Here's something me and a bunch of friends wrote a rather long
time ago. If you thought self-insertions only went so far, this fic
will prove you wrong very quickly.
------------
NOTE: Anime University is an Original Creation created by Joseph
McKenzie, Keiichi Masaki and Kamui Knight. While many of the
characters from this story belong to other companies, the main
cast of individuals who were thrown into this universe. All
other characters the property of their rightful owners. If you
wish to contact us, write us at muriyaki@geocities.com,
keiichi-dono@geocities.com, or kfnight@hotmail.com
Ani-dai (Anime Daigaku) {Anime University}:
The Magnificent World
A multi-crossover, self-insertion fanfic by Keiichi Masaki,
Joe McKenzie, and Kamui Knight
Chapter 1:
Enrollment in the Anime World
A huge military convoy wound its way down the highway (we're
talking several large troop carriers, several armed hummers,
you know the usual). All of them were flanking an armored car.
It was a dark and stormy night. Rain, lightning, wind, what have
you. And since the convoy was sticking to winding back roads,
trying to avoid major traffic arteries, they were taking the
brunt of it.
While winding through the mountains on Otter Crest highway,
the convoy was swamped by a mudslide. The armored car itself
was swept down the mountain, tumbling like a falling child's
toy. By the time it hit ground again, the vehicle was shredded,
ditto for its passenger, and its cargo--a small, sturdily
built briefcase--flew out of the truck and hit rock, cracking
open. Its contents, a small, thin clear case, was in turn flung
out of the briefcase and the single silver compact disc inside
broke free of its prison and rolled down the hill and came to
rest, surprisingly intact, in a road gutter.
The year was 1996.
And today is now.
"Come on, come on, hurry up." Matt Rivard looked around the rest
stop impatiently. He was the first one done with his business,
and the rest of his family seemed to be taking their sweet time.
"I swear, religious retreats are okay, but I didn't need to go
away this entire weekend! I wonder what I missed and--" As he
kicked around rocks, he suddenly heard a tinkle.
"What was that?" He walked over to the source of the noise and
picked up. a CD. A CD that had fallen out of the rain gutter.
Amazing, it was still intact. Sure, it was muddy and stuff,
but aside from that, it looked perfectly intact.
"Hmmm. I wonder what this is."
"Matt!!! Matt, hurry up, we're done!"
Oh, now they finish up. Matt looked at the CD, shrugged and
rushed back to the car. "Maybe I can find a use for this."
The next day, at the usual hang out at the Food Court at Salem
Center, Nate Clampitt had a smug smile on his face.
"All right, what happened? Did you get laid?" asked Matt dryly.
"Nope, but it's almost as good! Got my costume ready for Anime
Expo!"
"That's almost as good as sex?"
"Well, no, but it's likelier to happen. Well, here I am." Nate
held up a picture of himself.
Matt looked at the picture for a moment, then smirked. "Should
I call you Battousai, now?"
"Himura, Himura Kenshin," replied Nate, grandly.
"Shaaa..." muttered Steve.
"Now all I need is the red hair dye."
"So, anyway--" Matt pulled the CD from the inside pocket of his
jacket. "--look at what I found on my way back from the coast
yesterday."
Steve and Nate looked at the CD and then at Matt. "A CD?"
"Ah, but look closer at it."
Nate took the CD and looked at it. "This is kanji, I. I. Steve,
you wanna take a look at this?"
"Uh.. okay." Steve took the CD. "I can't make this out, either."
"What is it, Matt?"
"I dunno. I haven't had a chance to do anything with it, but put
it in the dishwasher."
Both Steve and Nate choked on their pop and spat it out. "You
put a CD in the dishwasher?!"
"It's okay, it's okay. Anyway, I think it's a game or something,
maybe, I'm not sure."
"Well, whatever it is, it can't be that big," commented Steve,
referring to the CD's tiny size. "What d'ya think, Nate?. Nate."
"." Nate's eyes were following a couple of oriental girls
walking by the table. He started to rise from the table, but
Matt pushed him back down.
"What'd I do?" he protested.
"Nothing. Let's keep it that way," Matt answered.
