[Ed. Note - Like Lurker's episode, we had a skip, and this is a filler
episode. There was a major new development planned for this one which
it was impossible to skip over, so a quickie ep has been built around it.]
The smell of money was thick in the air today.
Controversial Jack walked along the halls of his beloved
Ultradome, home of fun, mirth, mayhem, and maimings, clipboard in hand
and whistling a Pixies cover of Devo's rendition of Nine Inch Nails's
'Head Like a Hole' with an Irish jig twist. It was the PERFECT card.
Ten matches of amazing drama! High impact fighting action! Rivals up
against each other in crazed gimmick matches! And, topping it all off,
Ranma vs. Shingo, sure to be a ratings dream.
It was ideal. It was perfect. His credit card debt would poof
into thin air, just like that, and Ultra wouldn't be in danger of
losing its #1 slot among males 18-34.
Strange, though, how the dome was so quiet. There was the
cheering of the fans outside, seated and ready for action, but no
fighters talking / arguing / brawling backstage...
He walked along past the cafeteria, peeking in to see who was
around.. and saw nobody. He checked the men's room. He checked the
ladies' room. He checked the ladies' room twice, just for fun. But
nobody was around...
He caught his secretary skipping off towards the exit, and flagged
her down.
"Nuku! What's going on?" Jack asked. "Are the trains running
late or something? Where is everybody? We've got a show in ten
minutes here!"
"Ano?" Nuku-Nuku asked. "Oh! A whole bunch of people came up to
the office asking to take off tonight. They all seemed very excited
about something called the 'Playstation 2' being released today, and I
thought it'd be nice, so I let them go."
Jack's shiny happy joy shattered like a shattering thing. "WHAT?!
You let them leave before a show!?"
"Well, you DID give me that rubber stamp with your signature on it
so I could take care of those boring requisition forms," Nuku said.
"And since I know you're a really great wonderful boss, I thought it'd
be a great thing to do! Ne, Jack-san?"
"You... YOOOOOUUU...." he growled, looming over Nuku.... before
groaning, and reverting to ordinary controversy levels. "Dammit. I
can't get properly pissed off at an adorable robotic catgirl with a
looser grasp on reality than I have. Okay. Okay. So... my entire
show is ruined. TELL me at least Ranma and Shingo are here!"
"I think they're training, Jack-san."
"Right. Okay. So. We have one match..." Jack mused, crossing
off nine lines on his clipboard with much pain and suffering. "I made
a promise to Voiduck, so that one's going on whether his opponent is
here or not. The little fowl bastard may be a wuss now, but without my
Super Contrajin powers I'd rather not get the squirt mad... but if
everybody else is gone..."
If everybody else was gone, he was sunk. He needed some VERY high
profile matches to justify tonight's limited episode. Without them, he
might as well signal surrender to the monster truck show on the other
channel and get his legs broken by the fine people at Mastercard...
What he needed, technically, was a miracle.
"Nuku, get on your knees and make like you're praying," Jack said,
doing similar. "Ahem. O great Lina, who art in heaven, I know I
technically wanted your job last season and you probably hate my guts,
but have pity on this poor booker and--"
"Okay, okay, jeez, get up already," Lina said, who had appeared
five seconds previously thanks to wonderful powers over time and space.
"Don't worry. I was going to ask you for a favor today anyway. And
this way, I don't have to smite you into agreeing! I need a special
match booked."
Jack perked an eyebrow. "...is it..." He raised a pinky to his
lips. "Controversial?"
"You bet," Lina said, with a sly grin. "It's time I do a little
something about this Gourry situation, once and for all. I need..."
She whispered it over, and some of Jack's shining joyful hope was
restored. He jotted down the notes... three matches would have to do.
But WHAT a triad of matches! Add a little new twist to the main event,
aaaaand... he tore the booking card off the clipboard, and passed it to
Nuku.
"Nuku-chan, take this out to the boys," he commanded. "It's time
to make the doughnuts."
*
LIVE!
FROM THE ULTRADOME!
THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE
IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME
SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
AND IMPROFANFIC!
IT'S TIME FOR...
{ M A G I C A L T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
{ C R O S S O V E R F I G H T I N G }
{ F E D E R A T I O N }
{ .-----------. }
{ | U-L-T-R-A | }
{ `-----------' }
{ http://www.improfanfic.com }
Episode #37: ImproBooking in Action!
Episode written by Twoflower and W4
*
The audience was loud. What more needs to be said?
Oh, alright, if you insist...
The very volume level of the audience rivaled that of sixteen
Concordes taking off from JFK airport for a nonstop cross-Atlantic
flight, while the intensity of their excitement was pumping sixteen
cubic acres of pure adrenaline in cumulative total through the
collective body of everybody present and they were DAMN LOUD.
"Are you ready for a war?!" Hiroshi announced, pumping up the
crowd beyond safe levels. "Are you ready for a clash of the titans?
Are you ready for the most exciting episode of Ultra EVER, with ten
full matches of crazed fighting action!? ARE YOU READY!?"
"NO!" the crowd shouted. "GIVE US FIVE MORE MINUTES!"
"..." Hiroshi replied.
Daisuke put a hand over his mike, flipping the OFF switch.
"Hiro... trouble. You know that amazing ten fight card? It's gone.
Nuku just passed me the new one... and we've got three fights on it.
Get ready for a riot, the audience isn't gonna like this..."
"Yow!" Hiroshi exclaimed. "No, that's not good... hmm. Observe,
Daisuke, and watch the master at work. Turn the mike back on."
"Whatever, it's your funeral," Daisuke decided, flicking it back
to ON.
"NEWS FLASH!!" Hiroshi shouted. "We've got an emergency redesign
of tonight's show... and we're about to see THREE amazing clashes!
Tonight, we see fan favorite Godhead Taunting Legend Stone Cold Dan
Hibiki taking on Voiduck, master of the adorable apocalypse! How long
has it been since we've seen Dan in action? ARE YOU READY FOR DAN,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!?"
"SURE THING!" the crowd shouted back.
"Then, and I KNOW you'll like this... we've got a special Omega
grudge match! Our Omega champion, strongest of all the strongest and
proven in battle, Naga the White Serpent... takes on the Adversary, the
Father of Lies, the Recently Appointed Prince of Darkness... CLOUD
STRIFE! Cloud's not a regular fighter, but by heaven's mandate, we
WILL see these two get it on!"
"WOW! THAT WILL BE A VERY INTERESTING MATCH!" the crowd screamed
in unison.
"And lastly... as promised, we sign, seal, and deliver! No DQ!
No holds barred! And recently added by chief executive of Ultra,
Controversial Jack... Ranma vs. Shingo for the Gamma Belt will be an 'I
Quit' match! The fight goes on until one submits in defeat!! This
could be the most brutal, painful experience you'll ever SEE here in
Ultra! NOW! ARE YOU READY?!"
