Hello,
First of all, Thank you to Steve Pardue for this interesting idea
(which I feel is new ground). And thanks as well to Deborah
Goldsmith. I can't wait to see the end (tonight... really...
wahoo!).
Here are a few thoughts on the story and early C&C...
The examples provided to show the ground has been covered before,
"Ranko 1/2" and "Ranma's Curse" do not really tell the same story or
explore premise, IMHO. The Ranko in "Ranko 1/2" was born a girl, but
only truly had her gender changed at Jusenkyou. The Ranma in
"Ranma's Curse" was male, then cursed as in canon. The curse is
locked in the 'Cat's Tongue' story arc.
These stories might end up at the a similar point, but the journey
there is vastly different.
And, is this really Genma bashing? Perhaps, but the Genma bashing is
ingrained in the plot. What Genma did, with Soun and Happi's help,
is unconscionable. It also is the core of the story, and thus cannot
be 'fixed'. I think this is an interesting look at a radical change
in things, much like the recent "Youngest Tendou".
A thought on why Ranma might have forgotten being a girl. Ranko
loved cats. They were probably her 'most favoritest thing'. There
were stuffed cats all over her room. The Neko-ken instruction,
essentially, killed Ranko. The most horrible thing in Ranma's life
was the 'most bestest' in Ranko's so... out went Ranko.
The canon agreement involving 'Seppuku' (possibly modified as in
"Ranko" 1/2 or "Destiny's Wish") on the condition of the child's
fitness to be his/her birth gender is not mentioned. I need not
mention that if there was one Genma's life would be forfeit. I
presume there isn't one though. I doubt Nodoka would trust Genma
with her daughter, even armed with that piece of paper. My guess is
something more like kidnapping occurred (making this Genma even more
a heel).
I will not further judge characterization, except to say that I
found Cologne's abandonment of a claim on Ranma to be very
interesting. I liked her reasoning a lot, as I would expect the
foundation of a matriarchal culture to be exactly what she described
it to be. I always wondered if the Amazons were founded by Musk
escapees... A bit of dragon blood would go a long way to explaining
Cologne's longevity.
An interesting thought. If this is in the early manga 20's (as it
almost must be); Herb, and the quest for the Kaisuifuu, will come
along at just about the time they discover the curse might be
permanent...
One nit on formatting:
As I understand it, one usually has each speaker in a separate
paragraph, thus this:
One of the salesladies came into the dressing room carrying a
tray with tea things on it; she offered some to Nodoka and Akane:
"Would you ladies like some tea?" Nodoka was a bit surprised
since the weather was so hot, but guessed it was just a
formality. She smiled and said "No, thank you," and Akane
declined as well. The saleslady bowed slightly, and turned to go.
Her heel caught on the carpet, and the tray went flying. A cup of
tea sailed through the air, and directly into the booth Ranko was
using.
Should be more than one paragraph, as first the saleslady talks,
then Nodoka.
One of the salesladies came into the dressing room carrying a
tray with tea things on it; she offered some to Nodoka and Akane:
"Would you ladies like some tea?"
Nodoka was a bit surprised
since the weather was so hot, but guessed it was just a
formality. She smiled and said "No, thank you," and Akane
declined as well.
The saleslady bowed slightly, and turned to go.
Her heel caught on the carpet, and the tray went flying. A cup of
tea sailed through the air, and directly into the booth Ranko was
using.
There is more than one instance of this in the text. Overall,
though, I liked it. Thanks for leaving one less unfinished fic on a
website.. Now, Steve, about "Scream"... :)
Thanks, and congratulations both of you!
Kevin D. Hammel
========================================
khammel@anime.sobhrach.com
kevinsff@pacbell.net
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com/~khammel/
========================================