Dragon Ball Nibunnoichi R
R as in revised, that is: this story is a Ranma/DBZ
crossover only. :)
Why a revision? Because I was too unfamiliar with
Ranma--several people emailed me complaining that I
had written the Ranma gang very out of character--
and I still had a weak writing style back then.
Now that I've read a some really good Ranma 'fics,
and had more practice writing, I think I'm ready to
try again. The older version of this crossover,
which is still available, has been relocated to to
the Vault.
For the Amazons, I used the Pinyin system to
anglicize their names:
Shampoo=Shan Pu
Mousse=Mu Si
Cologne=Ko Long
I'm not too sure what happened to Linlin and
Ranran, so I just assumed that they went back to
China.
Symbol Key:
'thoughts'
*emphasis*
<sign talk>
{Chinese}
Dragon Ball Ninbunnoichi R(evised)
a crossover by Dot
---
Episode One
---
It was almost closing time at the Nekohanten.
Mousse cleared the tables while Shampoo wiped them
down and Cologne supervised. Shampoo was still
looking very listless, Cologne noted. A week had
passed since Shampoo and Ukyou had crashed Ranma's
near wedding with Akane, and Ranma had not gone
anywhere near the Nekohanten, much to Shampoo's
dismay. It pained Cologne to see Shampoo go from
the bright, energetic Amazon to the moping,
depressed girl that was now half-heartedly cleaning
up the Nekohanten. Cologne knew that things would
only get worse from here: despite Ranma and Akane's
constant quarreling, it was clear that they loved
one another, and it would only be a matter of time
before they married out of their own volition. Not
if Cologne had anything to do with it, though; she
was determined that Shampoo would return to China
with a husband. Of course, she knew that there
existed certain escape clauses in the Amazon Laws,
but she was loathe to use them, especially since
that almost certainly meant that Shampoo would end
up having to marry Mousse. Cologne had to admit
that the boy wasn't without potential, but his
horrendous vision--or, rather, lack thereof--and
equally horrendous incompetence was definitely not
something to be desired.
Cologne's thoughts were interruped when three
people, who she was fairly sure she had never seen
before, entered the restaurant. Upon further
examination, she saw that one of them was an
incredibly short, blue, imp-like fellow dressed in
a ridiculous clown's suit and a round cap that
could have been a beanie had there been a copter at
the top. He was followed by a tall, somewhat
attractive young lady with long black hair who was
wearing what looked like an explorer's shirt,
pants, and boots. Behind her, finishing the trio,
was a dog in a ninja outfit. Definitely not the
type of people one would expect in Nerima; then
again, Chinese Amazons, cursed martial artists,
crossdressing okonomiaki chefs, and underwear-
chasing perverts weren't exactly standard Nerima
fare, either.
The trio sat down at a booth, and Shampoo went
over to take their order.
"Three chicken ramen," Shampoo called out to
Cologne, who disappeared into the kitchen. In a
few moments, she reappeared with three steaming
bowls of noodles and tossed them to Shampoo. The
girl caught them easily and served them to amazed
customers. After getting over their shock, the
three began eating. Shampoo, seeing that the
customers were satisfied, returned to her cleaning
duties.
"A most magnificent meal," the short blue one
sighed when he finished, rubbing his stomach with
satisfaction. Turning to the tall girl, he
commanded: "Mai, take care of the bill."
"Hai, Pilaf-Sama," Mai fumbled around her
pockets for a while before bringing out a small
wallet. Taking out a few bills, she counted them
before handing them to Shampoo, who had by now
finished cleaning up the rest of the tables.
Shampoo stared at the unfamiliar currency in
her hands. "What this?"
"It called 'money'," Pilaf said slowly,
imitating Shampoo. "M-O-N-E-Y."
Shampoo's eyes narrowed. "Shampoo know what
is. But not Yen. No can take." She glared at
Pilaf. "Gaijin think Shampoo stupid because
Shampoo no can speak Japanese well?"
"{Shan Pu! What do you think you're doing?}"
Cologne scolded, tallying up the day's profits with
an abacus.