"PRETTY MUCH, YES!"
"Let's go LIVE AND DIRECT to the scene of our first Omega match,
and let's get READY TO RUMBLE!" Hiroshi shouted, turning red in the
face from all the screaming. He waited until the camera light clicked
to OFF AIR, and slumped back in his seat.
"..." Daisuke said.
"It's all in the excitement, you see," Hiroshi wheezed, trying to
catch his breath. "Could you call medlab? I think I gave myself heart
palpitations."
*
March 3, 2000. A day that would live in infamy.
For it was the day that the Playstation 2 was released for sale in
Japan.
Thousands of years in the future, historians would agree that this
date was the most important date of the second millenium.
Unfortunately, that is proof that binge-drinking would still be
popular then.
But back to March 3, 2000...
There was a traffic-stopping mob surrounding the toy store, "King
Ricky Chicken." (Their motto: "A customer is you! All your money are
belong to us!") People had begun to converge upon the shop since last
week, eagerly awaiting their chance to be one of the first people on
their block... no, the WORLD... to own a Playstation 2. What had
started out as three or four people had grown into three or four
thousand.
Half of the people in the crowd were the (not-so-)loyal crew of
the Magical Crossover Troubleshooting Fighting Federation Ultra.
The person, who was in front of the mob...
"Why won't the store open? I, the Legendary Taunting Godhead Dan
Hibiki, have been waiting endlessly for my chance to play the
director's cut version of 'Parappa the Rapper!' OYAJIIIIIII!"
...needed no introduction.
It could be argued that he needed a good, swift kick to the head.
Thanks to a slightly irritable (read: bitchy) Karin Kanzuki, that's
what he got. Dan, in a demonstration of why millions of viewers and
watchers cheered him week after week, turned to Karin, flexed his
forearm and shouted, "OOSHA!"
Karin was blown back several blocks. Dan scratched the back of
his head, bigsweatted and chuckled. "Oopsie," he remarked. "Forgot
about the godhead powers again." Resuming his defiant, "I-am-mighty"
mindset, he continued, "But that was nothing compared to the time I
tried using the restroom and accidentally..."
"[VOI]!"
The mob turned to a voice that came from inside "King Ricky
Chicken." They saw Voiduck in front of a television screen. On the
screen was Controversial Jack.
"Hey nonny nonny, ninny!" Jack yelled to Dan. "So, instead of
doing your job at Ultra, you're goofing off on company time. Do you
have ANY idea how that makes me feel? Why don't you tell him, Mr.
Duck?"
Mr. Duck squeaked a few times.
Controversial Jack gasped, "Such language! But he's right, Dan.
You need to be punished."
Dan flexed his forearm in front of the television screen. "DOSHTA
DOSHTA!" he yelled. "You think to intimidate DAN?!? I... AM...
MIGHTY!"
The crowd erupted in cheers as if to agree with him. Meanwhile,
Mr. Duck squeaked to Controversial Jack, who was getting an ear-to-ear
grin on his face.
"Oooh, that's a GREAT idea!" Controversial Jack cheered. "Hey,
Dan! I got the perfect punishment for you! And the other ducky should
LOVE this..."
"[VOOOOOI]!" Voiduck muttered, glaring at Controversial Jack's
image.
Controversial Jack started typing at a keyboard frantically.
"Since you want a piece of the Playstation 2 so badly, I'm going to
give it to you! You and Voiduck are going to have an Omega Match in the
Playstation 2 game, "Twisted Bandigods!"
"[VOI]?!?" Voiduck shrieked.
"Bring it on! For no matter who the opponent is, Legendary
Taunt--"
Before Dan could finish, both were sucked into the television
screen as the mob watched, transfixed to the screen which read,
"Twisted Bandigods: Ultra Debug Mode."
][ OMEGA MATCH
][ LEGENDARY TAUNTING GODHEAD DAN HIBIKI VS. VOIDUCK
][ FIGHT!
"-ing Godhead Dan Hibiki will triumph!" Dan concluded.
"OYAJIIIIMPH!"
Dan's taunt was cut short when a bandicoot, three stories tall and
wearing clown makeup on its face, threw an apple in Dan's legendary
taunting mouth which lodged itself in his windpipe.
"[DUCK]! [VOIVOI]!" Voiduck chirped as he looked at the Bandigod
and bigsweatted. Meanwhile, Dan was trying to give himself the
Heimlich Manuever.
"The fool!" a random crowd member shouted. "Doesn't he know that
he needs to press back, back-down, down, X, down-forward, forward,
square, R2, G5 and FF:F to execute the Heimlich Manuever?"
The Bandigod stomped towards Voiduck. "BLEARGH!" it shouted.
Voiduck shot a wave of psychic force at the Bandigod. Dan shot
the dislodged apple from his throat. The Bandigod shrugged off both
attacks, but muttered something under its breath about how disgusting
that apple looked.
Both Ultra combatants opted to run like hell. Or, more specially,
Dan opted to run like hell, while Voiduck waddled at a pretty fast
clip. The Bandigod gave chase, shouting "BLEARGH!"
Dan and Voiduck might have been able to outrun the Bandigod, but
Voiduck realized two things. First, he realized that this was an Omega
match, and defeating the crowd favorite, Dan, and sending him to the
[VOID] would teach the Ultra-watching fools a lesson. Second, the
Bandigod from which they were fleeing would make for the perfect
executioner.
Voiduck waddled in front of Dan, causing the cosmically-charged
Shotokan warrior to trip and fall. Voiduck, pleased that Dan's last
moments were imminent, continued to waddle to safety.
Dan sat up and somersaulted backwards. He somersaulted onto the
Bandigod's foot, up the Bandigod's leg, past the Bandigod's torso, up
its arm and on finally stood up on top of its head. "OOSHA!" he
hollered. "Dan stands triumphant!"
"BLEARGH!" the Bandigod hollered.
Dan looked down. He did not realize that he was standing on the
Bandigod's head. But he DID realize a giant hand swiftly coming from
the sky to turn him into a Dancake. So he used his godhead powers to
somersault down the other side of the Bandigod's body to avoid the
blow. He was back on the ground by the time the Bandigod slapped
itself on the head.
"BLEARGH!" it wailed in pain, rubbing its head.
"[VOI]?!?" Voiduck hollered, looking back to find Dan very much
alive.
And then, Dan did something amazing.
Granted, that "amazing" was the last term that anyone would use to
describe the Gadouken, which was about as big and damaging as a ping-
pong ball, but this time was a clear exception. Dan leapt up three
stories, his jump peaking right next to the Bandigod's right ear. His
battle aura erupted in a pink pillar, and he emitted a battle cry which
would have made Conan wet his loincloth in fear. He then wound up as
if to throw a Gadouken.
