D.F. Roeder wrote:
Snippage throughout...
Awww! :)
C&C is most welcome.
C&C struts into Phil's home, raids his fridge, kicks his cat off the
Barcalounger, and puts up his smelly feet. "Hey, Creep! Find me a
Foster's!!!"
"Sorry, it's an alcohol-free apartment. Can I offer you a coke instead?"
Not what you had in mind? :D
Heh. C&C could come and squat in my apartment and I wouldn't mind. :)
Cherry blossoms slowly danced across his vision as Ranma
opened his eyes. A veritable cloud of petals drifted down
from the overhanging sakura tree, turning the world a
delicate shade of pink. Where am I? he wondered, staring up
at the orange sky. And where was Akane?
If that last bit is a thought, it should be in present tense.
Hmm. It is a thought. I just felt it sounded better in past tense. Will
change.
He came awake with a sudden start and rubbed his groggy
eyes, yawning loudly. Man, just a lousy dream. The small
hollow at the base of Fuji-san, Ranma remembered. That was
where they were. He smiled in relief as he looked over to
find Akane lying beside him, still asleep, her cheeks
flushed a healthy pink.
Hrm... moody start. Nice.
Yeah, this opening scene was written a while back, even before I started
on the Shukumaru chapters. This was intended to be a moodier chapter
originally, but I decided to tone it down and make it lighter. Couldn't
resist keeping the opening though.
Akane Tendo awoke as the light of the early sun pierced
the veil of the morning mist to caress her smooth limbs in
benediction.
O_o I want a morning like that. :)
So do I. :)
Sigh. Anime characters get it good....
She raised a hand to muffle a broad yawn,
feeling surprisingly chipper, despite yesterday's events.
What had happened last evening? she wondered.
For the thought, go with simple past. What happened last evening?
she...
Yes, that does sound better. Thanks.
him, suspicions rising wildly. She groped around, looking
for something, anything, to hit him with. Her katana lay to
one side, but then her eyes alighted on a more suitable
object: a tree branch that was fortuitously close at hand.
She hefted it menacingly.
"No! No! I didn't do nothin'!" Ranma held his hands up in
a warding gesture. "Ya got poisoned, okay? But I shoulda
known it wouldn't have worked on a macho tomboy like y--
Urk!"
Tree branches worked nearly as well as her trusty mallet,
Akane decided.
/me puts his face in his hands.
Yes, ye olde trusty mallet scene! :)
That's one reason I liked writing the Shukumaru chapters - I didn't have
any temptation to stick in typical Ranma cliched scenes. I stuck in a
host of other cliches instead. :)
---
Boring scenery whizzed by the window of the speeding
Shinkansen bullet train. A slightly wet, female and
strangely content Ranma Saotome sat next to a somewhat
grumpy and annoyed Akane Tendo. She still had not lost the
knack of dropping him into the nearest body of water - in
this case, a shallow and muddy puddle. He watched the dull
cityscapes hurtle by as the train approached Tokyo and
tried to ignore the waves of animosity washing over from
his seat partner.
I couldn't have told her the truth, now could I? Ranma
thought. Oh, you were dying, Akane, so I hadda bite you in
the throat an' suck out your blood to get rid of the
poison. Yup, and it was some strange voice in my head that
tol' me to do it and give ya some of my blood...
Hrm... no side effects? Hardly. :)
Why, how did you guess....
<She is alive,> returned Umibouzu, <and she is strong for
a mortal. She will survive the darkness. Win your war
against Shukumaru quickly, then retrieve her.>
<All right, already. What about allies? If my half-
sister's looking for allies, we gotta stop her or find some
ourselves.> Silence ensured
ensued
Ack. My bad.
for a long time as the Great
Devourer failed to answer. Curious, Ranma prompted, <Well?>
<There is one that you may seek.> Umibouzu sounded
reluctant.
---
Bustling crowds jostled and shoved their way out of the
halted train at Tokyo Station. A veritable tide of people
carried Ranma and Akane toward the platform stairs. Ranma
was content to flow with the crowd, keeping hold of Akane's
arm, until a strange anomaly drew his attention. The sea of
travellers was parting before them. An ancient and wizened
crone awaited their arrival.
"Old Ghoul?" Ranma blurted out in surprise, staring at the
small figure standing before him.
Thwap! "That's Cologne-chan!"
CHAN?!?! Did I miss something? Or forget something?
Heh. This was a leftover bit from a joke that's no longer there. I still
thought it sounded cute so I left it. Besides it sounded like the jokes
Cologne sometimes pulls in the manga.Not too distracting or surprising I
trust?
The original had Shampoo at the station as well and went more like this:
"Aiyah! Great-Grandmother watch too much Tenchi?"
"Whahahaha! Of course! I am the greatest genius martial artist in the
world!" Cologne cackled and broke out into a racking cough. "Or I used
to be..."
Then I realized how inappropriate it was.... :)
snapped the Amazon
Matriarch. She lifted her wooden staff from his forehead.
Her wrinkled countenance did not permit a pout, but the
fierce glare more than made up for it in style.
[snip]
Awww!
"No, never mind." Cologne shook her head, hiding her
foreboding. There would be time to consider the full
ramifications later. "Anyway, you must not let the demon
blood consume you. No matter what the reason. Don't let
your name become 'wild demon', Ranma."
"No problem, Old Ghoul. I can handle it," Ranma said with
more than a trace of overweening
I stumbled over this word. I think I understand it, and it seems
familiar, but...
Overweening - (adj.) Arrogant, presumptious, exaggerated.
Usually used together with 'pride'.
confidence. "So why're ya
calling me Ranma now, anyway? You always used ta call me
'son-in-law' and all that crap."
[snip]
Double awwww!
Kasumi laid out the tea and biscuits, and everyone fell to
with an appetite. Cologne nibbled on one of the baked
delicacies and privately admitted no Amazon would have been
able to match such a delight. Of course, most of them would
never have considered cooking to be suitable to their role
as warriors. Not for the first time, she wondered if Amazon
society was lacking in certain respects. No matter, as long
as she found sufficient reasons to stay in Japan and enjoy
its modern conveniences, she was content.
:j Cologne has her priorities. She's worked hard all her life and
deserves some of the finer things. :j
Yep, Cologne knows what she wants. Match this with what she says later
in the scene. :)
[BIG snip]
BIG awwww!!
There was a long silence. Umibouzu quickened his pace,
knifing through the blue waters of the Pacific and throwing
up sheets of icy spray. It did not seem to help. The
Ayakashi continued to close the distance with dismaying
regularity.
<I believe we may have a problem.>
Oooo. A battle of the serpents of the sea. Heh. A good cliffhanger.
Yup. Originally, the chapter was to finish on the island, but it was
getting a trace long, so I decided to halt it here. Still, I think the
pacing is about right, with three chapters to go in the first season of
Awakening.
A little light on the Akane story, but you're doling them out
frugally. :)
True, but it's a big plot point with ramifications further on. It'll be
recurring several times. As a side note, my chapter title probably isn't
quite as appropriate as I thought. Oh well.
Very nice, Phil. Not much to comment on; the story is mostly
important info for later.
Exactly right.
Ja!
Dave
Thanks for the comments, Dave!
Phil.
************************************
D.F. Roeder
Fanfiction - http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html
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