"{That blue guy tried to pay me with something
that he claims to be money!}"
Cologne sighed. "{Let me handle this.}" As
Shampoo obeyed, Cologne hopped over to the
customers. "Forgive my granddaugher's rudeness,
sirs, but she said was true: the Nekohanten doesn't
accept foreign currency."
"Well," the Pilaf attempted a charming smile,
and failed miserably. "I'm afraid that's all we
have."
"I'm afraid that's unnacceptable," Cologne
replied, trying not to laugh at the Pilaf's
hilarious looking face. "You'll have to work off
your debt."
***
That evening, the Nekohanten's newly acquired
dishwashers began their work.
"This is humiliating! How dare that old crone
make me, the great Pilaf, do dishes!" Pilaf
muttered while scraping away at a pot.
"I heard that!" Cologne whacked Pilaf on the
head with her cane as she passed by.
"Ow!" Pilaf rubbed the rising bump, and decided
to keep his mouth shut for the time being. He shot
his two assistance a meaningful look, and they
nodded back solemnly. Pilaf then turned his
attention back to the enormous stack of unwashed
plates, bowls, pots, and utensils.
***
Shampoo stared at her reflection in the mirror
and sighed. She still couldn't understand why
Ranma was so angry at her for stopping the wedding
between him and Akane. Couldn't Ranma see that
Shampoo, not that 'sexless uncute tomboy' even by
Ranma's own admission, was Ranma's true wife-to-be?
"{Do you still want to marry him, Shan Pu?}"
Shampoo whirled around, then scowled when she
saw Mousse. "{That's none of your business.}"
"{It's every bit my business, Shan Pu, because-
-}"
"{Because you love me, yadda, yadda, ya,}"
Shampoo interrupted testily. "{I've heard it more
than a million times already, and I'm sick of it!}"
Mousse sighed. "{I see.}" Shoulders slumped,
he shuffled out of the room.
'{Damn him,}' Shampoo thought sourly. Mousse
always managed to hit a sore point with his
constant claims of love, especially since they
reminded her of her own failures to snag Ranma.
'{Ranma's even looked at me naked, but not even
that worked. And now, he won't even so much as
come near me...}' Shampoo sighed. '{At this rate,
I'll never be able to go back home.}'
Her sharp hearing picked up some strange sounds
coming from the hallway. Pulling her bonbori out
of...somewhere--she never quite figured out where
she stashed those things when she wasn't using
them--she began tiptoeing out the door, as silent
as a cat.
***
Pilaf nearly wet himself as a large spiked ball
blocked his path.
"Where you going?" The same purple-haired girl
who had waitressed for them earlier demanded.
"Ah...aheh." Pilaf twiddled his thumbs. "I was
wondering where the restroom is."
The purple-haired girl put her hands on her
hips. "And other two need to go bathroom too?"
"Er...um...that is..."
The lights overhead went on, and the shriveled
up old woman bounced up to him on her cane.
She smiled evilly. "And what, may I ask, is
our honored guest doing up at such a late hour?
Helping yourselves to my hard-earned pay, perhaps?"
Pilaf held up his hands defensively. "N-no!
You've got it all wrong!"
Her expression changed to an absolutely
frightening one. "Oh, really?"
She said something in an incomprehensible
language, and Pilaf suddenly found himself hanging
upside down by his feet via the purple-haired girl.
The girl shook him, hard, and his hard-won Dragon
Balls fell out of his clothes one by one, followed
by his Dragon Radar.
***
Cologne felt her heart skip a beat. Those were
the legendary Dragon Balls, the treasures so rare
that not even several generations of Amazon elders
had seen it. What in the world was this ridulous
looking thing doing with it?
"I release you from your debt to me," she told
Pilaf. "However, I shall keep your little
collection."
"You can't do that!" Pilaf answered
indignantly. "These are mine! I spent a lot of
time getting these."
"Actually, Pilaf-Sama..." Mai piped up
uncertainly, but was silenced with a glare from
Pilaf.
Cologne drew herself up to her full stature and
gave Pilaf a deadly look. "If you value your
lives, you will leave. Now."
Shampoo pointed her bonbori at Pilaf again.
"Yes, go, or Shampoo crush your head in."
Man, woman, and dog hurried out the door.
"{Great-grandmother, why are you so interested
in these strange looking balls?}" Shampoo asked
after the three left.