He shouted, "DAN DAN ULTRA-MEGA-ALPHA-DEXY-WHOOPASS SHINKU
GADOUKEN!"
And roughly five-hundred high-speed (but still low-range)
Gadoukens slammed into the Bandigod's hear, causing it to yell in pain
and stagger forward.
The crowd, watching, went wild. Their hollering and cheering for
Dan could be heard as far as the shores of California.
For the coup de grace, Dan screamed, "DAN DAN MIGHTY-OMEGA-FUNGI-
CREAMY-GOLDEN BOOT TO DA HEAD!", giving the Bandigod one swift kick to
the Bandigod's head. Its eyes becoming "X"s, the Bandigod fell
forward.
It fell towards a very panicked-looking Voiduck.
"[VOI]!" it shouted, sending all the psychic force it had at the
falling Bandigod.
The television screen and its respective Playstation 2 unit
exploded. A moment later, "King Ricky Chicken" was on fire.
The crowd, realizing the severity of the situation, shouted out as
one, "MY GOD! THE PLAYSTATION 2S ARE IN TROUBLE!!!"
When the fire department arrived, they had to forcibly pry rabid
fans from the burning store to combat the flames. But it was too
little and too late. All that the firefighters could salvage from the
burning store were a Shokotan warrior in a pink gi and a cross-looking
purple duck.
"HEY! That duck ruined the Playstation 2s!" one crowd member
shouted.
"...voi?" Voiduck asked as an angry mob encircled him.
Normally, being surrounded by so much unmasked anger and hatred
would have been a great boon to Voiduck. But when one is, for all
intents and purposes, a Muppet-esque lifeform, and the anger and hatred
is expressed in kicks, punches and blows from street signs and fire
hoses, anger and hatred tend to be two very unwanted things.
Dan walked away from the scene, never looking back. He was
satisfied with himself. He felt the pride a warrior feels when
overcoming overwhelming odds. If there was one thing that he had
proved today, it was that he was, indeed, mighty.
"HEY! Dan has a Playstation 2!" someone shouted.
And there was also the fact that Dan had the only functioning
Playstation 2 in a one-mile radius.
"EEP!" he squeaked as he used his godhead powers to outrun the
mob.
*
...and Daisuke was rendered completely speechless.
"Yet another... interesting fight involving Stone Cold Dan Hibiki,
ladies and gentlemen!" Hiroshi announced. "We'll be right back after
these messages."
"I haven't been injecting any hard drugs lately, have I, Hiroshi?"
"Not that I know of."
"Oh. Good."
*
There is a fine art to trashing hotel rooms. It's been perfected
over the decades gone by, honed into a professional skill by such
masters as Ozzy Osbourne, Motley Crue, Pink Floyd, and Marlo Semaj.
You can often recognize the signature destruction of a learned master
within seconds of viewing the wreckage.
When Nabiki entered his dressing room, to find that nothing had
survived the young man's wrath, she knew immediately what had happened.
It wasn't the first time he'd forcibly taken apart everything around
him in some temper tantrum.
"Those things cost money, you know," Nabiki said quietly. She did
step just outside the door, however... lately, she'd been trusting
Ranma's ability to pick his targets less and less.
Ranma glared over at her. "I'm training. Go away."
"Training?" Nabiki asked, peering around. "You call this
training? ...what's with your eyes? They've got all these dark lines
under them. How much sleep did you get last night?"
He sat down on the remains of a chair, and rubbed his eyes. "I
think... none. I haven't slept for a few days. I gotta stay focused.
I gotta get ready..."
"Ranma! I told you to stop DOING that! Arhgh... you're going to
lose tonight," Nabiki declared. "You're in terrible shape. How on
earth am I supposed to be the manager of a champion when you won't even
listen to me? I came into this partnership with you for glory,
marketing opportunities, and the belt... not to babysit a psycho--"
"SHUTUP!" Ranma shouted, tossing a chunk of unidentified wood at
her. Nabiki ducked it quickly... as Ranma recoiled. "...aww, jeez...
Nabiki, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I just... ARGH! It's so
hard to THINK straight..."
Nabiki frowned. "That's it, Saotome. I'm calling Jack, and I'm
cancelling this match. You're in no shape to--"
"No!" Ranma protested, getting to his feet... Nabiki took a few
steps back. "NO! No.. look... I'll be fine. I HAVE to face Shingo.
I have to beat him! Don't you understand? I've been working towards
this for MONTHS now, and, and... and I can't not do it, I have to prove
myself, I... ... you're fired. Go away."
"What?"
"You're fired! Now you can't cancel this match for me. Only I
can, and I'm going to FIGHT!" Ranma declared, grabbing the door. "So
go back to moneygrubbing and leave me ALONE!"
The door slammed shut hard enough to crack in half, and hang
askew.
Nabiki had half a mind to turn her back, march off and find
someone else with championship material to manage. Someone more
stable. Ignore Ranma, write him off, let him destroy himself if he was
so intent on this course...
Instead, something she couldn't fully understand made her stop by
the telephones and snack machines, take out her Ultra Souvenir Pre-paid
Sakura-chan Phone Card, and dial.
THEN she would get a new prodigy. But this was the right thing to
do, for now.
*
Hiroshi took a long pull on a portable oxygen tank. "And... we're
back! And I've more or less recovered, but just to be safe, Daisuke,
take it from here." He put the mask back on.
"...right. Well, we've known Cloud is the new Satan for quite
some time, and that he has Gourry held hostage," Daisuke recapped.
"Lina has been too busy to attend to the problem, but I think you'd
have to be a total yogurt head not to realize she'd have some nasty
surprise ready and waiting for Cloud sooner or later. Tonight, bending
the rules a bit, we're going to see Lina's old questing partner Naga
the White Serpent take on Cloud Strife. No title is at stake, it's all
about revenge. Although I'm not sure where the match is taking place,
exactly..."
A stagehand passed Daisuke a sticky note. And he turned pale.
"...oh. Well, that explains a few things," he said. "Folks...
tonight's Omega grudge match, now coming to you live and direct from
the City of Dis, on the Shores of Hell. Good thing we use robotic
cameras, is all I have to say."
*
Naga stood, undaunted by the lake of fire, the river of lava, and
the moat of of Britney Spears clones. Hell was not impressing her.
One as cultured and elegant as Naga the White Serpent had nothing to
fear of such surroundings!
She stood at the city gates, awaiting her opponent. Lina's
instructions had been very specific, although she was more than willing
to prove her innate superiority in battle against this strong foe...
and she was getting paid well, too, since Heaven's budget was quite
robust this fiscal year.
Posing dramatically, she pointed towards the unavailable foe.
"Know this, Claude Stripe!" she espoused. "I, Naga, the White Seprent,
will destroy you and retrieve Gourry Gabriev, or my name is not Naga,
the White Serpent, for this is what I will do!"
