It's been a while since I did some good ol' fashioned C&C. This story idea
shows INCREDIBLE promise, and I'm kicking myself because I didn't think of
it sooner. In either case, I really want to see this story made into
somethng wonderful. There are a few issues I have with this story which are
screaming to be fixed, and I'll address them as best as I can. Aside from
those though, this is marvelous.
Phowah, I hereby offer your story a warm home at www.sofaspud.org. I beg you
to accept.
Anyways, it's C&C time...!
Circle Sky
By: Gie (phowah@cs.com)
Right away, I can see that there's a huge line-wrapping problem. Get
yourself a decent word processor, such as Microsoft Word or Wordperfect. I
personally use Wordperfect 2000, and I love it.
Because of this line wrapping problem, a bunch of those little > get lost in
here, so any comments that I post will be notated with a ****** before them.
Timeline: Well, I guess you could say it is after the manga is over with
(i.e.. Saffron and the wedding) in Ranma, but time has passed and they just
graduated from school. It's several years after Hunter's Moon in the
Gargoyles line. (Although there were no Chronicles) I will end up
diverging from the timeline some, but since this is my story, I have the
right to, ne? Alright, on with the show. Let me know what you think of it!
Ranma, Akane, Ukyou and Ryouga arrived at Jusenkyo International Airport
later that afternoon. As they were getting off the plane, Ryouga ran ahead
and several people tried to cover up their snickers. Ranma called out as
Ryouga ran past him, "Hey Ryouga, who'd think that after all the traveling
around you do, you would be the one that gets airsick! That's rich."
******Hehehe... this is an interesting irony.
"Stop picking on Ryouga, Ranma. He can't help it!" Akane scowled at
Ranma and jogged to catch up with Ryouga to see if he needed any help.
Ranma made a little frown after the running pair. "Now who's going help
me with the luggage?"
Ukyou came up alongside Ranma and patted him on the shoulder. "Don't feel
bad Ranchan. I'm here to help you out!" Ukyou grabbed onto Ranma's elbow
and left the hangar, towing him the opposite way Ryouga and Akane left,
towards the luggage claim.
Another pair also left the hangar the same time the Nerima 4 left. David
Xanatos and his assistant Owen Burnett were going over the plans that they
had discussed earlier. "Now, all we need is that guide. Where did you say
he was going to be, Owen?"
The blond majordomo frowned and looked around. "He said he would be
waiting in the parking lot, with his vehicle, to take us to the springs, Mr.
Xanatos. He should be around here somewhere." Owen pointed in a direction.
"Ah, sir, I believe that is he over there." And sure enough, standing by an
old beat-up Army jeep, was the Jusenkyian holding a sign that read
"Xanatos."
The guide noticed the tall gajiins and waved in their direction.
"Honorable sirs, you Zan-A-Toes?" Xanatos rolled his eyes, coughed and
nodded. "Good, good. Let me help luggage and we be on way, yes? Want to
be there before dark." Xanatos nodded and Owen started to help the Guide
put their luggage into the Jeep.
Meanwhile, the Nerima Four caught up with each other; Akane and Ryouga
(still looking a little green) walking up front, and Ukyou and Ranma
(sulking) just behind. As they passed the Americans, Owen looked up and
barelyt avoided running into Ranma.
"Excuse me."
"I'm sorry"
They nodded at each other and continued on their way.
******<snicker snicker>
Ranma concentrated on his sulking, and thought to himself. 'Why is Akane
being so nice to Ryouga? It's not like he's never been sick before.
<scowl> Why is she fussing over him? It's not like she's his fiancee. Why
am I obsessing over this? We both sort of admitted there was something
between us, and she knows I don't like any of the other fiancees that way.
I was really surprised when she agreed to let Ucchan come along. I guess I
should be nice to the idiot. If she trusts me with Ukyou, I guess I should
trust her with Ryouga.' He glanced up at Akane, a soft smile coming to his
lips. 'Man, she's really gotten to me! All she has to do is smile that
smile and I'm a puddle of putty. Oh, but what a smile...' Ranma was awoken
from his dream of Akane in a field of flowers smiling at him when Ukyou
clobbered him over the head with her spatula.
****** Too much introspective here, and a bit wordy. I'd condense this a
bit.
"Ranma, Ranma! Haven't you been listening to what I said for the past
five minutes? What's going through that thick skull of yours?"
Ranma blinked back into real time and blushed. "Wha? Ukyou? What did
you say? Umm...which way do we start hiking?"
****** Good way to play off Ranma's daydreaming.
Ryouga looked up from the map he and Akane were going over. "Don't worry,
Ranma. I have everything under control." He pointed in a direction. "We
should go to the east."
Ranma sighed, turned and pointed the lost boy in the other direction.
"That way is east...toward the sun, remember?"
****** Ryoga the map reader? Oy...!
Ryouga stammered and scowled at Ranma, while taking a quick glance at
Akane. "Oh yeah. I knew that, Ranma. I was just testing you...yeah that's
the ticket."
Ranma rolled his eyes and hitched his backpack up. "Okay, let's get
going. We want to make it there before sunset, right?"
Akane looked up from the map and rolled her eyes. She glanced around the
airport searching for something. She spotted a sign. "Boys," she mumbled to
herself. "If we want to get there before sunset, how about we take the
shuttle?" Akane pointed at the sign, <Jusenkyo Shuttles: Last One In Five
Minutes.> Ranma scowled at Akane as she smugly turned into the turnstile
that led to the shuttle.
Ukyou looked at the sign, stopped and glanced around again, a confused
frown flashing across her features. "Hey guys, wait a minute, I just
realized something. Isn't Jusenkyo and all of the other places around it
supposed to be in the middle of the nowhere?"
"Yeah, Ucchan, they are. Why do you ask?"
"Then, why does the middle of nowhere have an airport shuttle and, in the
first place, an international airport, to it?"
Ranma shrugged. "I don't know Ucchan. Stranger things have happened.
Let's not question our good luck." So all four boarded the shuttle and
headed towards the Cursed Springs.
