>Hi!
Hello! ^_^
Y'know, from the title, I almost thought your poem was going to be about Duo....
O_O Really? I always thought that Heero's Gundam looked a angel of death because of his wings.
Well then, welcome to GW fandom! ^_^
And I plan to write more!
*envy* Whenever I try to write a poem I *have* to make it rhyme somehow... ^_^;; I can't write a free-form poem to save my soul, not if I don't want it to sound goofy....
Well I can't rhyme to save my life, I have no rhythm... Free verse is the oinly poetry I know how to really write.
The Angel of Death Deterred
He descends like a dark shadow
Cold and deadly, fearless Angel
Death and destruction
Is wrought with your hands
They are covered in blood
Should some of these lines end with periods? You use periods a lot later on in the poem. (Bah, I'm all nit-picky today. Ignore me if you want to ^_^)
It's alright I'm always careless about that. I was wondering if someone was gonna point that out.
The cold metal Goliath
Obliterating those who stand against you.
You believe me to be one of them.
Gave a promise of my death
When will you claim me?
I will stay here trembling
Stock still I will stand unwavering.
I like your interpretation of Relena -- her bravery, tenacity. (Some would say foolishness ^_^;;)
Well Relena is my favorite character, most female characters are hanging all over the male characters. Relena is independent, and meeting Heero hasn't made her more so.
Even if the world shall fall apart.
Something strikes me as a bit off about that last line.... how about
Even if the world begins to fall apart.
or
Even if the world falls apart.
You're right, I think I'll use "Even if the world falls apart." It does sound better.
Bring a smile to your melancholy face?
Of the human that lurks somewhere
Within the monster of a machine
Something a bit scanny about the last three lines. How about
Bring a smile to the melancholy face
Of the human (etc)
or
If it will bring a smile to the melancholy face
Of the human (etc)
*thinks* I like "Bring a smile to the melancholy face" but I want to keep "that lurks somewhere"
because I want it to sound more dramatic, and that Heero's human side is a hidden part of himself.
Heero is that you in there?
Did you intend an ellipsis there? Not all emailers can read/display funky characters like that... I'd simply type three periods in a row.
I did do that... oh well
Some neat imagery there. Heero sure can be robotic at times....
Yup... It almosts makes me wonder if he's a robot or something.
But you did purposely
Another intended ellipsis?
*sigh*
I really liked this poem... I like your interpretations of Heero and Relena. And I hope to see more of your work! Keep it up!
Thanks! It's good to have some more commentary on the structure of the poem. It was very helpful!
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