The massive doors, composed entirely of wailing damned souls
compressed into a stone aggregate, slid open with a tortured scream.
Very appropriate.
Wreathed in fire, the recently mentally unstable Cloud Strife
stood, buster sword in hand.
"This was not the deal," he said, in a flawless monotone. "I will
trade Gourry for Aerith. Nothing more. She must be freed from her
slavery. I will punish you for Lina's disobedience."
][ OMEGA GRUDGE MATCH
][ NAGA THE WHITE SERPENT VS. CLOUD "SATAN" STRIFE
][ FIGHT!
"You are exactly one thousand years too early to defeat me, boy!"
Naga declared, assuming a casting stance. "Prepare yourself!.....
RAYWING!"
Cloud blinked twice, as Naga went from battle-ready to whipping by
him, flying through the conveniently open doors to his city. He took
an unfortunately large number of seconds to turn, and run after her...
but by then, she was already off.
The plan was simple : Once Cloud lets you in, go get Gourry and
flee. Lina's reconnaisance angels had located Gourry's holding cell by
remote magic probing, and it was a simple matter of getting someone IN
there physically to make the grab, and ducking out of a portal. Lina
couldn't go, since God and Hell didn't mix, but Naga, on the other
hand...
Naga could fly in, grab him, and get out with plenty of time left
for a large dinner. Laughing as she went, she turned corners like a
Mig-28, knowing exactly where to go.
She'd only have a few moments before Cloud caught up, but it would
be enough. She blasted down the iron door to Gourry's cell with a well
placed fireball, flying in, and touching down on her dominatrix-
leather-boot wearing feet...
Only to find Cloud had gotten here first, and stood between her
and the crystal that held the motionless Gourry Gabriev.
"What the--?"
"I told you I would punish you," Cloud said, sword at the ready.
"Lina should have known better than to play games. But I expected it
of a cheating power-abusive slave driver as her... so I sent an
illusion to the gates."
Naga switched gears. A stand up fight was more her style, anyway.
Rather than taunt, she got right down to business, and charged
everything she had into one burst...
"DEMONA CRYSTAL!"
Waves of ice crackled into being around the room, locking Cloud's
feet to the floor. He swept his blade, enriched by his own darkness,
to cut himself free -- only to get further caught in the ice, which
built up all around him. In seconds, the entire room was a winter
wonderland, and he was a Cloudsicle.
"Yosh! Now to grab Gourry and leave!" Naga decided... before
realizing she'd frozen Gourry into the ice as well. Oops. Still, with
Cloud taken care of, it'd just be a few carefully placed Flare Arrows
until she could finish this task.
She climbed past the frozen prince of darkness, and started
putting very careful Flare Arrows in a circle around Gourry's crystal.
Wouldn't take too long--
She felt a cold hand tap her shoulder.
Cloud turned his dead eyes on her, the space where he WAS frozen
now a silently steaming lake of water.
The room exploded with colored light, as Cloud's patience finally
broke... and he unleashed the full might of Omnislash on the White
Serpent. Even with the 'less is more' theory of armor working in her
favor, the end result was not pretty... several distinctly awful gashes
on her body, a loss of blood on the previously white and crystalline
ice, and no way of fighting back, as Cloud stood above her, sword
raised...
"Let this be a lesson to the so-called 'god'," Cloud said, a
seething malice creeping into his usually flat voice. "She will never
break my love for Aerith. No matter who I must kill to prove it to
her--"
He swung down, with incredible force. But not incredible enough.
The sword didn't budge at all, held in place.. he turned to see what
was going on.
"You've already won," Son Gokuu said, staring Cloud down with his
best authoritative glare. His palms gripped the blade perfectly, arm
muscles rippling under the sleeves of his black and white striped
referee's shirt, taking over the job of keeping it in check. "The
battle's over. I can't let you continue this, Lord of HFIL."
"You're just her lackey," Cloud decided, twisting around,
wrenching the sword away from Gokuu's grasp. "Likely here to stop me
as well. Probably also a slave... I'll destroy you, too. Xelloss told
me all Lina's followers must be destroyed..."
No further words were nessecary. The force of law and order in
Ultra went up against Ultra's (current) greatest threat, and the fight
was on.
*
Upstairs, Lina was pulling her hair out, figuratively.
"Agh! Naga, you twit, of COURSE Ice wouldn't work!" she shouted
at the scrying sphere. "And I can't even go bail her out, either.
Gokuu can probably beat Cloud, but better safe than sorry... guys? I
need someone to go grab Naga and Gourry while Cloud's distracted. Any
takers?"
She turned to the assembled forces of Heaven, her elite, her
trusted advisors and helpers. Lina didn't have much truck with the
whole hierarchy of angels; they were more bureaucrats than fighters,
and she needed strength to deal with this Cloud twit.
"I'll go," Terry Bogard said. He opted not to use a halo, harp
and wings, sticking with his usual fighting clothes (or a memory of
them, at least). He tightened his gloves, getting ready. "I owe you
that much for letting me stop Bison from taking over the world. I've
got to start earning my keep here--"
"Terry, no offense, but this is a little above your level," Lina
said. "Besides... you're new here, and nobody knows you're working for
me yet. Let's leave it at that, in case we need you as a surprise
later. Shinji, if you don't mind... you're the best for a task like
this--"
"I'll go," Aerith spoke, words quiet.
"No," Lina said quickly. "Anyway, Shinji, now that the city gates
are open down there, I can get a portal going to get you there and get
back. It won't stay open long due to the interference Hell throws off.
So--"
"I'll go," Aerith repeated, stepping forward. "This.. this is my
problem. I'm the one who did this to Cloud, even if it was a thing
that needed doing... I have to be the one to help put an end to it.
Lina, please. I've always done my work for Heaven without question,
without asking for anything, but I have to do this."
"Aerith, we don't have time for this. It's XELLOSS's fault, not
yours," Lina said. "He's the one who preyed on Cloud when he was
feeling weak, and now Cloud's gone bonkers. You've got nothing to do
with it--"
"If you don't open the portal and send someone through NOW, it may
be too late," Aerith interrupted. "Lina-sama, please!"
Lina groaned. "Fine, fine!" She snapped her fingers, a glowing
white rectangle rising from the floor. "You've got thirty seconds
before it folds. Go!"
*
Job responsibility was something Gokuu took very seriously. He
felt he was an important figure in Ultra, someone who could keep the
fights clean and civil. But that didn't mean he couldn't have fun.
This Cloud guy was pretty impressive. Gokuu hadn't gone Super
Saiyajin yet, not wanting the fight to be over so fast -- especially
not if Lina would rescue Gourry, like he was figuring she would. But
by keeping his power level even with Cloud's, it was a very challenging
fight...
