After a way too long delay, I present for your reading enjoyment...

************

The Accidental Goddess

A Ranma 1/2 - Aa! Megami-sama FanFiction
By
D.F. Roeder

Previous chapters and other fanfictions can be found at:
http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html

C&C very welcome. Respond either to the FFML or privately to:
dfroeder@flash.net

     *****Disclaimers and Acknowledgments at the end.*****

     ----- What Has Gone Before -----

Chapter 1: Nabiki is passing a boring Saturday by having convinced
Ranma that he needs an alternate identity for his girl form. Nabiki
manages to accidentally access Yggdrasil through a mistyped web
address. As a joke, Nabiki enters Ranma, currently in his girl form,
as the Class I, Category I, Unlimited License, Goddess of Sex. Of
course, it goes through. Belldandy and company get the call to
investigate after Ranma is transformed.

Chapter 2: Belldandy and Urd arrive at the Tendou dojo. Through a
number of scenes and Skuld's arrival, the answer is gradually
presented to a shocked family. Mara and a high demon, Retsujouki,
arrive on the scene, as do about twenty odd succubi and incubi
wanting a good look at the new Goddess of Sex. Ranma also finds out
that she can zap a person into desiring her, as Akane finds out. In
the ensuing chase, the two bump into the collection of nasties
watching from a cherry tree. There's a fight, Happousai gets
involved, the demons (minus Mara and Retsujouki) are banished back
to Niflheim, and Happi gets dragged along with them. Ranma has two
ways of recharging her mana: coffee and tender hugs and kisses.

Chapter 3: Ranma and Genma have their morning fight. Kamisama
summons Urd and Ranma to an audience, as Urd has been appointed
Ranma's sensei in things divine. By making some promises to Peorth,
Ranma is allowed to bring Nodoka along for the ride. Preparations
for departure begin. Retsujouki tries to get at Ranma again and is
casually foiled by Genma-panda. Cologne has been sensing all the
magical force and determines to investigate the matter, rightly
assuming it to be centered around Ranma. Using a transport gate, Urd
and Nodoka depart for the kami-plane, although Genma, trying to get
to the kami-plane thinking martial arts scrolls are to be had for
the taking, tries to go along and messes up the gate, depositing Urd
and Nodoka at an unknown destination. Skuld takes Ranma via the koi
pond. Shampoo arrives just a little too late and splashes into the
pond trying to save her Airen and turning into a cat. Cologne meets
Belldandy.

And now...

====================

Chapter 4 - Innocents Abroad

====================

A tall, avian image in stone, its wings spread in flight and its
beak open in a cry, stood in the center of a courtyard; a small,
nude boy sat upon its back, bearing a tilted urn. The waters of the
fountain poured from the lip of the urn and artfully cascaded down
the feathers of the bird's trailing wing. Drops fell from the tips
of the stone feathers, creating a sparkling liquid curtain. A few
beings passed through the fountain's courtyard, going hither and
thither, their dress reminiscent of times long past in the colder
reaches of Northern Europe.

The passers-by paid no mind to the fountain and spared only a
passing glance to the growing disturbance in the waters contained in
the rough stone ring. The waters were forming a depression, as if a
giant bowl were pushing down upon its surface. A glow began at the
bottom of the depression and quickly spread. The divine pedestrians
did take note, however, of the distant screaming that appeared to be
drawing closer. They stopped and looked around, finally focusing on
the bit of magic manifesting in the fountain.

The scream abruptly became deafening, as the fountain's waters
erupted forth two beings. The leader was familiar to nearly all;
Skuld, Norn and Goddess of the Future, was home. The other was a
mystery; greenish complexion, bulging blue eyes, and bright red
hair. Who was this person? Skuld and her companion floated away from
the fountain and landed gently on the gray flagstones. The companion
fell to her knees, shaking. After a moment, she bent over further
and kissed the ground... many, many times.

Skuld rolled her eyes. "Oh, COME ON, Ranma-san!! It wasn't *that*
bad!"

Ranma sat back on her shins, tiny bits of stone stuck to her lips.
"I... specialize in... aerial combat... but THIS!" She wrapped her
arms around her abdomen. "I'll never eat again. BRRRRR! All that
twistin' and turnin' and loopin'--"

"Hmph! Well, you'd better get used to it! You can't take the *bus*
to the kami-plane."

"Well, why not?! Ain't there a kami for busses?!"

Skuld bopped her on the head. "No, there isn't!"

Ranma rubbed her head, and Skuld looked around.

"Darn! They're not here!"

Ranma looked up, worried. "Mom? Where are they?"

"I don't know. Let's have a look around."

Ranma unsteadily got to her feet and followed Skuld out of the
courtyard and through an archway opening onto a broad mall. Ranma
boggled at the strangeness of the people.

"Who are they?"

Skuld just shrugged. "Oh, you know, gods and goddesses of Asgard, a
few mortal spirits, some deities from other pantheons on business,
et cetera." Skuld continued to scan the crowd.

"Uh... right."

"Darn!" Skuld whirled around and put her fist in Ranma's face. Ranma
leaned back in surprise. "If my sister's in trouble, I'm gonna reset
Banpei-kun's targeting to 'panda'!"

"Hey! Hey! No argument from me." Ranma waved her hands.

Skuld wilted and her eyes began to tear. "And I can't even track
them! WAAAH!! Urd, if you're not okay, I'll never forgive you!
WAAAH!"

Ranma began to wave her arms and run in a circle. "Gaah! Don't cry!
I hate it when girls cry! Oh, please! Don't cry!"

In spite of her distress, Skuld couldn't suppress a giggle at the
sight of Ranma losing it. Ranma heard and screeched to a halt, her
head turned towards Skuld.

"Done cryin'?"

Skuld's smile dropped. "No." She plopped to the ground and slumped,
letting herself go into fresh but quieter tears.

Ranma walked up to her uncertainly and put a hand on the young
goddess' shoulder. "There, uh, there. It'll, um, be okay, I guess."

Skuld looked up with red eyes. "Really, Ranma-oneechan?"

"Sure!" <Ranma-oneechan?!> the redhead mentally staggered. <Oh,
great. Now I'm 'oneechan'. This just keeps gettin' better and
better.> However, Ranma wondered at the warm and fuzzy feelings the
thought of 'oneechan' gave her. Skuld stood, wiping her eyes.

"Um, so what do we do now?" Ranma asked.

"I guess we go wait by the gate. Oneesama said they should still be
on the kami-plane, so Urd-oneesan should be able to get back here...
I think."

They returned through the archway and walked over to a large alcove
in one wall of the courtyard. A gate similar to the one the Norns
had drawn on the dojo floor was inlaid into the stone with precious
metals. The pair sat down outside of the circle, and Ranma looked
over at Skuld.

"I thought you didn't like Urd-sensei."

Skuld hit her. "She's still my sister, dummy!"

"Jeez! Okay, okay." Ranma rubbed her arm.

Skuld stared at the circle, and Ranma's thoughts turned to the cause
of their current troubles. <Oooo! Pops, are you gonna get it! After
everyone else gets through with you, we're gonna SPAR!> Ranma
glanced over at Skuld, again. <Mom, Sensei, please be okay...>
____________________


Akane ran through the house, upstairs, and then into her room. She
shut the door, the broken lock rattling, and threw herself on her
bed, clutching a pillow in a tight embrace. <Oh, Ranma. Please come
back to me.> Akane continued to lay there, her mind raising all
sorts of fears, until a soft knock sounded on the door. Sighing, she
released the captive pillow, sat up, and wiped her eyes with the
back of her hand.

"Come in."

The door rattled open, and Nabiki stepped into the room, shutting
the door behind her. <Need to have someone fix that,> Nabiki
thought.

"Oneechan?"

"Hey, Akane. How are you feeling?"

Nabiki sat down on the end of the bed while Akane smoothed the
wrinkles in the sheets. "Tired. Scared, maybe."

The elder Tendou nodded and held out her hand. "2000 yen."

Akane blinked and then scowled. "For *what*?!"

"The answer to your question," Nabiki smirked.

"I haven't asked anything!"

"No, but you're thinking about the problem."

"Hmph!" Akane turned her head away. "I don't know *what* you're
talking about."

"Right. Well, then, since I've gotten over whatever she did to me,
maybe I'll just see if the new Ranma is interested in me anyhow.
Couldn't hurt. My prospects--"

"NABIKI!! Don't you DARE!"

Nabiki cooly looked at her sister through half-lidded eyes. "Oh? Why
not?"

Akane sputtered, turning red. "Because... because..."

"Because *you* want him? Hmmm?"

"I do NOT love that--"

"I didn't say 'love'. You did."

The silence rang as Akane's jaw hung open. It snapped shut after a
second, but she didn't deny the implication.

Nabiki sighed and repeated, "2000 Yen."

"Grrr!" Akane stomped over to her purse and extracted the requested
amount, slapping the bills into her sister's outstretched palm.
"Now, what's so important that you have to charge your own sister
for it?!"

Enjoying the unique texture of currency as she rubbed the bills
between her thumb and fingers, she said, "Pro forma." She considered
her next words and then spoke.

"What is it that you want, Akane-chan?"

"THAT'S what you CHARGED me for?!"

*SIGH!* "Just answer the question, Imouto, and give me a chance to
get to it."

"Um..."

"What is it you want?"

"Like how?"

"You KNOW what I'm talking about. Don't be difficult," Nabiki said
in exasperation.

Akane lowered her head and studied her upturned palms. "I..." she
whispered. "I... want... um, I... want--"

"Ranma."

Akane jerked, but after a moment, she nodded. She looked up at
Nabiki with a haunted expression that made the other flinch.

"Jeez, Akane, you haven't lost him *yet*."

"'Yet' being the important word."

*SIGH* "Well, if you *must* have him, though I have *no* idea what
you see in him, then *take* him."

A gust of wind blew through the open window and lifted both girls'
hair as they stared at each other. Words of denial and unwillingness
began to form on Akane's lips, but Nabiki's cool gaze froze them
before they could be uttered.

"Little sister, you no longer have the luxury of denying what you
feel or what you want. Things... the *weirdness* that follows Ranma
around has just put him out of the reach of family honor. Now, he...
she can leave whenever she wants!

"If you want him, Kamisama help us, you're going to have to take
him! Make him yours in no uncertain terms, show him that you want a
*real* commitment between the two of you, not just skating around
the issue or following someone else's promises."

Nabiki kept Akane's eyes for a heartbeat more and then lightly moved
her gaze around the objects in Akane's room. Akane slumped and tried
to think, but so much was going around in her head, she wasn't
making much progress. Nabiki picked up a group photo from a beach
excursion. It was, she thought, telling that Akane was not standing
next to Ranma but the other girls were.

Akane finally found something to say. "How?"

"Hmmm?" Nabiki set the photo in her lap and looked up.

"How... do I, er, 'take' him."

The trademark Tendou Nabiki smile flashed across her face. "Simple.
Extremely simple. Tell him you love him. No denials, no waffling."

Akane just stared, fear evident in her wide eyes. "What... what if
he doesn't love *me*?" Tears began to gather in the corners of her
eyes, and she sniffled twice. Nabiki rolled her eyes.

"Then you've lost. But if you *don't* tell him, you'll lose anyway.
At least this way you stand a chance."

"I... I don't... know..."

"Fine, Akane," Nabiki sniffed. "Play into Ukyou's or Shampoo's
hands. I'm sure they'll thank you for it." She tossed her hands
melodramatically. "Sheesh! Why do I even bother?"

"Why ARE you bothering?" Akane asked suspiciously. "Isn't this going
to ruin your 'business'?"

Nothing was said for several moments as Nabiki stared out the
window. She eventually began to smile fondly. "It's been a fun ride,
ne?"

"Hmph!"

"Heh, Ranma *has* been good for business." She turned back to Akane.
"Akane, I make money dealing with people. While it's intriguing to
consider expanding my operation to cover persons from two planes of
existence, I'm not kidding myself. I don't know the first thing
about dealing with the kami, and I don't think they even *have*
money. I might be able to, er, convince one or two to do a thing or
two for me, but once touched by magic... I mean, I might stop caring
about money altogether. Then where would I be?" she smirked. <If
it's not too late already,> she added to herself.

Akane giggled. "I see your point, I guess." She looked at Nabiki and
let a rare fond smile for her sister play across her mouth.

"We've met goddesses and seen demons," Nabiki said distantly. "The
implications are obvious." Nabiki shook herself lightly. "Anyway,
take him, Akane-chan, before you lose the opportunity."

The humor faded from Akane's face to be replaced with worry. "Hai."

Steepling her fingers, Nabiki dropped the other shoe. "And then I
think you might want to consider sealing the deal."

"Eh?"

Nabiki pursed her lips and looked at her little sister
speculatively. "Declare your love and then demonstrate it with the
'act'."

Akane fidgeted, afraid of what her sister was suggesting. "Errr...
what act?" She tried to feign innocence and failed before Nabiki's
perceptive might.

Nabiki, however, allowed it to stand. She sighed. "Make love to him,
Akane. Show him what you're telling him. Seal it. Make the
commitment between the two of you. I think that Ranma's the kind of
person that would, after such a thing, stay loyal unto death."

"But he's a girl right now!" she objected.

"So?"

"What do you mean, 'SO'?!"

"Ranma was likely to keep his curse for the rest of his life. You
can't tell me that you two wouldn't have eventually played around
with his girl form! Those implications of his curse never seemed to
bother Ukyou, and while I don't think Shampoo is interested in
Ranma's 'girl-type', she could certainly sweeten the whole deal by
offering to make his girl-half full Joketsuzoku!"

Akane blushed and twiddled her fingers. "Anou..."

"Frankly, Akane, I think you'd be better off just letting him and
all this kami craziness move to someone else's--"

"NO!!"

"All right, then. You know what you have to do." Nabiki stood and
looked at her sister once more. "Remember what's important to you,
Akane-chan, and remember that it's always Ranma, onna or otoko."
Nabiki replaced Akane's photograph and turned to leave, but another
thought occurred to her.

"I wouldn't wait, Akane-chan, if this is what you truly want. Once
it really sinks in that Ranma may not be able to take over the dojo,
Daddy's going to start wondering who to engage you to for the sake
of the Art. Grab him quick. Take him! Before it's too late on any
front."

