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-- File: owd02.txt
DISCLAIMER: Yada, yada, yada ... you think makin' this stuff up is easy?
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Our Wedding Day - Part 2
By Lady Tesser and Jack Staik
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Kasumi answered the door.
"Why, hello, Auntie Nodoka," Kasumi said cheerfully. "Have
you come to see Ranma and Akane? They went shopping, but
should be back soon."
"Good morning, Kasumi-chan," Nodoka replied. "Actually, I
came to see several people. Is Ranko or Nabiki available?"
"Nabiki's upstairs. Ranko-chan's at Doctor Tofu's office
now."
"Is she working?"
Kasumi shook her head. "She and Tofu-sensei are dating.
They frequently spend time together."
"Oh, that's wonderful!" Nodoka said.
As the two women sat down, Kasumi pulled out her sewing kit.
Nodoka watched as Kasumi resumed some elaborate embroidery
work.
"What are you working on?" Nodoka asked.
"It's a new sash for Jiro-kun," Kasumi answered. "During his
quest to get his name changed, he used to wear - pantyhose,"
<blush> "- around his waist which he could use in combat, but since his name change he's just been wearing a plain white sash."
Kasumi held up the elaborately-embroidered red sash. "This
is made of a strong artificial fabric like the ones Ryoga
uses in his bandanas, and it's weighted on the ends. Jiro-
kun should be able to use it quite well."
Nodoka nodded approvingly. Kasumi would make a marvellous
martial artist's wife. And her relationship with Ichiro's
eldest boy seemed to be progressing by leaps and bounds.
Nodoka sighed. "You seem to be getting along so well with
Jiro ... why did it take so long for Ranma and Akane to find
each other?"
"People were pressuring them," Kasumi said, "and they don't
like being told what to do. Besides which, they both were
terrified of the other rejecting them. They were both so
lonely for so long." Kasumi sighed. "At least Akane had us,
and Ranma had Ranko."
"Now Ranko has her young man," Nodoka replied. "Does Ranma
object to that?" <It wouldn't do for Ranma to become
jealous.>
"Oh, a little. You know how close those two are."
Nodoka did a double-take. "You knew??" <She knew about their
... relationship?>
"Of course. Ranko always confides in me," Kasumi answered.
"I knew before anyone else. It came as a shock to the rest
of the family."
"I can imagine."
* * * * * * * * * *
Ryoga gave Conditioner a bath in the oversized sink in the
back of the Nekohanten. He studied the infant, being
careful with the child's head and delicate limbs.
He still couldn't convince himself that he held the being
once known as Happosai the Perverted. He vaguely remembered
the battle during the typhoon at Ucchan's; how he saw
Happosai change forms into a young man from the cursed water
he drank at Ranma and Akane's botched wedding.
He remembered Happosai had grabbed Ranko, trying to drain
her energy. Then Ranma grabbed both, causing a lving ki link
between the two siblings. (Ryoga wasn't sure what exactly
happened, but it was the only idea he could grasp as a
possible explanation.) Happosai was a conduit for their
energy, receiving concentrated ki from both sides of both
male and female principle.
In essence, he thought, baby Conditioner was Ranma and
Ranko's child.
Ryoga chuckled.
"Come on, Kondishonaa. Time for mama-chan to feed you."
Yet, Ryoga wondered what his part in the whole scheme of
things was now. His signature ki blast is now usless to him;
since he began his medication, he no longer felt the
depression needed to fuel it. In fact, his whole well-being
was now in Perfect Balance, not given to extremes in any
emotion.
He sighed, debating what he could use now.
He stared down at the baby in his arms, and the idea began
to form.
* * * * * * * * * *
The seige continued ...
Ina had all but taken over the doctor's office in
preparation to meet with her 'Ono-sama' at her best.
Ina had decided to sew up and iron all of the good doctor's
shirts. Unfortunately, the doctor's receptionist was buried
somewhere under the pile up of clothing. Ranko stared at
the blonde girl who was humming happily to herself while
wearing soup can-size rollers in her hair, the very
incarnation of domestic bliss.
"Ya'know ... " Ranko commented, "There *is* such a thing as
being *too* girly ... "
"Nonsense!" Ina replied in complete assurance. "One can
never be too female or too domestic."
Ranko groaned, slamming her fist up to clear the shirts off
of her. "I'm sorry, Sophia-san, but it looks like he's not
coming back right away."
"Oh, he has to soon! It's almost lunch time," she giggled,
twirling around to the stairs up to the apartment. "I'm even
drawing little pink hearts in his rice!"
"Great Gods," Ranko muttered, rubbing her shoulders as she
shivered. "What a loon."
