On Mon, 20 Mar 2000, Garth Vader wrote:
"This is my rifle and this is my gun, my rifle's for killing and my gun's
for fun."
I heard this somewhere and I think it's pretty catchy.
You're close. The actual line, I believe, is, "This is my rifle, this is
my gun. One is for fighting, one is for fun." By the way, this is from
the scene in Full Metal Jacket in which a group of marines-in-training are
marching around holding their rifles in one hand and their...guns, so
to speak...in the other.
As for the actual fic, the one thing I noticed is that everywhere an
apostrophe should appear, there is a "*" instead. A quick
search-and-replace should take care of that though. Also, I'm not sure
where the Japanese were or what they were doing at the dates mentioned in
the story, but I think it would add to the realism of the story if the
places that Ranma and Co. go in the story and the things they do are
historically accurate. What else...it seems that Ranma is saying the same
things over and over, but I guess that makes sense if he's saying it to
different people each time. It just adds a sense of, "I've read this
before" to the story. That's just my opinion, of course.
This is an interesting viewpoint to write a story from, and I am
interested to see what you do with it. Good luck.