From: Deborah Goldsmith [mailto:dgoldsmith@mac.com]
on 3/15/2000 4:01 PM, Miller, Bert <bert.miller@unisys.com> wrote:
If so, I'd suggest that you throw out an early allusion which
allows the reader to fix the point of divergence. Judging from
the other comments on FFML, I'm not the only one who assumes
that that is when this story starts.
I'm on the FFML now, also, so future discussions can take
place there. I wasn't sure if you'd want me to include the
FFML in this reply, so I didn't.
Well, _I_ didn't cc the FFML because you're not supposed to
send privately-sent text (yours) to the whole list without
permission. I will now take the above as permission.
Which allusion are you referring to? I might be able to take
it out.
Well... you misunderstood "throw out", or I wasn't clear. I
meant to _add_ an allusion, in passing, to some recent incident
familiar to readers. For instance, "last week's incident with
the water-resistent soap". This will effectively timestamp the
story as occurring significantly before Volume 22. Dating the
story earlier not only permits Ranma and Akane to show suspicion
of Cologne, but also allows helps you with those readers who
have trouble swallowing Akane's switch from 'boyfriend' to 'friend'.
Maybe that would fix the problem with Cologne, too, somewhat.
I agree, I could delete the suspicion without too much problem,
but as you will see from parts 2 and 3, Ranko's relationship
with Cologne evolves, and I like having
it start from mistrust. That would be weakened somewhat if I
changed it as you suggest. Any suggestions?
For various reasons, your best bet seems to be to start your
divergence from canon as early as possible after Ukyou's
appearance. The 'suspicion of Cologne' problem vanishes;
Ryouga is IC as attacking Ranma on sight (for a Vol 22 story
he is way OOC); and there's more residual ambiguity in Ranma
and Akane's relationship. (Ideally, I'd suggest diverging
_before_ Ukyou's appearance, but I understand that you feel
committed to keeping her around.)
(Lots of stuff on Ucchan floor plan)
I could just have her go to the sink, but having her leave
the room leads to that exchange between Ranma and Akane,
which I think adds to the scene. I like the little bit
of extra drama more than I like the verisimilitude with
the floor plan as shown in the manga, I think...
My recommendation: keep the back room, keep Ukyou leaving.
Just change it from 'kitchen' to 'the back'.
BTW, I have been in a Ucchan-style Okonomiyaki-ya
(Hiroshima-fuu, to be exact) in Tokyo. There is a bar you
sit at, with cooks working at the grill.
They just have the ingredients they need, which are prepared
in a back kitchen. This was a big place, though, with 4 or
5 chefs cooking at once. It's in Hibiya, near the Imperial
Hotel, under the train tracks.
I like the make-your-own places, too (there's a nice one in
Shinjuku), but my clothes always wind up smelling like oil...
(Clip lots of stuff about Ukyou and Ranma at age 6)
Your arguments are perfectly plausible. The problem is, I
wanted to focus the story on Ranma/Ranko and how he/she deals
with this issue, and not get too distracted by the other
characters. If the relationship with Ukyou were
quite different, I would have to devote pages and pages to
dealing with it. Since the story is now in the vicinity of
200 pages (single spaced) and not
even finished, I am not looking to extend it in any way.
So yes, you are right, but at this point I'm looking for ways
to sweep it under the rug rather than explore it. Any suggestions?
I had no problems with Ukyou in Part 2, so maybe you have effectively
swept the Ukyou problem under the rug.
But, if you want to do something, you might consider adding
a line or two somewhere that: (1), NOW, Ranma dimly remembers
being aware, at age 6, that Ukyou was a girl..., and (2), Ukyou
liked Ranma at 6 because, out of sight of Genma, Ranma's
behavior was more like hers.