"Anyway, hey are you guys gonna be online tonight?" asked Steve.
"Hmm.. What else do I do? I don't exactly have a life."
"What's a life?" quipped Nate.
"Well, try to use it tonight, see if you can find out what it
does. Maybe we can get into a network game or something."
Nate looked at his watch. "Well, I'm supposed to meet Megan down
at where she works, I'll see you guys later."
* * *
Late that night, around eleven-thirty P.M. Pacific.
"Oh. it's a game, of sorts.. Now let me see.." Matt squinted
at the screen. "'Anime University?' Hmph.. That sounds
interesting, I'm surprised there isn't an anime of that
already."
"Are there any cat-girls in the game?" asked Nate over ICQ.
"Yeah, and they're all cutting off guy's dicks.." responded
Matt, dryly.
"Shaa.. Start the game. Can you network it?" asked Steve.
"Hai, hai.. Here comes the file transfers." And in a few
minutes, the game was running networked. Unfortunately,
this was at about the time of year for one of those summer
thunderstorms.
Nate looked at his screen. He was in a hallway that looked
strangely like his own school's hallway, except anime characters
were walking back and forth. His lips curved upward in a grin
as he saw cat-girls in sailor fukus were walking by.
"Easy, tiger," chided Matt over ICQ. "Don't do anything to the
cat-girls, yet."
"."
Matt sighed. Nate was the resident romantic of their trio--but
he was also the resident hentai. He needs a wife, and
quick."Well, don't try copping-a-feel or you'll get shocked
or something."
Just then, the lights started flickering.
Nate winced. "Darned electrical storm."
"So, what now?" asked Steve.
"I dunno," answered Matt. Nate moaned as he watched all the
cat-girls and pretty anime girls walking by.
"Oh man oh man.. I haven't been this disappointed since--"
"Since you found out Nuriko was a guy?" teased Steve.
"Baka yaro! Urusai, urusai!" screamed Nate.
"Why are you disappointed?" asked Matt.
"Cause I can't touch any of them!"
"Why don't you try and see what happens?" suggested Steve.
"Well, okay.." Nate reached out. and clapped a hand on the
nearest cat-girl's shoulder.
"Huh?!" The cat-girl jumped and turned around. Looking somewhat
frightened. "Augh! Hentai!" she suddenly screamed.
"Err. no, no-- gomen nasai, gomen nasai!"
Too late.
The cat-girl then proceeded to kick the crap out of Nate--or,
rather, Nate's character. Matt and Steve winced in sympathy.
"We warned you."
"You told me to touch her!!"
"Well, not from behind."
"I touched her on the shoulder!"
"And then you slipped down and grabbed a breast--"
"Baka yaro!! You guys wanna take a turn?"
"Yeah, sure," said Steve, "I'm just trying to find a--hmm,
that's odd, the lights are flickering again."
"Mine too," commented Nate. "Matt, what's going on at your
house?"
"The lightning is getting a little too close for comfort,"
responded Matt. "I think we should shut this down for t--"
At that moment the lightning hit.
The bolt of lightning hit the large TV antenna on the exterior
of Matt's house and channeled itself down into Matt's computer
and over the cable-modem lines to Nate and Steve's computers.
Flashes of light, a whooshing sound, and when the light
disappeared, the three boys were gone.
* * *
In another place, remarkably similar, but remarkably dissimilar
to ours, the three boys were once again gathered around a
computer staring into the screen. Matt was in the seat behind
the keyboard, and Steve and Nate were staring over his shoulders
at the monitor. And they were looking at--
--They were looking back at our world.
Nate was the first to speak and his reaction summed up that of
the other two.
"Oro?"
Matt shivered. "I feel like someone shot a lightning bolt up my
ass!"
"That paints a lovely picture," quipped Steve.
"I feel like I need to lie down," commented Nate, reaching
up behind his head to stretch. He suddenly stopped. "What the
hell?"
"What is it, Nate?" asked Steve.
Nate was patting around the back of his head, a look of wonder
on his face. "I-I-I don't believe it, it-I- it's here, I don't
believe it."