Nabiki padded out of the room, leaving Akane to mull over all she'd
been told.
____________________


Kuonji Ukyou sat in front of her grill, twirling back and forth on
one of the stools and frowning. Ranma and Akane usually came by on
Saturdays, around lunch on non-school Saturdays or during the
evening on the Saturdays that school was in session, and if one or
both couldn't, then she was sure to see someone by Sunday morning.
But the morning had passed without a sign of either. She
conveniently ignored her part in the failed wedding, some three
weeks previous, and was sure her Ranchan wouldn't let that keep him
from her... okonomiyaki.

She grunted in frustration. Ukyou counted on these weekend visits as
an opportunity to really pour on the charm and to try to make Ranma
see what he was missing out on. Her twirling on the stool was
momentarily violent before settling back down to a more relaxed
oscillation.

But the fact that she hadn't seen Ranma was only the tip of the
iceberg. She'd gotten a really bad feeling a short while earlier
that Ranma had... left or something. It wasn't a feeling she could
pin down, but it jangled her nerves anyway. To sum it up, she was
not in a pleasant mood.

She got to her feet and stomped to the front entry, pushed the noren
aside, and looked up and down the road. She didn't see Ranma, but
she did see a little black piglet crying and walking in circles in
the middle of the asphalt. Ukyou rolled her eyes. <Oh, just great!
Look who's back in town. *SIGH* Can't let him get run over, now can
I? Probably hurt someone's car...>

She stepped out of the building and up to the street. Looking both
ways, she walked over to just outside of Ryouga's radius of travel,
cocked her hands on her hips, and stared. Ryouga appeared oblivious
to his surroundings, and Ukyou smirked at the soft tapping of his
trotters on the pavement.

"Ryouga, you jackass! Are you *tryin'* to get run over?!"

Startled, Ryouga squealed and looked fearfully up at the woman
towering over him. He relaxed when he recognized Ukyou's face.

"Bwee?!" <How'd SHE find out?! RANMA! This all your-->

His thoughts were cut off as Ukyou picked him up by his bandanna.
"C'mon, piglet. There's an okonomiyaki with your name on it
waitin'."

Misunderstanding her intent, Ryouga began to struggle and squeal.

"Huh? Whatever." Ukyou strode back into her shop.

Ryouga's effectiveness as a fighter was terminally hampered by his
current form and Ukyou's hold. Tears ran down either side of his
snout as he resigned himself to his fate. <Oh, Akane! Now I'll never
get to say, "I love you, Akari!" Uh, wait a minute...>

He was surprised when Ukyou plopped him on a stool and relieved when
she said, "Lemme get some hot water."

<Whew!>

Ukyou came back with a kettle. "I usually keep this for Ran-chan,
but since... Oh, never mind." She poured the steaming water over the
piglet's head.

"AAAA!!! CHICHICHIII!!!" Scalded pink and totally nude, Ryouga
hopped around, fanning himself and slapping his body with his palms.
He finally came to rest in his approximate starting position. "Not
so HOT, next time!"

Ukyou leaned one hand against the counter and cocked the other on
her hip again. She gave him a smoky look and examined him from head
to toe, smirking.

"Well, Ryouga-kun, you'll make *some* girl happy someday."

"Eh?" He looked down to see what she was talking about. "AH!" He
slapped his hands over his privates and then squeaked because he'd
slapped his hands over his privates.

"HAAAAAHAHAHA!!" Ukyou belly-laughed so hard she had to sit down
before she fell down.

"Grrr! You're NOT helping!" Ryouga complained in a strange tenor.

"Sorry, Ryouga-kun, but that was just priceless! A real Fuji moment,
that was! HA!"

Ryouga was blushing furiously, forgetting for the moment to be mad
or depressed. "Um... could you, uh, give me something to cover up
with?"

Ukyou chuckled. "Sure, Sugar." She reached behind the grill and
retrieved an apron, throwing it at him.

"Um..." He opened the apron and held it over his torso. "Got
anything more, er, complete?"

"Spoilsport," Ukyou laughed and got up, but before she got to the
stairs, Ryouga spoke up.

"Hey! How did you know I was P-chan? Ranma told you, didn't he!
ARGH!" Ryouga spun around in order to run out the door. "RANMAAAAA!
PREPARE TO--"

*KLANG!* "STOP PICKIN' ON RANCHAN!"

"OWIEEE, owie!" Ryouga put his hands on his sore head, incidentally
pulling the apron up with them.

*KLANG!!*

"OWWWW!! HEY! What was the second one for?!"

"That's for FLASHIN' me!"

"EEP!" Ryouga hastily moved the apron back down. "Hey! A minute
ago--"

"Oh, hush up! And as for why I know, you were walkin' by the shop
two weeks ago. You popped your umbrella open in time to defend
against that nice old lady, Tanaka-san, and her ladle, but you
missed the guy on the second floor emptying out some water! You
changed!"

"Oh."

"Yeah. And then of course Akane, like a missile homin' in, walks up
and finds you. Sheesh! Can't she put two and two together?"

"Akaneee," Ryouga said dreamily. "She's so nice--"

*KLANG!!!*

"WHAT?!?!"

"Shut UP, already! I don't wanna hear about it!"

"Well, lay off the spatula, then!" Keeping one hand low and on the
apron, he rubbed his sore head with the other.

"Grrr." Ukyou stomped upstairs to fetch Ryouga some clothes.

Ukyou returned momentarily with an okonomiyaki-seller's outfit,
consisting of the traditional shirt and a pair of black tights.
Ryouga looked at the garments dubiously.

"It's either that or a kimono or three. What'll it be, handsome?
Feel like doing an onna-Ranchan impersonation?" she asked, an evil
smile on her face.

Glowering, he said, "Fine!" Still holding the apron up to himself,
he walked up to and through the front entry and then stopped,
blinking. He turned around to see Ukyou with her hand smacked
against her face. "Heh... gomen."

"You really ARE lost, ne? Follow me." She led him to a storage room
off the grilling area. "Change in there and knock when you're
through. Even YOU can't get lost in there!"

Shamefaced, Ryouga went into the room and shut the door.

     ~~~~~~~

Sitting on her stool again, Ukyou drummed her fingers on the
counter.

"*What* is he *doing* in there?"

Depleted of what little patience she'd had to begin with, she hopped
off the stool, walked over to the storeroom door, and opened it.
Ryouga, now dressed as an okonomiyaki-peddler and oblivious to the
open door, searched all over the opposite wall.

"WHAT are you DOING?!"

Ryouga jumped and looked over his shoulder, looked back at the wall,
and then back at Ukyou. "What do you think?! You moved the door!"

Ukyou face-faulted, then leapt to her feet. "ARGH! Why would I do
something like that?! C'mon, Jackass! We ain't got all day! I want
to get to the dojo before I turn gray!" She walked in, grabbed his
hand, and dragged the lost boy out of the storeroom.

"Here! Sit and don't move till I tell you to." Ukyou walked around
behind the grill and threw okonomiyaki batter on the sizzling
surface. Ryouga scowled the whole time, hitching and squirming on
the stool; Ukyou's loaner black tights were creasing into his butt.

"What toppings do you want?"

He lightened up and forgot his discomfort as he realized he was
going to get his first decent meal in days. "Thanks, Ukyou! Um...
anything but pork."

Ukyou snorted and threw a pile of vegetables and an egg on the
dough. Nothing else was said as they waited for the food to finish
cooking.

Once done, Ukyou flipped the okonomiyaki onto a plate and slid it in
front of her customer. "By the way, where's your pack?"

"Ummm, I don't know."

<Well, so much for paying his way. The things I do for Ranma and his
friends...>

Ryouga tore a piece of okonomiyaki off and put it into his mouth,
chewing slowly. "So, um, Ukyou, how are things?"

Her arms crossed, she shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

"Seen much of Ranma, lately?" he mumbled around his mouthful.

Her expression darkened. "Not really."

"Oh." Ryouga took another bite. "He, uh, hasn't been mean to you or
anything, has he? Since the wedding, I mean."

She looked at him like he'd grown horns to go with the fangs.
"Whadda ya mean, 'mean' to me? Why would he do that?!"

Ryouga blanched. "Um, well, you did help to wreck it and all. He
might not--"

*KLANG!!!*

"OWWW!!! LAY OFF, WILL YA?!?!"

Ukyou started another overhead swing, but Ryouga was ready. As the
wide end of the weapon drew near, he dodged to one side and peeled
off one of his bandannas, the sharpened cloth slicing through the
spatula's handle. The business end of the spatula clattered to the
floor, and Ukyou stared at it dumbly while Ryouga smirked. His smirk
disappeared as she started beating him over the head with the
handle.

"THAT WAS MY LAST ONE, JACKASS!! AND THEY AIN'T CHEAP!!!"

Ukyou chased Ryouga around the restaurant for some time, continuing
to add lumps to his already growing collection and eloquently
proving that a giant spatula has more than one business end.
____________________


White marble, black marble; a black circular design inlaid on a
field of creamy white. Tall, fluted columns ran in a line tangent to
the edge of the design, capped with a continuous marble header, and
small marble park benches of an early Mediterranean design flanked
the inlay at a short distance to either side.

A crystal azure sky provided the background for the view between the
columns, and if one should turn completely around, one would see
that the columns enclosed an immense rectangular area, so large that
one had to squint to clearly see the far side. In the center of the
area, a large reflecting pool mirrored the blue of the sky. A wide
mall surrounded the pool and separated it from the columns.

Those of an imaginative bent might see, in ghostly superimposition,
figures of legend populating the grounds. Here, Socrates engaged in
dialogues with students and the intellectual. There, Plato, in
heated discussion over the nature of political structure. And isn't
that Oedipus, walking with his wife? Bold Odysseus is walking up,
demanding to know the reason for your presence.

What you got instead was a white-haired, bronze-skinned woman in an
enticing blue robe trimmed in gold, and an attractive Japanese woman
with copper-colored hair, wearing her finest in traditional attire,
appearing in the design described by the inlaid black marble.

"Oh, just WONderful! Olympus! I do NOT need to be here!" Grumbling,
Urd marched over to a clear space of white marble, rummaged around
the inside of one flap of her robe, pulled out a black grease
pencil, and stooped down to begin drawing. "I'm gonna FRY that panda
of a husband of yours!"

Hesistantly, Nodoka followed her guide out of the arrival gate and
sat down on one of the benches.

"Urd-sama, where did you say we were?"

"Eh?" Urd looked up, blinking. "Oh, Olympus. The Greek pantheon, you
know? Say, if you see a guy with little wings on his feet, tell me."

"Ummm, all right. Why?"

Urd stopped and gazed into space as she said. "Hermes and company, a
game of strip mancala, and beyond that, you don't want to know.
Sheesh! One peek of flesh, and the Greeks grow four more arms." <And
Hermes is a fast mover to begin with... Gag. Little wimp.>

"Now, I need to work on this. Hopping from pantheon to pantheon
isn't terribly difficult, but it still requires a gate, so I'd
better get to it."

Nodoka nodded and looked around. The structure appeared to be empty.
She rose from the bench and walked to the edge of the reflecting
pool, looking into the water. She frowned; something was wrong.

"Oh!" She couldn't see her reflection! She could see the building
reflected, but no sign of her own face. Further musings were cut off
by a flash of light to her right. Nodoka jumped and looked up to see
a largish man with curly golden hair dressed in bed sheets. She
blushed and turned away.

"Ah! A mortal hath come to visit."

Another flash and another curly-haired male in bed sheets
approached. "Oh, it's been so long..."

Flash. Flash. Flash-flash. Before she knew it, Nodoka was surrounded
by a small mob of curly heads... and the occasional feminine hairdo
representing those goddesses of flexible tastes.

"Pretty lady, come try the wine..." "Mistress, the grapes are in
season..." "Roast boar is the only..." "You are so beautiful..."
"You have no idea how boring it is..." "Seeing the same old
faces..." "Millennia in, millennia out..."

Nodoka, lightly embarrassed at the compliments, hid her face behind
a sleeve of her kimono and looked back and forth at the men and
boggled at the words of entreaty from the occasional woman.

"You must come see my rooms..." "No, mine are the most beautiful..."
"But not as beautiful as you..." "Your beauty brings me such
pleasure..." "The pleasure I can show you..." "My bed is of the
finest..." "Silk sheets, enchanted to bring you to..." "Following
the ancient methods of pleasuring..." "Pleasure..." "Pain..."
"Clouds..." "Rain..."

Poor Nodoka was now becoming seriously embarrassed by the changed
nature of the entreaties, especially those from the women. She was
also starting to become angry. All conversation ceased when a flash
of lightning and a crack of thunder heralded a new arrival.

Off to the side, Urd mumbled to herself as she neared the halfway
point in completing the gate. "Juuust great. *He* would have to show
up. King of Gods, my rear end. King of Philanderers, more like
it..."

The gathered deities parted to allow Zeus clear passage to their
visitor. He was taller than the rest by at least a foot. Snow-white
hair crowned his head, and a full, white beard reached to his waist.
His over-defined musculature could not be hidden by the garments
draped loosely over his form, and Nodoka suddenly found her
breathing to be slightly labored. Zeus' voice boomed throughout the
area.

"WHAT RARE AND FAIR FOREIGN FLOWER HATH ASCENDED TO GRACE THE HALLS
OF MIGHTY OLYMPUS? BUT HOLD! 'TIS NO SPIRIT, BUT MORTAL WOMAN!"

Zeus took Nodoka's hand and kissed it. <Hmmm. The Age of Heroes is
long past, but I may yet beget another.>

"AND SUCH A PASSING FINE EXAMPLE OF THOSE WHO WALK THE EARTH. THY
BEAUTY HATH NO PEER, IN THIS WORLD OR ANOTHER. COME, MY DEAR, BY
WHAT NAME ARE THEE CALLED?" <Yea, she will do fine.>

"No-No-Nodoka."

"'TIS A PASSING STRANGE NAME, BUT IT SUITS THEE WELL. NOW, DEAREST
NODAKO--"

"Anou, i-i-it's Nodoka."

"QUITE, QUITE. NOW, DEAREST NAKOKO--"

"Nodoka," repeated the slightly annoyed woman.

Zeus furrowed his brow. "WHATEVER. THE MIGHTY ZEUS HATH A REQUEST
FIT ONLY FOR THINE EARS."

