Very effective story-telling!
To some extent, this is well-trod ground, but that makes the
fact that this story still works for me all the more impressive.
One thinks of "Ranko 1/2", and the story (forget the name)
where the cat-tongue was permanent.
I've always been a sucker for a troubled, crying Ranko; but
I've never felt the same (until now) about a troubled, crying
male-Ranma. Congratulations. The way you changed Ranma's
feelings so gradually took a lot of work.
I believe this fits reasonably well with modern psychological
theory, as well. I recall reading somewhere that surgical changes
to infant gender have to be made by the age of two, or identity
problems result.
I like your handling of Akane, ditto Ukyou, ditto Nabiki. About
the only characterization I have a bit of trouble with is Cologne,
or rather Ranma's and Akane's attitude towards Cologne. Presumably
this story departs from canon at Nodoka's first appearance in
Vol 22; this is well past the point at which Cologne's role as
trusted elder advisor (rather than untrustworthy antagonist) has
been established (which I take to be the Hiryuu Shoten Ha story).
Soon they were settled in the Tendou living room, which was
sparsely furnished. A TV stood at one end, and there were
cushions positioned in front of it. There was a small sofa, and a
couple of upholstered chairs. Some Western art hung on the wall;
Where did this room come from? The Tendou-ke has a dining room,
which (at least occasionally) has a television in it, and a
formal reception room, unfurnished, with tatami mat flooring.
I've never seen this room in either manga or anime; so why make
it up? You don't use the OOC furnishings for anything; why not
just have the following conference in the dining room?
suddenly angry. She stood up. "Excuse me a second." She walked
around the counter and past the grill, going into the kitchen,
Huh? What kitchen? That area behind the grill _is_ the kitchen.
eyes again, and she stopped speaking. "I... I think that's a good
Need a paragraph break just before "I...
Ukyou in the eye. "Ukyou, Ranma really needs her friends right
now. Can... can you be a friend to her again? Not a fiancee?
Plausibility nit: A Ranma who, at six, meeting Ukyou, had been a
girl two years before, would have significant differences in behavior
from canon. This would reflect in differences in the relationship
with Ukyou. For one, why would such a Ranma simply _assume_ that
Ukyou was a boy? Would this Ranma be the cocky personality to whom
Ukyou asked her father to arrange a marriage?
To some extent, this can be papered over by details of your yet-to-be
revealed means by which Happosai effected the change. However, you
can't paper it over too much without contradicting your central
premise: that Ranma's residual identity up to the age of four has
always made him uncomfortable as a male.