****** Some interestingly good points raised. I assume you added them for an
eerie and whimsical effect...?
Just as the Nerima 4 got off the convenient shuttle, the Guide, Xanatos
and Owen were getting out of the jeep. The groups looked at each other in
surprise, nodded and bowed in greeting to each other, and followed the Guide
into the hut. Plum greeted each of them and offered them some tea while her
father handed out some papers.
"These papers are release forms that need to be signed. They basically
say you hold your life in your hands and will not sue or hold me or my
father, the Guide, responsible for what happens here today. That is, if
anything happens at all." Everyone looked at Plum curiously. She sighed
and explained, "They are a necessary evil; we have had to deal with
consequences before."
****** Jusenkyo probably has some really tight lawyers... probably all of
em' Amazons. :)
Ranma and Ryouga winced and started to fill out the papers. Akane and
Ukyou just shrugged their shoulders. Owen filled out the papers for both he
and his employer. Xanatos signed his own name and Plum collected all the
papers and looked them over to see if everything was filled out correctly.
"Now that the paperwork is taken care of, let's see what are the reasons
you have come to Jusenkyo, Land of the Cursed Springs."
****** As if anyone ever needed a reason before... How in the hell could
Happosai or Genma get by?
Akane spoke up first. "Well, Plum, we received your letter stating that
the springs have refilled since the Jusendo incident, and have come for some
Nannichuan water to cure Ranma's curse. We also want to bring home some
extra water to cure the ones we left at home."
Owen and Xanatos looked surprised and shot questioning looks at each
other. Plum ignored them for the moment. "I didn't expect you to be here
so soon, Ranma. I also thought I'd see your father here, as well."
"Well, we could only afford so many tickets, so only me an' Akane are the
ones bringing home the water." Ukyou and Ryouga looked miffed at Ranma.
"Well, it's true! You guys just came along for the ride."
Plum nodded and turned to David Xanatos and Owen Burnett. "Now, sirs,
what business do you have here at Jusenkyo?"
Owen spoke for his employer. "Miss Plum, Mr. Xanatos here is interested
in the genetic properties of several of the springs. How the water affects
a human if it is an animal-based spring and similarly an animal if placed
into a human-based spring."
****** A hasty cover story, I presume?
Xanatos took over from there. "I read about the Springs in an old book I
had bought a while ago. We mean no harm to any creatures or humans. We
hope to do all of our hypothesizing by computer simulations, and in
virtual-reality environments. Plus, we were in the area and thought it
would be an interesting stop on our trip."
The first remark quirked some eyebrows at the two Americans. The second
statement received several inquiring looks from Plum, Akane and Ryouga. The
third produced a massive facefault from both Ranma and Ryouga. "Interesting?
Hmmmpf." Akane elbowed Ranma in the side to keep him from making any
further comments.
Plum thought about what Xanatos said, nodded again and spoke. "Well, Mr.
Xanatos, your interests seem to be pure, so I will allow your passage
through Jusenkyo. Ranma and company have been here before and know the true
dangers of the Springs." Ranma, Akane, Ukyou, and Ryouga all shuddered.
"Please, Mr. Xanatos, Mr. Burnett, make sure you are with my father or me
the entire time while in the Springs area. This is for your own safety. I
can not stress that enough." Xanatos and Owen both nodded. "Now are we
ready? We want to get everything done before it gets too dark outside."
****** Any particular reason why they want to do this before it gets dark?
Xanatos interrupted the Nerima group before they all headed out. "Ranma,
is it? Xanatos, David Xanatos. You mentioned that you have a curse that
originated from here?"
Ranma made a sickly face. "Yes, I do. I fell into Nyannichuan, or
drowned girl spring."
Xanatos nodded, and said, "Would you mind if I saw it? The curse I mean?"
Ranma shrugged and asked Plum for some cold water. "Since I am going to
be cured, I might as well do this for one last time. Here goes!" And so,
for the last time Ranma shrunk and Ranma-chan came into existence.
"Fascinating. Simply fascinating."
****** Zanatos' incredable gift for underwhelming understatement holds true.
I'd hate to ever play poker with him...
Ranma shrugged again and asked Plum for some hot water to change back.
"Thank you, Ranma. I appreciate it." Xanatos nodded to Ranma and he and
Owen left talking to each other in hushed tones.
****** Penny for your thoughts, Mister Xanatos...?
Everyone paraded out of the hut to gather the equipment they would need
while in the Springs area. Ranma and company each grabbed a cask to place
the water they gather. Owen and Xanatos also picked up their equipment and
supplies and went off with Plum. The Guide escorted the Nerima Four into
the Springs. "Which Spring you see first?"
Akane answered, "We would like to gather a cask of Drowned Girl, and then
go over to Drowned Boy, if that is possible."
The Guide nodded. "No problem. Let me show you Girl first." The group
trooped over to the Nyannichuan, or spring of drowned girl. "Tragic
story..."the guide mumbled while Ukyou filled up her cask. Only to be
surprised that once Ukyou was done filling the cask, the spring seemed to
disappear into the ground. "Where spring go?" The Guide was baffled. He
had never seen, in all the time he was here, a spring to just disappear so
quickly. Sure, the springs move around sometimes, but he just accredited
that to the magic of the area. 'Very interesting,' the Guide thought.
'I'll have to remember that for future pondering.'
****** The spring just dried up just like that, eh'? One of Oberon's
children at work...?
"What happened to the spring, Mr. Guide?" Akane asked. "Where did it
go?"
The Guide thought for a minute, and replied, "Spring must not need to be
here anymore. We see new springs form recently. Old ones leave to make
room for new ones."
The group shrugged and put it under the "Weird things to think about
later" file. They headed over to the male spring, next.
The five reached the spring. Ranma couldn't handle the anticipation
anymore and checking once quick to see if he was male, jumped into the
rather large spring. He stayed under for quite a while. Ukyou and Akane
started to get worried. "Ranchan, are you okay in there? Do you need
help?"
