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VIDEO GIRL? I?
A Ranma 1/2-Video Girl Ai fusion
by Ukyou Kuonji
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Ranma 1/2 is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi
Video Girl Ai is the creation of Masakaza Katsura
No permission requested, no infringement intended
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episode 1: The Invisible Girl
Ukyou Kuonji never claimed to be a ninja. Sure, those throwing spatulas of
hers functioned just like shurikan, but that was a technique of her own
devising rather than some ancient ninjitsu trick. She had never received any
formal training in the martial arts, and there was no question that the
servile Konatsu would make a lousy teacher.
So Ukyou had no known ability in the ninjitsu arts. But it didn't matter.
Outside of Furinkan or the Ucchan, she was as invisible as any of those
fabled fighters.
Now, it wasn't as if she couldn't be seen. She was, after all, a relatively
tall girl, and with the pommel of her trademark battle spatula sticking out
from behind her head by nearly a foot, she was, by all rights, plenty
conspicuous.
But for whatever reason, while people *could* see her, they simply *didn't*.
At least, not outside of her appointed haunts. She simply faded into the
crowd of shoppers, unrecognizable despite her outward appearance.
Many times, she had to remind herself that her seeming invisibility wasn't
out of spite on the world's part. Just like herself, everyone had their own
set of cares and worries to be wrapped up in. No one really saw *anyone*
else - unless, maybe, they were on the verge of crashing into each other.
There was a bump, and Ukyou's ears registered the sound of packages crashing
to the street... <sometimes,> she murmured to herself, <not even then.>
She felt a slight breeze; a couple nearly ran into her as they giggled their
way out of a kissaten. She turned and watched as they continued on in the
direction from whence she had just come.
Yuka and Hiroshi. Two weeks ago, the two of them were barely speaking to
each other, over some trivial thing that even Ukyou couldn't remember at the
moment. What she *could* remember was the verbal butt-kicking she had to
give both of them on their seperate visits to complain about each other. Now
they were back together as lovey-dovey as before; maybe even more so. Gosh,
it was sickening. And to think, she'd helped them get to where they were.
But they just passed her by like nothing.
It was as if she was thought of like some kind of superhero: once everything
was patched up, Ukyou was expected to tip her hat, make a pronouncement along
the lines of "My work here is done," and amble off into the sunset without
giving her beneficiaries a chance to thank her.
Well, she was no superhero. A little attention would be nice. A thank you,
a hug... anything, dammit.
She was starting to consider stripping naked and running screaming through
the shopping district, just to see if anyone would notice...
...when she caught the glint of an eye in her direction.
She whirled to face whoever was looking at her, dropping into a defensive
stance. It turned out to be a stocky old man inside a video rental shop. He
was waving at her, beckoning her to come in.
A voice in the back of her head began to worry whether this was a good idea,
but Ukyou ignored it. Someone actually noticed her, even if he *did* look
like a cross between Happosai and Wilford Brimley. The voice in the corner
of her mind simply sighed - like the rest of her psyche, she'd become used to
being ignored. Not that the voice liked it any more than the rest of her did.
***
There *had* been someone inside this place, right? An old man, waving at
her, right?
Well, the place was deserted now, for all she could see. Fate was having its
little joke on her... again.
She wandered through the rows of shelves full of videotapes. An awful lot of
'adult' titles, it would seem... and right out in the middle of the store,
too. Strange... and stranger still that the guy would have thought that she
would find this worth her while. On the other hand, she was no stranger to
it...
***
"Oi, Kuonji!"
"Hm? Sempai?" Ukyou put down her algebra textbook, and looked up at her
burly older classmate as he passed by her open door, waving a beefy handful
of videotapes. Tamiya was a gentle soul under that hulking exterior, and was
well-liked by the entire dorm. He was going to be sorely missed when he
graduated next semester and headed off to Nekomi Technical Institute.
"Puddown dat book and c'mon upstairs, Kuonji. Kurenai's just been dumped -
again - and it's our bounden duty t'cheer him up, got it?" Tsubasa Kurenai
was a baby-faced kid in Ukyou's class whose rotten luck with women was
already reaching legendary proportions, even in his first semester at
Kotebuki Boys' School. Tamiya had gotten it into his head to try to mentor
the unfortunate youngster in the ways of women and the world. Of course,
with Tamiya's 'help'...
"Sure, whatever..." She closed the door on her way out of her dorm room, and
scampered after her sempai. "What'ja have in mind to cheer him up with?"
"Hey, we gotta remind him dat dere's plenny of women out dere. Willing
women, sexy women..." He waved the handful of tapes so that Ukyou could see
them over his shoulder.
Ukyou gulped, and slowed her pace. With Tamiya's 'help,' Kurenai could well
become a menace to women everywhere...
***
--{ o/~ boom-chika-boom-bau o/~ }--
"Oooh, baby! Lookit them hooters!"
"Damn! Why the hell do they gotta fog out that bit? Just when it gets good,
too!"
Ukyou just sat on a corner of Ootaki-sempai's bed, and stared into her
popcorn. She wondered if Kurenai-kun was really feeling any better because
of this. Why on earth, she wondered, would something like this cheer a guy
up when he'd been dumped? Would watching a great banquent on video be any
comfort to a starving man?
Of course, from Ukyou's point of view, it was even less appealing, as it
looked like she was supposed to get the sharp end of the stick in this deal.
It didn't look like a bit of fun. The girl was screaming and moaning "please
stop" and all that, wasn't she?