"What's here? Dinner?" quipped Matt. "And how in the hell did we
all get in the same place?"
"I don't know, but look at this!" Nate turned around-- and his
ponytail was back (the one he'd cut off after incessant nagging
from his sister and mother, and had only recently been able to
even partially regrow). And not only was it back, it was longer,
almost down to his waist or at least down to the small of his
back.
"What the hell?!" choked Matt. He suddenly realized that Steve
was looking at him weird. "Uh, Steve, why are you staring at me
like that?"
"Matt-- you better look in a mirror."
"What?! Why-why would I need to look in a mirror, I--" Matt
looked in the mirror and saw. "Oh my god, I'm Sanosuke."
"Oro?" Nate said quietly. "Guys. just tell me this, my hair
isn't red is? I don't have a cross scar on my left cheek, do I?"
"Well, your hair is still the same color, you don't have quite
as much stubble," replied Steve. "And--" his eyes widened "--oh
my god, do you realize what's happened?"
"What?"
"We're anime characters!!"
The three of them face-faulted.
"Oi, Oi! You're finally here!" The three boys looked up to see
a tall, lanky man standing in the door way with long bangs
covering his eyes and a half-smoked cigarette in his mouth.
"P-P-Papa-san?" Nate sputtered.
"Well. yes. although I think it would be better if you three
called me Natsume-san."
The three of them face-faulted, again.
"Wait. you said you've been expecting us?" asked Steve.
"That's right. I was called today and told to expect you'd this
afternoon. Funny, though, I didn't here you guys come in."
"Really." Matt was sweat-dropping
"What were our names?" asked Nate.
"I would imagine you'd know them, wouldn't you?"
Sweat-drop and red-face again.
"Um, yeah. we just want to make sure you were given the right
information."
"Uh-kay. lemme check, I have it right here. Ah. Nate Clampitt,
Steve Bellock, and Matt Rivard."
"Ah ha ha. excuse us for a second!" The three boys huddled.
"How the hell did this happen?!" whispered Steve.
"I don't know, but I'm not complaining!" Nate replied.
"You just wanna bone anime girls!" snarled Matt.
"Yes, I do. What's your problem with that?"
"Nothing. I bet Sasami's first on your list!"
"Baka yaro! Of course not!"
"Little girls turn you on, don't they?!"
"No!!"
"Uh, maybe we better stop talking like this before Natsume-san
thinks we're nuts!"
The huddle broke, and the three boys turned back to their
apparent landlord.
"Okay." Nate was laughing and sweating. ".so, what's the rent?"
"Well, this month's has been paid in advance," replied Papa-san,
"but we'll have to take in more boarders up here; the apartment
can hold a maximum of eleven people. So, figuring that dividing
the rent by eleven and adding in utilities, each of you would
have to pay. this much." He showed them the amount that each one
would have to pay.
"That seems reasonable enough." said Nate, slowly. ".provided
we can find the other eight people."
"Oh, we have a couple more people coming in today," answered
Papa-san. "You won't have to pay rent till the middle of next
month."
The three boys collapsed in relief.
"Well, I'll let you get settled in and-- funny. did you boys
bring any bags?"
"Acutally. we didn't." replied Steve. "Our method of travel
was rather unorthodox and didn't allow us to take any baggage."
"Oh, really? How'd you get here?" Papa-san looked interested.
"We got sucked in through a computer screen," replied Matt.
Papa-san stroked his stubble. "Ah. I see. well, that's not too
out of the ordinary around here. That happened to me once; I
ended up spending most of a weekend in real-world Pittsburgh.
anyway, I'm sure I have some old clothes that will fit you boys
just fine."
Steve and Nate immediately hit the floor and started bowing.
Matt shrugged. "I'm gonna get something to eat and sleep. Is
there any food in the refrigerator, Natsume-san?"
"Yeah. there should be, just leave the beef Wellington alone.
It thinks it's Socrates."
Matt stopped in mid-stride. "The beef Wellington does what??"
"It thinks it's Socrates. It's been in there ever since we put
in the refrigerator. We've tried to throw it away several times,
but it's sentient now, so I don't think we can get away with
it."
