Please Note: Gundam Wing: Dream Lover (1x2)(4x2)(5x2)(3x2) is
property of Sephiroth, and believe me he/she can keep it. Gundam
is copyrighted a hell of a lot of people, none of which are me.
Wil Wheaton's name used without permission, though I'm sure he'd
get a laugh out of this.
MST3K Created by: Joel Hodgson
MiSTing Done By: Kevin Callahan
Special thanks to: [insert random fanfic author]
In the not too distant future,
Up in the S.O.L.,
Kev and his fanfic pals
have been condemned to Hell.
Their friendly local lunatics,
The Professor and his poodle, Lace,
Have decided to do an experiment on Kevin,
So they shot him into space.
(Leeeeettttt Meeeee Dooooown)
We'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst that we can find (la la la)
He'll have to sit and read them all,
While we monitor his mind (la la la)
Now keep in mind, Kev can't control,
Where the lemons begin or end (la la la)
He'll try to keep his sanity,
with the help of his fanfic friends.
FANFIC ROLL CALL!
Ami! (I should be studying.)
Wil Wheaton! (What the hell am I doing here again?)
Kathrine! (It's all Shadow Stalker's fault.)
Nagikoooooooo! (Damn Straight!)
If you're wondering how they eat
Or breathe,
And other science facts (la la la)
Repeat to your self, "Nod and smile,
It's a MiSTing, incomprehensible to the max!,
Now for Mystery Science Theater 3100 (v. 2.1)!"
<Kevin> Hi, Peeps. Wil and I were working on a matter transporter.
<WilWheaton> Yea, on the off chance some of my memorized
technobabble might actually work.
<Kathrine> Well, who's going to test it?
<Nagiko> How about Lace?
<Ami> How about the Professor?
-Professor- How about you get your asses in the theatre. It's time for
your fic.
[[FANFIC]]
<WilWheaton> WE HAVE FANFIC SIGN!
[Door 6 - Door with the NERV emblem]
[Door 5 - Ukyo's Restaurant]
[Door 4 - Gary Kleppe's mouth]
[Door 3 - Spinning barrel]
[Door 2 - Empty Pocky box]
[Door 1 - Vault. Sign on it says, "Have Fun - The Professor"]
<Kevin> How thoughtful of him.
* All enter and sit down.
Gundam Wing: Dream Lover (1x2)(4x2)(5x2)(3x2)
<Kathrine> o/~ All I have to do is dreeeeeeaaaaam, dream dream dream o/~
by Sephiroth
<WilWheaton> Back, you murderer of Aeris, back, I say.
<Kevin> Da hell?
<WilWheaton> Nevermind.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is owned by Bandai and/or Sunrise.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"My beloved." Heero whispered as he pressed his lips to Duo's. "My
most cherished angel. Promise you'll never leave me. Promise me."
* Ami starts singing Yakusoku wa Iranai.
Duo returned the kiss, but said nothing.
<Kevin> [Duo] Nothing.
He removed Heero's uniform,
<Wilwheaton> and he gave it to the drycleaners across the street. It
reeked.
kissing him all over, then pulling Heero down on top of him, covering
him with kisses. He shifted and they were somehow naked.
<Kathrine> Removing one's clothing tends to make one nakahed.
<Ami> Nakahed?
<Kathrine> Something my English teacher said. Never said naked.
<Ami> Oh, Mrs. K.
<Kathrine> You've heard of her?
<Ami> She's insane, who hasn't?
<WilWheaton> Mrs. K? I've never heard of her.
<Ami> You don't count.
-Professor- Shut up and get to work.
<Kevin> But if we stop talking-
-Professor- Wiseass.
Duo lying on
<Kevin> a lasic surgery table, got his body cut in half.
his stomach beneath Heero, Heero slowly entering Duo's welcoming body.
<Kathrine> [Duo's Body] Welcome, hajimimashte, bienvenue...
"Oh, Duo." Heero whispered in his sleep as he held his pillow to
him..
*****
"Duo!" Quatre cried out in ecstacy.
<Ami> Drugs are bad.
"Great Allah!
<Kevin> Muslim gays?
<Kathrine> Don't go there. We have censors.
<Kevin> We do?
<Kathrine> Yes.
<Kevin> Aw, *BEEP*
That feels so
wonderful. Please don't stop!"
* All make coughing sounds.
Duo, his hair cascading freeling down his back, smiled seductively up
at Quatre as he continued to lick and suck Quatre's erect shaft.
* WilWheaton throws up.
<Kevin> Uhm, and people say he's gay?
<Kathrine> ...
"Oh, Duo!" Quatre moaned as he tangled his fingers in Duo's hair. "I
want you here forever. Please, promise you'll stay here forever."
Duo continued his gentle ministrations, but he made no promises.
* Ami sings Yakusoku wa Iranai again.
Quatre moaned in his sleep as he clutched at the bedspread,
whispering Duo's name.
*****
"I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone after I lost her."
Wufei whispered into Duo's ear as he moved within the braided pilot,
reaching down to stroke Duo's erection. "I love you, Duo."
<Kevin> o/~ Stroke, stroke, stroke the-o/~
<Kathrine> Stop now, while I can still believe you're straight.
<Kevin> ...
Duo moaned softly as his thrusts began to match Wufei's.