He saw the portal slide open, and quickly took the fight down a
hall, to give them time to act. Every time Cloud tried to get away,
he'd knock the boy fifty yards away, and keep pressing the attack. Not
much longer now...
Aerith stepped out of the portal, Guard Rod in hand, and stepped
over to Gourry's crystal. It was wrought from pure darkness, but being
a holy figure had advantages... with an overhand strike, she shattered
the soul-prison, Gourry's form falling to the icy floor below.
He started to breathe again, at long last... Aerith used a Float
materia and got both he and Naga airborne, sending them back through
the portal and to heaven.
Lina peered through the hazy fog of the portal. "Okay, we've got
them!" she shouted, although it was a bare whisper through the
unmeasurable distance. "C'mon, it's gonna close!"
...and Aerith stood still. She gripped her staff for support,
trembling a bit in fear, but stood perfectly still.
"I have to stay," she announced. "I'm sorry, Lina-sama. But
Cloud will not stop hurting people close to you until I join him. I
have no choice."
"WHAT!?!" Lina barked. "Aerith, don't be ridiclous! Get back--"
"This way, I can be close to him... and perhaps be able to save
him from himself," Aerith continued. "Only then will I return. I was
never your slave -- and that means I can choose my own path, and I
choose this. Now, nobody else has to be hurt because of my problem.
I'm sorry I had to trick you. Goodbye."
And the portal slid silently shut.
A shadow formed behind her. She didn't turn around; she knew who
it belonged to. A cold hand slipped around her waist... only her
determination to make this right, no matter how long it took, kept her
from crying out in fear.
"I've sent the sayajin home," Cloud spoke. "The gates of hell are
closed again. We're together at last. I knew you would come back to
me... my love."
*
Lina stared in abject shock at her scrying sphere. The portal had
shut, and with the gates closed, it was impossible to open it again...
in short order, her sphere fuzzled out into static as well. God's only
major blindspot going completely blind. Shinji frowned, showing rare
emotion. Terry was his usual statuesque pillar of quiet anger. Nobody
was particularly happy about this.
A slow fist curled through Lina's glove.
"....okay, that's it," she declared quietly. "Xelloss and this
Cloud punk have gone over the line. I don't care if she DOES think
that was the only way... I'm getting her back, and we're gonna stop
Xelloss from monkeying around. If we've got to go to war with Satan
AND The Void, well, that's what's gonna happen! GUYS! Strategy
session. Someone wake up Gourry and heal Naga. We're going to need
all the manpower we've got."
*
The Ultradome itself was quite quiet. Nobody was fully sure of
what they just saw, before the cameras faded to static. Or rather,
they didn't want to ADMIT to what they just saw.
"All things considered," Daisuke said quietly, "I really, really
miss someone as harmless as Jack as the antichrist. Folks... we'll be
right back. We hope."
*
Not that Jack was aware of any of this. Sure, he was having a bad
day and a half, his entire staff had defected to join Sony in video
celebration, and so on... but he had one detail to take care of today,
disasters be damned. It was a matter of pride.
Controversial Jack liked to think of himself as a hands-on
manager. He was there, in the pits with the boys, getting things done,
making things happen, being there for his happy, valued peon employees.
And being the wonderfully magnificent and generous kinda guy he was, it
was time to bring in a special treat for his drones. Sure, they had
all disobeyed his iron will, but maybe this way they'd feel more loyal
in the long run...
He waved a pair of glowing runway-direction sticks, guiding the
truck. "Okay, back it up! Easy... easy... almost.... THERE!" He
crossed them over his head, and the truck stopped.
One metric ton of harp seal patties! The PERFECT perk to perk up
fighters and make them perky little bloodletting maniacs. Of course,
50% of the wonderful treats would be shipped right to his personal
kitchen, but hey, they could scrounge the rest...
"Jack-saaan!"
The Man Known As Jack turned, quite surprised. "The heck are you
doing here? This is supposed to be a surprise."
"Your secretary told me where to find you," Shingo Yabuki said, a
little out of breath from running this far. Lugging around twenty
pounds of gold encrusted Gamma belt hadn't helped matters.
"Ah. Remind me to subtract one fish from her daily allowance,"
Jack said, tucking the glowsticks under an arm. "Okay, whaddya want,
Yabuki?"
"I don't want to defend the belt against Ranma," Shingo said.
"He's in awful shape. I can't honestly say he'd be able to give me his
best fight tonight, and I want to be honorable and--"
"Yeah, yeah, skilled combat, venerable friends and rivals and blah
blah blah," Jack rambled off, a bit annoyed. "Nobody gives a rat's ass
about that sort of stuff, Shingo, this is the 00's. Look, Shingo, you
have to appreciate my position here -- as head booker, I have to be
concerned with Ultra's ratings. You know that one title defense you've
had against Sofia? Lowest rated segment of the show. I could toss you
in the ring with any other jobber and we'd get the same results. The
audience knows what they want... they want to see blood, they want to
see guts, they want to see YOU and RANMA, the rematch of the century!
No DQ, falls count anywhere, 'I Quit' rules!"
"An I Quit match?! Since when??"
"About an hour ago," Jack said, proudly. "I got the idea while in
the men's room. Don't ask me how, please. Anyway, don't worry, it'll
be a ratings extravaganza!"
"That's why you've kept me from defending this belt?" Shingo
asked, getting a little angry. "Every week I'd show at the dome, only
to find I wasn't being used that night... you've been saving it for
this, haven't you?"
"Ah! Now you're getting the idea," Jack said, grinning. "Might
make a good assistant booker one day, young Shingo. Right now, we
NEED a ratings savior, after the debacle last week, with the UltraDome
being destroyed before the show was supposed to end. We lost two whole
quarter hours of revenue! So, tonight, you and Ranma are gonna tear
the house down, bleed profusely on camera, and win one for Ultra."
"I won't do it," Shingo warned. "I'll leave the dome. I'll--"
"You'll do it, or I strip you of that title," Jack warned.
"You'll be fired so fast that you'll need an extinguisher to put out
the flames. Your contract says you fight as booked, and that's the
bottom line, 'cause Controversial says so."
"One day," Shingo said, power-posing, "Your reign of terror will
be brought to an end! Someone will challenge your evil ways and--"
"Yeah, well, when that happens, your paychecks will probably take
a cut, and more fighters will have to be released," Jack warned.
"Because the REASON all of you have gotten raises (except for Daisuke,
of course) is because our profits have gone up in recent months. My
style WORKS, even better than Kasumi's in some ways. So mull that over
when you go prepare, kid. The world isn't all honorable, wise and
powerful do-gooders and nasty bad evil villains. Sometimes, you NEED
someone like me in charge of things. Now go away, boy, you bother me."
"Well... well.... ah, one second," Shingo said, consulting his
Little Black FAQ Book for something dramatic to say. "Ah... ah-ha!