Matt sweat-dropped a big sweat-drop. "Okay."
* * *
A few hours later, just as the boys had finished settling
in, there was a knock at the door.
"I'll get it." Nate answered the door and almost stopped
breathing.
There was a cute, green-haired, goblin cat-girl standing at the
door. She smiled up at him. "Is this the Natsume apartment?"
Nate immediately nodded up and down in a very rapid motion.
"Y-y-y-y-y-y-yeah-yes." Finally, he slowed himself down. "Yes,
this is the Natsume apartment, come on in." He watched her walk
in and tried to repress all thoughts both hentai and romantic.
This is no time for picking out curtains or condoms.
The cat-girl watched Nate curiously. "What are you?"
"Me? I'm a human. My name's Nate. And you are?"
"I'm Natsuki." They shook hands. "I was hoping you were a goblin
cat-boy."
"Well, I'm afraid I'm not, but I do like cat-girls-- OWWW!!
Matt no AHO!"
Matt grinned as he came up behind Nate, while still grinding
his elbow into Nate's head. "Don't mind him, he just likes girls
too much."
"What do you mean, too much?"
"He wants to have sex with every girl in existence."
"I do not!!" Nate hissed.
"Especially little girls--"
"That is not true!"
"Yes it is," grinned Matt. "Here's a picture!"
"There's a WHAT?! Matt, you idiot!" Nate snarled.
"Huh?! Oh--" Matt looked down at the picture and winced. "Augh.
that's sick. that can't be real. Wait, I got this from inside
my. I wonder what else I've got in there." He dropped the
picture into Nate's hands and started pulling out stuff.
Ten minutes later, Matt had a pile of stuff on the floor and a
zanbatou clenched between his hands.
Natsuki was wide-eyed. "Uhh.!!"
Nate put a protective hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, he's
harmless."
"Okay!" She winced as something bounced off her head. "Ow!."
"Are you okay, Natsuki?"
"I think so. Mmph. let me see what that was." she rummaged
around in her hair and pulled out a flat circular device in a
clear, squarish plastic wrapping. "What is this?"
Nate blushed and sweat-dropped. "Um. ah. eh. that's nothing!
Just throw it away!"
"See Nate, now you can have sex with her!" chortled Matt.
Natsuki blushed.
"See! She wants it! She-- OW! OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW!!!"
Matt was suddenly huddled on the floor in pain as Nate started
hacking away at him with a sakabatou.
"Shut up shut up SHUT UP! Hentai no baka!! Hentai no baka!!
Hentai no-- Wait, where did this sakabatou come from?"
"I think you pulled it out of thin air," called Steve from the
computer.
"Oh. cool." Nate sheathed the sword and then stuck it in his
belt. "Well." he turned and smiled at Natsuki. "Hey, Natsuki,
want to get something to eat? Let these guys get. settled?"
Natsuki looked a little nervous. "Well. okay, but you're not
gonna do. what he said with me, are you?"
"I hadn't planned on it unless you wanted me to."
Natsuki blushed and giggled. "Okay, we'll wait until we know
each other better."
"Yeah, that's probably a--huh?" Nate was blinking in the manner
of a man who thought he heard the last thing he ever expected
to.
Natsuki just giggled cutely.
Nate started sweatdropping again. "Yes, well. let's just get
something to eat right now!" Nate grabbed her hand, started
for the door, and stopped halfway there. "Wait. What kind of
money do we use here?"
"Yen, of course." She giggled. "You talk like you're from the
real world or something!"
"Mhmhmhm. I'll explain later. I wonder if I have any yen? Matt,
check your wallet."
"Here," Matt tossed Nate a large wad of money. "Here's some yen,
for your yens."
"Thank you. We'll be going for some chinese food, what do you
guys want? You want us to bring you back anything?
"Double-cheese burger, side of fries, and a Coke," replied
Matt.
"Steve?"
"Pepsi!"
Nate and Natsuki disappeared out the door.
Matt snickered. "Bet they're rushing off for a love hotel!"
"Wouldn't surprise me," said Steve.
DING-DONG!