To the Saotome matriarch's surprise, Zeus bent forward and whispered
in her ear. Over the course of the next twenty seconds, Nodoka
turned pink, then red, then purple. She jerked back.

"Sir! I am a married woman!"

"SO?" Zeus flashed a grin filled with pearly teeth.

Nodoka's mouth worked and a fine blossoming of anger grew upon her
face. <Oh! The NERVE!> She threw her arm back, palm open, ready to
slap the smile off the face of the ruler of Olympus, but she never
got the chance. Someone had grabbed her arm. Her head whipped around
and she saw Urd, a forced smile on her face.

"Time to go," she said tightly and pulled Nodoka out through the
gathering of Olympians. She dragged her into the grease-pencil gate,
mumbled a few words of Old Norse, and they vanished.

Zeus stood there blinking until--

"HUSBAND!!!" A tallish woman in fine, gold-trimmed robes walked up,
fire in her eyes.

Zeus flinched, and then turned around with a sickly smile.

"HERA, MY DEAR. HEH. 'TIS PASSING FINE TO--"

"DON'T 'PASSING FINE' ME! I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID TO THAT, THAT
*MORTAL*!! YOUR DAYS OF BED-HOPPING ARE *OVER*!!"

"DEAREST HERA-- URK!!!"

Hera had grabbed Zeus' beard and was dragging him off. A flash of
light, and they vanished. The spectating gods and goddesses shrugged
for lost opportunity, and in a series of flashes, they vanished as
well, back to wherever they had come from and to whatever they had
been doing, boring or otherwise.

The enormous structure was once again devoid of life... or was it?
The ghost of a Greek man appeared, a woman draped on his arm.
"You're NOT my mother, I don't care what you say! I would NEVER
marry my mother!"

The woman sighed, kissed him on the cheek, and gave up. "As you
say..."
____________________


After a visit to the furo, Shampoo slipped into some dry clothing
left at the Tendou's from some previous, failed effort to woo her
husband. <Oooo, that Ranma! The things I go through...> She sashayed
into the tearoom and sat next to her great-grandmother, who was
speaking as she entered.

"Now, Belldandy-sama, please tell us what exactly is going on. Am I
to understand that the Groom is a goddess?"

Shampoo started, and then looked at everyone to see if some joke
were being played at her expense. The people around the table
consisted of Belldandy, Kasumi, Soun, Cologne, and Shampoo. Keiichi
had left after the travel party departed for the kami-plane; duty to
the NIT Motor Club called. Genma was nowhere to be found. Nabiki had
walked in and plopped down on the other side of Kasumi from
Belldandy during Cologne's question. She was idly playing with a
1000-yen bill. Also, Kasumi was serving tea to everyone.

Belldandy took her cup. "Arigatou gozaimasu, Kasumi-san."

"Of course." Kasumi smiled sunnily.

Belldandy sipped and then looked up at Kasumi with a broad smile.
"Darjeeling! How did you know?"

Kasumi stopped and considered. "It just... seemed right."

"It's quite delicious and brewed just right!"

"Why, thank you, Belldandy-sama!" Kasumi beamed.

"Please, Kasumi-san, just Belldandy," she beamed back.

"You honor me--"

"Ahem," Cologne interrupted. The other attendees were beginning to
sunburn from all the good vibes, and Nabiki felt positively queasy.

Belldandy was abashed. "Gomen. Anou... what was the question?"

"Ranma?" Cologne supplied.

"Oh, yes. You see, Ranma-chan is the new Goddess of Sex. Well,
trainee, that is."

Shampoo boggled, while Cologne said, "And how did such a...
'miracle' come to pass?"

Belldandy put her cup down and clasped her hands in her lap. "It
seems Tendou-san," she gestured at Nabiki, and Cologne looked at her
while Shampoo glared, "accidentally accessed Yggdrasil from her
computer."

Shampoo scrunched up her nose. "What Ygg-- Ygg--"

"Yggdrasil. It's Heaven's mainframe computer, to put it in simple
terms. Oh, my, but it's made life easier, let me tell you! Anyway,
would you take it from here, Tendou-san?"

Nabiki jumped and then muttered, "Well... hmmm... I, er, entered
Ranma's information and sent it in."

Everyone was silent for a moment, until Cologne finally asked, "And
the Goddess of Sex?"

*COUGH, COUGH* "That's, um, how I listed him-- her." Pause. "It was
a joke," she said in a small voice.

Cologne sighed and closed her eyes. <I'm too old for this crap.>
"From small actions come unexpected results," she intoned.

Belldandy nodded strongly in affirmation. "That is right."

Cologne opened her eyes. "What does this change in status mean for
the rest of us?"

"How do you mean?"

The Amazon matriarch rested a consoling hand on Shampoo's shoulder.
"Ranma is, according to the laws of our tribe, married to my
great-granddaughter, since he defeated her in combat. However, the
marriage has yet to be consummated or even acknowledged by him and
many other concerned parties. In light of that, we've been
comporting ourselves as though Shampoo and Ranma are affianced...
somewhat."

A look of confusion settled on Belldandy's face. "Anou... I thought
Ranma-chan was engaged to Akane-san."

Kasumi's left eye ticked, but the smile remained on her face. "Ranma
has two official engagements, one of which is to Akane, both
arranged by her father, and she has the, ah, arrangement with
Shampoo. Fortunately, Ranma was able to resolve the other
arrangements Saotome-no-ojisama made."

Nabiki snorted. "That we *know* of, anyway."

Belldandy stared at her tea. "Oh... dear. Someone should take
Saotome-san in hand."

There were numerous and simultaneous permissions from the people
around the table, including Soun, to do anything she wanted to
Genma; although Kasumi said nothing, her eye ticked again, which for
her was tantamount to a thunderous approval.

The explanations were put on hold as, through the open shoji to the
backyard, the visitors and residents were treated to the sight of
two people, wearing matching okonomiyaki garb, leaping over the wall
and landing on the other side of the pond. Ukyou straightened from
her landing crouch, her battle spatula conspicuously absent from her
back, and took stock of the stranger and the familiar faces in the
tearoom. A battered and bruised Ryouga looked around Ukyou, tugging
at the seat of the borrowed tights and wondering where Akane was.

"Ohayou, people. Where's Ranchan?"

"And Akane?" Ryouga added. Ukyou glared over her shoulder at him,
and he winced.

Kasumi stood and walked onto the veranda. "Ohayou, Ukyou-san,
Ryouga-kun. Ranma is... out, for the moment. Tea?"

Ukyou nodded absently and strode in, and Ryouga said, "Thank you,
Kasumi-san."

"Meet official fiancee number two," Nabiki said dryly to Belldandy,
gesturing at Ukyou. "Ranma's dad stole her dowry."

Belldandy sighed and shook her head. She then stood and bowed to the
newcomers. "Ohayou. I am Belldandy."

Ukyou bowed back, "Kuonji Ukyou desu," and appraised the woman
before her. Belldandy's elegant and flowing robes and fashionable
hairdo made Ukyou feel downright grubby in comparison. She also
found herself envious of the stranger's light complexion and
beautifully expressive grey eyes. The face-paint was odd, but it
somehow seemed natural on her.

Ryouga's thoughts ran along a different, if somewhat predictable,
path. <Darn that Ranma! Why does he get all the great-looking...
REALLY great-looking girls!!> Belldandy looked at him, and Ryouga
felt like she'd heard his thoughts. He blushed and hung his head.

Ukyou sighed over the strange woman's good looks before turning to
Nabiki. "Another one?"

Nabiki barked a laugh. "You're going to *wish* it was," she replied
enigmatically. Shampoo nodded solemnly, and Cologne, inscrutable as
always, merely looked on.

Ukyou and Ryouga blink-blinked.
____________________


Ranma felt the hairs rise on the back of her neck, and she looked
over at Skuld. Skuld nodded once and said, "Something's coming
through the gate." They hopped up and backed a short distance away.

The design inlaid in precious metals glowed, and Urd and Nodoka
faded in. Nodoka blinked and saw Ranma. Ranma was already bounding
over, and she gently slammed into her mother with a hug.

"I was so afraid something had happened to you..." Ranma said.
Nodoka hugged her back, stroking her hair.

Skuld danced around until she remembered herself, and then tried to
cover it. "Uh... well, I see you made it," she told Urd in an even
tone.

Urd lifted an eyebrow. "Don't tell me *you* were worried about
*me*?"

"Of course not! Why would *I* worry about *you*, you old hag!" Skuld
whirled around and stomped off.

Urd smirked and turned to Nodoka. "A piece of advice, Dearheart."
Nodoka released Ranma, and they both turned to Urd. "Try not to
assault any more kami while you're here." Ranma blanched and stared
at her mother in surprise. "Zeus may not have the following he once
had, but slapping the ruler of Olympus is still NOT a good idea,"
she admonished, wagging her finger languorously.

"All right," Nodoka said in a tiny voice.

"Jeez, Momma! I can't let ya outta my sight, can I?"

"Now, dear--"

"Well, at least I know you're keepin' up more than one family
tradition, heh."

Nodoka turned slightly red. "I think that will be quite enough of
that!" Ranma giggled. "Urd-sama, where do we go next?"

"One more 'sama'," Urd winced, "and I'll give you back to Zeus."

"No, thank you... Urd." Nodoka looked decidedly ill.

Urd snorted. "Anyway! I want to stop by my digs for a minute or
two." The trio walked off to catch up with Skuld. "It's been more
than a little while since I've been allowed, errr, been back."

     ~~~~~

As the group strolled through the older sections of Asgard and into
the more cosmopolitan central district of the kami-plane, the
architecture moved from old European to something out of an alien
future. Large, free-form structures dazzled the eye with the ease at
which they defied such pedestrian concepts as gravity or, in some
cases, even function.

Nodoka and her daughter grew silent, gawking at the sights, and the
jaded Urd enjoyed recapturing some of the wonder of the place
through her charges' innocent eyes.

"It's something, huh?" Urd inquired.

Ranma and Nodoka just nodded absently, still absorbed in the
display. Urd grinned all the more.

     ~~~~~

They eventually approached a building that seemed to stretch forever
to either side and up. Ranma fruitlessly strained her vision to
discern its limits.

"What's the matter?" Urd asked.

"Where does it end?"

"Well..." Urd mused, rubbing her chin, "it really doesn't. Think of
it as a big circle, starting there," she pointed to her left, "and
passing through different planes and realities and coming back out
over there," pointing to her right.

"Huh?"

With her arm still pointing, she chuckled at the blinking Ranma.
"Never mind," she lowered her arm, "you'll get used to it. Just
wait; you'll have to study about all this sooner or later, if you
want to get your classification."

"What?!" Ranma screeched, despair echoing in the question. "*More*
school?!"

Urd just laughed and swept them all through the building's main
entrance.

     ~~~~~

"Welcome to the Yggdrasil System," Urd intoned.

Nodoka and Ranma looked at the largely empty reception area, the
banks of elevators, and the nine or ten large warriors, male and
female, standing in assigned places throughout the area. Ranma
scratched her head and decided to forego any more questions. Since
her brief visit to Olympus, Nodoka was content to simply stay out of
the way and, hopefully, unnoticed.

"We're not going to take the dime tour; it would probably take the
rest of Nodoka-san's life to finish it." She punched the 'UP' button
at the elevator bank, and they waited.

And waited.

Ranma, leaning against a convenient wall, was sound asleep when an
elevator finally arrived -- all the way at the other end. She was
startled awake when her arm was grabbed and everyone sprinted,
slipping into the car just before the doors shut with a heavy sigh.
Urd tapped out a sequence of numbers, and they were on their way.

Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, Ranma examined the interior of
the car; rich deep-pile carpet, glowing wood paneling, and a
futuristic console with a touch-screen.

"Who's Otis?" she asked, out of the blue.

"Eh?" Urd said. "Otis?"

Ranma pointed at the embossed name in one corner of the control
console. Skuld finally piped up. "He builds and runs all the
elevators in Yggdrasil and in Kamisama's main office building."

"Oh."

"It keeps us from having to use up our magic getting around," Skuld
continued. "They're really great! You can go up, down, back, forth,
sideways, diagonally, cross-dimensionally, etc., etc..." she
enthused, her mechanical bent coming to the fore as little sparkles
danced in her eyes.

"Uh, yeah." Ranma sweatdropped. "Quite a guy, that Otis, a-heh."

Urd rolled her eyes.

For the rest of the short trip, everyone just stood around, tapping
or humming "The Girl from Ipanema" along with the muzak.

     ~~~~~

Urd's 'digs', as it turned out, consisted of an elaborate boudoir
with little brothelesque touches here and there. The walls were
colored aquatic shades of blue and green with a touch of pink in
places. Sheer and translucent curtains draped down from a ceiling
that couldn't really be seen. A huge, heart-shaped bed in lurid red
sat incongruously amongst the calming water shades and almost hurt
the eye with the contrast. Flowing sculptures of nude men, women,
and the occasional dolphin rose from randomly spaced pedestals of
fluted marble. The lighting was, of course, indirect and gave
everything a fuzzy feel. Even the air felt like velvet caressing the
skin.

Urd walked a short way in, twirled around with her arms up, and then
faced her guests. She put her weight on her left leg, bending the
right out at the knee, and her left hand was cocked on her hip,
while the other arm snaked along the contours of her right side. Her
head lowered slightly, and she gazed forward with a 'come hither'
look that would've spoken volumes if anyone looking had been male.
Even so, Ranma's blood pressure went up a notch or two.

Nodoka stared, mute and unresponsive; the clash between the bed and
the general room colors fed an ache behind her eyes. Skuld, as
usual, was profoundly bored, but didn't get a chance to voice it.

"You like?" Urd cajoled, teased, purred, and moaned at the same
time. "Hmmm?"

Ranma shivered at her sensei's display of bodily charms. <Remind me
never to get her interested in me. Gah!>

"It's ah, heh, haha," Ranma nervously scratched the back of her
head, "very, um, you, I think. Yeah, that's it. You."

"Really?!" Urd put her loose fists under her chin with her elbows
together, little sparkles in her eyes. "You really LIKE it?!" She
also seemed to be glowing slightly.