<Ami> Tennis kicks ass.
"Be mine, forever." Wufei whispered. "I'll treat you well. I'll do all
I can to make you happy. Please, Duo. Please be mine for all time."
<WilWheaton> [Commercial] That's right, with your talking Wufei doll, you
can have Valentine's Day everyday!
No promises were made, no more words were spoken as Duo came against
the mattress and Wufei came within Duo.
* Ami sings Yakusoku wa Iranai before a hand clamps over her mouth.
<Kevin> Ami, I love you and all, but if you sing that again, I'll
maim you.
<Ami> ...
Wufei's hand closed around his own erection as he came onto the
mattress beneath him.
<Kathrine> Anyone of you make a cum joke and I'll hurt you.
<Kevin> I think you just did.
<Kathrine> *BEEP*
*****
"Duo, I don't want to hurt you." Trowa whispered. "But I do want to
make love to you. Please let me touch you."
Duo undressed and nodded, silently.
Trowa carefully lowered Duo onto the bed. "Do you want this?" he
asked. "I would never be able to forgive myself if I took you without
your consent."
<Kathrine> Consensual sex? In a fanfic?
<Kevin> Hard to believe, isn't it?
<Ami> You people spend to much time with Sean Gaffney.
Duo nodded, then kissed Trowa and pulled him down on top of him.
"Don't ever go away, Duo." Trowa whispered. "Swear that you'll always
stay."
Duo swore nothing.
<Kevin> [Duo; as if the mere mention were an insult] Nothing!
Trowa whispered Duo's name as he thrust against the mattress beneath
him.
*****
"You still dreaming about Duo?" Trowa asked Quatre the next morning as
he made breakfast.
"You, too?" Quatre asked.
Trowa nodded. "I dreamt I was making love to him."
"So did I." Wufei admitted.
"We all did." Trowa pointed out. "Let's face it, we miss him."
<Kevin> I sense a fivesome.
* WilWheaton throws up.
<Kathrine> Thank you so much for that mental image.
<Kevin> You're welcome.
<Ami> You're evil.
<Kevin> Then why are we dating?
<Ami> You're the author, and I want a raise.
<Kevin> ...
"It was unfair." Quatre slammed his fist down onto the table. "He was
too young. He shouldn't have been taken away from us! I know its been
almost a year since he died, but..."
<Kevin> [Quatre] the author has yet to consider homosexual necrophilia
as one of our hobbies.
"He's not dead." Heero said. "They never found his body. He's out
there. Somewhere."
<Kathrine> o/~ Sooooooommmeewhere over the rainbow o/~
<Kevin> o/~ Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight o/~
<Ami> Stop. Now.
"Heero, it's been a year." Trowa said, gently. "Its time to let go."
<WilWheaton> And if it was "it's," it would have mattered.
"Let go of what?"
Four stunned pilots turned to the door where Duo was standing. He
still wore his hair in the usual braid, but he was dressed in the
uniform of a Special Forces Pilot.
<Kevin> *AWUUUUGA* *AWUUUUGA* Have to drive my
battleship through this plot contrivance.
"Duo!" Heero rushed over to Duo and nearly knocked him over in his
hurry to take the braided pilot into his arms and kiss him over and
over.
<Kathrine> and over and over and over and over...
"We thought you were dead." Quatre told him. "After your crash..."
<Kevin> [Quatre] We had hoped you'd stay dead.
"That was staged." Duo admitted.
"It was *WHAT*?!" All four sounded stunned.
<All> HE SAID "IT WAS STAGED!!!"
"Why didn't you call us. Let us know you were alive."
"I couldn't." Duo explained. "I was on a mission that required total
secrecy. I can't even give you the details now. Just be content to
know that its over and I'm back.I missed all of you guys." he
confided, cheerfully. "You most of all." he told Heero.
<All> Awwwwwww....
"Kicho na." Heero whispered as he held Duo in his arms. This time it
wasn't just a dream. This time Duo really was there, in his arms.
<Kevin> And this was important, how?
The others watched Heero hold Duo and a feeling of contentment filled
them. The happiness that had been missing from their home was restored
to them. And from this moment forward, they would do all they could to
make sure they never lost it again.
<Kevin> Kathrine, working on the mail bombs?
<Kathrine> Yep.
* All get up and leave.
1
2
3
4
5
6
<Kevin> Well that sucked.
<Nagiko> Glad I missed it.
<Kevin> I should have grabbed you.
<Nagiko> I tend to avoid things I hate.
<Kevin> Anyways, how are we going on that matter transporter?
<WilWheaton> Ready for a test.
<Kevin> Is Shinji still here from our last misting?
<Shinji> Yo?
<Kevin> Get on the platform.
<Shinji> Why?
<Kevin> I killed you off in Beginning of Evangelion. You can't kill someone
who is already dead.
* Shinji mumbles and steps on the platform.
<WilWheaton> I'll transport him over in that corner.
* WilWheaton taps on the controls.
* Shinji disappears.
* Can of Baked Beans appears in the corner.
<WilWheaton> Hell.
<Can of Baked Beans> Mind helping me here?
<Kevin> Ooooh, boy.
[Ending Credits]
-----------------------------------------------------
"Wufei's hand closed around his own erection as he
came onto the mattress beneath him."
-----------------------------------------------------