"I'll get it this time." Matt opened the door to find five boys,
somewhat younger than himself and his compatriots, along with
a blond girl about their age. "Oi. the Gundam Wing boys! You
guys are going to live here too?"
Heero nodded. His eyes then narrowed slightly. "Are you the one
that said you wanted to buy 01?"
Matt blinked. "01? Sure. I guess."
"Oi, Heero, that's cool! Hey, do you know anyone that wants to
buy Deathsythe from me?"
"Um. why are you guys selling them?"
"We're trading them in for newer models," explained Quatre.
"I didn't think you'd part with Sandrock even if a nuke hit
you!"
"Well. I'm not selling mine. I'm just having mine upgraded
by Natsume-san, but the others are selling theirs."
"Anyway. do you know anybody who wants to buy Deathsythe?"
pressed Duo.
"Yeah, but he's out at the moment with a cat-girl."
"Oi. he's getting laid! I heard that cat-girls are great at--
OW!" Duo rubbed the back of his head. "Who hit me?!"
"I did," said Relena primly.
"Why'd you do that?!"
"Please curb the foul language in the house of Peacecraft."
"This ain't the house of Peacecraft, this is the house of-- Um.
who's house is this?"
"Actually, this is the house of Natsume."
"Well, even so, I don't think Natsume-sama would approve of you
cursing like this."
"Egh. my head. oh, fine. It's not like you're gonna be living
here anyway."
"Well, I'm still helping you move in."
"Oi. Heero, you gonna let her talk to me like that?!"
Heero nodded.
"Just because she's your girlfriend?!"
Heero nodded.
"Ugh. Anyway. where do we settle in?"
Matt jerked a finger towards a row of partitions and a pile of
folded futons. "Go ahead and set up. This is a fairly low budget
operation. We've only got two bathrooms here, even."
"Alright."
DING-DING!
The cargo elevator rang up and Steve stepped over. "Who is it
now?" He blinked-blinked as a Kyubi fox-girl and a dark-haired
girl of Japanese decent stepped out. "You more room-mates?"
The fox nodded. "Yes, my name is Sakura. My partner, Natsuki,
was supposed to show up earlier. Did she show up at all?"
"Acutally, she did," answered Matt. "She and my friend are out
getting laid."
"They're what?"
"Yeah, they're out getting it on. They said they were going out
to get food, but. we all know how much a crock that is!"
Sakura blinked. "O-kay. Um. where do we set up?"
"Umm. where-ever you find room, like I said, this is a very
low-budget operation." Matt then turned to the Japanese girl and
took a close look at her. "Hmm. you know, you look like just
Nate's type."
The girl blushed slightly. "Thanks. who's Nate?"
"He's my friend who's out boning the cat-girl."
Megumi's eyes suddenly narrowed. "What?! What do you mean 'I'm
his type', then?!"
"Well. you're young and cute, I think he'd like to bone you
too."
Just then, the cargo elevator dinged and Nate and Natsuki
stepped out, both carrying bags of food.
"Dinner, everyone!" called out Nate, who then turned back to
Natsuki. "So, where was I in that story?" "You were telling
me about the year when you had no girls in your class."
"Oh, yeah, well." Nate stopped as he found a high-caliber
revolver's muzzle being pointed between his eyes. "Um. why is
there a gun in my face?"
Sakura's lips thinned. "What have you been doing with my
partner?!"
"Y-You're Sakura?" Nate laughed nervously. "Nothing!! We just
went out and got dinner!. is that a .357?"
"No, it's a .44." Sakura eared back the hammer on her pistol.
"Is that all?"
"Mhmmm!" Natsuki nodded. "That's all, Sakura-san. Nate's really
nice, he'd never do anything to hurt me!"
"But he's a guy!" Sakura murmured. "You know how guys are!
They're very unfaithful, Natsuki!"
Nate blushed. "Um. We're not even."
"Oh, well, I guess you're safe." Sakura holstered her pistol.
"Say, I got a question," asked Matt. "If you're a Kyubi fox, why
do you only have eight and a fifth tails?"
Natsuki winced. "Um. Matt. you really shouldn't have--"
POW!