How appropriate! You fight like a cow!"
"I am rubber, you are glue," Jack quickly replied.
"AAAH!" Shingo screamed, reeling in the blow from the incredible
taunt. He quickly fled the scene.
Kids these days, Jack thought. He yanked the lever, and let the
metric ton of endangered species in little tin cans slide into the
kitchen loading dock. Ah, sweet chicken of the sea...
*
The average attention span of an Ultra fan is exactly one
commercial break. Switching gears from the Omega grudge match of the
century to the Gamma grudge match of the century was as simple as five
thirty second spots, and the crowd was in full throttle towards the
finale.
The time was now. The time was right. It was finally the main
event, promised for a week, and delivered piping hot and incredibly
violent... and the audience loved it. Signs supporting Ranma and
Shingo popped up all over the crowd, people who were in the bathroom
telepathically sensed that the show was back on and ran to their seats
without bothering to pull up their pants, and generally the dome was on
edge with anticipation...
"Heavenly issues aside, here it is, folks! The most dangerous
Gamma title defense ever!" Hiroshi hyped. "Boy, am I glad my heart has
resumed its normal beat, I'd hate to miss this. A rivalry between
former friends, with one gold belt hanging in the balance! Who will
win? Who will be champion? Who will actually survive!?"
"According to official Ultra webmonkey Lain Iwakura, the polls on
our website about the match outcome are currently running 50/50, with a
50% margin of error," Daisuke said, reading off a paper. "Which
solidly predicts that someone will win the match. It's amazing what
they can do with statistics these days."
"We've just been informed that an additional stipulation has been
placed on this match," Hiroshi said. "Controversial Jack has decided
that instead of knockout, the match will be decided by 'I Quit' rules.
The first fighter to say the words 'I Quit' will forfeit the match.
Which means it'll be even MORE brutal than we previously believed!
What will happen? WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!"
"Bad things, I'm guessing," Daisuke added dryly.
The crowd exploded in a non-flesh-splattering-on-the-walls way, as
Shingo Yabuki made his entrance... but Shingo wasn't waving to the
crowd and jumping up and down as usual. Nor was he dead serious and
mean looking... instead, he seemed very worried.
"Shingo obviously concerned with Ranma's current state of mind, as
are we all," Hiroshi explained to those not in the know. "I tell you,
Daisuke, I've got a bad feeling about this match. We're going to see
violence. We're going to see blood, we're going to see people getting
hurt very badly..."
"This is me not caring," Daisuke said, pointing to himself for
emphasis. "Observe. As long as they don't splatter blood on us, I'll
be happy to go home when this show is over quite safe and sound--"
A loud wave of boos signaled the entrance of one Ranma Saotome.
Like Shingo, Ranma was lost in his own little zone of thought... but
his was more space-cadet oriented, looking pained and angry and
unstable and dangerous all at the same time. A few stage hands made
careful note to keep away from him as he marched his way down the ramp,
and rolled into the ring, immediately taking an attack stance--
Shingo put up his hands in protest, a mike mystically appearing in
one hand. "Whoa, whoa! Ranma... listen to me. Before we go and do
something we'll both regret!"
Ranma bounced lightly from foot to foot, not dropping his kempo
attack stance. Not showing any signs of listening... but he held his
ground.
"I don't mind having a match with you," Shingo explained. "But
not like this. What's happened to you? I've heard everything you
said, how you got this way, but you can't go on like this. You look
like heck! Listen, I've been reading a few self help books to try and
get some idea of what you can do, and I think if you read this
'Dianetics' thing, you'll really see that your energy--"
The energy cut loose, as Ranma slid forward in a blur, a solid
elbow connecting with Shingo's gut. Doubled over, the boy dropped the
belt and the microphone -- before receiving a Stiff-ass Kick of
Doom(tm) to the jaw.
The bell rang.
][ 'I QUIT' GAMMA TITLE MATCH
][ SHINGO YABUKI VS. RANMA SAOTOME
][ FIGHT!
Shingo arced through the air, over the ropes, and came to a halt
on the top of the announcer's table. Daisuke scrambled away from it,
fast, expecting a collapse, but the table held.. for now. Hiroshi just
blinked a few times, always being slow on the uptake.
Ranma, however, was not slow on the uptake. He immediately ran to
the corner nearest to the table, bounced from rope to rope, and stood
at the very top of the turnbuckle... crouched, and ready to spring.
"Hey, whoa, whoa! Innocent civilians here, Ranma! I quit! I
quit!" Daisuke shouted, waving his arms -- and caught an EVIL NASTY
INSANE GLARE from the young Saotome. 'Nuts to this,' Daisuke thought,
diving for cover behind the Spanish Announcer's Table.
In one smooth motion, Ranma sprang from the turnbuckle, flipping
in the air... timed perfectly, to land back-first onto Shingo, the
impact shattering the announcer's table completely. Ranma rolled off,
only slightly hurt -- into Hiroshi. Not what he had planned. The
three tangled up in the table wreckage, all of them quite battered from
the experience.
Daisuke peeked out over the top of the second table. "Good god,
it's like a car wreck out here! Jack, if I get my neck broken, I swear
I'll haunt you until the end of days!!"
"�Que?" asked the small dog at the spanish announcer's table,
looking up from his chalupa.
A few moments passed, making Daisuke wonder if in fact OTHER necks
were broken. Getting up a little courage, he walked over to the pile,
and prodded it with his toe, ever so gently...
Ranma snapped in reaction, and snagged Daisuke's foot with his
legs. One quick flip later, and Daisuke was in the air, and then
through the spanish announcer's table. The table shattered on impact,
of course, and Daisuke got knocked out cold, off to play with the
penguins in his brain for awhile. (The small dog escaped, and was
fine. Which is just further proof that if you want to survive close
encounters like this, always stick by the small dog. They ALWAYS
survive. It's one of those rules.)
Ranma got to his feet, a glazed look in his eyes... he focused
seconds later, seeing some shape that he knew was his current enemy.
He grabbed Shingo by the arm, and dragged him out of the pile of wood
shrapnel, fetching Hiroshi's steel folding chair at the same time.
The last remaining announcer got up, slowly, groggily "...did
anybody get the license number on that Gundam?" he asked, trying to
sort things out... only to see Ranma, ready to beat on an unconscious
Shingo with the steel chair.
Clearly, the boy was moving on autopilot... but not without at
least a few stray passengers wrestling with the joystick and
stewardesses screaming as the plane dropped from the sky like a rock.
Muscles twitched and spasmed, as he tried to hold the chair over his
head, tried to swing it DOWN...
"Ranma! Don't do it!" Hiroshi shouted.. but wasn't crazy enough
to get closer to say it to his face. "For the love of Lina, give peace
a chance!"
The sound, unfortunately, just woke him out of his indecision.
Then, the music went something like this : WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
WHACK! WHACK!
