A Sneeze Is No Bar To My Call


  A Wheel Of Time Crossover Spamfic

  By Louis-Philippe Giroux
  <dragon@anime.sobhrach.com>

  I don't know what came over me...  Wheel Of Time is a series created by Robert Jordan.  Read it at any cost (or you won't understand a lot of this)!  the other series, well, they belong to their respective authors...  I do this for fun, not profit!


**** This takes place towards the end of _The Great Hunt_


"It has to be there at the Last Battle," Mat said, licking his lips. "Nothing says it can't be used before then."  He pulled the Horn free of its lashings and looked at them anxiously.  "Nothing says it can't."

  No one else said anything, especially Rand who was now more anxious than ever to go rescue Egwene.

  Mat's hand shook as he raised the Horn of Valere to his lips. Just as he was about to blow it, though, his nose tickled and his breath caught...

  Mat sneezed.  In the Horn.

  The sound the Horn made was anything *but* majestic; in fact, it resembled something like an entire orchestra expiring at the same time.

  Mat jerked the Horn away from his lips , a horrible blush covering his face.  "Blood and ashes!" he protested.  "I didn't mean to do *that*!"

  Perrin was about to berate Mat when the party heard a loud popping sound to their right.  There was a young girl, wearing a ridiculously white, pink and red frilly outfit.  She was holding a short, pink rod in her hands.  There was a little brown creature hovering over her left shoulder.

  "Hoe?" the girl said, confused.  "Tomoko-chan?  Li-kun?" she called out, looking around her.  When she saw Hurin, Mat, Perrin and Rand on their horses, she gave a start.  "Ano...  Who are you?  Where am I?"

  Mat blinked and looked at the Horn with a frown.

  The small creature spoke: "Sakura-chan, I don't think that was a Clow Card's doing."

  The Randlanders blinked collectively.

  There was another loud popping sound and everyone turned, including Sakura.

  The Randlanders boggled even more at the appearance of the new group. Mat and Perrin almost had a nosebleed at the sight of the newly-arrived girls' outfits and the only thing that prevented Rand from having one too was the fact that he was still thinking about Egwene.  Why they all had brooms with them was another question entirely.

  "Takakura-sempaaaaaii!" wailed Sawanaguchi Sae, junior member of the Kitanohashi High School Magic Club
  "Sawanaguchi-kun!  This wasn't your fault!  I think..." desperately said Takeo.
  Aburatsubo looked bored.  "I told you her stunt with the Bell was only a fluke."
  Nanaka frowned at the red-haired bishounen.  "Aburatsubo-sempai!" she scolded weakly.
  Akane looked around and spotted the four people on horses. "Excuse me, could you tell us where we are?" she asked sweetly, giving the natives an eyeful of her costume.

  Sakura was simply happy she wasn't the only one with a weird costume anymore.

  More popping sounds were heard, as well as various exclamations:

  "RANMA!  THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
  "Ha!  I KNEW you were a vile dark sorcerer, Saotome!"
  "Shampoo, my love!  Come to me!" <glomp>
  "AHOU!  It's me, Ranma!"
  "DAMN YOU SAOTOME!"

  "Hanabishi...  You'd better have an explanation for this!"
  "Lay off, Mikagami!  This ain't my fault!"
  "Fuuko?"
  "Not now, Domon!  I thought we'd destroyed that stupid weapon of Magensha's..."

  "Oro?"
 "Hey, what the hell just happened?"
  "Ahou."
  "STOP CALLIN' ME THAT!!!"

  "It looks like the Lucifer Folk are getting more devious, Katsumi!"
  "I... don't think *they* did this, Kiddy."
  "I agree."
  "Thanks, Grospolina."

  "Piiiika?"
  "Brock, where *are* we?"
  "Priii!"
  "I don't know, Misty, it's not on the map."
  "Who cares?  There's *gotta* be Pokemon around here!"
  "ASH!"

  "Hamel?"
  "I didn't do this, Flute"
  "Sizer-sama?  Where are you?"

  "..."
  "Cloud, this isn't the Lifestream!"
  "No shit, Tifa!  Where the *&%@!%$& are we?"
  "YOU tell me, Cid."

  "Whoa!  Hey, Squall, where the hell are we?"
  "..."
  "I don't think he knows, Zell."
  "It was worth asking, Selphie."


   Rand twitched upon seeing everyone beginning to argue.  *They* were the Heroes of the Horn?  He looked at Mat, who kept looking suspiciously at the Horn of Valere.  He took a deep breath and shouted:  "QUIET!"

  Everyone fell silent.  it shouldn't have happened, but ta'varen tended to bend the laws of probability in the extreme.

  "What do *you* want?" Saitoh said slowly, puffing his cigarette.

  Rand couldn't help sweating when he was speared by the ex-Shinsen Gumi's gaze.  There was something really scary about that guy.  Rand shook his head.  "You have to help us defeat the Seanchan!"

