The Seppuku that Wasn't
By Kevin D. Hammel
Based on "The Prank That Wasn't"
By D.F. Roeder
Ranma 1/2 is property of Rumiko Takahashi. Publishing rights are held
by Viz in the US and Shogakukan in Japan. My purpose is to honor the
creator and her works. No infringement intended.
"The Prank That Wasn't" situational copyright by DF Roeder.
Characterizations and situations used with permission.
***
Ranma sat atop the Tendou's fence, right next to the gate. Lounged
was probably a better word for it, as her small body was spread out
on the wall in a relaxed pose. Akane was gone to a friend's house, so
a bored Ranma decided to enjoy the weather and watch traffic go by.
Actually it was more like watch traffic stop in front of her perch,
and then continue. She wore a black silk Amazon-style mini dress,
matching silk slippers, black half-finger gloves, and... her hair, of
course. He eyes were half-lidded as she stretched and enjoyed a nice
yawn in the warm sun.
Resting her chin between her hands, she gave that smile Nabiki seemed
to like when she took her picture. <Life is good,> she thought as she
thrust one hand skyward, enjoying the feel of her taut arm muscles.
"What are you doing HERE, you little trollop?" a woman's voice
angrily shouted from below.
It was HER, the lady who had scolded Ranma before. And what was up
with the wrapped bundle? Ranma scrunched up her nose as she thought.
The woman looked familiar. Maybe she was the teacher who made her
write 'I will not demonstrate throws on other students' one hundred
times on the blackboard in fifth grade.
"What's it t' you?" Ranma asked, with sass on each syllable.
"Why, your mother should be ashamed of raising a little harlot like
you!" the woman shouted back.
"Mother... Heh! Tell me another one!" Ranma said with a smirk.
The woman was really getting mad now. "And what are you doing here?
This is the house where the Tendou family lives!"
Ranma smiled. "I know." A skyward leap, three and one half
revolutions with a half twist placed her in front of the woman, who
was a lot taller that she was. "And another thing! I live here too."
She threw out her ample chest in pride as she continued. "My name's
Ranma Saotome, Heir to the Saotome Ryuu of Musabetsu Kakutou."
At first she had blushed at the girl's brazen display, but turned
white at the mention of Ranma. "Oh, my!" the woman whispered, as she
pitched forward in a dead faint. Ranma caught her and decided to
carry her inside. In only a few moments, traffic flow on the street
outside returned to normal.
***
The woman struggled to consciousness. She could feel a cold towel on
her head. The shameless little hussy looked at her with what actually
seemed to be concern. "Where's Ranma? I think I heard you mention his
name!" the concerned woman asked. She remembered the girl saying
something about Ranma, but exactly what was still fuzzy.
Ranma rolled her eyes. "What's it to ya? Why should I tell YOU
anything about Ranma?"
The woman bolted upright, with an excited smile. "Do you know my
manly son?" She looked at the girl with slightly different eyes
before continuing. This child was both built and dressed to attract a
man. "I'm sure my manly son would like to get a peek under your
skirt!"
Ranma big-sweated. "Y... y.... you're Ranma's mom?"
The woman smiled. "Yes, Nodoka Saotome. My husband took my son away
ten years ago. And I know he's manly, because my husband promised he
would be or they would commit Seppuku."
Ranma's vision became a little cloudy as the woman prattled on.
"I heard they were staying here, so I stopped by to visit," the woman
concluded with a smile for the little slattern-in-training.
"Oh, my!" Ranma breathed before she fainted.
***
The slightly warmer towel had been shifted to Ranma's head. The woman
was still there, but her eyes were red from dried tears. Ranma
struggled to remember the end of the conversation. Then it hit her
like a (metric) ton of bricks. "Seppuku..." she whispered.
The woman smiled, or at least made a game effort to. "No, Dear, not
for you. Your friend Nabiki-chan here..." She glanced over at the
middle daughter before continuing.
