you in
football anymore."
"Hmm. Good point. Your sentence is three hours community service.
Next!"
That's life on the Black Moon.
***
Mizuno Ami was walking through the Ginza one Sunday afternoon. She was
dressed in one of her nicer blue dresses with matching blouse. Blue was
most definitely her color, as all her friends told her, and she wanted
to look especially good today. Thus her hair had been the recipient of
extra attention, her ears wore earrings, and she had decided indulge in
just a hint of makeup. For Ami Mizuno was on a date. Probably.
Next to her, Mitoru Ryan walked, humming lightly to himself. His
appearance showed much less concern, him have taken almost three minutes
to get dressed that morning. However, he was clean, he had combed his
short black hair, and he looked respectable.
He was dressed in dark blue slacks, black shoes, and a white oxford
shirt. The entire ensemble was only slightly wrinkled, and looked like
it had been ironed within the last three months. Clearly, he was trying
to look his best also.
Realizing he would have to be the first to initiate conversation, he
spoke up, "Did you watch the news last night?"
"Yes." Ami was having difficulty with the whole "relaxing" part of the
date. It wasn't that she didn't want to be here, quite the opposite. She
had been ecstatic when she had been asked. It was only that she did not
really understand exactly what was going on.
When she spoke to her friends about dating, it always seemed that one
would know exactly the footing that one was on. The man, handsome and
immaculately dressed, would pick the devastatingly beautiful girl up at
her house, walk her through the night's entertainment, and return to her
house by midnight, parting after receiving his reward, the kiss of true
love. Well none of that had happened yet, nor was it even in the plan,
and Ami was beginning to wonder exactly what was going on, period.
Ami had lead a rather sheltered life. Caught up in her books and
learning, she had never really had time or inclination to dally
extensively with the opposite sex. As a result, she lacked the instincts
and inner gauges that allow one to determine just how to react to a
given situation.
After waiting several minutes for more of a response to come and
getting nothing, Ryan continued, "So what did you think about that
lightning storm last night? Surprising how it just sprang up out of
nowhere, eh?"
"Yes. It was most peculiar."
Again the conversation died, drifting into the realm of 'there's
really nothing to say.'
Note, for those of you who are not aware enough to realize from context
that the following section of the fic is a flashback and not one massive
typo, it is. FLASHBACK! As in, a quick cut to a period of time that has
already happened and knowledge thereof will assist in the understanding
of the fic. Here it is. Ready? Ready? And GO!
"Hey, Ami."
"Good morning Ryan."
The two sat down across from each other at the lab desk and began to
pull assorted notepads, calculators, graphing accessories, and
miscellaneous scientific equipment from both book bags and drawers in
the desk itself.
"Let me see. We are on lab number seven as I recall so that would be
here. Ah yes. 'The Result of Changing Temperature on the Dielectric
Effect.' This looks like its going to be another thriller."
"Now Ryan, the labs are designed to further academic understanding, and
they do that quite well." Still, Ami stifled a giggle at Ryan's reaction
to the lab title. These experiments did tend to be quite dry.
"I guess. Even still, I'd like to blow something up. Pass me those
leads."
The two lab partners worked together for some time, their conversation
consisting mainly of directions and questions of the physics nature.
Sometime later, while cleaning, Ryan mentioned he was planning on
attending a showing of Firecracker Night.
"Isn't that the Taiwan import?" Ami asked.
"Yep. My friend saw it. Said it was great."
"I hope you enjoy it."
"I should. I love this director. So, what wild debauchery do you have
planned for this weekend?"
Ami gave him something of a flat look at 'wild debauchery' and
responded, "Nothing, actually. I'm thinking of making it a quiet time
studying."
"Where's the fun in that? Come see Firecracker Night with me."
Ami stopped dead in her cleaning. Had he just asker her out? Was it as
a friend or as a, well, girlfriend? Should she say yes? Should she
decline? Was he waiting with breathless anticipation on her resins? She
looked up. If that was breathless anticipation, she'd hate to see mild
concern or uninterested curiosity.
"I would be happy to."
"K. I'll be by your house round about three, Saturday,
to get you. That good for you?"
"It would be fine."
Yes sir, ladies and gentleman, the flashback is finished. Over, finito,
kaput. Done. We will now return you to the regular fic. Remember, this
means we're going back to the original time, but keeping in mind that
these events have happened. Also note, next time the flashback may not
come with a warning. Using this sample, try to pick them up for
yourself. If you can't tell where they are, Email Flashback Help Line at
Imamoron@Literatureidiots.braindead.com.
The rest of the walk was done in relative silence, broken occasionally
by speaking. At the theater Ryan presented tickets that he had
previously acquired, and they entered the theater for their show.
***
A danger approached which superceded anything the Senshi had ever faced
before. Dark clouds of pure evil were brewing on the horizon of time,
and the storms of dire conflict were gathering. Things were about to get
violent in Tokyo. Again. And only one man could prevent it.
***
In a different part of Tokyo, a strange glowing rip appeared in the
cosmic fabric, and a figure stepped forth. Afterwards, the portal
closed.
More then six feet tall he stood, of well muscled build and with long,
flowing blond hair. He was dressed in black boots, black pants, a black
shirt and vest combo, black cloak, and had dark shades. He looked like
he would be in real trouble crossing the street at night.
He was armed with a single, large katana in a, go figure, black sheath.
As he stepped into this world, he chortled maniacally., while preparing
to spring off into the night.
'Quickly, there is need for haste. I must go, using my unimaginably and
totally unrealistically powerful sword style and save the Sailor Senshi,
and the world, from the dangers which loom. I, Ian A. Shara, am the only
one who could save this world, as my powers eclipse that of everyone
else to an excessive degree!' he thought.
Problem was, this individual, who is not a self insertion by any
stretch of the mind, forgot the first rule of Self Inserti---
Dimensional Teleporting. Never appear three inches in front of a Mack
truck with no brakes.
Suffice to say, Mr. I. A. Shara, master of the Dreaded Sword School
something or other wasn't going to be saving anyone from anything for
quite some time.