Shingo woke up. It's funny what being smacked with a chair will
do for your state of rest. (This is the principle behind the official
Ultra alarm clock as well.) He quickly rolled onto his stomach,
letting his back absorb the chairshots as he fumbled his FAQ... it was
time to use the special strategy he was planning. Hopefully the
costume Karin had given him for the PPV was still charged...
"Shingo Power, henshin! Form of... SHAMPOO!"
The costume warped and bubbled... and Ranma stepped back, his
confused mind in horror. In front of him was a cute girl in chinese
clothing, with bouncy purple hair...
Admittedly, Shingo probably wouldn't win any beauty contests and
looked more like he belonged at a showing of the Rocky Horror Picture
Show, but it was enough to stun Ranma. He pulled a pair of bonbori out
from CostumeSpace(tm), readying them... he didn't WANT to fight Ranma.
But he had to stop him, for Ranma's own sake...
"Aiya!" Shingo battle-cried, as he snagged Ranma's wrist between
the handles of the bonbori, twisted around, and whipped his opponent
into a turnbuckle. Ranma smacked into it face first, span around and
fell flat on his back.
"And Shingo with his popular Kanzuki Industries 'Gimmick-o-
Matic(tm)' has turned the tide in this fight!" Hiroshi announced,
getting his headset back on. "Folks, we apologize for the... technical
difficulties, as my partner is out for the count, but we'll do out best
to call this match for you viewers at home anyway! Shingo's advancing
on Ranma... could this be the end?!"
Shingo put on his best falsetto, standing over Ranma. "Ai ren say
I Quit, yes? Then we go on date!"
Oh, wait a minute, Shingo thought. That won't work; Ranma didn't
WANT to date Shampoo. The one he liked was--
His train of thought got derailed by a foot to the chest. Ranma
backflipped to his feet, smacking Shingo upside the head in the
process. He reeled backwards, dropping a bonbori, fumbling through the
book. What form was it, what form... what an awful time to be so
forgetful of his moves!
"Shingo Power, henshin!" Shingo declared, his clothing glowing as
the keyword activated. "Form of... Ukyou!"
"I don't think that'll work either," Hiroshi said. "Shingo once
again showing his unfortunate short term memory in the ring. I don't
know if that'll be enough to put Ranma off his--"
"FINISH HIM, SHINGO!" Daisuke shouted, popping to his feet (with a
large band-aid on his forehead). "Whack the bastard!!"
"...ah.. feeling better, Daisuke?" Hiroshi asked.
Shingo twirled his spatula better than a Scottish heroin addict
Jedi knight twirled a lightsaber. "Okay, Ran-chan, I'm going to have
to get you to stop this now. Have at you! Ho ho! Ha ha! Turn!
Dodge! Trust! Parry! Spin!"
Ranma grabbed the spatula handle in the middle, causing Shingo to
spin instead of the spatula. Shingo flew off the handle, so to speak,
over the ropes and bouncing twice to a halt in the ring. Ranma bent
the spatula over one knee, and then slowly climbed up onto the apron,
and between the ropes... advancing for the kill.
Quickly, Shingo paged through the book. By process of
elimination, this left him with only one option...
"Shingo Power, henshin! Form of... Akane!"
His costume blurred and shifted... leaving him in a brightly
colored yellow fighting gi, a short tomboyish haircut, and a pair of
realistic looking fake breasts.
"I have officially seen almost everything," Daisuke said,
wordless.
Ranma stumbled again. Something in his mind was saying: Look
who's here. Don't you have things you want to say to her?
'Akane' did her best to act the part. "Ranma! You've been a
baka!" 's'he said, hands on hips. "Look at how you've been acting!
Now cut it out this instant. Honestly, I can't turn my back on you for
ONE SECOND without you getting into some kind of trouble..."
"...Akane," Ranma said, wobbling a bit on his feet, staggering
closer. "I just... I just wanted to be the best. The strongest..."
It's working! Shingo thought. But contained his excitement; stay
in character, stay in character... "You can't be the strongest by
cheating! And you're in terrible shape. C'mon, say 'I Quit' and we'll
go back to the dojo and you can rest. It's that easy."
"I'm tired," Ranma said, voice somewhere between a despairing
whine and a monotone. "I want to rest, I just.. I... I... I q..."
Then he tripped on the Gamma belt Shingo had dropped earlier.
Ranma staggered forward, arms waving to catch his balance -- and to
catch 'Akane's hair, pulling the wig completely off. He skipped to a
halt... face to face with exactly the wrong face.
"Um, hi," Shingo said, realizing the proverbial jig was up.
"Surprise?"
".................." Ranma said. And started to glow red.
"DUCK!" Daisuke shouted, diving for cover and pulling some of the
table remains on top of himself for safety. "He's gonna implode!"
Shingo stepped back, scrabbling to retrieve his wig. But it was
too late... the sickly red glow was charging all around Ranma's body.
He hadn't been able to access his chi in weeks, and there was so much
pent up, screwed up, unhealthy energy in his spirit wanting to get
out... he put his hands forward.
"HIRYUU... SHOTEN... HAGHAGHGHH--"
The chi did explode, engulfing Shingo -- but it took Ranma with
it. This wasn't the focused, directed energy of a martial artist but
the misdirected anger of a self destructive man... when the glow and
the ozone-smelling air cleared, both men were down, with Ranma taking
most of the blast himself.
"Good lord, they're both down AGAIN!" Hiroshi shouted. "This
can't go on! Will somebody please stop the damn match?!"
Almost on cue... Controversial Jack started to run down the
entrance ramp. Not walk, not saunter, but flat out run. He had
serious concern on his face, worry etched into his expression as if
carved with a chisel...
"Oh, thank Lina!" Hiroshi said, slumping back into a chair in
relief. "Jack's here to put an end to this! We're saved!"
"Get up, you retards!" Jack ordered Ranma and Shingo, banging on
the mat with his hands. "The ratings are gonna drop if we can't get a
finish to the match! GET UP! GET UP!"
"...I'm not surprised," Daisuke felt he should add, from under his
makeshift shelter.
Both fighters got to their feet... with considerable effort.
Shingo pulled himself up by the ring ropes, a stray hand grabbing the
Gamma belt as he came up... Ranma tried to backflip to his feet, and
failed, taking a crack to the head in the process. He had to settle
for pulling himself up on a turnbuckle.
"...Ranma, just say I quit!" Shingo begged. "You're totally
screwed up, and you're just hurting yourself! Why won't you give up?!"
"I don't GIVE UP!" Ranma shouted back, unable to get the strength
to run over there an pummel his opponent. "I don't lose! Never lose
twice, never... I'm strong, I'm the best, I've always BEEN the best
back in Nerima, and in Ultra, I... I can't quit! I can't stop myself!"