  "And the Whitecloaks!" added Hurin.

  "Why?" said Saitoh, sounding bored.

  "How about the fact that we're stuck in the middle between the two and either one will kill us when they advance," Mat argued, pointing to the two different armies.

  There was grumbling in the crowd of new arrivals.

  "We'll kick their asses!"
  "Ain't no &?%#& who's gonna kill ME!"
  "I just wanted to capture Pokemon!"
  "GET  'EM!"

  No one knew who said the trigger word, but with three ta'varen present, it worked.  Half the group (Ash, Brock, Misty, Ranma, Fuuko, Domon, Recca, Koganei, Sakura and the Magic Club) moved towards the Whitecloaks while the other (Squall, Selphie, Zell, Cloud, Tifa, Cid, Mikagami, Saitoh, Sannosuke, Hamel, Raiel, Flute, Katsumi and Kiddy) moved towards the Seanchan.

  ...  It wasn't pretty.

  Battle clips:

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

   Ranma executing a Hiryuu Shouten Ha straight in the path of Vulpix's Fire Spin.  Can we say *biiiiig* tornado?  I knew you could.

  Sakura using the Sword Card to battle a grizzled Seanchan blademaster.  And winning, too.

  Ash desperately trying to capture a Seanchan grolm with a pokeball.  Actually succeeds when a stray magic blast from Sae accidentally hits Ash's pokeballs.

  Koganei using the Kougon Anki's third kata (Kyoku) to snip a'dam cables everywhere while Recca uses Madoka's Kekkai En to shield everyone from the damanes' strikes.

  Various swordsmen (Saitoh, Mikagami, Kunou, Squall, Katsumi) making hamburger meat out of Whitecloaks.

  Cid cursing and using his Dynamite Limit Break with abandon.

  Kenshin knocking people out instead.

  Hamel and Raiel using their music to boost the brawlers (Kiddy, Sannosuke and Tifa) along with everyone else.

  Cloud using Omnislash on Geofram Bornhald

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  After the fight, no one vanishes...   Ooops.

  So what happens?  They have to make do with life in Randland until a solution can be found!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  Life clips:

  Card Captor Sakura hanging out with Ash, who's convinced that Kero-chan is a pokemon and her Clow Cards are mutated pokeballs. Pokemon/Clow Card battles follow.  They quickly learn that doing them in the middle of a village or city sends everyone screaming for their lives.

  Kenshin, Mikagami, Saitoh  and Cloud fending off Aes Sedai who want them as their Warder...

  Mibu's Wolf (Saitoh) discovering that his yellow eyes mean something... different in Randland.  The wolves soon learn that "Death Fang" is not someone to mess with.

  Aiel being righteously disgusted out when they see Mikagami's Ensui (a **WATER SWORD**??)

  Sakura getting into trouble with the AS when she uses he Clow Cards, especially Shadow.

  Recca being hunted as a channeler...

  Brock's Onix being hunted as Shadowspawn.

  Ranma and Recca spar.  Recca quickly learns that using Flame Dragons is a bad idea when your opponent uses a move like the Hiryuu Shouten Ha.

  Some Randlanders wonder why Kenshin is wearing what looks to the like a divided skirt.

  Ash, Misty and Brock disappear for a couple of weeks and when they come back, Ash is ecstatic about the new "Myrddraal", "Trolloc", "Draghkar" and "Darkhound" pokemon he managed to capture.

  The Magic Club and Katsumi Liqueur trying to open a gate back to their own realities.

  Aes Sedai trying to find out where Mousse's weapons come from.

  Selphie wondering why she can draw Magic form channelers.

  Aes Sedai *TRY* to confiscate the Hokage's elemental weapons.

  Ranma boasting to Saitoh and Kenshin that weapons are for wimps.

  Ranma getting his ass handed to him.

  Tifa opens an inn.

  Squall broods.

  The GFs freak everyone out.

  Zell and Ranma practice.  Property damages ensues.

  Ranma picks up an Aes Sedai fiancee!

  Sannosuke asking Cloud if he's got a spare zanbatou somewhere.

  Sakura forced to wear novice white.

  Most of the guys being actively sought out as Warders.

  The Dark One berating Demandred - that's not what he meant by "Let the Lord of Chaos Rule."


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Author's Note

- Hey, it could have happened.  :)

- Series involved: Card Captor Sakura, Mahou Tsukai Tai, FF7, FF8, Ranma 1/2, Ruroni Kenshin, Silent Mobius and Pokemon.  I could have added Sailor Moon and Digimon or a thousand others, but I was gettin' bored.

- Anyone wonder the utter *fun* someone could have by crossing Ace Sanchez's "Pokemon Master" universe with WoT.  A Shadow Master who walks in the Light and a Light Master who serves the Dark (sorta, anyway).  The other Masters could also be a lotta fun.

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Louis-Philippe Giroux   * phoenix@cephiro.com       *

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