Ranma recovered from her warding gestures and made a sincere effort
to be nice. After all, her mother was standing right there, even if
she hadn't said anything for a while. "Ah, yeah... sure. It's, um,
grea--"

*GLOMP!*

"AAACK!!" Ranma flailed her arms as the larger woman smothered her
with her body. "...help..." she gasped in a tiny voice. However,
before she could make any move to free herself, Urd released her,
but then grabbed her arm and started pulling her along.

"You *really* must try the bed! It's just delicious!"

"Ack, ack, ack..."

Urd turned around and walked backwards, gesturing at her room. "And
don't you just *looove* the--"

It must be noted that Urd had been away for some time, and the
instinct our feet have for guiding us safely through familiar rooms,
even if unlit, had long since faded away for the pearly-haired
goddess. Therefore, it is of little surprise that she had forgotten
about the red pillows lying about the foot of the bed, in spite of
the painful clashing they caused with the majority of the
furnishings. And Urd was *not* a tidy person to begin with.

"--and the--OOPS!!" Urd's foot slipped on the silk cover of a large,
heart-shaped pillow and she waved her free arm, trying to keep her
balance -- to no avail. She almost levitated, but she then
remembered that the bed was behind her and allowed herself to fall,
an approach she often used purposely. And she dragged Ranma along
with her. Urd hit the bed and started to bounce, but "OOF!" Ranma
landed on top of her.

And there they were. Ranma frozen, stiff as a board, lying
suggestively atop Urd, breast to breast, face to face, each staring
at the other, unmoving... but all safe things come to an inevitable
end.

Urd smiled and gazed at Ranma through half-lidded eyes. She opened
her legs, wrapped them around Ranma's hips, and locked the ankles
behind her buttocks, her inner heel digging in slightly.

"EEP!" That was Ranma, by the way.

Lazily draping her arms around Ranma's neck, she said in a very low
and sultry voice, "If I'd known you were interested, Ranma-chan, we
could've done this lots earlier."

Sweating, the trainee goddess experienced one of life's little
visceral epiphanies when she realized that she was utterly and
completely trapped. No matter how she might move, she intuitively
knew that some highly specific, provocative part of her or Urd's
body would be rubbing against some highly specific, provocative part
of the other's body, creating all manner of interesting (and
provocative) sensations.

Ranma briefly considered employing the little-known variant of the
Saotome Secret Technique of Tactical Retreat, which utilized a
voluntary release of consciousness, but the necessary concentration
for the technique was shattered as Urd began to wriggle underneath
her in a very distracting fashion.

Alas for them both, "ITEEEE-TE-TE-TE-TE!!!" Nodoka grabbed Ranma's
ear and nearly pulled it off whilst removing her bodily from Urd's
embrace. "LEGGO, LEGGO, LEGGO!! OI!"

"That will be QUITE enough of THAT!" Nodoka scolded.

"OOOOHO-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!"

In spite of the pain, Ranma cringed at the Kodachi-esque laughter.

"It was just a *joke*!" Urd said, sitting up and waving her hand up
and down at the two of them. "Besides, Ranma *is* the Goddess of
Sex, ne?"

Nodoka worked her mouth a few times, but then she closed it as she
realized that she really had no response to that. She still dragged
Ranma off by the ear for a little 'talk'.

Urd smiled. She *had* gotten a *little* excited by that, though. She
felt a tap on her shoulder and turned her head to see Skuld. Skuld
put something in her lap and walked away, quickly. Urd looked down
at a metal sphere. A second later, she realized what it was.

"AIEEEEE--"

*BOOM!!!*

When the smoke cleared, the non-bombed occupants of the room saw a
soot-covered Urd sitting on the now-dingy bed, parts of her clothing
shredded and her hair sticking straight out, away from the epicenter
of the blast. She blinked and bits of ash fell off her face. Skuld
walked back up and bent over at the waist a little.

"If that wasn't a big enough 'thrill', I've got more," she said
sarcastically and jumped back as Urd tried to grab her.

Urd stood and held her hands in front of her as if she were holding
a large ball. And directly a ball did appear, one composed of pure
mana. Skuld backed a little further away and pulled out two more
bombs.

"You little--" Urd began.

"Serves you right! Taking advantage of poor Ranma-oneechan like
that!"

Nodoka looked down at her daughter in surprise. "Oneechan?"

Ranma weakly smiled back, the lines of her closed eyes making little
arches, and multiple-sweatdropped. The impending conflagration
reclaimed their attention as the two Norns made ready to attack.

"AHEM!" Nodoka interrupted.

Urd and Skuld looked over, but didn't drop their weapons and kept
one eye on the other.

"We ARE here for a REASON, aren't we?" she said in iron tones.

The Norns looked back at each other, and Urd narrowed her eyes. "I
OWE you for that one, runt."

Skuld's chin jutted out. "Anytime, Onee-SAN."

The elder slowly powered down, and the younger gently put her bombs
away.

"Now," Urd sniffed, "you're going to have to wait while *I* take a
bath." She spun around and stalked off into the recesses of the
room, disappearing from view.

The others made themselves as comfortable as they could, given the
decor.
____________________


"You're who? A WHAT?!"

The goddess beamed. "I am Belldandy, Norn and Goddess of the
Present!" she happily supplied.

Ukyou stared for a long fifteen seconds, then,
"BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!! C'mon! Pull the other leg! HAHAHAHAAAAA!!"

"Child!" Cologne hissed. "Show some respect! She is what she says
she is! I know!"

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Ukyou said, "This is just like some
stunt you and your airheaded cat-girl would pull." Turning more
serious, she added, "Do you *really* expect me to fall for that kind
of bullsh--" She was cut off by a bonbori suddenly appearing in her
face.

"You take BACK, Spatula-girl! Hibaachan no lie!"

"GRRR!" Ukyou reached over her back and groped around. No battle
spatula. "DAMN!"

Belldandy flinched, and Ukyou clonked Ryouga over the head with her
other fist.

"This is all YOUR fault, Pig-boy!"

"Hey! I'm just sitting here!"

Ukyou steamed and turned back to the Amazons. "If you think I'm
gonna sit around here and be made a fool of, tough cookies!" She
rose to her feet. "Now where the HELL is RANCHAN?!?!"

Cologne sighed. "As we said, she is... out for the time being, and
she isn't where you can go find her."

"And WHY do you keep referring to *him* as a *her*?!" Ukyou cocked
her hands on her hips and glared at the assemblage.

"Belldandy-sama," Cologne suggested, "I think Ukyou will need a
little convincing."

"I understand." Belldandy put her finger to her lips and looked
around. "Etoooo... You don't really have much to work with... Ah! I
know *just* the thing!"

*BOING!!*

To the terror of most of the observers, Belldandy appeared to simply
go to pieces. And to their amazement on top of the terror, five
mini-Bells were scampering all around and off and on the tea table.

Ryouga, Shampoo, Nabiki, and Soun presented warding signs, their
mouths gaping. Cologne's eyes bulged out. And Kasumi...

She held out one hand, palm up. "C'mon, c'mon. Auntie Kasumi won't
hurt you."

One of the mini-Bells happily bounced into her hand. Kasumi brought
her to her face and rubbed her cheek against the mini-Bell's head.

"Maaa! Kawaiiiii, ne?"

And as if a migratory signal had been understood by the flock, the
remaining mini-Bells converged on Kasumi. One hopped on her head,
straddled her crown, and smoothed out her bangs. Another sat on her
shoulder, produced a comb, and began to work out the few tangles in
her ponytail, humming some unknown ditty. Yet another sat in her
lap, propping herself against Kasumi's stomach and sighing in
contentment. The last, not including the one Kasumi still held,
bounced around on the table, trying to find a place.

The mini-Bell stopped and looked around, briefly considered Ryouga,
much to his discomfort, but then winked at him and wagged her
finger. Ryouga blushed heavily. She finally bounced up on Kasumi's
other shoulder, crossed her legs, and meditated, a pleasant smile on
her face.

"Well," Cologne smirked, turning to Ukyou, "what do you think of...
that?"

Ukyou was laid out cold on the floor, a little wisp of steam rising
from her forehead.
____________________


The street running in front of the Tendou dojo was largely deserted.
Little gusts of wind playfully tossed around brown leaves and the
odd bit of paper. Otherwise, the area was remarkably clean, as one
would notice if scanning slowly along the roadbed, or until one
espied an odd black spot in the asphalt that seemed to defy the eye
to focus on it.

The spot suddenly irised open to about the size of a manhole cover,
belched flames, and ejected a small object that landed some meters
away with an audible "OOF!"

A strange being stuck its torso up through the hole. It had many
characteristics of a regular, garden-variety red devil, but its
burly and muscular physique and atypical clothing belied that. It
wore black and gray combat fatigues, a black beret, and assorted
items of unusual appearance fastened to a utility belt. A cloth
shield on its visible arm proclaimed: "Special Forces - 7th Circle -
1st Level". A howling wolf's head in silhouette completed the
shield. Below it was a sergeant's chevron of three stripes. The
emblem on the cap consisted of a blood-red pitchfork on a
light-green field. The strangely-attired devil narrowed its eyes.

"And STAY OUT!!" it bellowed.

A little girl squeezed up beside the commando. "And quit stealing!"
she rumbled in a petite basso profundo.

The ejected object turned out to be a shrunken, wrinkled old man,
who abruptly shot up and raced towards the hole. The commando
blanched pink, the girl blanched white, and they both fell back into
the hole, the opening irising shut with a *click*.

Happousai, Master and Founder of the Musabetsu Kakutou Ryuu,
belly-flopped onto the pavement, beating the area of the former hole
with his fists and severely denting the tarmac.

"GIVE ME BACK MY LOVELIES!! WAAAAA!!! MY PRECIOUS DARLINGS!!"

Happi descended into fitful tears and laid his forehead against the
road.

"Ranma," he whispered, "I'll get you for this. Send *me* to a place
that won't let me have my Darlings, will you? Grrr!"

Climbing to his feet, Happousai reached out with his senses. He
blinked. <No Ranma? As much ki, or whatever it was, as he was
putting out last night, he should stand out like a bonfire!> Happi
squinted.

"I'll find you, Ranma! No matter where you are!!"

Leaping across rooftops, Happousai disappeared into the early
afternoon haze.
____________________


"AAAAACHOOOOOIIIII!!"

"Goodness, Ranma-chan, are you coming down with a cold?" Nodoka
asked.

"Don't think so..." Ranma rubbed the back of her hand against her
nose.

Nodoka swatted her lightly with a handkerchief she'd pulled from her
kimono. "As long as you're stuck as a girl, behave like a lady." She
offered the hanky.

"Heh... gomen."

After the brief pause for Ranma to wipe her nose, the trio proceeded
across a different part of the business district of the kami-plane.
They'd left Skuld back at Yggdrasil after she'd been carted off by a
bevy of junior programmers and debuggers, eager for a chance to pick
the Great Skuld's brain again; she hadn't stuck around after her
last visit because of the investigation into Ranma's apotheosis.

"Urd-san," Nodoka asked, "where are we going now?"

<Well... it's better than 'sama'.> "Asgard Armory."

"Oh, yes!" Nodoka beamed. "Ranma's katana."

Ranma rolled her eyes. <A weapon, of all things! Gah.>

     ~~~~~

The group moved out of the more heavily populated areas and neared a
small hill. Set into the side of the hill, they noticed as they
approached, was a massive set of iron-bound, oaken doors, each door
easily five meters high and two across and weathered with the ages.
Fortunately, one was ajar; Ranma didn't relish the thought of trying
to pry them open. <Not that I couldn't, of course,> she was quick to
mentally add.

"Sorry about the more traditional construction, but the battle-types
like to reminisce about glory days and all that," Urd explained.

They slipped through the open door and descended a wide and high
earthen tunnel. After about ten meters, the tunnel opened up into a
cage, constructed of thick iron bars framed by heavy oak beams. A
Valkyrie sat behind a teller window, typing on a holocomputer. One
knew she was a Valkyrie only by the helmet with a horsehair tail
that she wore, a winged horse embossed into the metal. Otherwise,
she was dressed in utilitarian coveralls overlaid with a leather
apron. Her golden-blonde hair was braided and hung loosely over the
back of the chair in which she was sitting. Light-grey eyes
concentrated on the screen in front of her. She was quite lovely,
but carried an air of tomboyishness.

The Valkyrie looked up and blinked, then smiled broadly. "URD!!! You
old SOT! Where've you been hidin' yourself?!"

Urd reached through the opening and clasped hands with the Valkyrie,
grinning madly herself. "Svava! I wondered if you were still hiding
out here."

"Ach! You know how it is." Svava gestured around at her. "My babies
would miss me."

Urd snorted. "Face it, girlfriend. You're doomed to spend eternity
polishing weapons."

Both women roared in laughter, then Svava tossed her head at Nodoka
and Ranma. "Are you gonna introduce me or what? It gets *lonely*
down here."

Urd motioned them over and rested a hand on Ranma's shoulder. "This
is Saotome Ranma, the new Class One Goddess of Sex in training, and
my student," Urd said proudly.

Svava eyed her up and down a couple of times. "Aye, Red, you're
built for it, I'll say that for sure."

Ranma didn't know whether to be angry or highly embarrassed. She
chose embarrassed, but bowed to Svava anyway. "Very nice ta
meet'cha."

Nodoka bowed next. "I am Saotome Nodoka, Ranma's mother."

"Very glad to meet the both of ya. Hmmm, a mortal woman. So the
rumor was right?" she asked Urd.

"Yeah. Ranma ascended yesterday afternoon, er, Midgard's yesterday,
that is."

"Interesting. So what brings ya down, anyways? Last I heard, you
were busted and layin' low on Midgard."

"Well, my current, er, responsibilities have overridden that. Ranma
has a martial aspect as well as her primary area, and she's
specified for a katana."

"Excellent weapon. Very elegant, but useful. Let's see now..." Svava
tapped on her computer a few times. "Hmmm, don't have her. I have a
Saotome 'Ranko'."

"That's me," Ranma piped up. "'Ranko's' a mistake."

"Okay, but you'll have to sign off on her, Urd. Can't just let any
old Goddess of Sex in here," Svava snickered.

"Yeah, yeah. Just hand me the papers."

Urd signed off on a clipboard. Svava took it back and pressed a
button under the counter. There was a click and a loud, continuous
buzz. Surprised, Urd said, "When did you get that?!"