Ranko made her way over to the front door to make a getaway,
then found a frilly apron wrapped around herself. "Uhh!" she
grunted as the air was forced from her.
"Come on! We can make lunch together!"
<Ranma, be grateful Akane-chan isn't like THIS!>
"Uh, Sophia-san? What are you doing with all those ribbons
and the curling iron?"
"I'm going to do your hair, silly! It'd just look so a-DOR-
able in lots and lots of lollipop curls!"
"AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!"
She tried. She tried her damnedest to escape the incarnation
of C-ko Kotobuki's sickeningly sweet sister. But that damned
frilly apron was tied pretty tight.
The female once known as Ranko Saotome closed her eyes in
complete and utter terror.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Ugh," Ranma grunted from under the pile of packages.
"C'mon, Ranma," Akane said, a note of irritation in her
voice. "You never grunted so much when we went shopping
*before*!"
"You never bought so *much* before!" he gasped.
"I'm buying fabric and designs for my wedding gowns, as well
as my attendants," Akane explained. "Besides, I never had a
literally unlimited budget before."
"Oh great - the whole thirteen billion's gonna be blown on
wedding gown designs!"
Akane playfully swatted Ranma in the back of the head as she
guided her husband to the front door.
Opening the door, Akane was surprised to find Nodoka and
Nabiki going over some thick books.
"Auntie Nodoka!" Akane exclaimed. "What brings you by?"
"Hello, Akane-chan. And hello, Ranma." Nodoka smiled warmly.
Ranma allowed the packages to drop on the sofa with a loud
thud. "Hiya, mom."
"Is it true what Genma said? You and Akane have wed?"
Ranma nodded. "Yeah," he said, blushing.
"But don't worry," Akane added. "We're having a big wedding
celebration for the family in two weeks. Shinto fashion."
"But Genma ain't invited," Ranma said pointedly.
Nodoka nodded. "He and Soun attempted to move into my home,
but I kicked him out." Her face darkened. "After what he
made me think of my father - of what he did to you - I don't
want him in my home." She took a deep breath. "Which is part
of the reason why I'm here."
"Eh?" Ranma asked.
"I'm divorcing Genma."
Akane and Ranma nodded. "Good," they said together.
Nodoka continued; "And I was asking Nabiki for advice - she
handled things with the executors of Father's estate so
well, I figured that she could aid me in this."
"And we found so many grounds for divorce as to be sad,"
Nabiki interjected. "Desertion, fraud, abandonment, child
abuse, several others." She smiled in an evil fashion. "But
Auntie Nodoka's being nasty, and decided to use the worst
one."
Ranma and Akane looked in askance at Nodoka.
Nodoka smiled. "Non-consummation."
Ranma and Akane facefaulted.
* * * * * * * * * *
"What about your patients?" Ichiro asked.
Doctor Tofu sighed. "I should be able to take care of this,
right?"
"Of course, you dip!" Jiro snorted. "You shouldn't let some
little girl drive you out of your place. Be a man!" He
rolled his eyes. "Sheesh."
"You don't know her like I do!"
Ichiro just smirked. "You think she's still at the clinic,
lying in wait for you?" <Pathetic.>
"I don't know; may I use your phone?"
"Of course."
The doctor located the telephone in the kitchen and dialed
up the clinic's main number.
It rang.
Meanwhile, Jiro and Ichiro broke out into an argument over
the proper way to eat rice - although both methods involved
certain uses of Martial Arts Eating.
<Ring.>
Tofu tapped his foot against the cabinet, counting the
seconds between rings.
<Ring.>
<Come on, Ko-chan! Are you there? If she's done anything to
you ... >
<Ri - > "Moshi-moooshiiiiii!"
"Yipe!" he squeaked, recognizing the voice as *not* Ranko.
"You wanna see Tofu-sensei? I'm so, so, so sorry, but he's
not here right now! Would you like me to take a message?"
"Um ... no," he mumbled and hung up. "Ichiro-san, I'm going
to need your help."
"Yes?"
"Call and ask for Ko-chan."
The Hibiki patriarch nodded soberly and dialed up the number
Tofu gave him.
<Ring.> "Moshi-moooshiiiiii!"
"May I please speak with my daughter Ranko?"
"Okay! She's right here." In the background: "Ranko-san,
it's your father!"
"Give me the phone!" a voice cried. "Ichiro-papa?? Otosan??"
Ranko said meekly.
"Yes, Ranko-chan?"
"HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"Oh, why are you all upset?" said Ina's voice faintly. "You
look SOOOOO pretty!"