Matt went sailing across the room, slamming into the wall.
"--asked that," finished Natsuki.
Sakura stretched and cracked her knuckles. "Ah. nothing like
knocking a jerk
across the room. Come, Natsuki, we've got to set up our bunks."
"Okay. see you, Nate!" Natsuki trotted after Sakura.
Nate sighed. "Well, this will be interesting for sure!" He
turned and suddenly found himself face-to-face with a pretty
Japanese girl with shoulder-length brown hair and brown eyes.
"Um. hello."
The girls bows. "My name is Megumi." She stuck out her hand.
"Hi. I'm Nate." Nate shook her hand. "Welcome to the madhouse."
In spite of herself, Megumi giggled.
"I said you were his type!" called out Matt from across the
room.
Nate blinked. "What did he mean that 'you were my type'?"
Megumi blushed. "He said that you'd like to have sex with me!"
"Eh. excuse me for a second!" Nate pulled his sakabatou from his
belt. "Matt!"
Five minutes later, after Nate had finished beating the tar out
of Matt with his sakabatou, he walked back over to the kitchen
to start unpacking the food.
"Need some help?"
"Uh sure, I--" Nate turned to see Megumi standing behind him.
"Oh, Megumi-kun. What's up?"
"That was very kind of you to defend my honor, Nate," she said
softly.
Nate smiled at her. "It's not problem, really! Don't worry about
Matt, he's harmless--"
And all of a sudden, Nate had an armful of Megumi.
She was nuzzling his neck. "You're so chivalrous. you're so
brave and kind and sweet."
Nate was blushing like a tomato by this point. "No. I'm
not.Really, really, I just don't like to see girls get hurt in
anyway."
"Matt was right, you are my type!" Without warning, she through
her arms around his waist and hugged him almost tightly enough
to crack ribs.
"Megumi. I--"
"What's going on in here?"
"Ah! Natsuki!" Nate had a look of surprise on his face.
Sakura shakes her head. "I knew it, I knew it. The moment your
back is turned."
"Wait, wait, wait! This is not what it looks like!" Nate
protested.
"Yes it is," insisted Megumi. "He's gonna be my boyfriend!"
"I'm gonna what?!" Nate had a look of shock on his face.
Natsuki grabs his other arm. "No, he's gonna be my boyfriend!!"
"No, he's gonna be my boyfriend!"
"No, he's gonna be my boyfriend!"
"Oro." came from Nate. "Help me, somebody!"
"Why are you complaining, Nate?" teased Steve. "You're right
where you wanted to be, aren't you?"
"Oro."
Matt walked by and placed two condoms on Nate's head. "You'll
need these!"
"For what?!"
"For your 'sacred member'!"
"Ooo. you baka hentai yaro!"
Megumi blushes and Natsuki looks confused. "What's a 'sacred
member'?"
"Uh. we'll explain later. baka hentai yaro!!! Get your ass back
here!"
Sakura glared at Matt. "You just love doing that, don't you?"
"You know it, foxy lady! OUCH!" Matt fell face-first thanks
to a trip from one of Sakura's tails.
Sakura glared down at him. "I never liked that song!"
"He's mine!"
"No, he's mine!"
"No, he's mine!"
"No, he's mine!"
By now, Nate has started to look rather frayed. "All right,
you two! Cut it out! I've decided!"
They both stop. "Nani?"
"I've decided."
"What have you decided?"
"One of you will be my girl-friend and the other will be my
mistress!"
Everyone in the house face-faulted and Heero passed out.
"Oi, Heero! Hey, Heero, wake up!" Relena was trying to slap some
consciousness back into her boyfriend.
"Go, Nate!" cheered Duo until he was smacked on the head by both
Matt and Wufei.
Megumi and Natsuki both blushed and giggled.
Matt was the first to stagger back to his feet. "They're.
they're not fighting!"
"We're not sure which of us is which!" explained Natsuki.
"I don't think Nate is, either," agreed Megumi.
Nate shook his head. "Okay, I'll make this simple. I'll date
both of you, okay?"
"Hai!" they answered happily.
Everyone in the house face-faulted again.
End Episode #1
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