Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic][Sailormoon][Dark][R] "The Midday Darkness"
From: Extreme Sailor Mars
Date: 3/3/2000, 5:51 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com, Alex Gray

Alex Gray wrote:

An interesting little read  (I like "weird"stories ^_- )

There are a number of basic spelling mistakes and grammer errors
which would help improve the read if corrected

Could you please list them all? (BTW, you wrote "grammEr" errorz; my 
dictionnaires all spell "grammAr" --- nevermind). I'm afraid there
are several *semantic* errors too.

and sometimes it
is a bit difficult to follow the line/flow of the story,

I know it. I did intend the story to be almost entirely made up of
dialogues, which then had to be "tailored" together by some "external"
descriptions(as few as possible).

but other than that
a nice idea.

Also, I might suggest that you break up the sentences as this would help
to improve the flow.

If I had never read "À la recherche du temps perdu"(Marcel Proust), probably
I would accept this suggestion.

Cheers

Alex

Ja ne! ^_^

--

         MARS EXTREME POWER, MAKE UP!




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