"What's she doing to Ko-chan?" Tofu whispered.
"Something horrible from the sounds of it," Ichiro whispered
back. To Ranko, he said, "Listen, your brother Jiro and I
are going to pick you up."
"Fine, good, great, just get me the hells out of here!"
>From the background, "Aww, Ranko-san, you just said a very
baaaaad word!"
Ichiro hung up the phone, ashen-faced. He turned to Tofu and
stated quietly, "If she hurts my daughter, I'm going to have
to do something quite rash."
Tofu nodded. Ichiro grabbed Jiro.
"Hey, what the [CENSORED] are you doin', old man?!"
The three men raced out of the house.
"Helping your sister!"
"Which one? Have I met her?"
* * * * * * * * * *
Meanwhile, on a tramp steamer in the Sea of Japan, a very
old Amazon Matriarch stared into a scry bowl of water.
In the water (actually in her Mind's Eye), Ranma worked with
his wife on an exotic ki technique, a variant of the
legendary ki-ryu-to.
<Amazing ... he saw the technique just once, briefly, when
he was fighting for his life, and now he works on variations
customized for specific individuals.> She shook her head in
amazement at the boy's talent. <He was so easy to
underestimate before, when he was a confused boy with
romantic problems. As a secure, self-assured man, his true
ability is easy to see.>
She exerted her will, and the image changed to Ranko
Saotome, her hair done up like Shirley Temple, a pink frilly
apron over her dress, and a look of utter misery on her
face. A perky-looking blonde girl was serving her tea.
Nearby, some stuffed animals sat, each with their own cups
of tea.
Cologne chuckled; she knew that the version of the Warrior's
Code the Saotome siblings followed would not allow Ranko to
simply pound the (non-combative) annoyance into meat paste.
Silly of them - that blonde girl was so *intensely* anti-
Amazon as to make Cologne's stomach churn.
The raw potential of the two Saotomes was immense. And,
according to the sorcerer-physician, they could breed
safely.
If they produced a child, it could easily be the mightiest
mortal warrior ever born. And, either as a husband or an
adopted Amazon warrior, such a one would only benefit the
Amazon bloodlines.
Of course, Nerima was technically Shampoo's realm, and the
Saotomes merely associates of the Amazons. They were outside
of most of the Laws, and Cologne's influence.
But that also removed many of the limitations on her
actions.
Before, the Laws prevented her from directly tampering with
Ranma's mind or heart via magic; that would have invalidated
the claim (Shampoo's attempt to use hypnotic mushrooms
merely caused a physical reaction, a small loophole). Now,
since only non-Amazons were involved, no such limits
applied.
Carefully, Cologne took out a small envelope and removed two
hairs; one black, one red.
She opened the Big Book, read the instructions, and brought
out the equipment and ingredients.
It would take three days to reach the Northern Shadow Port;
within that time, she was certain, Ranko Saotome would be
carrying Ranma's child.
And since the Japanese have taboos about such things, it
would be a simple matter to get them to relinquish custody
and have the child adopted into the Amazon tribe, perhaps by
Shampoo and her young man.
Cologne smiled as she made the preparations.
* * * * * * * * * *
Liitak gazed down from the rooftop at the streets of Nerima.
"It is almost time, My Lady," he said to the Lady to whom
he'd sworn eternal loyalty. "The Godslayer's home has been
found, and we prepare the Ritual of Joined Destiny. Soon, a
new Golden Age shall dawn upon the world."
The woman was clad in the deep purple Christian nun-like
robes and habit, her unseen face draped by a veil of modesty
so that no man may gaze upon her flesh.
The maiden Aga, called by her unwanted followers The Violet
Dove of Peace, looked at Liitak through her veil with sad
eyes. "It seems so ... wrong, somehow."
"Trust me, My Lady." Liitak said soothingly. "Your powers of
Peace, combined with the Godslayer's powers of War, will
complete the circle of Yin and Yang, of Cosmic Balance, and
bring a new era to this strife-torn world."
She sighed. "Ending strife and want for the world, helping
others ... everything I've lived for since my creation." She
shed a single tear. "If it means I must bind myself to a
violent warrior and let him ... use me, then it will be
worth it."
Liitak lowered his head. It grieved him to see the Violet
Dove suffer so. Her sweet voice expressed her better than a
face ever could.
"Rest assured, My Lady, it will serve a holy Purpose, a
greater good."
* * * * * * * * * *
"Would you like some tea, Pikachu-san?" Ina asked the
stuffed Pokemon toy she had brought to her tea party.
"Um, Sophia-san?"
"Call me Ina."
"Ina, please can I go home?"