"We do occasionally advance, down here. Kicking and screaming, but
we do advance," Svava smirked.

Shaking her head, Urd ushered her charges through the now-open cage
door. The door shut automatically, and the buzzing stopped when
Svava let go of the button. The Valkyrie stepped out of her office
and stood in front of her visitors.

"Katana, hey? That's quite a few corridors down. Shall we?" She
strode off and began explaining what they saw as they passed.

"This first room is broadswords only. We get too many requests for
'em to keep 'em *too* far away."

They passed through an oak arch. "Here we have maces and clubs.
Anything you could want to pound your opponent into a bloody stew."

Nodoka turned a little green, and Ranma thought, <Gah. Weapons.>

Next corridor: "Shields." Then: "Armor." "Bows." And so on.

Svava led her group into one corridor and stopped. "Here we have a
collection of odds and ends. As Urd may have told you, the Armory
also serves as a final resting-place for lost weapons. They sorta
just appear at the door or elsewhere, and we store 'em against
future need. It's just interestin' to look at. Thought you'd enjoy
it."

Ranma scanned the various items on display till something caught her
eye. "Ha!" she barked and bounded over to one particular object. She
hefted it and swung the broad end several times, slicing through the
air.

"Aye, now there's an odd one. You know it?"

"Sure! It's one of Ucchan's battle spatulas!"

"Oh, yes," Nodoka chimed in. "I recall that Kuonji-san usually has
one strapped to her back."

Ranma undid the leather wrapping on the handle. "Yup! Here's her
hanko scratched in the metal."

"She still alive?" Svava asked.

"Of course!" Ranma said, mildly disturbed by the thought of her
childhood friend pushing up daisies.

"Well, you can take it to her, if you want."

"Really?" Ranma enthused.

"Sure. Remind me before you leave, and I'll see what I've got in my
bag of tricks. Maybe put a little enchantment on it or somethin'."

"Cool!" As she carefully rewrapped the handle, Ranma grew a little
sad. "Poor Ucchan."

Nodoka walked up to her daughter. "Ranma?"

She looked up into her mother's eyes. "She still doesn't know, ya
know? About me bein' a goddess and all. It's gonna break her heart."
Ranma clutched the spatula to her. "Why does this have to be so
tough? It's not fair ta everybody!"

Gathering her up in her arms, Nodoka cooed, "We'll see it through,
Dear."

"Yeah, I guess..." Ranma mumbled into her mother's kimono.

After a moment, she released Ranma, and a quieter group proceeded
deeper into the hill.
____________________


A line of all five mini-Bells stood before the stunned but conscious
former disbeliever. They bowed low and raced back to the empty spot
at the table, and Ukyou's eyes finally started to recede from their
bulge, only to bulge again at the next event.

*UNBOING!*

Belldandy sat there a moment, getting her bearings, and then turned
to Kasumi.

"Ah, gomen nasai, Kasumi-san. My smaller versions act a bit more,
um, instinctually than I do. I didn't mean to, anou, crawl all over
you." She bowed low from her seated position, only to see Kasumi
smiling and waving one hand merrily in dismissal as she
straightened.

"No, no. It was fun. And they were so cute!"

Belldandy blushed. "Arigatou. You are most understanding." Still red
and embarrassed, she turned to Ukyou.

"Kuonji-san? Are you all right?"

Ukyou nodded distantly, her earlier bad mood, and most coherent
thought, abandoned in light of this new development.

"Very good. Now, as I was explaini--"

She stopped speaking because she suddenly found herself surrounded
by swirling black rose petals.

"OOOOH-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!"

Cologne sighed in exasperation. <Oh, great. The gang's *almost* all
here.>

Kunou Kodachi flew into the room, wearing her signature leotard and
twirling her ubiquitous ribbon, and performed a perfect gymnastics
dismount-style landing at the head of the table, directly behind a
cringing Soun.

"My love's thoughts have been sent to me and received! Where is
Ranma-sama, you harridans?!" Kodachi haughtily posed, her ribbon
spiraling around her.

Nabiki leaned around Kasumi to Belldandy and said, "Unofficial
fiancee."

In a rare expression of pique, Belldandy closed her eyes and rubbed
her forehead. <Goddesses do *not* get headaches. I do *not* have a
headache. They *are* impossible.> She took a deep breath. <There!
That's better!>

"Oh, dear," she said, opening her eyes, "I suppose I should get this
over with now."

*BOING!*

Five mini-Bells scampered over to a prone and petal-covered Kodachi,
a little wisp of rose-scented steam rising from her forehead.

Ukyou shook her head in amazement. "I *knooow* how you feel, Sugar."

Shampoo yawned. "Shampoo bored. Wonder what Airen doing now?"

Of course, Kasumi soon found herself again covered in
mini-goddesses... much to her delight.
____________________


"Here we are! Katana!" Svava grandly stepped into the corridor
containing the armory's collection of traditional Japanese swords.
"And for just a little more, we'll throw in a tanto, a wakizashi,
and a suit of samurai armor, limited time offer." Her guests wilted
while she had a good laugh from her own peculiar brand of humor.

"We *have* to go drinking again soon, Sva. You've been cooped up in
here *way* too long," Urd informed her.

"Hmmm, I think you're probably right. Anyway, people. Have a look
around, see what catches your eye." Svava and Urd then went
seriously at some catching-up, strains of Old Norse rising and
falling.

Ranma strolled around, her critical eye weeping disgust at the
thought of having to actually *use* a blade. She desultorily
examined a few. <No... no... maybe... no...> "ACK!" <PINK?
Definitely not! ... No... No... Mmmmmm, no...>

Nodoka looked carefully at the various katana on display, but none
of them really suited her tastes. Most were far too ornamental and
delicate; swords for show. And some were fit only for beggars. She
regretted her lack of any real skill with the weapon and her lack of
knowledge as to what to look for. She sighed, and then she was
completely taken by one that seemed to stand out from the rest.

She gently picked it up and held it out flat in her palms. In terms
of ornamentation, it was relatively plain. An unadorned, high-gloss,
black enamel scabbard, with what appeared to be silver fittings. The
hilt of the sword was a traditional wrap and unremarkable. The only
truly unusual characteristics of the blade were the tsuba or
handguard, which was fashioned in a stylized sunburst, and a large,
unusually-colored Tiger's Eye jewel in the pommel. As she looked
into the jewel, she briefly imagined the eye opening onto pure
sunlight. She dismissed the illusion and pulled the blade from the
scabbard.

The metal was obviously of high quality, although again Nodoka
wasn't enough of an expert to be sure. The stylized sunburst-motif
continued on the part of the blade opposite the sharp edge, each
etched sun connected by swirling, Asian-style clouds. Putting the
scabbard down, she hefted the katana and swung it a few times.

Ranma noticed her mother had stopped and was looking at one
particular sword, so she wandered over.

"What didja find, Mom?"

"You have a good eye, Nodoka-san." Svava walked up and rejoined
them, and both women turned to her. "Yes, indeed. That's a fine one.
I think her original and only owner would be pleased to know a
fellow countrywoman might get some use out of it."

"Oh?" Nodoka asked, intrigued. "Who was that?"

"Amaterasu Oumikami."

Nodoka gasped and almost dropped the blade. Ranma's eyes bulged and
she presented warding signs.

"However, that's probably the prize example we have, so I'm not just
gonna give it to you, Red. Pick her up and see if she'll respond to
you, first."

Ranma came out of her pose and looked at the sword warily. "Anou..."

"Go on, Ranma," Urd encouraged. "It won't bite!" She was hoping for
a little excitement. Other than her tiff with Skuld, this had been a
boring trip.

Ranma nodded in acknowledgment as Nodoka slid the katana back into
its scabbard and held it out. Ranma put her hands out, then jerked
back at the last minute. <Amaterasu! Oh, boy...> Gathering her
courage, she quickly reached out and snatched the sheathed blade,
squinching her eyes shut. When nothing happened, she opened one eye
and peeked down.

"No, no. You have to *draw* it, child," Svava said.

Sighing, she grasped the scabbard with one hand and gripped the hilt
in the other. <So far, so good.> She gently eased the sword out, and
when it was free, she held it, point up. <Okay. So wha--> "EEP!"

The Tiger's Eye on the pommel flared into brilliance and a golden
glow spread over the blade. The etched suns and clouds seem to roil
under its influence. The glow strengthened and then faded into
almost invisibility, only a slight luminance remaining. Ranma
blinked and slowly moved the sword around. The blade's edge seemed
to leave a brief afterimage as it passed. She looked over at Svava
and saw the Valkyrie smiling broadly.

"Well, I'll be. She never did that for me," she said, feigning a
slight pout.

"A-heh, gomen."

Then Svava smiled again to show she didn't really mean it.

     ~~~~~

In Kamisama's main office building, on the 47th floor, a petite
woman with an athletic figure and long, black hair sat at an ornate
desk, shuffling through personnel reports. She stopped, turned her
head, and looked in the direction of the armory. A viewer might now
see that she was quite cute, and the only odd thing about her was
her eyes. Instead of colored flesh, her irises burned in rings of
fire.

The woman smiled broadly, nodded her head in pleased confirmation,
and then returned to her work, which suddenly wasn't quite as
interesting as it had been.

     ~~~~~

"So what can it do?" Ranma asked, as she put the katana through her
own unrestricted version of kenjutsu forms.

"Do?" Svava echoed, a little confused by the question. "Well... it
*cuts*!"

Ranma started to face-fault, then she remembered the sharp object in
her hands. "No, no. I mean, does it have any special magical attacks
or anything?"

"Oh! Hmmm. It'd be really hard to destroy it, I guess. Most of the
enchantment was to keep Amaterasu from melting it with
million-degree sunfire for the times she'd focus her own power
through it. If it can survive that, then there isn't much mortal,
kami, or demon can do to dent it. Other than that, you'll have to
ask the lady herself."

"Oh. That's good to know."

Svava rubbed her chin in a masculine fashion. "Well, Red, it looks
like the blade's yours. Now, put it away and come with me. Since
you've solved one mystery weapon for me today, maybe you can solve
another."

Ranma sheathed the sword, picked up Ukyou's lost spatula, and
followed behind the Valkyrie. Nodoka was, again, a little out of it
for having handled Amaterasu's katana, but Urd slowly drew her mind
away from it with small talk.

Svava led them through three more corridors, and then she started to
angle off into a narrow hall that appeared on their left. For no
apparent reason, Ranma missed the turn and kept going through more
corridors. Her eyes started to slowly unfocus, and she unconsciously
shivered at the cooling air.

"HOLD! ADVANCE NO FURTHER!!"

"EEP!" That shocked Ranma out of her state. She looked up into the
eyes of two, very large men, almost giants, dressed in full Norse
battle wear and wielding excessively large swords and shields. They
stood in ready stances before a vault door, which was made of steel
and gave the impression of formidable solidity.

"RED! What are you *doing* down here?! Come away from there!"

Ranma turned to see Svava leading the rest of their group. Ranma
trotted to meet them the rest of the way.

"Gomen, gomen! I... I don't know what came over me!" Ranma was
shaking in nervousness. "I... I..."

"No, no," Svava soothed. "It's not your fault. They were calling to
you." She started guiding her guests back up the aisle.

"They?" Nodoka asked.

"Ya." Svava kept her hands on Ranma's shoulders, keeping her turned
away from the vault. "There are some weapons... some horrors that
should never see the light of day again. Very evil... and very
persuasive." The serious Valkyrie shuddered. "The guards are
specially trained to ignore the call."

"I see," Nodoka said quietly.

Svava chuckled and ruffled Ranma's hair. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," Ranma replied and smiled. "Weird."

"Just put it out of your mind. Ah! Here we go."

The group reached the narrow hallway that was their turnoff. The
hallway descended at a steady angle and, after a minute, opened out
into a gigantic, cavernous space. Boxes and crates were stacked
everywhere alongside assorted piles of this and that. Not too far
from where they had come out, Svava stopped them in front of a
four-meter high pile covered with a tarp. Ranma, fully recovered
from the prior weirdness, looked at it curiously.

"These things just keep showing up on my doorstep. I don't know if
they're weapons or not." She yanked the tarp off to reveal a jumbled
pile of chrome, plastic, and the occasional sheen of porcelain.

Urd couldn't quite make out what they were. Nodoka simply boggled.
And Ranma, katana safely sheathed, face-faulted... hard.

"Po-- po--" Nodoka stuttered. "Potty-trainers?!"

Everyone stopped and looked down at Ranma, who was laughing her
pretty behind off.

"BWAAAAHAHAHAAAAA! HOO! HOO! HAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!" She carried on for a
full minute before calming down.

"What are potty-trainers?" Svava asked Urd.

Urd barked a laugh and whispered the explanation in Svava's ear.
Svava turned a little green.

"Oh, great. And *I* thought they were weapons. But that doesn't
explain why they keep turning up here!"

"HeeHeeeee! But they *are*, HA! weapons. Heh." Ranma climbed
unsteadily to her feet. "You see, there's this guy I know, a Chinese
Amazon and a Master of the Hidden Weapons technique. One of his
attacks is ta pull one of those," she gestured at the pile, "outta
nowhere and toss 'em at ya. I always wondered what happened to all
of 'em, heh."

"So I take it this guy's still alive, too?"

"Yup."

"Well, that's MARvelous!" Svava turned to her friend. "Urd, be a
dear and zip up to my office. In the bottom left-hand drawer to my
desk there are some leather satchels. Would you bring me one?"

"Me?! Why do I have to go traipsing all that way and back?"

Svava smiled beatifically. "Because you can levitate. I'd need a
winged horse, ne?" Her eyes slid over to Ranma and back.

Urd grimaced. "Ha ha." She then sighed. "All right. Be back in a
minute." Urd rose into the air and zoomed back up the passageway.

Nodoka watched this display of divine ability and considered, while
Ranma examined Mousse's discards. The Saotome matriarch turned to
her daughter. "Dear, weren't you flying like that at first?"

Ranma looked up, the oval of a toilet seat dangling from her elbow.
"Eh? Oh, yeah. But I'm not allowed, I guess, to do it while I'm
trainin'."

"But you'll be able to again?"

"Sure." Ranma scratched her head. "Why?"

"Well, it'll be ever so convenient when I need someone to run
errands for me."

Ranma face-faulted again.

