Disclaimer: The NGE characters aren't mine (much as I
wish they were). They belong to Gainax. I didn't write
this for profit, so please don't sue me. It's not like
I have anything to take anyway.
Warning: Trying to read this fic while doing a
handstand, laughing hysterically, and singing the
macarena backwards in german at the same time may
cause people to think that you are insane.
The Mission
By Jose Argao
I am sitting quietly in class, but my thoughts are
not of the second impact lecture the teacher is
giving. The same lecture he gives us everyday. I
already know it by heart and have no need to hear it
again. For the fifth time I try to concentrate on
something other than the mission I would be conducting
this afternoon, but my thoughts inevitably drift back
to it. Actually, even in it's earliest planning
stages, it had always bothered me. My thoughts go back
to the last conversation I had with Misato before
leaving for school.
"Do you understand what you have to do now?"
"Hai."
"Are you sure, Shinji? I don't want to have to
repeat myself to you."
"Don't worry, Misato-san. I think I have it down
now."
"You'd better. We've been going over this for weeks."
"Don't worry, I know what I have to do."
"Well, if you say so. Just remember how we planned
it. If you stick to the plan everything will be fine."
"I understand."
"Good, and one more thing. Be careful, okay?"
"Don't worry. I will."
I acted so sure of myself then, but I was actually
nervous as hell. Not that I didn't trust Misato's
judgment, but the whole thing seemed so simple. Too
simple, in fact. Misato made it seem almost routine.
But nothing is ever that simple. Everything has it's
own complications.
Still, I know a lot of planning and preparation has
gone into this. Every movement, every action, would be
planned. Almost every complication that could possibly
arise had been thought of and dealt with. I myself
have spent weeks training for it, going through the
necessary actions over and over again. If I wanted to,
I'm pretty sure I can recite every step exactly as
Misato described it to me.
But despite all the training and preparation, I'm
still scared. I can feel the fear eating at me from
the inside. It's interfering with everything I do. It
keeps me awake at night, and makes me restless during
the day. I hear the sound of the bell ringing
signifying the start of lunch. I slowly get up from my
seat, not really sure if I want to eat.
I'm about to go through the door when I hear a
familiar voice calling my name. I know that voice, but
I still feel surprise when I turn to face her. Not at
who she is, but that she isn't hurling insults at me
right off the bat.
"Hey! Baka Shinji! I need to talk to you."
Damn! She would have to pick today of all days to
decide to talk to me. I was always trying to talk to
her before, but she was less than enthusiastic about
the idea of talking to a "dummkopf" like me. Why would
she want to talk to me now? Oh well, guess there's
only one way to find out.
"Yeah? What do you want?"
"Hikari and I will be going to the mall this
afternoon, so I'll be a bit late coming home. I forgot
to tell Misato this morning so you can tell her when
you get home."
Great, just great. It's not enough that she treats me
like dirt all the time, now she's acting like I'm her
personal slave or something. Still, I guess I should
be happy that she won't be around this afternoon, It
would make my task a lot easier. The safest response
would be to just say yes.
"Uh... sure."
As I watch her leave, I thank the gods that she isn't
part of the operation. Her presence would only make it
all the more difficult. Her going to the mall with
Hikari would be a nice break for me. I don't want her
to know about the mission if I can help it. She's
already mad at me for passing her sync-ratio. God
knows what she'll do to me if she finds out about
this.
At lunch, I choose a secluded corner of the school
grounds to sit in. Touji joins me a few minutes later.
So far, he's the only person outside of NERV who knows
about the mission. I didn't want to tell him about it,
but he noticed the change in my behavior a few weeks
ago and wouldn't stop asking me about it.
Plus, I needed someone to talk to other than Misato.
Asuka is out of the question and I don't think
Kensouke is that good at keeping a secret. Hearing him
boast about the dirt he digs up on NERV can attest to
that. I'm only half listening, however, when Touji
starts talking.
"So, today's the big day huh?"
"Yeah."
"Relax, you'll get through this. Just treat it like
any other operation. Everything will be fine if you
follow the plan."
"But I can't relax. I've been trying to relax for the
past few weeks but I just can't. I've never done
anything like this before. I can't help but feel
nervous."
"I understand how you feel, but I have faith in you.
I know you can do it."
"Thanks, Touji. That means a lot to me."
"Don't mention it. What are friends for?"
I feel slightly more confident after my conversation
with Touji, but I still feel somewhat uneasy. I spend
the rest of the day trying without success to think of
something other than the mission. I tried reading
lessons from my laptop, I tried daydreaming, I even
tried to pay attention on the teacher's lecture about
the second impact. All of my efforts prove futile,
though, as time and time again I find my thoughts
drifting back to the mission.