Ryouga saw his chance to be able to get in the spring without Akane
thinking him strange and asking embarrassing questions. "Here I come,
Ranma!" Ryouga yelled and jumped into the spring after Ranma. They both
surfaced a short time later; Ryouga pulling Ranma up by his collar.
"Ryouga, whatcha do that for? I wasn't drownin' or anything."
"Then what took you so long to surface then?"
"I just wanted to make sure it'd work."
The girls just sighed and rolled their eyes.
Ryouga and Ranma crawled out of the spring and gathered up the other casks
to fill with spring water to take home. The girls didn't want to risk
getting cursed so they stayed a fair amount of distance away from the wet
boys. After they were done with the casks, each noticed that this spring
dried up the same way the girl spring did.
"Hey Akane, do you still have some cold water handy? I want to check and
see if the water worked." Akane pulled out a thermos and tossed it to
Ranma, where he instantly poured the cold water over his head. He opened
his eyes and looked down at his wet, cold, MALE body. "Woohoo! It worked!
I am finally a whole male again! No more Ranko! No more Kuno groping me!
I'm free at last. Thank God, I'm free at last!"
****** No more Ranko? Ever? That sucks...!
While Ranma bounced around in joyous celebration, and Ukyou and Akane
watched, Ryouga started thinking. 'That means the pig is gone too! That
means I can eat bacon for breakfast again!' Wherein, he started to run
towards Akane with arms outstretched. Akane, seeing the Nannichuan-covered
Ryouga headed for her, turned and ran in the opposite direction from him.
In her urgency to get away, she tripped over a root and started to fall into
a nearby spring.
Akane screamed.
Ryouga, in his haste to get to Akane, tripped over the cask of Nyannichuan
that Ukyou had set down while waiting for the others to finish up, thereby
breaking the cask apart. Luckily, for Ryouga, and unluckily for Shampoo,
the water soaked into the ground.
****** Why was it lucky for Ryoga? He wasn't in any danger of being
splashed.
Ranma stopped his happy dance when he heard Akane scream. He saw Akane
falling toward a spring. "Noooo! Akane!" Ranma dove after her, trying to
toss her away from the spring. He was too late. Not only did Akane fall
into the water, but Ranma also fell in right after her.
Ukyou, Ryouga and the Guide were speechless. They couldn't believe what
just transpired. "Ranchan...Akane..." Ukyou moaned. She noticed they were
under for a while. "Ranma? Akane? Quick! They aren't coming up!
Somebody do something!" But before anybody could react, a pair of bodies
emerged from the deep waters, one gasping for a breath.
Xanatos, Owen, and Plum came running over when they heard Akane's scream.
They stood, shocked, gaping at the two in the water.
Ranma gasped for air. "Akane! Help, someone! She isn't breathing!"
Owen quickly jumped into action. He grabbed Akane away from Ranma and
pulled her from the water and placed her on the ground next to the spring.
Ranma quickly crawled out after her and watched anxiously as Owen started to
perform CPR on her.
****** That's gotta be tough as hell to do with a stone arm...
"She's gonna be okay, right? She has to be." Ranma wailed next to the
unmoving body. "Oh, Akane, I'm sorry for dragging you here again...why does
something always have to happen to us? Please forgive me!" As Ranma broke
down in tears, a gasping breath came from the once lifeless body of Akane.
"Oh my God...Akane! You're alive! Thank God!" Ranma then went over to her
and grabbed her up in a bone-crushing hug.
****** I should think Ranma's concern would be slightly compounded by
Akane's new form. There's a unexplainable lack of concern for that aspect
here.
As Ranma bawled on her shoulder, Akane opened her eyes and coughed weakly.
She gently brought her arms around Ranma shoulders and gave him a small hug
back.
"I'm fine, Ranma. <cough, cough> I need to breathe, though!"
Ranma then realized he was crushing her, and released his grip enough to
bring her face to face with him. "I was so scared of losing you, Akane.
Please don't leave me."
****** Ahh... Such warm and fuzzy feeling. Not to be overdone, mind you. :)
Akane brought her hand up to his face and touched his cheek gently. "You
don't have to worry about that, Ranma. I will never leave you. I love you,
Ranma."
****** (Cough Cough) Ahem. I would suggest that instead of the WAFFy moment
that perhaps now would be a good time to embrace the shock value of their
new forms.
Ranma gazed into Akane's brown eyes and said, "I love you too, Akane."
With that, he brought his face down to hers and placed his lips against
hers, hesitating. Ranma released Akane from the kiss, but Akane grabbed his
head and brought him back down for a crushing kiss that surprised Ranma
tremendously. Akane deepened the kiss and enjoyed just being with Ranma,
alive.
After a couple of moments of staring at the couple, Ukyou snapped out of
her daze. She looked at the two and made a grimace. "Excuse me, guys.
Hello? There are others present." Ranma and Akane broke their kiss and
blushed simultaneously.
****** Again, everyone seems to be acting as if they emerged from the spring
perfectly normal.
At the same time, Ryouga, Xanatos, Owen snapped into reality. They looked
at the couple.
****** Nice try. :)
And blinked.
They looked closer at the two and Plum gasped aloud. "Oh no. What
happened?"
Ranma, Akane and Ukyou looked confused. Akane spoke, "I tripped and fell
into a spring. Ranma came after me. Waitaminute...I, we fell in a spring.
Which one?"
****** Duh, Ranma! Take a look at Akane and find out!
The Guide snapped out of his trance and was relieved that he could
contribute something important. "Oh poor guests! How very, very tragic!
You both fell into Gaagoirniichuan, or spring of drowned gargoyle. About
1200 years ago, a gargoyle fell into that spring. Funny, spring not seen
for long time. This special spring, though. Curse permanent."
****** Gee... he makes that sound like a good thing.
Akane and Ranma backed away from each other and truly looked at one
another.
"Permanent?"
They looked up into each other's face and fainted.
*****
Plum quickly recovered from the shock and started to gather everything and
take charge of the situation. "Let's move them inside the hut where they
will be more comfortable, hmm? Then, once they wake up, we can explain
everything going on all at the same time. Okay, Mr. Xanatos, Ryouga, why
don't you grab Ranma over there and Father and Mr. Burnett can bring Akane
in the hut. Ukyou, why don't we gather all the equipment and start to head
towards shelter. The Springs are not a pleasant place to be in the complete
dark."