Nodoka clasped her hands together in joy. "It'll be just so
*useful*!"

>From the floor, Ranma moaned, "I don't think ya get it yet, Mom."
____________________


Even more embarrassed than before, Belldandy rearranged her dress.
"Anou... Kasumi-san, I don't know what's come over my smaller
selves. This is really quite--"

Kasumi hugged Belldandy firmly and giggled. "It's all right, dear.
Really. They are all so very charming. Please, don't be
embarrassed." She let go, leaned back, and beamed at the goddess.

Although her cheeks were flaming red, Belldandy couldn't help but
respond in kind. "Arigatou... heh."

*taptaptaptapTapTapTapTAPTAPTAPTAP!!*

And Kunou Tatewaki slid into the tearoom. When he stopped, he put
one forearm behind his back and crossed the other over his chest.

"I have come for my pigtailed..."

He blinked at his unconscious sister, and then shook his head
vigorously. "No matter! Where is my GODDESS?!" he commanded.

Everyone pointed at Belldandy, whose eyes suddenly got very large.

*GLOM--*

*BOING!*

Belldandy had eluded his touch, and Kunou moved his empty arms in
and out. He then stared dumbly at the five scowling little women. He
drew the obvious conclusion, of course.

"Saotome! You FIEND!! You've made the pigtailed girl go to pieces!"
He drew his bokken, raising it to the ceiling and staring at a
Heaven only he could see. "I WILL HAVE MY VENGEA-- UUURRRRKKKKK!!!"

Tatewaki was blasted through the open shoji, landing in the
much-abused koi pond. Five mini-Bells lowered their arms after
shooting off mini-mana blasts. They were huffing and puffing in
outrage.

Cologne suspected that the Kunou boy had been very lucky. Ukyou
decided she could use a bathroom break and shakily got to her feet
and shuffled out of the room. Nabiki stayed seated; she wasn't about
to miss any of this. Soun had long since wandered into unknown
mental territory, that singular path of peril plaguing all "true"
martial artists. Shampoo was snoring. And Kasumi...

She'd gathered up the upset mini-Bells in her arms and was now
cooing to them softly. "It's okay. That nasty man is floating face
down in the... Oh, dear. Cologne-san? Would you...?"

The Joketsuzoku Elder sighed wearily, got to her feet, hopped over a
comatose Shampoo, and trundled over to the pond. She produced her
staff and fished Tatewaki closer to her. She flipped him up into the
air, landing him on his back, out of the water. A small jet of pond
water and a baby koi geysered out of his mouth. She hesitated and
gazed at the moronic kendoist for a second, shook her head tiredly,
and tossed him with the staff a second time, laying him out on his
stomach so that he wouldn't drown on his own effluence.

"Good enough." Cologne turned and walked back to the explanation she
was sure would never come.
____________________


"Well? Aren't you going to say, 'Hello'?"

Ranma and Nodoka jumped; they hadn't heard Urd fly back up.

"Jeez, Sensei!" Ranma said, patting her chest. "Take a few years off
my life, why don'tcha?!"

Urd just winked at Ranma and lowered herself to the ground, handing
the leather bag to Svava. Svava walked up to the pile of
potty-trainers, opened the bag, held it up, and spoke a short
incantation.

     In you go,
     Out you'll come.
     Dum-dee-dee,
     Dee-dee-dum.

The potty-trainers began to glow slightly blue, and the entire mass
lifted into the air and began to slowly spin. The mass formed itself
into a funnel, with the spout pointing at the bag's opening. The
funnel spun faster and shrunk, the potty-trainers getting smaller
and smaller and, when sized appropriately, spiraling into the bag.
It took about twenty seconds for the entire pile to disappear into
the leather container, and then Svava pulled the drawstrings closed,
wrapping the excess lengths around and tying them off.

Urd was bigsweating the whole time. "You call THAT a SPELL?!"

Svava blinked at her. "Hey! It's just a power focus, as you well
*know*, Urd."

"Yeah," Urd said, despairingly, "but it has no *style*!"

"Feh. What do I need with style? That's for you high-and-mighty
goddess-types. Oops! I forgot, you've been busted for forever,"
Svava teased.

Urd shook her fist at the Valkyrie. "Just for that, you're picking
up the next tab!"

Svava put a serious look on her face and curtsied. "By your command,
Great Urd..." She straightened and thought out loud, "Or, since your
spending all your time in Japan, would that be 'Urd-sama'?"

"Grrr!"

The honey-haired Valkyrie clutched her sides, laughing.

"Hmmph!" Urd stalked away a short distance and feigned interest in a
different pile of warehouse goods.

Svava got to her feet, dusted off her coveralls, and walked over to
Ranma and Nodoka.

"Don't mind her," she said conspiratorially, "she's just an old
grouch."

"I heard that!" Urd called.

"Heh. Anyway, take this," Svava handed the satchel to Ranma, "but
don't open it until you're ready! The 'weapons' will all come out at
once. It's kinda packed tight in there."

Ranma's mouth crooked into an evil smirk. "Heh! And I know just how
I'm gonna give 'em back, too." <A present for Ucchan and *payback*
for Mousse.>

"Well, that's that!" Svava said and led the group out of the
warehouse and, eventually, to her office, where they stopped for a
moment. Svava reached out for the battle spatula, and Ranma handed
it to her.

"What do you think, Urd?"

"Nothing dangerous," said the now-calmer goddess. "The user is just
a mortal. Maybe a never-break or never-dull ward or something."

"Ya, that's what I thought, too. And a spell with style, just for
you, Urd, Old Sot. Hmmm... I think I have just the thing!"

Svava held the spatula flat on her raised palms, grinned slyly, and
chanted:

     Never dull,
     Never break.
     So say I-- OW!!

Urd opened her fist after bopping Svava on the head. "You said
STYLE!"

"Fine, fine." The Valkyrie rubbed her head. "Beast."

Urd just bared her teeth and brandished her fist again.

Sighing, Svava held the spatula up once more then paused. "Um...
this is gonna be tough without the owner present. Red, put your hand
in the middle and picture your friend in your mind. Not the best
way, but it'll do."

Ranma obliged.

"Seein' her?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Here goes nothin'."

     "O Spirits of War,
     Spirits of the Blade,
     Let not this Weapon
     Break nor Fade."

A golden glow began to build around the spatula.

     "Edge Keen and Bright,
     Strength beyond the Thunder
     Of Nature to Dull
     Or Mortal to Sunder."

A bead of light ran down the sharpened edge of the weapon.

     "Smooth as Silk,
     Weight of a Feather.
     Touched not by Rust
     From the foulest Weather."

The metal of the spatula glowed blue within the gold.

     "When lost Thou art,
     Make Haste as Thee can.
     Return to Thy Keeper,
     Kuonji Ukyou-san."

Ukyou's hanko embossed itself on the end of the handle with a
silvery flash, but Svava almost dropped the ball when Ranma started
glowing, too.

     "Errr... Swing Well and True,
     Her Life to Guard.
     So Commands Svava,
     Walkuere of Asgard."

The golden glow flashed, and the spatula returned to normal. Ranma
turned and gawked at the image of a winged horse etched on one side
of the broad blade.

"Here, what did you do?" Svava asked.

"Who? Me?" Ranma looked at the Valkyrie curiously.

"Yeah, you. Right near the end. You did *some*-thing."

Ranma gazed at her blankly. "I didn't do nothin'."

"Hmmm... maybe, but I don't think so. Well, anyway, what do you
think, Red?" Svava let Ranma take the spatula.

Ranma hefted it in wonder. With wide eyes, she said, "Man! It don't
weigh nothin'!"

"I'm sure Ukyou-san will be very pleased," Nodoka said, beaming.

Svava winked. "Still got the touch." She briefly cast a worried look
at the spatula, wondering what effect Ranma's contribution to the
spell would have, and then turned to her divine friend. "Stylish
enough for ya', Urd?"

Urd crossed her arms and appeared to consider. "Well... it was kind
of sing-songy, but-- GACK!"

"How was that again?" Svava said menacingly, her hands lightly
gripping Urd's throat.

"Fine! Fine! Sheesh! Good thing I like you."

Svava released her and tossed her head. "Ach. You wouldn't last five
seconds against me."

"Care to test that at the next bar?" Urd said sweetly, her words
laced with their own menace.

"Ha! Anytime you're ready, Urd. Name your poison!"

Goddess and Valkyrie glared at each other, hunched over in some
parody of a battle stance. Ranma tensed, ready to separate them at a
second's notice, and Nodoka rubbed her hands in worry. The
combatants lunged at each other, but instead of fighting, they
hugged, laughing. Ranma relaxed and blew air out of her nose.

"Ha-haaa! I've missed you, Urd!" Svava slapped her on the back.

"I'm probably still stuck on Midgard for a while," Urd said. "You
should come down! It's a great place to get away from it all. I know
some killer bars, and there's something you've just GOT to try!"

"Eh? What?"

"The most fun thing on three planes!" Urd's eyes were wide, her
pupils and irises engulfing her orbs.

Everyone leaned forward.

"Karaoke!" Urd squealed.

Ranma started tipping over. "Ah-ah-aaaaaah..." *SLAM* Nodoka clucked
and bent over to help her daughter to her feet.
____________________


"Will we be having more visitors?" Belldandy asked while rubbing her
forehead.

Cologne, Nabiki, Kasumi, and Ryouga looked at each other.

"SNOOORRRRK!" Shampoo was still enjoying her nap.

"Nooo," Nabiki hummed, "I think that about covers it."

"Unless one of the Panda's 'promises' we don't know about comes
calling," Cologne said. "By the way, where is that slob?"

Everyone shook their heads, except for Shampoo, still snoring, and
Soun, who was still lost in the maze of his mind.

"Just as well," Cologne sniffed. She then rapped Shampoo on the head
with her staff.

The ever-ready Amazon sat up quickly, her fists up. "What? WHAT?!
...Oh." She yawned. "Ohayou, Hibaachan."

"Rested?" Cologne smirked.

"Un."

"Very well. Now can we... Where is Ukyou?!" The morning turned
afternoon was severely trying to the Matriarch's patience.

"Bathroom... I think," Nabiki informed.

Fortunately for Cologne's blood pressure, Ukyou shuffled back in and
plopped down at her place.

Cologne put her hands flat on the table, closed her eyes, and
concentrated. <Is anyone not here? Are there going to be more
interruptions I haven't accounted for? I think I'll wait for a
moment and see.>

"Cologne-san?" Belldandy asked. "Are you feeling well?"

Cracking her lids, Cologne peered at Belldandy. "Yes, child. I'm
just waiting for the fourth shoe to drop."

Nothing happened for a couple of moments, the silence deafening.
Cologne finally eased herself upright.

"Let's try this agai--"

"What're all of YOU doing here?" Akane stood in the doorway,
blinking.

"A-A-Akane-san!" Ryouga blushed furiously.

*CLONK!*

"I SAID I didn't wanna hear it!" Ukyou hissed.

Ryouga glared at Ukyou and rubbed his head.

"Hello, Akane-chan. Would you like some tea?" Kasumi was obviously
in a better mood than usual, if the scorching sunny smile was any
indication.

Belldandy bowed from her seat. "Nice to see you again, Akane-san."

Akane blinked, nodded, and sat down next to Kasumi. She studied
Ukyou and Ryouga and their matching clothes for a moment. "You two
going out now?"

"ERK! With UKYOU?!"

*CLONK!*

"You JERK!! What's THAT supposed to mean?!"

If Elder Cologne had been anything less than she was, she would've
been pulling a Tendou Soun and bawling her eyes out.
____________________


Urd, Ranma, and Nodoka made their way back into the more urban areas
of Asgard.

"Sensei?"

Urd looked aside to her protege. "Yeah?"

Ranma fidgeted for a moment, then said, "I need ta talk to ya about
somethin'."

"Sure. What's on your mind?"

Nodoka started when she realized Ranma was looking meaningfully at
her. "What is it, Dear?"

"I... I don't know if I can talk about it when you're here." Ranma
looked down, flustered.

"Why ever not?"

Before mother and child could get any further, Urd motioned them
over to a coffee shop on their right. "We've got a little time,
yet."

Entering, she guided them to a far and private booth. After they
were seated, a cherub in a diminutive waitress outfit buzzed up and
hovered over the table. Ranma and Nodoka boggled.

"What's your poison?" it said in a raspy child's voice, the timbre
suggesting many lifetimes of smoking. The Saotomes boggled a little
more.

"Yeah, I'll have sake-- no, better make that a coffee, black. An
iced mocha for the lady and a double of the same for the redhead."

"Got it. Be right up," the cherub wheezed and then buzzed away, its
little wings flapping furiously.

"WHAT was THAT?" Ranma hissed at Urd.

"Eh? You've never seen a cherub before? Hmmm, well, no, I guess you
wouldn't have. Errr, it's a little complicated. I'll explain it all
when we start your studies, which, by the way, will be tomorrow."

Ranma wilted and slumped back into the booth.

Nodoka turned to her daughter and smiled. "Dear? Now what was that
long face for a minute ago?"

"Um... I don't think you're gonna like it, Mom."

Patting Ranma on the hand, Nodoka said, "We'll get through it,
Dear."

Ranma looked at her dubiously. "Well... don't say I didn't warn ya."
She sat up and gazed at Urd for a second before speaking. "I wanna
know what's, um, changed about me 'cause of all 'a this."

"Like what?" Urd asked.

"Well... like when I told Momma I wanted her ta come with us. I had
these strange, anou... *feelin's* that came at me outta nowhere."

"Hmmm." Urd tapped on the table in thought. "Some specifics would
help."

Ranma was blushing heavily. "Um, um, um..." She looked askance at
her mother, and Nodoka understood.

"Ranma, whatever you have to say will be all right with me, I assure
you."

Sparing her another quick look, Ranma took a deep breath and
continued. "Um, when ya started cryin', I felt... all... fuzzy, uh,
inside when I was holdin' ya. I never really felt like that before."

"Well, Dear, maybe you're starting to mature a little. It doesn't
sound like any--"

"No, I don't think ya get it. I mean, I also started feelin', um,
like it was *right* to, ah, be holdin' ya against... against..." She
waved disjointedly at her chest. "...like a, a, a *girl* would."

"Oh?" Nodoka said. "Why is that a problem?"