Ranma's gaze was stuck on Nabiki for a few moments, as the girl
mouthed some words: you... owe... me... Then she spread her arms wide
to show exactly how much. Ranma swallowed, quickly deciding an
attached head was worth a lifetime of debt. Her focus returned to her
mother, who had continued speaking.
"So Nabiki-chan invited me to go shopping so I could understand you a
little better. How does that sound, Ranma-chan?"
Ranma almost forgot to smile, then she almost forgot to talk... "G...
good!"
Nabiki led the two off.
***
Two pots of Kasumi's coffee and a healthy dose of 'Soun's Secret
Hangover Remedy' (an eclectic concoction of wasabe, mineral oil, and
eleven secret herbs and spices) had helped the distraught fathers
sober up, at least a little.
"Oh, my son!" Genma wailed. "Why have you done this to me? A lifetime
of training..."
"Yes, Saotome, now our families will never be joined, and I shall
lose my dearest friend too," Soun cried.
Kasumi sat behind the two distraught men, who had gone out carousing
to drown their sorrows only to return to the reality of Nodoka's
arrival. And the Seppuku pact Genma had marked with Ranma a decade
before...
Laughter ran down the street before a group of women, attracting the
attention of Kasumi and the two men.
"I think that's them!" Kasumi said with a cheerful smile.
Genma turned to face his impending doom, then swallowed.
Soun's eyes threatened to leap out of his head as he saw his friend's
wife and her child.
"N... Nodoka?" Genma choked out.
"Yes, it's me," the taller of two identically dressed women answered
throatily.
A shiver shot up Genma's spine. <What a way to go,> he thought for a
moment.
Nabiki's shopping expedition had been smashing success, especially
when she had explained the importance of a extra millimeter of skirt-
length to Nodoka, and how that seemingly insignificant distance made
indecent... well... decent.
The two women wore matching back leather miniskirts just a touch
longer than Ranma's had been. White silk blouses that showed fully
two centimeters less skin than Ranma's previous garments provided
contrast to the black. Nodoka was insistent on that longer length,
and had refused to budge. After all, since a centimeter was ten times
longer than a millimeter, these blouses were no less than twenty
times more decent than Ranma's.
Ranma and Nabiki still thought they looked great, though. But they
didn't tell Nodoka.
Nodoka had given in to Ranma's request on the black half-finger
gloves, though. And both women's legs were shown off to good effect
by the calf-high boots with eight-centimeter heels.
"Genma," Nodoka said with a lot of extra breath. "I hear you've been
a bad boy. Let's go up to your room and you tell me all about it,
okay?" She pursed her lips in a faux kiss before continuing. "I HOPE
I don't have to punish you too much, Dear..."
Genma nodded, as a river of drool flowed from the corner of his
mouth.
Ranma smiled as she watched her mother lead her Pop inside.
"I TOLD your mom it'd give her a LOT more control over the situation
than that stupid sword!" Nabiki proudly stated after Nodoka had
closed the door with a wink to her benefactor. With a flash of
insight, the family photographer suddenly realized how much mother
resembled daughter.
Nabiki began to smile again.
Ranma began to sweat again.
This might have been the best investment Nabiki had ever made, not
that she wouldn't make Ranma pay off every yen in triplicate.
Nabiki had THAT look in her eyes. Ranma swallowed.
***
(END)
This came out of a discussion on IRC with DF Roeder. I asked if he
would continue his "Prank" storyline (uncertain at this time), and
how he thought Nodoka might react to the 'new' Ranma. He placed Ranma
on the fence when Nodoka showed up, and described the argument.
Things went downhill from there :).
Thanks to DF Roeder and Art Hansen for C&C.
"The Prank That Wasn't" is archived at DF Roeder's website:
http://home.flash.net/~dfroeder/
Specifically:
http://home.flash.net/~dfroeder/prank.html
I hope you enjoyed the story, please let me know what you think!
Kevin D. Hammel
March 5, 2000
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khammel@anime.sobhrach.com
kevinsff@pacbell.net
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com/~khammel/
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