After a bit of writer's block (bleh), I suddenly had the urge to write
about this idea I had after playing Final Fantasy Tactics and some
lurking on agff. Maybe it'll get me back in the mood for writing more.
Maybe... (of course a bunch of assignments aren't helping none >_<)
FINAL FANTASY TACTICS: The Secret Pen-Ultimate Scene
All relevant characters are owned by Squaresoft and stuff.
Warning: A touch of spoilers for the last boss.
_________________________________________________________________________
It was a long hard battle, with many wounded upon the floating piece of
whatever-it-was in some hell-like place. The twenty-foot-tall, dark,
angel-demon-thing looked a lot-the-worse-for-wear, but it certainly had
taken its toll. Brian, the anonymous half-ninja-half-chemist guy's
black-clothed corpse had almost crystallised, or at least it would in two
more goes, while Agrias the Holy Knight was bleeding heavily from a
piercing wound in the side of her crystal armour, indicating that she had
only about 100 HP left. She staggered around blindly, her helmet on her
head having been twisted the other way by the dark angel, Altima, as she
used her large, white Save-The-Queen Sword - pilfered from Meliadoul
much to the Divine Knight's annoyance - as a walking-crutch.
Far in the corner of the battle-ground, Nancy the Dancer was relentlessly
dancing her Wiznibus routine, spinning around in circles in the hope that
the dark angel would get annoyed enough to lose another measly 30 HP each
time it looked at her, but since Altima was a female - or at least she
looked like it, who can tell these days? - it was not very effective.
Of course, Orlandu the Holy "Cheating Bastard" Swordsman had only but a
tiny nick in his gleaming crystal armour, although at the moment he was
ineffective to the battle as Altima had (quite wisely) teleported away
from the ridiculously over-powered Excalibur user.
But unfortunately for the arch-angel, Altima had teleported within the
vicinity of a certain blond, lightly-armoured figure with a weird
ponytail, that was currently even more powerful than the "Cheating
Bastard".
"Die! Mother bitch!" Ramza screamed heroically, giving himself yet
another +1 damage to his physical, speed and mental abilities not to
mention 10 more brave points (tm).
Altima could only look on in fear as she tried to float away. But since
the little meter that indicated her CT at 0 was in the way, it was
impossible.
Ramza's blue eyes flared like cold fire as he crouched slightly and
leaped high into the air, gloved fists stretched out behind him as he
arose into the evil arch-angel's face. Then Altima screamed as Ramza
delivered a fatal blow to her chest, his hard fist ripping right through
her demonic chest in a shower of black blood. And since Ramza had "2
Swords" ability too, he struck with his other fist, punching into
Altima's face so powerfully, the head popped off with a squelching noise,
and flew in a long parabolic arc before it fell to the ground and rolled
off the side of the platform into oblivion.
Ramza landed lightly in a light crouch, supporting himself with one palm
upon the floor, and let out a sigh of relief. Behind him, the floating
headless, demon-saint's body decided it was dead and toppled over like a
felled tree.
"Go, Brother Ramza!" a beautiful blonde woman in a dress yelled out in
happiness as she started running toward him.
"Alma!" Ramza said in joyful weariness. He stood up and intercepted her
in a giant hug, spinning her around. Alma laughed, tears of joy streaming
from her equally-blue eyes.
Meanwhile, Orlandu was trying to reach Brian's inert body, holding a
Phoenix Down in one hand. "Dammit!" he swore when he realised that the
body had already turned to a blue crystal. Then shrugging, he said, "Oh
well," and walked into the crystal to heal his one lost hit point.
Nancy was still dancing, albeit a bit dizzily now. "Is she dead yet?" she
asked tiredly, brown-blonde hair whizzing about her as she spun around in
spastic circles.
"Yes, you can finally stop now," Agrias replied, finally loosening her
helmet enough to remove it. She threw it away in disgust as she freed her
sweat-dampened blonde hair and then looked around eagerly for Ramza.
Finally she could declare her love for him in true Knight's honour, now
that the quest had been accomplished. But when she turned in his
direction, her mouth dropped open in surprise.
Ramza and Alma lay in passionate embrace, faces locked together pashing
madly.
"R-Ramza," Agrias said dumbly.
Ramza and Alma jumped in surprise and then stood up in embarrassment.
"This isn't what it looks like," they said simultaneously.
"Err, Ramza my boy." Orlandu looked pointedly at Ramza's right hand.
Ramza followed his gaze and found his hand still attached to the upper
swells of Alma's half-revealed breast in the top of her dishevelled
dress. Startled, he let his hand drop away and attempted to recover. "How
dare you stare upon the gentle person of my dear sister!" he declared.
For a moment, Agrias, Orlandu and Nancy could only stare in silence at
the blushing duo. They didn't buy it.
Then Orlandu shook his hooded head. "Ramza, you poor sinful boy. No
wonder you were so eager to rescue your sister ... all this time we were
searching for evil and it was underneath our noses all along." He lifted
his huge shining gold Excalibur sword out in front of him. "Brother and
sister ... I cannot allow it!"
Agrias was in a jealous rage. "How could you Ramza? I am much more
powerful than she is! Have you not seen how my Fire 4 compares to her
puny magic? And my secret "Concubine" class is at level 7 while hers is a
puny level 6!" She also lifted her shining white sword before her. Well,
it was hers now since Meliadoul was sent to the 'reject-bin' along with
all the crappy chocobos, Cloud and all the other anonymous characters
that have never been used since their first try.