"You *are* a girl, Ranma," Urd said. "Remember that it's your normal
gender now. When you learn the unlocking spell, you can become a
guy, but only because of the residual Jusenkyou magic."

Ranma glared at her, but then her expression softened. "I guess..."

"My guess," Urd continued, "is that your basic personality and
tastes won't change <much>--"

<"RANMA NO BAKA!"> echoed through the new goddess' mind and she
winced.

"--but whatever was keeping your female side behind bars is probably
steadily disintegrating."

Nodoka watched Ranma slump. "Now, Ranma. I expect yo--"

"Order up!" The cherub thunked two glasses, one small and one large,
in front of Nodoka and Ranma and one cup of coffee in front of Urd,
spilling a little into the saucer.

"Hey! Take it easy!" Urd scolded.

The cherub snorted. "Ain't like you're gonna pay for it up here." It
flew off, the buzz of its wings reminiscent of an angry bee.

"Hmph!" Urd sipped her brew, relaxing. "Well, at least the
arbuckle's decent."

Nodoka and Ranma sipped their drinks, and looks of amazement crossed
their faces.

"Oishii!" Ranma said, then slapped her hand over her mouth, a
startled look on her face. She lowered her hand and looked
accusingly at Urd. "SEE?! Gah! I'm turnin' inta a GIRL! A GUY
would've said 'Mai'!"

It was all Urd could do not to burst into laughter. With a great
deal of control, she said evenly, "I see..."

"Ranma," Nodoka interrupted, "is this not as it should be? A woman
feels things differently than a man."

"Uh... how's that again?" Ranma asked, confused.

"As I understand it, you *are* a woman now, and you should begin
behaving appropriately."

"Okay, Momma, what's *that* supposed ta mean?" Ranma crossed her
arms and narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Don't get defensive, Dear," Nodoka admonished. "I'm only saying
that as a Saotome, your actions reflect on your family. As a Saotome
*woman*, you are obliged by giri to be the best woman you can be."

Ranma paled and shook lightly, her wide eyes staring. "Wha-What are
ya sayin', Momma?"

"Why, it should be obvious, Dear. You will be a 'woman among
women'." Nodoka sipped her iced mocha and then beamed at her
daughter. "You will do the Saotome name proud, Ranma-chan."

Ranma grabbed her own drink and nervously gulped down a large
portion of it.

Urd observed the Saotome matriarch appraisingly. <She's either going
to be a big help or a lot of trouble. I wish I knew which.> She
decided to save her student from an imminent meltdown.

"I... wouldn't worry about the emotional changes and the changes in
behavior too much, Ranma," Urd began. "You will stay *you*, but your
female side will be balancing things out. Hopefully, it also means
that you're going to be letting go of some of the male inhibitions
you have, which is important for the Goddess of Sex."

There was a handful of other patrons scattered throughout the coffee
shop, and in unison they all turned their heads (some leaning out of
their booths) to look at Ranma. One or two leered.

"Ya just HAD to say it, didn'tcha?" Ranma glared at Urd, and then
stared fiercely back at the rest of the shop, a faint blue glow
enveloping her. The other patrons hastily returned to their drinks.

"You shouldn't be embarrassed, Ranma-chan," Urd cooed, then
chuckled. "Being the One, One, Unlimited Deity of the Bedroom has
its perks, as I'm sure you'll find out."

Ranma turned as scarlet as her hair and sputtered, "I, I, I... Well!
I never!" She paled and smacked herself. "Gah! I'm doin' it again!"
Her hand fell away, and she stared at her mocha, depressed.

Urd reached across the narrow booth table and cupped Ranma's cheek.
"I wouldn't worry. You're probably going to swing back and forth a
lot before settling down."

"And as soon as you finish your training," Nodoka happily supplied,
"I'll arrange for a few omiai."

Ranma slid under the booth and face-faulted. "...gaaah... I'm a
*guuuy*..." she moaned. A moment later, Ranma's serious voice echoed
from underneath the table, "Momma, I don't think Akane'd like that
very much."

Nodoka started. "Oh, dear. I was forgetting about that." She looked
across at Urd. "This is going to be... difficult."

Urd nodded, smiled, and said, "Unless we make Akane a man, and
then..." She paused in thought.

*CLONK!* "OW!! Darn table... Senseeei, don't you even THINK about
it!" Ranma barked at Urd's legs.

The Norn grinned insanely. "YES! I AM the Cupid of Love!!
OOOH-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!!"

Nodoka sweatdropped at Urd's outburst, and Ranma peeked cautiously
over the edge of the table, peering around her iced mocha.

<I got a *baaad* feelin' about this...> Ranma thought, and then
looked up at her mother. <And that.>
____________________


A shot glass slammed down on the table, causing it to wobble and
knocking a few eons' worth of dirt and grime from the underside.
Mara peered blearily at the empty whisky bottle to her left and then
at the half-full fifth to her right. She made a grab at the
half-full bottle's neck, but missed by about a foot. Slowly moving
forward again, her hand weaved back and forth, like an errant moth
intent on a dead bulb. Closer... closer... She clipped the bottle's
neck, it began to tip on its way to the floor, but Mara's arm
bonelessly dropped, unintentionally catching the bottle where the
neck widened. She smirked lazily and dragged the hapless liquor
across the table.

She clutched the bottle to her bosom, the glass clinking against the
metal studs on her jacket, and smiled happily. "There ya go, my
sweet. You'll stay with ol' Mara, won'tja?" She raised the bottle,
took a lengthy swig, and returned it to its cradle.

"Nope. Won't give a girl roses, then run off after some other skirt.
Won't put traps and gators and hor-- hor-- HORRRRnets in my way.
Nope. You're my only friend. Yup."

Another slug went down.

"Nope. Won't love ya for a hunnert years and then go away. Nope."

This went on for some time, and then a shadow fell over the demoness
and her spirits.

"Oi! Yer in my light!"

"I thought I would find you someplace like this," a smooth, cultured
voice smirked.

Mara slowly turned her head up to look at the man standing over her.
"Retsu-chan!"

Retsuji winced at the diminutive and at the startlingly red veins
radiating out from Mara's irises. He elegantly waved his hand in
front of his face.

"Sit yerself down and have a slug!" Mara grabbed his arm and slung
him into a chair.

Retsuji adopted a superior expression while surreptitiously rubbing
his behind. "You are *such* a nasty drunk, Mara."

Mara guffawed, blowing fumes over the indignant demon. "That's the
way! Bottoms up!" She stuffed the other, empty, bottle into his
hands.

"Um... quite." He disdainfully sat the bottle back on the table
using only his fingertips, which he subsequently wiped with the
handkerchief he'd been using to cover his nose.

"Snob." Mara tried to glare, but her center of vision kept drifting
off.

"As much as I would like to join you," he lied, "I believe there are
matters close to the two of us that overlap and to which our mutual
aid would be beneficial."

Mara leaned to the side, staring at an unoccupied chair. "Whut?"

<Oh, for the love of...> "Mara!" He snapped his fingers three times.
"Over here!"

She managed to home back in. "Whut?" Mara gazed at Retsuji blankly,
the sclera of her eyes beginning to yellow, then a large grin
engulfed her face, her eyes shutting to little arches. "RETSU-CHAN!
When did you get here?!" Her grin went slack, and her forehead
slammed against the tabletop. Mara began to snore loudly.

Sighing and realizing that he was going to get nowhere with Mara in
her current stake, Retsuji held his hands up, about one foot apart.
He mumbled a few words in a guttural language, and black energy
sparked along his arms to his hands and out of the fleshy pads of
his fingers and thumbs. The separate elements of the black mana
began to swell and lose their opacity. All the pieces enlarged and
joined to form a ball of shadow, which Retsuji promptly slammed into
Mara's head.

"YEEOOOOOWWWW!!!" Mara awkwardly, but quickly, sat up. She tried to
rub her forehead, but her hands weren't cooperating well and she
almost poked her eye out.

"Awake now?"

"What's wrong with me?!" She was having difficulty keeping her body
straight in the chair.

"I only cleared your head; the rest of you is still besotted."

Mara glared at Retsuji, her eyes glowing red. "I was enjoying
myself, I'll have you know!"

"Oh, please." He held his handkerchief back up to his nose. "In this
dive?"

"It has atmosphere," Mara smirked and leaned back into her chair
only to fall out of it.

"Remember, Mara," he chuckled. "Only your head is being kept free of
booze."

"Jerk," Mara grumbled from the floor. She climbed back into her seat
with some difficulty and leaned heavily on the table, once she was
upright. "What do you want, anyway?"

Retsuji lowered his handkerchief. "About the apples of our eyes?"

"Oh. So?"

"I propose we help each other out. Whichever of us is occupied, the
other will run interference, with the understanding that we both get
a turn."

"Sounds... reasonable, and that makes me wonder why."

"I have found the, ah, local environment that my target inhabits to
be somewhat hostile."

"Meaning you got your butt kicked."

"Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but... yes." He paused,
then raised an eyebrow. "You don't seem to have fared any better."

"YOU shut up!"

"Are those bee stings?"

"SHUT IT!!"

"Hmph. Well, what do you say?"

"... Yeah, I guess."

"Very good. Now, we'll just wait for the rest of you to catch up."
The handkerchief returned to his nose.

"Grrr." Just to spite Retsuji, Mara took a long slug from the bottle
and set it down with a loud thud on the tabletop.

Retsuji just raised an eyebrow over his hanky. "What's *really*
biting you, Mara?" he asked from behind the cloth.

"None of your business," Mara muttered and stared at her lap. "Old
news."

His eyes widening in understanding, Retsuji said, "That was a *very*
long time ago, Mara. About a thousand years, if I recall correctly.
I would've thought you would've gotten over him by now."

Mara slumped back against her chair, keeping one hand on the table
to keep from falling over. "You don't get over someone like that."

"I... suppose not, but be happy for him. He was one of the few to
ever escape this place."

Mara stayed silent. Retsuji sighed as he spied a single tear running
down Mara's face. <They don't call it 'Hell' for no reason, Mara.>
____________________


"Ranma-chan, Ranma-chan. Where is my Ranma-chan?"

Muttering and cursing, Happousai bounced around the empty Furinkan
High building.

"Blast it all!"

He sat on top of the clock tower, his feet dangling over the edge.
He pulled out his pipe and puffed furiously.

"I know she did something to me last night, but what? I've never
felt anything like that before in my life... What a feeling! AND I
WANT MORE!!"

Putting his pipe away and bounding off, Happousai began to circle
Nerima Ward, spiraling back in to a point centered on the Tendou
Dojo.
____________________


Her hair was not quite as perfect as usual, but she didn't feel like
expending the energy to put it back into order. She was a little
tired; popping back and forth between her normal form and the
mini-goddesses -- not to mention the attentions of a certain groping
kendoist -- had taken the edge off of her good cheer. Belldandy
smiled wanly at the people seated around the table, ignoring those
still unconscious.

"Now, then," she thinly chirped, "is everyone satisfied as to my
nature?"

She received a round of nods and one uncharacteristic and nervous
"Hai" from Ryouga. Kodachi and Tatewaki were still out cold.

"Excellent! About Ranma-san... As I explained to some of you earlier
, Nabiki-san accidentally accessed a backdoor into Yggdrasil, the
mainframe computer responsible for this reality and that of the
other planes."

Everyone took a moment to look at the middle Tendou daughter.

*SIGH* "It was a *joke*, all right?" Nabiki crossed her arms,
looking thoroughly put out.

"Anyway," Belldandy continued, "as a result of the unauthorized file
creation, Ranma became the Class One Goddess of, erm, Sex."

"Uh... run that by me again," Ukyou said in disbelief.

"Ranma-san is the Class One, Category One, Unlimited License,
Goddess of Sex, Surface-World Trainee."

"Um... yeah... okay. And where is he now?"

"Why, she's on the kami-plane for an audience with Kamisama,"
Belldandy helpfully supplied.

"... Oh."

Tatewaki regained consciousness and staggered to his feet. He
brushed off his kendo gi and hakama and strode purposefully into the
tearoom, sitting down next to Nabiki. "What news of the pigtailed
girl?"

No one answered.

"The Heavens WEEP at the outrage! Hinder me NOT in my noble-- OOF!"

Faster than the eye could follow, Cologne whipped out her staff and
poked Tatewaki at a point on his chest, inducing instant
unconsciousness. She flipped him back out the open shoji with her
staff.

Kodachi, recently returned to consciousness as well, gasped as her
brother flew out the door. Cologne turned her ancient gaze on the
Kunou daughter.

"Are you going to cause problems, too?"

Eyes wide, Kodachi mutely shook her head. Cologne relaxed and
addressed Belldandy.

"We were about to touch on the subject of Ranma's status concerning
the rest of us before the circus decided to drop in. Now, what does
Ranma becoming a goddess mean for his family and friends?"

All interested parties leaned in to hear the Norn goddess' answer,
except for Kodachi, who was thoroughly confused.

"Well, Cologne-san, everybody, the rule in cases like this, rare as
they are, state that upon ascension all mortal obligations are
rendered null and void."

"WHAT?!" "WHAT YOU SAY?!"

"SILENCE!!!" Cologne's staff struck the table with a report like a
gunshot and halted the deluge of outraged questions. Satisfied,
Cologne turned back to Belldandy.

"I assume there is good reason for this."

"Oh, my, yes. A goddess must be free to perform duties of certain
natures that would inevitably conflict with pre-existing mortal
obligations."

"I see."

"Huh?" Ukyou asked intelligently.

"What she is saying," Cologne said tiredly, "is that fiancees would
simply get in the way."

"WHAT?! My family's honor DEPENDS on Ranchan marrying me! THERE'S NO
OTHER OPTION!!"

"I would quite agree with the serving woman, albeit for a different
end result, but I must confess to some... ignorance in these
proceedings. What is this talk of Ranma-sama being a goddess? Do you
not, instead, speak of the pigtailed harlot that shares my darling's
name?" Completely at sea, Kodachi searched the faces of those
present.

Belldandy said with concern, "She doesn't know?"

Most chuckled in embarrassment, scratching their heads or looking in
any direction other than that of Belldandy or Kodachi.

"Know WHAT? Do not speak to me of that foul rumor that has it that
my Ranma-sama and the pigtailed girl are the same... person... Why
are you all looking at me like that?"