Finally giving up on taking my mind off it, I decide
to just review the plan. Again it strikes me how
simple and straightforward it seems. Not for the first
time I wonder if the plan would really work. Misato
had been quite confident that it would. But then
again, she also seemed quite confident that a human
being could survive on beer alone. I try not to think
about failure. Failure is not an option. The
consequences are far too great. I will succeed. I just
have to.
My thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of the
bell signifying the end of class. On one hand, I'm
glad that it will soon be over. On the other hand, I'm
still uneasy about the mission. Well, there's no
getting out of it. The preparations have already been
made. It would not be possible to postpone.
I head to a bench outside school and wait for the
first child to arrive.
Then I see her. The first child, Ayanami Rei. I can
never understand how she can keep calm under
conditions that would break grown men. I can see no
trace of fear or concern in her face as she walks
toward me. She probably doesn't realize the importance
of the role she plays in this mission.
Suddenly, for no apparent reason, my uneasiness turns
to sheer terror. What if I can't do it? What if
something happens? What if I fail? "I mustn't run
away" I tell myself repeatedly. "I mustn't run away. I
mustn't run away.I mustn't run away." Chanting this to
myself always helped calm my nerves before, but this
time it doesn't seem to be working.
I'm so busy convincing himself not to run away that I
barely realized it when Rei arrived. I look up to find
her standing in front of me, giving me a puzzled look.
The sound of her voice surprises me.
"You wished to see me, Ikari-kun?"
This is it. Now or never. Do or die. Make or break. I
just have to remember the plan. What was it? Damn,
I've been going over it for weeks! How can I suddenly
forget all about it? Sadly, that seems to be the case.
I look up at her nervously.
"Um... ah... yeah."
"What did you wish to see me for?"
Man this is hard. This is nothing like Misato said it
would be. It not easy or routine at all. I guess I'll
just have to improvise.
"Well... uh... I was kinda wondering if you'd like to�
um� go out with me to the� movies� tomorrow night. You
know, like... on a date."
"A... date?"
I must be sweating bullets by now. Somehow all the
senses in my body seem to be momentarily shutting
down. Well, I've gone this far, I might as well see it
through to the end.
"Well... yeah."
She seems to think about it for a while. Why is she
taking so long? Doesn't she realize that I'm
dangerously close to having a heart attack here? Wait!
She's opening her mouth! She's about to answer!
"I think I would like that."
Well, I guess I should have expected that. I mean,
who would want to go out with a wuss like me? I'm a
total loser! I'm� huh?
"Huh?"
"I said I think I would like that."
That's it. She said it. She said yes. I wasn't
dreaming. I can't believe it was that easy. If only I
had known, I would have done this a long time ago.
Misato-san was right all along! And to think of all
the times I zoned myself out listening to my SDAT and
dreaming about Rei. I could have been with the real
thing! I should have known better than to doubt
Misato. Man, if I were to die right now, I would die a
happy man.
"Really? That's great! How's about I pick you up at
seven?"
"That will be fine. I will be seeing you then."
As I watch her turn to leave, a question forms itself
in my head. Why wait until tomorrow night to spend
time with her? The answer is simple. There's no reason
to.
"Rei! Wait!"
"Is there anything else you want to say?"
"Yeah. Can I... um... walk you home?"
She gives me one of her all too rare smiles. I take
great pride in the fact that other than my father, I'm
the only one she smiles for. Even then, when she
smiles for my father, it's a bit forced. It's only for
me that she truly smiles.
"If you wish."
I take her hand and start walking. I can't help but
smile myself as we walk hand in hand down the road to
her apartment.
That wasn't so bad after all. Mission Accomplished.
Author's notes and stuff:
If this fic seems a bit rushed, it's because it is.
My professors are breathing down my neck to finish my
school projects, and I was having trouble
concentrating with a half-finished fic hanging over my
head. So I just finished this as fast as I could.
Hopefully I can finally get to work now. C&C are
welcome, as always. So are flames, to a certain
extent. Send them to ex_fuk@yahoo.com. I might do a
revision of this sometime in the future. Hopefully
with a better overall feel. It all depends on the
responses I get.
Shameless plugs disguised as thanks to readers:
I would like to thank all those who read my first
fic, "Akane Phobia", especially those who commented.
Rest assured that I'm working on my character depth.
While I'm at it, I might as well thank those who
commented on "Hentai at Heart". I must admit I am
surprised (shocked actually) at the number of
responses I got to something that took me all of three
minutes to write. Also, I am now (painfully) aware
that the formula was old and has been used thousands
of times, but at least most of you thought it was
funny, which is all it was supposed to be.
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