"That's nothing," Nancy declared. "My "Whore" class is at level 8
mastered! I should get Ramza!"
"No!" Agrias screamed. "And you shall die in folly beneath a Holy
Knight's sword! Steady Sword!" Her lips pulled back in a grimace as she
swung Save-The-Queen and a stone-shaped burst of crystal erupted from the
tip to engulf Nancy in a painful aura of energy. "How dare an anonymous
female character try to take the property of a special story-based female
character!"
Nancy exclaimed a cry of pain but managed to survive the blast. "That's
it! And it's supposed to be 'Stasis Sword you bitch! Unknown Dance!" She
stepped back and begun the random movements of the dance with provocative
sways of her thinly-clad body.
Meanwhile, Orlandu was running on the spot, his haste from his sword
activated. "Ramza, I'm sorry my lad, but I cannot let such evil live!
Lightning Stab!" He swung his huge sword in an overhead blow and two
bursts of super-charged electricity were sent on Ramza and Alma's way.
But Ramza dived, taking his beautiful sister with him, dodging the two
fatally-intended bolts of destruction. "Orlandu, stop!"
"I cannot," Orlandu said condescendingly, shrugging the folds of his
green cloak back from his mighty sword-arm. "I am a Holy Swordsman and
what you two have done is a sin that cannot compare to even the evil
Altima's doing."
"Okay," Ramza said sadly, shaking his head, blond ponytail waving about
on his shoulder. "Then I have no choice. Earth Slash!" His aura flared
just before he sent a surge of ground-based energy at Orlandu with a
downward strike of his right fist.
Orlandu cried out in agony as he staggered backward from the assault.
"Damn, I forgot you've been screaming at yourself for just about the
whole battle," he said in pain. "But you will still die as I am the most
overpowered character in the game! Night Sword!" He swung his sword now
glowing blackly and a spike of night-like vapour shot down from the
heavens on to Ramza's head. Ramza grunted as it sapped his HP and gave it
to back to Orlandu.
"Brother!" Alma cried in shock. She lifted her staff and set herself for
a spell, long blonde hair rising up around her as she gathered power.
"MBarrier!" Sparkles surrounded herself and Ramza, casting Regen and all
this other cool stuff on the two of them.
"Thanks, sis!" Ramza kissed her hard on the lips and then broke away to
engage Orlandu in hand-to-hand combat. "Take this!" he screamed, giving
himself yet another boost in power, and struck twice with his martial
arts hoping for an instant kill. But Orlandu's astounding HP and crystal
armour just managed to let him survive the onslaught.
"Hah!" Orlandu gloated weakly, blood dripping from the corner of his lip,
"Now I shall counter!" But nothing happened as he stood there waiting.
"What? $%^&%$#!!!! It didn't counter! For that, DIE!" With a ringing of
steel, he pulled out another Rune Blade in his free right hand. "Two
strikes of my swords means you are dead, Ramza my boy!"
But before Orlandu could attack, Ramza cried, "Hamedo!"
"God's teeth!" Orlandu cursed, as Ramza attacked him instead with a hard
fist into his belly, cracking the the crstal armour underneath with its
vicious power. Blood exploded from Orlandu's mouth, but as Ramza tried to
strike again for the killing blow, the words "Miss" appeared out of thin
air and Orlandu managed to dodge it.
At that moment, Nancy's body suddenly glowed brightly in multi-coloured
sparks as her Unknown Dance kicked in.
Streams of energy lanced out from her gyrating body in all directions.
Two tried to go for Ramza and Alma, but they missed. Unfortunately though
for Orlandu, one managed to hit him. In a bright glow of metamorphosis
magic, his form shrunk until only a pile of clothes and cloak remained
with a small green frog sitting within them.
"Ribbit?" Orlandu said.
Agrias cried as she saw one of the bolts heading for her next. Just
before she was changed to a frog too, she yelled, "Crush Punch!" and a
huge orange knife of energy erupted underneath Nancy's feet like a
volcano and she was ripped apart into two chunky pieces.
But as Agrias gloated while she was changing to a frog, one piece of
Nancy fell from the heavens and turned her into frog pancake.
Finally, only Alma and Ramza stood on the battlefield, each hugging each
other with one arm around each other's backs. Well, Orlandu was there
too, trying to attack Ramza's boot, but that was soon stopped by a stomp
and a wet squishing sound.
Ramza looked into his beloved's blue eyes, eyes that were as blue as his
own. "I suppose we should be getting back to Invalice. Even though we'll
never be able to show our faces in public again."
"Yes, Brother Ramza," Alma sighed delicately. "But first ... it's been so
long and ..." She smiled wickedly as she began to pull his light armour
off.
And you know what happened next...
THE END.
Hmmm ... I was just thinking about who *would* be the best candidate for
Ramza's "partner" in the game and this resulted. After cycling through
all the female characters in my head, it just seemed to me that Alma was
the most-likely candidate despite her being his sister... and plus it
explains why there was only Ramza and Alma riding away on Chocobos in the
end and no one else from the group with them. After all, everyone knows
that everyone dies in Final Fantasy Tactics *grin*. I just explained how
the rest of them do too.
By the way, don't bother calling me a sick bastard because its hardly new
knowledge for me ^_^.
C&C, flames, laughter, whatever appreciated!
And finally, cheers to Final Fantasy Tactics: Best Final Fantasy game
ever (imo)!
Ace Sanchez
Email: jsa@fl.net.au
WWW: http://jsa.users.fl.net.au