Everyone started in on their assignments and headed, as a group, towards
the small hut. Nobody noticed, in their haste to leave the springs, that
the spring slowly began to disappear as the other two springs did earlier.
Once they got Ranma and Akane comfortable in a back bedroom, they started
to make some semblace of the remaining equipment. Ukyou and Ryouga went
into the kitchen to talk to the Jusenkyians. Owen and Xanatos talked to
themselves.
"Owen, can you believe what they fell into?"
"It is incredible, sir. I did not know that one existed."
****** Ahhh... as if to insinuate that Owen has extensive knowledge of
Jusenkyo...?
Xanatos smirked. "Well, aren't they lucky that we are along to help out?"
"It seems to be that way, sir,"
Ukyou still looked to be in shock over what happened to Akane and Ranma.
"They are going to be okay, right? You were just kidding when you said that
the curse was permanent, right? Please say you were joking."
Plum looked up from where she was making tea for everyone. She smiled
sadly and replied, "No, my father was correct. It is a permanent curse. At
least it was when the last person fell into the spring of drowned gargoyle.
The spring has different magic weaved through it. The gargoyle physiology
is also different than most. We will explain everything once the two wake
up."
In the back room, Ranma woke up and rubbed his head. "What fleet of trucks
hit me? I feel horrible." Akane started to stir next to him. "Akane? Are
you okay?"
Akane shook her head to clear the cobwebs. "Yes, I think so. Did I have
a bad dream, or did we actually fall into a spring?"
Ranma looked sadly at Akane. "No, it wasn't a bad dream. We actually
fell into a spring. Both of us. But the question is, what spring did we
fall into?"
Akane looked, really looked at Ranma, and gasped. He looked like, like,
well, a demon! She crawled over to him to get a closer look. Ranma's skin
wasn't the normal tanned color anymore. It had darkened to a shade of
charcoal grey. She reached up to touch his face. The texture of his skin
changed, too. It now felt like a soft, well-worn leather glove. His hair
grew considerably longer, past mid-back, and believe it or not, was the same
color as his old cursed form--bright red. She touched it to make sure it
was real. It was.
****** Red hair. A small twinge of Ranko still left behind. Very nice.
Her eyes traveled around his face. He still looked like Ranma; if you can
ignore the horns that were coming out of his head. The two thin horns
arched out of his skull, one at each temple, and curled down and inwards
slightly at the end. Two smaller horns sprouted next to each of the longer
horns. Her hands roamed over his face, his horns and then his ears. The
ears were longer and tapered to a point at the tip. His eyes were still
blue, maybe a little brighter, but that could have been the effect of his
skin offsetting them dramatically.
Her eyes traveled down his body. She noticed that his frame was
considerably larger and more muscled than it used to be.. 'Not that it
wasn't before,' she silently added. His arms were similarly more muscled,
as well, and at the elbows, a protrusion? She felt the elbow spur and
frowned slightly. "It feels like a bone," she said aloud. She moved down
to his hands, and gasped. They weren't really hands anymore, more like
claws, or talons. And where did the fifth finger go?
She sat back and looked at the rest of him His legs had drastically
changed and looked more like an animal, with the ankles being tremendously
higher than a normal human's feet with a toe on the high heel. His feet had
the same type of claws as his hands, but much larger in proportion. As she
was looking at his feet she noticed something behind him. "A tail!"
"What? I have a tail?"
****** As if he couldn't notice...
"Yes you do. See?" As Akane grabbed the tail, Ranma jerked it out of her
grasp and brought it across his body. It was long and thin, tapering at the
end to an arrowpoint.
****** I personally would rather go with a regular shaped tail. Nothing
fancy, but writers' discretion of course.
"Oh yeah. Cool! I always wanted a tail."
Akane rolled her eyes and noticed something else. "Ranma, turn around.
Look!"
Ranma stopped playing with his tail and glanced behind him. "Wow!
Wings!"
****** It obviously seems that you're trying to write the characters so that
they actually like their new forms. That's all well and fine, but there's a
total lack of shock value here. I know with total certainty if you woke up
one morning with wings, tail, and horns, you definitely wouldn't shout
'cool'... at least, not at first. I can also see that you're trying to write
a romantic moment here. I would suggest writing it so that Akane is upset
with her new form, as is Ranma with his, yet after a moment of shock, they
try to comfort each other by admiring each other's form as you've written
here. Regardless, this is simply moving too fast.
And wings they were. Gigantic bat-like wings protruded from his back.
Akane reached back to feel them . 'They feel like soft leather,' she
thought. 'They're beautiful.'
Black stretched across the frame and the same shade of charcoal grey
colored the wing's undersides. Two little claws were attached to the end
wing strut.
Ranma tried to move them and was able to flap them a little. "I wonder if
they work like real wings?
"I guess we'll have to see," Akane smiled at Ranma.
Ranma smiled back. "Yeah, I guess so. Now, let's take a look at you! My
goodness, Akane. You sure live up to your name."
****** Not everyone knows what Akane's name means, mind you (I don't...).
Akane looked at herself for the first time. She blushed and swatted at
Ranma. "Yeah, whatever,"
Ranma took a moment to take Akane's new image in. Her skin did indeed
live up to her name. Her skin tone was a deep red, almost a wine color.
She still looked like Akane, big brown eyes and all. Her hair was the same
midnight blue, maybe a little darker, but the length had grown drastically.
It now reached to about mid-back. Ranma reached out to brush a lock of hair
away from her face to take a good look at her and hit something hard. "Hey,
Akane--you got something hard on your head."
Akane reached up to feel the top of her head and gasped. "I have bones
sticking out of my head!" Well, almost. Ranma leaned over and parted her
hair. She had four horns growing out the top of her head. They were
triangular in shape and ran down her scalp in a straight line.
"They look like that dinosaur's horns. Stagasaurus or Stepasaurus or
something."