"Ahh, lemme tell ya whatcher missin'..." and Tamiya launched into a detailed
description of an encounter he claimed to have had with a student at a nearby
girls' school. He was clearly bluffing; his lack of familiarity with the
fogged-out bits was painfully obvious to Ukyou. In fact, she practically had
to stick her face into her popcorn to stifle her laughter.
It didn't work. "Awright, Kuonji... whut's so funny?" Busted.
She was gonna have to face the music. "Uh, no disrespect, sempai, but you're
puling these kids' chains, ne? It's not nearly that big, ya know."
"And you would know that *how*?" Now Ootaki-sempai was interested. Oooh
boy... what Ukyou would give to be invisible right now. She could feel her
face turn red.
"I, ah... touched one..."
"You put your finger in?"
She swallowed hard, and nodded. The fact that she wasn't technically lying
didn't make this easier. Rather the contrary - the things she was admitting
to in front of all these boys! In the silence that followed her confession,
she began to wonder if she was getting a fever... and if the boys could tell.
Suddenly, Ootaki's grin broke wider than usual, and he grabbed her in a
headlock, rubbing his knuckles across the top of her head. "You dog! I
never thought a pretty-boy like you could be a lady killer! C'mon, spill the
beans... who was she? What was it like?"
So... not only hadn't she blown her cover, but she'd even enhanced her
reputation as a Man with her admission. She smiled gamely, and tried to wave
off any further interrogation. "Hey, hey... I don't want you all going after
her... she's mine. Oh, hey... did I just see a bit where the censors forgot
to fog over?"
That did it, and everyone's attention was immediately riveted back to the
screen, arguing whether a wisp of pubic hair actually got past the fogger.
Ukyou sighed heavily in relief, before realizing that one pair of eyes was
still resting on her.
Kurenai-kun.
And her days of invisibility at Kotebuki were effectively over.
***
"See anything you like?"
"KYAAAAH!!" Ukyou had been so lost in her memory she had completely
forgotten about that strange little old man. From her sudden perch on the
top shelf of videos, she cursed herself for letting him get the drop on her
so easily.
The old man, for his part was a bit startled at Ukyou's reaction. "Well, I
hadn't expected you to wind up on the shelves *that* way, but..." He
shrugged and offered his hand to the girl panting from her recent adrenaline
rush. "Can I help you? Besides down, that is?"
Ukyou took the old man's hand and leaped down, landing spare millimeters from
his foot. She glanced back at the rows of 'adult' videos, and rubbed the
back of her neck, embarassed. "Uh... no, I don't think so. I don't rent
videos much, and I really don't know what I'm doing here." <Especially not
in *this* section...>
"You came in here because I asked you in," the old man pointed out. "It's so
rare anyone ever sees this place..."
"I know the feeling."
"Yes, well... that's another thing. I think you'd make a perfect video girl
yourself, if I may say so... would you be interested...?"
The question hung in the air as Ukyou stared at the man, flabbergasted at
both his audacity - and his apparant sincerity. His eyes were not greedily
sizing up her body, but rather boring into her own eyes with an intensity
that grew more and more uncomfortable as the seconds ticked by. Finally,
Ukyou blinked.
"Me? A video girl?" The man nodded. "Why?"
"We know you, Ukyou Kuonji. You are pure in heart, and..."
At this, Ukyou let out a guffaw best described as equine. "Pure in heart, my
ass. If I'm so pure in heart, what'm I doing in the adult section, hm?"
"Because it's right in the middle of the store, my dear. These video girls
are our main stock-in-trade."
"And why d'ya need someone pure in heart to star in an H-video, anyway?"
The old man's face took on a genuinely puzzled cast. "H-video?"
A hint of exasperation began to creep into Ukyou's voice. "Hentai...
y'know?" The old man still looked confused. Geez! The guy was in the
*business* and he didn't understand what she was talking about. "'Porno'
ring a bell? Believe me, you're not gettin' me in one'a those... and I doubt
*anyone* who was truly pure in heart would do them, either."
The old man blinked audibly. "Is that what you think these are?"
Ukyou resisted the impulse to facefault, but only by the slimmest of margins.
"It *does* say 'adult', ne?" she asked, jerking her thumb at the category
nameplate.
"That's right, and a broken heart is something that only an adult has the
wisdom to recognize and fix. The video girls are designed for that purpose,
but there are times when we need someone a bit more... *human*... than
these," and he gestured at the rows of burikko faces staring cutely back at
them from the shelves, "and we know how your heart is willing to share itself
with others. It's a gift that should not be wasted. Please."
Ukyou began edging away from the old man. "Uh... yeah. Whatever you say."
His eyes would not let her go without an answer, but she did not want to give
him the one he wanted.
Finally, she could take no more, and tore her eyes painfully from his. "I
gotta go," and she raced for the door. But before she could escape,
something slashed past her ear, and her headband fell from her hair, sliced
through cleanly by...
"My card. Consider our offer, please." The tone was still gentle, and
distant. Obviously, the old man had not moved from the center of the store.
How had he managed to throw that card like that? Her eyes darting around
nervously, Ukyou pushed open the door, and ran off as if her life depended on
it.
The little voice in the corner of her mind couldn't resist an 'I told you
so,' followed by a warning that all the running in the world would probably
do her no good. But once again, the voice went unheeded, drowned out by the
sound of Ukyou's own footsteps.
===========
This did NOT turn out the way I'd planned it. It's gonna need some help, if
anyone's willing... I don't like what it's turned out to be, but I don't know
what to do with it. Any recommendations?
Otherwise, the tone's gonna change rather abruptly in episode two...
Itsu mo,
Ucchan ^_^