"It's impolite to leave when someone invites you in for tea.
A very fine custom over in Europe," she poured a cup for the
Pikachu, setting it next to the cake and cookies in front of
it. English tea service was so much more informal and more
fun for her.
"Ranko!" "Hey, imouto-chan!" "Ko-chan!"
Ina's eyes widened at the last voice; the stars began to
pulse and shine even brighter in her eyes.
"Ono-sama!!" she cried out, jumping up.
Jiro and Ichiro were first in the room. Jiro was the only
one who hit the floor in gaffaws at finding the redhead in
the girliest look he had ever witnessed (but he wasn't the
only one who wanted to break into laughter).
"You die, oniichan!" Ranko replied.
Ichiro only let his jaw disconnect in disbelief, believing
she was being tortured but finding this instead.
"Ono-sama, you came back for me!!!" Ina shrieked, glomping
onto the poor doctor.
"GWAAK!" he replied, being squeezed around his chest rather
tightly.
Ranko broke out of the apron and took action in the first
way that came to her - she pulled a mallet out and connected
it to Tofu's head while exclaiming, "ONO NO BAKA!"
Ina watched in horror as he collasped on the floor. She
turned to Ranko and asked in a sweet-cold voice, "Why did
you hit my Ono-sama?"
"Reflex, gomen," she murmured, blushing. <After all those
times Akane walloped me and Ranma for this, you'd think I'd
know better ...>
"You - you - MEANIE!!" Ina cried. "FIREBALLLL!!!"
It was hard to tell who was more surprised - Jiro and Ichiro
for witnessing it or Ranko for being on the receiving end of
it. Either way, there was a hole in the side of Tofu's
clinic with a smoldering redhead plastered on the wall of
the house across the alley.
<And I was holding myself back??> she thought as the
restraints on her temper slipped off.
Ranko slid off the wall and cupped her hands. Both Hibiki
men grabbed Tofu's unconscious carcass and skedaddled out,
yelling in panic.
"DOKO RAKURAI!!!"
Ina created her own hole in the wall as she was blasted out
the opposite end of the clinic.
As she pried her way out of the Ina-shaped hole, she glared
across at Ranko. "Normally, I wouldn't stoop to violence ...
but you hit my Ono-sama, ruined my tea-party, and GOT MY
FAVORITE SKIRT DIRTY! THIS MEANS WAR!!"
"Fine by me, blondie!" Ranko snarled.
Ichiro and Jiro watched as the two females ran into the
clinic, then their finely-honed martial artists' sense of
danger made them flatten themselves on the ground.
Just a second before the clinic was annhiliated in an
explosion of preternatural force.
Jiro glanced up at the rising mushroom cloud. "That time of
month?" he asked.
Ichiro, in reply, smashed his son's face into the pavement.
Tofu came to and gazed in silence at the wreakage of his
clinic. In the middle of it stood both ex and new loves of
his life, somewhat dazed but recovering quickly.
"Ono-san?" Ichiro whispered.
Tofu inhaled sharply and waved his hands together toward
both women. "IRON WALL!"
A sheer blue wall of energy erupted between the two female
battlers, causing what power that was about to be wielded to
be absorbed.
"What do you two think you're doing??" he cried out.
"STAY OUT OF THIS!!" they yelled back, the force of their
shout knocking all three men off their feet.
Ichiro looked at his old friend with an awed expression.
"I'm sorry for thinking you were a pathetic wimp, Ono."
"And I apologize for thinking you were a weenie," Jiro
added.
He gave them a puzzled look and replied, "I'll find out what
that means later." Then back to the women (both trying to
walk around the wall to bitch-slap the other): "Will you two
please calm down?!?"
"That top-heavy tramp started it!" Ina said.
"At least I *have* something on top, you flat-chested little
loon!"
"I'm extra-petite! And Ono-sama seemed to like what I've got
that night in the hotel!"
Ranko's battle-aura erupted into the sky, making the sun
appear to dim. Birds became silent, and the clouds skittered
toward the horizon in fear.
"YOU ... YOU *SLUT*!!!" she roared.
Miles away, at Tokyo University, a seismograph suddenly
pegged as a Richter 9.8 earthquake was registered in Nerima.
At the Tendo Dojo, the Saotomes and Tendos pulled themselves
out from the wreckage of the roof that had collapsed on
their heads.
"What was that?" Nodoka asked.
Ranma sighed. "Ko-chan ... it's almost that time of month."
Akane took a moment to pound him face-first into the ground
for knowing another woman that well (even if she was his
sister and they were in the same body once), then headed
toward the source of the eruption.