"Stegosaurus, you mean?" "Sure, whatever. They're neat. Ooh! Sharp
too."
Ranma's gaze then traveled down to her ears, which were elongated to the
tips on the end. "Your ears are like mine." As his gaze wandered lower, he
blushed considerably. "Um, Akane, you might want to, um, adjust your
clothing."
Akane looked startled and looked down at herself. She blushed deeply
herself, and quickly covered her expanded attributes. "Stop looking then,
pervert." Ranma blushed again and continued to take in his fiancee's new
body.
****** I would doubt that the spring would embelish Ranma's muscles or
Akane's... ...attributes, but I ain't gonna complain... <grin> I would write
in some more description on how poorly Ranma and Akane's clothing now fits.
I doubt there's anything left of their shoes... :)
Ranma noticed that she was a lot taller herself, and her body was more
muscled and well-defined than before. Her arms were straining at the
sleeves of her shirt and bone spurs broke through where her elbows were
supposed to be. She also had the four taloned hands, and when he looked,
huge four taloned feet were visible. He looked up her legs and saw she had
some bone spurs on her knees as well. "I don't have those on my knees,
Akane."
****** If she gets pissed and decides to knee someone in the crotch, that
could hurt just a -tad- bit...
"Well, do you expect us to be exactly the same?"
"Well, sorta. We fell in the same spring. I thought we'd get the same
characteristics."
Akane thought a bit. "Well, maybe the spring adapts to each person,
giving them their own unique characteristics. Just like if they would have
been born that way."
"I guess," Ranma shrugged. "It makes sense. Hey, look at your tail.
Heh, I shoulda guessed."
Akane reached for her tail. It was long and thin, like Ranma's, but
instead of an arrowhead for a tip, she had a hammerhead on the end.
****** I still think a regular tail would be better, but...
"Yeah, I guess. It looks sort of weird, though. Hey, I have wings, too."
Ranma touched Akane's wings. They were bat-like wings, like his. The
outside of the wing was black, like his, but what was different was the
underside was midnight blue; the same color as her hair, unlike his were the
same color of his skin. On the last wing strut, three finger claws were
resting. "Her wings are so soft. She is really cute this way. Not that
she wasn't before, but she really is this way, too. So beautiful..."
Akane, startled by those words, blushed. "Do you really mean that, Ranma?
Do you think I am cute--beautiful even?"
Ranma, shocked out of his reverlie by Akane's words, blushed considerably.
'I thought I said that to myself!' "Um, yeah, I do, Akane." He winked at
her "You definitely are not uncute." Akane blushed almost purple against
her scarlet-colored skin. Ranma continued. "So, um, what do we do now?"
****** "Find some hot water, I suppose..." That is, until they figure out
it's permanent.
Before Akane could answer, there was a knock at the door. Plum peeked her
head around the door and noticed the pair was awake. "I see you guys have
recovered from your swim. Would you like to join everyone else so we can
talk and answer any questions that you might have?"
Ranma and Akane nodded and started to get up, but promptly fell down
again. They tried to get up again, and Ranma succeeded, while Akane promptly
fell back down on her tail. "Ouch!"
****** I'd add some description of Akane trying to walk on her entire foot,
as opposed to just the edges of her feet like normal gargoyles do.
Plum laughed. "Watch it, Akane. It will take a minute to get used to the
new legs and feet. Plus, the tail will throw your balance completely off."
"Yeah, I figured that one out Akane. It's like standing on your toes and
leaning forward." He smiled encouragingly. "You can handle it, Akane."
Slowly, with Ranma's help, Akane got up and they staggered into the other
room where everyone was waiting for them to wake up. Xanatos, Owen and
Ryouga stood up when they entered the room and Ryouga backed up a little.
Ranma looked at Ukyou, but she shied away from his gaze.
Plum cleared her throat to try and get everyone attention. She had a
monstrous book in her hands and turned to a certain page. "Now, to begin.
Ranma and Akane, you fell, as you can guess, into a spring called
Gaagoirnichuan, or spring of drowned gargoyle. About 1200 years ago a
gargoyle wandered through this area and drowned in that pool. This book
only tells of one time when a human fell into that spring and what happened.
As I said earlier, the curse turned out to be permanent. Hot water did not
affect the cursed form at all." Everyone but Owen and Xanatos gasped at the
news. They just looked at each other with questions on their faces. "Let me
continue, please. Over the years, we have found that different curses have
different temperature triggers. We have not had a chance to find the
temperature which this curse will trigger. Shall we experiment?"
****** Uhm... no. Permanent means permanent. Bring the water to a boil at
300 degrees and it still shouldn't make any difference.
The Guide handed his daughter a kettle. "Okay, we'll start with the warm
water and go from there. Ranma, please come over here." Ranma went over to
Plum and waited for the hot water treatment. Plum poured the water over
Ranma's head. Nothing happened. "Okay, we'll go hotter." The next kettle
was significantly hotter, but Ranma still did not change. They kept going,
increasing the temperature until Ranma couldn't handle the heat anymore.
Finally, they got to boiling. This triggered the change, but with strange
consequences. Ranma started to shift to human form, but he screamed in
agony with every change. Akane and Ukyou ran over to Ranma to see what was
wrong. Ukyou, noticing that Akane got there first, backed off and let Akane
handle the situation.
"Are you okay, Ranma? What's wrong? Why are you screaming?"
"It hurts! It's never hurt before! What's going on?"
****** Putting aside from the 'not permanent' discrepancy, Ranma's moment of
pain should last for but only a moment as the change is usually quite quick.
There shouldn't have been a need to splash him with cold water again unless
he remains in agony while in human form for whatever reason.
Plum went and got a glass of cold water and re-triggered the
transformation. This time, Ranma didn't feel any pain. "I guess the
switching of physiology between human and gargoyle is just too painful."
Xanatos and Owen shot each other a knowing look. They started to talk
quietly to themselves.
Akane and Ranma looked at each other. Akane sniffled and started to cry.
"I guess the curse is really permanent. I don't want to have to go through
the pain of transforming every time I want to revert to human form. What
are we going to do, Ranma?"