"Fine!" Shingo said, frustration snapping like a bungee cord. He
took hold of the belt... and slid it across the ring, where it settled
perfectly at Ranma's feet. "I QUIT!"
And the bell rang.
"...Shingo's given up the championship! Shingo's given up the
championship!" Hiroshi duplicated. "It wasn't worth putting his best
friend through hell for the belt! That's true friendship in action,
folks!"
"I kind of wanted to see Ranma get pounded," Daisuke grumbled,
getting out from under the table wreck.
"Noooooooo!!" Jack wailed, pulling at his spiky red hair.
"Shingo, you putz! That's the worst finish I've ever seen to a match!
You were supposed to make him submit! I can just HEAR channels
changing over to monster truck shows as we speak..."
Ranma slumped against the turnbuckle, dazed and confused, as he
picked up the belt. The championship. The token that says you are #1,
you are the best... the best martial artist ever, to make his family
proud, his friends, his fiancee...
He did it! He won! Months of work!
He grasped the belt in both hands, climbing the turnbuckle to show
it to the crowd. Cheering for himself, shaking his trophy in
excitement, he realized just how far he'd gone and what he'd
achieved...
...he'd lied, cheated, attacked people, insulted people, beat up
his own friends, beat up girls, tossed his warrior's code to the winds
and generally gotten to a point where he couldn't stand what he'd
become but had too much momentum to stop it.
But now it WAS over. It could finally stop. With a weak laugh, a
laugh of relief, Ranma toppled forward off the turnbuckle, and fell on
his head. The Gamma belt landed a few feet away.
"Ranma!" Shingo called, running to the corner of the ring, and
sliding out to check on his friend. "Ranma! MEDIC!"
"Great. Just great," Jack said, after taking a hearty swig on the
Pepto Bismol bottle. He ignored the medical techs rushing a stretcher
past him, walking over to sulk with his underpaid announcers. "We get
some cheesy finish to the most promoted main event of the season, and
now our new champion has a nervous breakdown. No, I should have seen
it coming. But NOOOOooo, I had to go for the quick fix to Ultra's
problems..."
"I'd say 'I told you so,'" Daisuke said, "But I forgot to tell you
so in the first place. But I would have."
Shingo walked over to the group, carrying the Gamma belt.
"Ranma's not going to be able to defend this," he said, solemnly (or as
solemn as the wacky goofy kinda guy he was could manage). "The techs
say he's got malnutrition, severe exhaustion, and all kinds of bad
stuff. But I lost the belt, Jack. I won't let you just put it back on
me without earning it."
He passed the belt to the head booker of Ultra. Jack held it up,
not sure what to make of it. "Okay, well... we'll... uh... dammit. My
mad wind ninja booking skeelz are failing me! What'll we do with the
belt?..."
And then he noticed his WWVMD bracelet.
"That's it!" Jack shouted. "What Would Vince McMahon Do?"
A superdeformed Vince McMahon popped up on his shoulder.
"Screw Shingo out of the title in Montreal!" it suggested.
"He's not from Canada," Jack corrected.
"Oh," Chibi-Vince ohed. "Then do this..." And there was much
whispering, before the tiny figure poof!ed away.
Daisuke rubbed his eyes a few times. Maybe it's time to switch to
decaf, he thought.
Jack's smile jacked up six degrees. He slung the belt over a
shoulder, and climbed up into the ring... mike in hand. Millions
waited on edge for the announcement... he could tell, they WERE buying
the drama. The 'cheap finish' had them all on the edge of their seats,
they actually LIKED this cheeseball honorable-warrior-friend soap opera
nonsense... if so, they'd LOVE this.
"Okay! The following is an official decision by Your Personal
Sports Entertainment God, myself!" Jack declared. "Due to illness,
Ranma Saotome will not be defending the belt. Therefore, I declare the
title vacant!"
He tossed the belt onto the mat, letting it lie. For now.
"AND," he added, "To determine a WORTHY Gamma Champion, to make
the belt meaningful, we are going to hold... a tournament. Four
participants, to be declared one per episode until the next pay per
view spectacular, UltraRage Delta... each will have to prove worthy of
entering the tournament, in addition to winning two single elimination
matches to take the gold, as the undisputed champion! Shingo! I want
you to be in slot #1. You said you want to earn the belt? Here's your
chance. I think you deserve it after the mess we've had today. Do you
accept?"
"Yes!" Shingo declared. "I accept! In Ranma-sensei's name, I
will defeat all opponents in my way!"
(Daisuke quickly got out of Shingo's way, just in case.)
"Sounds groovy here!" Jack declared. "So, sports-entertainment
fans, you're gonna get four weeks of hot fighting action that'll leave
you glued to your television sets, buying our merchandise, and soon I
WILL be able to afford that seventh Lotus Turbo Esprit! Let's win one
for the Jackster, and on with the Ranma Saotome Memorial Gamma
Tournament!!"
"Great Lina! We've got an astounding development!" Hiroshi
announced. "A tournament for the gold! A champion in the hospital!
What will happen next! WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?!"
"Nothing, the show's over," Daisuke said. "G'night, everybody."
"I KNOW, Daisuke, work with--"
"I told you never to say that again. Until next week, this is
Daisuke and Hiroshi. Now shut off your TV and get some sleep. You've
got work tomorrow, you know."
*
Nabiki walked along the halls of the UltraDome later that night,
her expensive shoes clicking on the sterilized tile. She glanced
occasionally at her companion, nervous glances.
"You knew this would happen," Nabiki asked. "There's some reason
for it, right? I know you don't know why, anymore, but there was a
reason in the first place, right?"
"Hai... an important one. The outcome was unavoidable. But it's
over now, and he needs to go home," Kasumi said, opening the doors to
the medical ward. "Thank you for calling me, Nabiki. Doctor Tofuu and
I can help him now. He'll recover."
Nabiki leaned against the doorway. "Uh-huh. How long do you
think THAT'LL take?"
"...I don't know," Kasumi said. "But we'll find a way."
-=-
][ ULTRA EPISODE 37 RESULTS/RECAP:
][ DAN defeats VOIDUCK, now at 6W/12L
][ CLOUD and NAGA battled to a No Contest
][ RANMA defeats SHINGO for the Gamma Belt, now at 10W/7L
][ Gamma Belt declared Vacant, champion to be determined at
UltraRage Delta
Ed. Note : Sorry for the makeshift episode. The main event and related
side scenes were already written; the rest we had to whip up hours
before posting due to the previous author skipping. Dan vs. Voiduck was
written by W4, and MANY thanks to him for that!
The Aerith development is a bit out of the blue, but given the
arguments and confusion about how to USE the Cloud/Lina plot given
their situations, I figured a new twist might help. If I went too far,
I apologize, I was really rushed for time and thought I'd try to help
a stagnant plot rather than allow it to go by another month without use.