Cologne, knowing full well that Mousse was
eavesdropping, debated briefly with herself whether
or not to tell Shampoo now. She decided that she
might as well: Mousse would undoubtedly pass the
news onto her grandson-in-law, who would even more
undoubtedly try to follow them. It would certainly
save her the trouble of going to Ranma herself.
"{Start packing, Shampoo, and I'll explain
along the way.}"
***
Ranma's right eyebrow went up as high as his
face muscles would allow. "That sounds almost too
good to be true."
Mousse shrugged. "Believe what you want,
Saotome, but Shampoo and Cologne have already
packed and closed up the Nekohanten, and I intend
to follow them myself." He flashed Ranma a partial
view of the camping supplies he had hidden in his
robes.
"So why are you telling _me_ all of this?"
Ranma wanted to know. "Wouldn't this be the
perfect opportunity for you to get Shampoo for
yourself?"
"Because as much as I hate to admit it, you're
better at dealing with Cologne than I am," Mousse
answered grudgingly.
"You bet I am," Ranma shot back proudly.
Mousse, knowing that Ranma had taken the bait,
smiled to himself. "Then I can expect you to catch
up within a day?"
"A day?" Ranma snorted. "Dude, you'll be
eating my dust before sunset!"
Keeping his opinions to himself, Mousse stood.
"I'll be seeing you then." He walked out into the
backyard and jumped onto the roof with one mighty
leap; soon he was bouncing across the rooftops into
the distance.
Ranma made a beeline for his room and began
throwing clothes onto a large furoshiki. He didn't
really believe Mousse, but the mere prospect of a
cure excited him despite the fact that every lead
he had pursued so far ended in disappointment.
After he emptied his drawers, he forced the pile
down and tied the corners of the furoshiki
together. He was about to make a dramatic exit out
the window when Akane appeared and leaned against
the doorway.
"Going somewhere?" she asked dryly, looking a
bit like Nabiki in the process.
"Er..." Ranma's mind desperately tried to come
up with something. "Laundry?"
Akane crossed her arms. "Very funny, Ranma."
she strode into the room and sat on his bundle. "I
heard everything," she informed him cooly, leaning
forward and tapping him on the nose.
"Gah," was Ranma's only coherent response.
"I am going with you Ranma," Akane continued.
"You're not going to leave me behind again."
Ranma finally regained control of his tongue.
Which, for him, was not a good thing. "No! You're
only going to slow me down!"
Akane barely stopped herself from hitting
Ranma. "I _am_ a martial artist too! I can take
care of myself!"
Ranma hmphed. "Yeah, like at Jusendo, right?"
Akane froze, and so did Ranma when he realized
he had not only stuck his foot in his mouth, but
the rest of his leg, too. This was the first time
either one had spoken about the valley in China
since their almost-wedding.
"Things will be different," Akane insisted.
"It's not like we're going after some superpowered
freak."
"Cologne would count as one," Ranma muttered.
"But I don't think she would attack me."
"I don't know, Akane..." Ranma looked away. "I
almost lost you once because I couldn't protect
you..."
"Things will be different," Akane repeated.
"Anyway, my mind's made up. I want to be there
when you're cured." She looked at him shyly. "And
even if it turns out to be a fluke, I couldn't
think of anywhere else I'd rather be than with
you."
Ranma turned an interesting shade of red.
"Uh..."
Akane flashed Ranma a 100-watt grin. "Besides,
I've already packed and I don't want to unpack so
soon!"
Ranma facefaulted.
---
Yet another idea where I ran out of steam. I'm not
really sure where to go from here, especially since
I haven't decided on the following:
1. When in DB is this taking place? I'm thinking
either really early or near the end, both could
work.
2. Who else would find out and join the chase?
Knowing Ranma, most probably everyone, but things
would get really repetitive really fast, and I
don't want that.
---
-"Dot"
Dot-Chan on #fanfic at bachman.newberry.edu (FFIRC Chatroom)
Proud member of CAPOW (Creative Anime Prose Original Writing)
Mistress of Evil Ideas
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"Gendou's greatest desire was to be bitten in half by Unit 01?!?" (A friend, after watching EoE)
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