****** Ah. Good. Finally embracing the horror. Let's see more of that.
Ranma wrapped his arms and, somewhat clumsily, his wings around Akane in a
hug. "Sshh, sshh, Akane. I don't know what we'll do. We really can't do
much of anything, I guess, except keep on going one day at a time like we
always do."
Ryouga sat up quickly and asked Plum, "What if we just go dunk them back
into the boy/girl springs? Won't that return them to normal?"
Everyone started to talk excitedly. Plum butted in before things got out
of hand. "Actually, Akane could get cured if there was any Nyannichuan
left, but Ranma is permanently a gargoyle. The water only works three
times. Ranma has been dunked three times, so Nannichuan will not work.
Akane has only been dunked twice, so she still has a chance."
****** You obviously have plans for Akane to be cured some time later on. If
you actually don't, don't get cryptic with "Can only be cured three times"
and whatnot. Just answer the question with "No, you're outta luck."
Ukyou said, "We have Nyannichuan in one of the casks. We were going to
bring it back for Shampoo, but let's use it now."
Ryouga turned pale. "Um...we don't have any girl spring water anymore,
Ukyou. When I tried to go after Akane, I tripped over the cask, and I sorta
broke it. The water soaked into the ground. I'm really, really, sorry,
Akane."
Akane looked like she was about to cry again. Plum also spoke. "Also
remember, the springs dried up after the water was gathered. We can't go
back into the Springs and gather more. I'm sorry, Ranma, Akane. There is
no cure."
At this point Xanatos and Owen finished discussing things and Xanatos
cleared his throat. "Excuse me, Akane, Ranma, but I think we have a
solution for you, or at least something you can consider." Everyone looked
to David Xanatos with a question. "We, Owen and myself, actually happen to
know a little bit about your new species. It didn't shock as much as the
others when you popped out of the spring as gargoyles. Being from New York
has somewhat dulled us on the extraordinary." Owen just nodded.
****** "We're offering you a once in a lifetime opportunity to join the
exclusive Manhattan Gargoyles clan! That's right, you'll be afforded
luxurious accomodations at... <WHAP!>" Hehehe...
"Isn't New York where the gargoyle sightings reported in the news
happened?" Ukyou wondered aloud.
"You are correct. I have had personal experience with the gargoyles in
New York. They, in fact, live with me at my castle. Castle Wyvern, on top
of the Aerie Building."
Everyone just gaped at the two Americans. They couldn't believe what was
happening. Millions of questions were flying between the Nerima 4. 'Did he
actually know other gargoyles? Why was he offering up this information?
Why was he at Jusenkyo right when they needed him? Is he for real?'
Xanatos interpreted their unbelieving looks and continued. "Yes, it is
true. I am in association with the Manhattan clan of gargoyles. Actually,
I am the one responsible for them coming to New York. They are originally
from Scotland. That is a whole other story which I will not go into detail
now. But, like I said, I may have a solution for you, but will have to
discuss it with others first. Owen, if you don't mind, can answer any
questions about the gargoyle physiology and what-not, while I contact the
others." Owen nodded, and Xanatos left to the back room to make a phone
call.
"Of course, Mr. Xanatos. I am happy to answer any questions that you might
have." Owen looked at his watch and saw it was about a two hours to
sunrise. "I had better explain some certain details before it's too late."
"What would those be, Mr. Burnett?" asked Akane. Ranma looked
concernedly at Akane and listened closer.
Owen continued. "As you can tell, it is nighttime now. But at sunrise,
the gargoyle physiology goes into statsis."
Ranma looked confused. "Statsis? You mean asleep."
"That's right. But, there is a special condition surrounding this.
Gargoyles, at night, are living and breathing flesh, but during day, they
turn into stone; statues if you will. They remain in the stone state until
sunset that night." Everyone around them gasped except for the Jusenkyians.
Akane and Ranma looked ashen; Ryouga and Ukyou looked sick.
****** I bet if you were told something like that you'd flip out. Whenever
you come up with these situations, ask yourself this: "If it were to happen
to me or my friend, how would I react?"
Plum sighed. "I read about that in the book. It seemed impossible to
believe, but why would the book lie?"
"Yes, it is true. I have witnessed this numerous times over the years and
it is perfectly natural to the gargoyles and to their constitutions.
Actually, they welcome the stone hibernation because it heals the wounds of
the day and makes them feel visibly and mentally refreshed. The 'Stone
Cure-All' they call it."
Akane asked, "Are gargoyles sentient beings? Like humans? I was
wondering, because they are animal in nature, aren't they, um..we? I
thought maybe the spring gave us special abilities."
"Yes, Akane, gargoyles are sentient beings. Most are very intelligent,
and have IQ's in the same range as normal humans. Although there are animal
characteristics that are apparent at certain times."
Ryouga spoke up. "Like when?"
"When they are in a battle mode. Their eyes will light up; white for
males, red for females, and tend to growl and roar and attack with their
talons. Gargoyles are raised at an early age to be warriors, to hunt and to
protect the clan. But maybe we should continue this conversation later.
Mr. Xanatos hopefully has returned with some good news."
****** This is good background information for people who are new to the
Gargoyles series, but again it's a bit too wordy and overdescriptive. I
would recomend condensing this a bit.
Everyone turned to the bearded man that walked in the room. "You are
correct as always, Owen. Ranma and Akane, I just got off the phone with our
other companions on this trip. They happen to be some of the younger
gargoyles I mentioned earlier. As I think about it, they are probably close
to your age. We had left them in Ishimura, Japan to visit some 'relatives'
there. They would like to meet you, if possible. They can answer all of
your questions a lot clearer than we could, since they are gargoyles
themselves. Would you want to meet them? I can arrange to have them meet
you in Nerima tomorrow night."
****** "Ranma, Akane, this is the Ishimura clan, your new family."
Ranma and Akane looked at each other and nodded to each other. She
answered for the both of them. "We would be honored to meet your friends,
Mr. Xanatos. If it is possible, we would like to explain ourselves to our
families before we meet yours. They might feel a little overwhelmed by us,
and others might add fuel to the fire." Akane thought silently. 'Plus,
they might not accept us in the first place.' Ranma sensed what Akane was
thinking and wrapped a wing around her. She looked back at Ranma
gratefully.
****** "Well, Tendo, I guess this means our children won't be able to carry
on the dojo. Oh well. We can always adopt. Hey Ryoga, whaddya say?"
"That should be no problem. But, as Owen warned you earlier, it is almost
sunrise and it is time for you to go to stone. I would like to offer my
services and give the four of you a ride home. I will have a jet arriving
at the airport within an hour, and in order to get you home in one piece, we
should get you in the jeep before you become too heavy to move. That is, if
you accept my help."
The Nerima 4 looked at each other and shrugged. Ukyou spoke for the
group. "We would be happy to accept your help. One question I have for
you, though, is why do you care about them? It's not like you owe us a debt
of honor, or anything."
Xanatos just laughed off the question. "I'm sorry if I have not explained
my motives clear enough to you yet. When I first met the gargoyles in
Manhattan, I did some rather unpleasant things to them. They have since
forgiven me and I have allied myself to their cause of keeping New York
safe. To tell the truth, there are not many gargoyles in the world. I only
know of several select clans, and their numbers are very small. I would do
much to help anyone of the species. It would be inhuman of me not to."
****** Those are definitely not his only reasons...
"I guess that's okay," Ranma responded. "We better get going. How much
time do we have until sunrise?"
Owen glanced at his watch. "We have about an hour and a half before
sunrise. Including packing up, we should reach the airport in just under an
hour. We should get going if we want to beat the sun."
Everyone agreed and started to pack up the remaining Nannichuan casks to
take home and the rest of the equipment. Ranma went over to Ukyou and tried
to start a conversation. Ukyou started at Ranma's contact with her and
backed away.
"Ucchan? What's wrong? You haven't said much throughout the night. Is
there anything bothering you?"
"Oh umm..Ranch-Ranma...I'm just trying to take all of this in. A lot has
happened, you know?"
Ranma rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, I know that pretty well. It's
sort of hard to believe all of this is happening so fast. But we have been
through worse, haven't we? I know we'll get through this one as well."
"Yeah, I guess. So, Ranma...umm..You were pretty close there with Akane
for awhile. I thought you didn't like her that way?"
Ranma started to blush, and quickly tried to take control of this
emotions. "Well, you know, after the wedding and the other things that was
going on, we have been getting along much better. We have been more open
and honest with our feelings toward each other." 'I think we proved that
back at the spring, ' Ranma thought silently. "Now, something else really
bad happened, and I am trying to get used to it as well as Akane. I have
the advantage on this one. She's never had a new body before. I have, but
now this time, this is my real body. At least I don't have to worry about
switching forms all the time and changing in the wrong place. There is no
cure. I have to get used to that early so I can help Akane accept it as
well."
****** This is a conclusion Ranma needs to come to in a chapter later on
down the road. I'm beating a dead horse here, but you're moving way too
fast. Patience is the key.
Ukyou pondered over Ranma's explanation but still asked, "Please tell me
the truth, Ranma. And I really mean The Truth. Do you love Akane? Really,
truly and deeply? Don't dodge the question. The Truth."
Ranma wasn't expecting THAT question. He thought about it and blushed a
red as deep as Akane. He bowed his head and Ukyou almost didn't hear his
answer. "Yes," he whispered. "Yes I do, Ukyou. Very much so. I hope you
can understand."
Ukyou looked defeated and hung her head lower than Ranma did. She sighed
and turned away from Ranma. "I do understand, Ranma. I've been watching
you two for a while now, and have seen your love for each other grow. I
came along on this trip to see if I could drive you two apart, but that's
not going to happen. I...this is hard for me, Ranma, so bear with me.
I...I release you from our engagement, Ranma. This is for the best, and I
think you realize that too." Ukyou looked up at Ranma, wiping the tears
away from her eyes with her sleeve. She weakly smiled at Ranma and gave him
a wink. "Besides, I don't think we are really compatible anymore."
****** Okay, now it's Ukyo that's moving way too fast here. You really need
to dig deeper into the minds of the characters and try to understand how
they'd react to each situation. The story is well thought out, character
interaction/reaction needs a hellva lot of work.
Ranma blushed once more, and then impulsively grabbed Ukyou in a big bear
hug, wings and all. "Thank you, Ucchan. I hope we can still remain
friends."
Ukyou grimaced at the hug, and then at the mention of being friends.
"Sure Ranchan. I will always be your friend. Can you release me now? I'm
not used to the talons and wings yet. They are sort of intimidating."
Ranma released Ukyou, and brought his tail up to his hands. "Yeah, I know
what you mean. I still am not used to them, and they're mine!" Both
laughed a little at this and returned to packing up their supplies.
*****
Soon, the jeep was packed up and everyone was ready to go. They all piled
into the jeep, waved goodbye to Plum, and were off to the airport.
While in the vehicle, Akane talked to Ranma. "I saw you talking with
Ukyou before. What was that all about?"
"I was worried about her. She hasn't said much since the dip in the
spring and I wanted to see what was up."
"And what did she say?"
"She said she was trying to get used to the change and we talked a little.
She also released me from our engagement, Akane."
Akane looked startled. "Really, Ranma? That's a big surprise. Did she
give a reason?"
Ranma thought about how he could answer that question. He decided on the
truth. "Yeah, she said that we weren't compatible anymore, and she's seen
something growing between us lately. I think she's right about that, Akane.
Do..do you think so too?"
Akane looked into Ranma's face. "Yes, I think she's right. We have been
getting along really well lately. I want that to continue, Ranma." She
looked down a little. "Plus, I kind of liked that kiss earlier. I'd really
like that to continue, too."
Ranma gave Akane a lopsided smile. "Yeah, I liked that, too." He pulled
her closer to him, and she rested her head on his shoulder.
The jeep pulled up to a hangar, where a black jet was waiting for them
with the Xanatos Enterprises logo. They all piled out of the vehicle and
started to unload their equipment. Owen turned around and addressed the
Nerima 4. "The jet is already here and waiting. We can take off after we
gather all the equipment into the cargohold. Akane, Ranma, you might want
to board now and get comfortable. Sunset is 20 minutes."
Ukyou looked at the jet. "Xanatos Enterprises...Now I remember where I
have heard that name before. You're one of the richest men in the world,
aren't you?"
Xanatos turned to Ukyou and bowed. "You are right, my fair lady. I do
have a rather large bank account." He winked at her. "I try not to let
that get in my way."
Ranma and Akane followed Owen into the jet and got ready for the ride
home. Akane hesitated, and then inquired to Owen, "Mr., Burnett, about
this stone thing. Does it hurt when we go under? If we're stone, how do
we breathe?"
****** This is good... Ranma and Akane are curious, if not scared, about
what 'being stoned' is like. Again, I would think that they'd be scared out
of their witts for the first time, but...
Owen looked to Akane. "Well, I am not sure about the breathing part, but
you are statues. The gargoyles never mention having any pain. Like I said
earlier, they welcome the change. Although, when they wake up, they do
welcome the night with a roar. So, do not worry or feel embarrassed if you
have the urge to let a roar out when you wake up. It is 'The Gargoyle
Way,' as one of the older members of the Manhattan clan is fond of saying."
Ranma inquired, "How many gargoyles are in the clan in Manhattan? Are
there many?" Akane nodded at Ranma in agreement.
"There are five original members of the clan; they are the ones that came
over from Scotland. Goliath is the leader and has a human, Elisa Maza, a
police officer, for a mate. There is Hudson, who is the eldest of the
Wyvern clan.
Then, there are the mated pairs. These gargoyles are the ones that are in
Ishimura, visiting the clan there." Owen studied the pair for a moment.
"They are about your age. Brooklyn, the clan's second-in-command, and
Angela, Goliath's daughter; Lexington, a computer aficionado, and Aiden,
once a human sorceress, she turned herself into a gargoyle through magic to
become Lexington's mate; Broadway, the clan's chef, and Shiun, a
transplanted member from Ishimura's clan. Last, but certainly not least, is
Bronx, a gargoyle beast; doggoyle if you prefer."
****** I've not heard of Aiden or Shiun, but Elisa Maza as Goliath's mate?
If I recall, I believe that's something from the fanfic series 'The
Gargoyles Saga' which to my knowledge has unofficially become the official
Gargoyles continuation. :)
Ukyou and Ryouga came into the jet. "Hey guys, are you ready? We are
just about to take off."
Ranma looked at Akane, and set his shoulders. Akane reached and held his
hand in a gesture of comfort. "I guess so. Ready as I'll ever be. Mr.
Burnett, how long until sunrise?"
Owen looked at his watch. "Three minutes. Please make yourselves
comfortable. Don't force the change. It will come naturally."
Ukyou and Ryouga looked strangely at the pair. "The change? Oh, you mean
when you turn into stone. Is that going to be weird or what?"
Akane sighed and glanced at Ryouga and Ukyou. "Yes, it will. Mr. Burnett
assured us that is perfectly natural for gargoyles, so I guess we have to
get used to it." She turned to Ranma. "Ready?"
****** Here's an interesting thought... what would happen if someone poured
really hot water on them while they're stone?
"Ready." He looked to Ukyou and Ryouga. "Make sure nothing happens to us
while we sleep. Being stone, we probably tend to chip easily. I don't want
to wake up with a finger missing or somethin'."
Ukyou and Ryouga looked at each other and nodded. "Don't worry guys.
We'll protect you."
Ranma nodded and stood, and reached for Akane's hand to help her stand up.
"Okay. See you guys in the morning, or evening...I guess." They looked at
each other and Akane smiled.
"Ranma, I feel all tingly...is this the change?"
"I feel it too, Akane. I guess so. See you later?"
"Goodnight Ranma."
Ukyou and Ryouga watched as the stone started to crawl across Ranma and
Akane. They stared in silent awe as the stone inched its way up from their
feet and climbed all the way to the tips of their horns. Even while the
stone crawled up their bodies, Ranma and Akane kept their eyes locked on
each other, until they were completely encased in stone.
Ukyou sighed, and turned to Ryouga. "I guess that's it until sunset,
right, sugar? Now, we get to present the Tendos and the Saotomes with a set
of statues."
****** That koi pond is about to become a river once Soun get's done
crying...
Ryouga looked a little green. "I can tell the jet took off. Yeah, what
are we going to tell them? We're going to get back well before sunset."
Owen came into the back and spoke to the pair still left flesh. "After
Mr. Xanatos and I drop the four of you off in Nerima, I will be staying
behind to answer any questions the families have. Mr. Xanatos will then go
pick up the other gargoyles in Ishimura and be back a little bit after
sunset. Hopefully, that will give Ranma and Akane enough time to adjust
their families to the situation."
Ukyou and Ryouga looked relieved. "Thank you, Mr. Burnett. You will be a
welcome help."
And so, they settled in for the ride home. On the flight back to Nerima,
Ukyou and Ryouga thought up a plan detailing the way they were going to
break the news to the families.
Good? Bad? Ugly? Let me know!
Good stuff that needs a lot of character work, and I want to help out
where-ever I can. If you'll have me, I'll gladly preread forthcomming
chapters and revisions for you, and my offering to host this great fic on
www.sofaspud.org still stands. :) This was probably the most brutal C&C I've
ever written, and I certainly hope you aren't discouraged from keeping this
story alive. Keep working on it! I've pointed out some of the problems in
this, and they do need to be fixed, but don't take my criticism too hard.
When people send me C&C pointing out problems, I tend to obsess over them
and I go over a chapter over and over again and never release a new chapter
because I keep on buffing the previous one. Don't obsess over problems as I
tend to do, but simply work on them to a point where you're satisified
(notice I didn't say happy... a writer is NEVER happy with his work) and
move on to the next chapter. Keep releaseing -something- every step of the
way.
Keep with it! :)
-Troy