"Kunou-san," Belldandy began hesitantly, "it *is* true. You see,
Ranma fell into one of the Jusenkyou springs. The magic of the
spring imposes its templated form whenever the victim is struck with
cold water. The pigtailed girl is Ranma's magically-induced form."

Kodachi sat silently for about thirty seconds, and then her right
eye began to twitch and the corners of her mouth began to quirk.

"Kunou-san?" Belldandy wondered what was going through her mind.

"If..." Kodachi began, then hesitated before speaking again. "If it
were anyone but you, Megami-sama, that suggested such a thing, I
would flog her until she screamed." Belldandy flinched. "I... find
this difficult to believe, that my Ranma-sama, a paragon of manhood,
suffers from this malady. Are there... others?"

Ryouga froze.

"There are many throughout the world," Belldandy said.

"Others here, I mean."

Bits of a stone Ryouga cracked and flaked off.

"Yes, child, there are," Cologne said. She briefly glanced at
Ryouga. "Perchance, have you seen a lavender-colored cat with dark
points and hair ornaments about?"

Ryouga almost fainted in relief.

Kodachi's eyes widened. "Why, yes, I have! Who..." She trailed off
as she saw Cologne pointing at the lavender-haired person with
ornaments in her hair sitting next to her. Shampoo sniffed and
looked pointedly out the open shoji. Kodachi set her jaw. "I want to
see this... magic."

"In time," Cologne said, "but for the moment, you will have to
operate on the assumption that it is true. I want to continue the
previous conversation, first." Cologne and Kodachi held gazes, until
Kodachi looked away and nodded.

Cologne addressed Belldandy again. "So, no pre-existing mortal
obligations?"

Belldandy shook her head. An angry Ukyou started to rise to her
feet, but Belldandy cut her off.

"Those rules are not mine," the goddess said, looking each claimant
to Ranma's hand in the eye. "They are Kamisama's. Are you prepared
to suffer His displeasure?"

The fiancees hadn't thought about it in quite those terms just yet,
and it was a group in somber reflection that Belldandy continued to
address.

"Ranma-san has a great deal to learn and will be assuming some
important duties as a Class One deity, once her training is
completed. I'm terribly sorry, but if you all continue to strive for
her hand, she will not be able to do what she must."

Ukyou, while upset, was not entirely convinced. She leaned across
the table and said, "Those rules mean she, grrr, he *can't* honor
his promises?"

"Well," Belldandy dithered, "she cannot be forced to accede to any
pre-existing demands. What she chooses to honor is her business, but
I must warn you that--"

"AHA!" Ukyou crowed as she stood, echoing the sentiments of Shampoo
and Kodachi. "I knew there was a loophole in there somewhere! Well,
you just better be sure that Ranchan chooses correctly, if you
understand me."

"But Ukyou-san, promises made by a--"

"Foul serving woman!" Kodachi rose to her feet. "Think you that the
noble Ranma-sama... er, boy or girl, ahem, would elect to spend the
prime of his glorious life peddling fast food with the likes of
you?"

"Watch yourself, Loony Bird! We ain't tangled yet, but I guarantee
you won't like the results!"

"Shampoo never give up! Airen mine!" Shampoo stood, glaring fiercely
at the other two.

"WHAT? Look here, Sugar, I'm--"

"Ranma-sama will, of course, choose--"

"Stupid Spatula-Girl! Crazy Rose Girl!"

The three women settled into a fierce bickering over the heads of
the rest. Akane was conspicuous by her lack of participation; she
had her head down, contemplating all that Nabiki had spoken of
earlier. Akane looked up into her sister's steady gaze and found,
instead of coldness, strength to bolster her flagging confidence.
Akane smiled, earning a nod of acknowledgment from the middle
Tendou.

<Oh, dear,> Belldandy thought. <I really *must* speak to Ranma-san
about making promises before something bad happens.> Her worry
solidified as she watched the women argue.
____________________


Each step brought an increasing sense of weight from the unseen
movement of the Ultimate Force of Destiny as Ranma, Urd, and Nodoka
approached the most magnificent building in all of Asgard, the air
itself charged with the almost tangible power of the structure.
Ranma looked up and up, marveling at the multi-colored flying
buttresses that never reached the ground, at how the tower seemed to
thicken and thin with little regard to reasonable design, and at the
top, which simply disappeared into the clouds. She could've stayed
there for hours, staring in amazement, but an insistent sensei broke
into her wonder.

"C'mon, kids, or we'll be late."

Urd herded Ranma and Nodoka into the oversized arch that served as
an entrance, down a wide hallway, and before another bank of
elevators that looked much the same as those in the Yggdrasil
complex. A car arrived in short order, a marked difference from the
other complex, and the threesome entered, Urd punching up the code
for their destination.

Nothing was said, as the car seemed to follow a mildly convoluted
path upwards, if Ranma was any judge of aerial direction changes.
The music of a string quartet drifted out of the overhead speakers,
and Ranma found herself unconsciously relaxing to the airy strains
of the piece's slow movement. Thus, it jarred her when the elevator
smoothly stopped and the doors whispered open. Clutching her katana
and Ukyou's battle spatula to her protectively, taking some comfort
from the familiarity of things martial, she stepped into yet another
hallway. Even the satchel of potty-trainers lent something to her
confidence.

The passage was not carpeted, but floored in a wood so rich in
texture and vibrant in color that it seemed to still be alive. The
walls were composed of an off-white substance that didn't quite seem
to be there, as the eye couldn't focus on it. Nevertheless,
paintings, tapestries, and other objets d'art from widely divergent
cultures hung upon those walls and lent a heavily eclectic air to
the decor. The ceiling seemed to be composed of the same material as
the walls and was simply an undetectable joining of the sides.

At the far end of the hallway, a large, unmistakably oaken desk sat
facing the visitors. Wide, thick, hammered bands of iron were
riveted into the wood in such a way as to both serve as part of the
fastenings and as part of the decoration. It was impressive in a
mountainous kind of way. The desk was topped with the ubiquitous
off-white computer monitor and keyboard and several papers in a neat
stack. A pottery cup held a few pencils and pens, while an ancient
quill pen and mount sat off to one side. The quill pen caught and
held the eye, and Ranma knew instinctively that it held some kind of
power. As her sensitivity to magic slowly increased, she'd seen
several things that had almost made her hair stand up during their
visit to Asgard.

As the visitors slowly made their way towards the desk, a woman
walked in from a side room, alternating between blowing on a large
mug and sipping its contents. Her hair's iron-gray hue, seemingly
inherent rather than the result of age, matched the metal bindings
of her desk nicely. Hearing the footsteps, she flicked her gaze over
the group approaching, and Ranma could see that the color of her
eyes matched her hair, the irises darker and somewhat harder than
Svava's had been. Ranma looked at Urd out of the corner of her eye
and saw her blanch slightly.

"Well, come, come," the woman said in business-like tones. "Time
waits for no man... or goddess."

The trio stepped up their pace and were quickly lined up for
inspection in front of the desk. The woman bathed each of them in a
calculating gaze that was surely tallying up their faults.

"Good afternoon. I am Moira, Kamisama's secretary. You must be the
four o'clock." She let her gaze rest on the elder goddess. "Urd."

Obviously uncomfortable, Urd replied, "Moira. Ah, good to see you."

Moira snorted delicately. "Don't lie, Urd. It only gets marked
against you." Moira seated herself and tapped on her keyboard a few
times.

Ranma sneaked another look at her sensei and noticed that Urd had
paled a little more.

"Saotome Ranko, correct?" Moira interrupted.

Ranma's head whipped around. "Ah, no, it's really Ranma, um,
Moira-sama."

"How's that again?" Moira leaned forward slightly.

"Heh, heh, 'Ranko' is a mistake. My name's really Ranma...
Moira-sama." Ranma fell to fidgeting as Moira returned her gaze to
the computer.

"Ah..." She turned back to Ranma, her eyes boring into her. "So
you're saying the system made a mistake, hmmm?"

It was apparent from her tone of voice that it was equivalent to
saying that Moira had made a mistake. Ranma thought furiously while
her mouth went on autopilot. "No, no! It was, um, you know, p-p-put
in wrong. A joke! Yeah, a joke." "Darn Nabiki," she subvocalized.

"Oh, well, that's understandable, then." Moira opened a drawer and
took out a form. "I can fix this, but it may take a few days to
filter down to all the necessary offices." She made a notation on
the form and turned back to the computer. "Oh, my," she uttered and
shook her head slowly.

"What?" Ranma asked nervously.

"You made some promises to Peorth. My sympathies."

Ranma and Urd bigsweated, while Nodoka, clearly over-awed, simply
stood there. Thus far, she'd had little to relate to since entering
the building.

Moira sighed and looked at the mortal woman. "And who is this?"

"Um, my mom, Moira-sama."

"She's not on the appointment list."

Nodoka finally came to. "Ah, I'm just accompanying my so-- daughter.
I'm not seeing anyone, thank you." She bowed to the secretary.

"Ah, well, have a seat." Moira indicated a couch to one side. "It'll
be nice to have someone to chat with while the other two are seeing
Him."

Nodoka bowed again and moved over to the couch. Ranma also bowed.
"Thank you for taking care of Momma, Moira-sama."

Softening considerably, Moira smiled at her. "Such a sweet and
respectful child, but no 'sama' for me. You're the goddess, you
know." Moira winked at her.

"A-heh."

Cocking her head slightly, Moira was silent for a second, then
returned her attention to her remaining two visitors. "Kamisama will
see you now. Ranma, you can lean your weapons against the desk. No
one will bother them." She speared Urd with her gaze for a second
before a set of double doors to the other side opened quietly.

Ranma gulped and Urd steadied herself, then both walked in, the
doors closing silently behind them.

Moira turned and looked at the once-again awed Nodoka. "So, dear,
you must be very proud."

Nodoka creaked her head around and gave Moira a wall-eyed look.

Moira smiled at the woman, and rising to pat Nodoka on the hand, she
said, "Let me get you a cup of tea. Green, right?"

     ~~~~~

Absently noting the soft closing of the doors behind her, Ranma
walked beside Urd in a void of gray. No detail, no sense of place.

"Where are we, Sensei?"

"I am in a wood-floored hallway, just like outside. You aren't able
to see it yet."

"... Oh."

"If all goes well, you'll see it on your way out."

Although confused, Ranma kept her silence and continued forward. A
few moments later, she abruptly stopped, running into an unseen but
yielding barrier.

"What..."

"Push through," Urd encouraged.

Blinking, Ranma studied the nothing in front of her.

"Push through and follow your heart."

Finally nodding, Ranma stepped forward, moving through what felt
like very dense air, and out the other side. She quickly looked back
to see Urd standing in an... emptiness.

"I don't--"

"How do you feel?"

That stopped her. She did feel different, but she wasn't sure how,
exactly. Maybe like she'd just forgotten something... or lost
something. Urd didn't wait for an answer and walked ahead, Ranma
scrambling a little in her wake.

The first thing Ranma noticed in the new room was the plants, all
kinds of plants. The green was so thick in the air it could be
smelled. Ranma found it oddly relaxing.

In the midst of the greenery sat a desk, illuminated in slices of
soft light and cloaked with patches of impenetrable shadow. The form
of a man could be discerned, reclining in a chair, a cup of wine at
his hand. Sections of his clothing could be seen, but not enough of
any of it to understand the cut or pattern. His face was veiled in
shadow, only the silhouette against the background lending form.

Urd led them on an obvious path through the growth, stopping several
steps from the desk. Nothing was said for several long seconds,
until the man spoke.

"Urd. Circumstances have contrived to bring you home sooner than
expected."

Ranma marveled at how every nuance of amused observation seemed
wrapped up in the voice and intent of the speaker, so much so that
she forgot the weight of the moment and chuckled herself.

Urd burned red in embarrassment, but she had the presence of mind to
remember her manners.

"All-Father, may I present Saotome Ranma."

Urd pushed her forward a couple of steps, and Ranma's mirth fled.
She could see the man's head turn fractionally, and the force of his
gaze was almost painful. This was as far beyond battle aura as a
forest to a toothpick; she found the analogy lacking.

The man simply studied her, and Ranma finally fell through whatever
delay in comprehension she'd erected to preserve her center and
understood that this, this was Kamisama! Although she couldn't see
his eyes, Ranma could feel a subtle warmth flood through her brain.
All manner of memories and feelings were being turned over and
examined. A tsunami of panic welled up in her, and she felt every
bad thing she'd ever done stay turned over and rise up to confront
her, mocking her right to hold her godhead.

The list of offenses was wide and varied; from as insignificant as
hiding a teacup she'd broken from Kasumi to as damning as hiding
himself from his mother. But one habit caused her the most shame,
and Ryouga had been a primary recipient. The different periods,
separated by years, of teasing Ryouga, baiting him to anger and
ineffectualness played before her mind's eye. It may've been an
accepted battle tactic, but it forever erected a wall between them
and lessened them both. It was not the way a real goddess would have
behaved.

Although that seemed bad enough, the worst by far was the suffering
she'd caused a certain young woman, who'd figured strongly in her
thoughts of the last year. She knew in her thoughts that their
teasing had some value as play between them, but she knew in her
heart that it also caused pain.

She had never enjoyed keeping Akane at arm's length, but she'd been
too angry and afraid of what would happen if she didn't. She also
considered herself too much of a coward to face up to the
responsibility Akane represented, prearranged though it had been. So
she'd taken the easy way out, teasing and hurting, and keeping the
vicious cycle alive. And for what? Pride? Fear of what the others
would do? Now, none of it seemed like even remotely good reasons,
especially for a woman about to step over the edge into forever.

A suitable goddess would not have the remembered tears of her
beloved's pain running through her soul, leaving vicious wounds in
their wake and blood on the virgin snow of an undeserved divinity.

<I love you, Akane... Oh, what have I done?!>

"I'm not worthy," she whispered, quaking in shame.

Urd started and stared at the back of Ranma's head, but the
redheaded goddess couldn't see anything past her sudden tears.

"I'm not a good enough person to be a goddess." <Oh, Akane...> Ranma
slowly fell to her knees and stared at the blurry floor. Urd moved
to comfort her, but the weight of Kamisama's gaze made her move
back.

"Ranma," His voice softly spoke, seeking out every corner of the
room, "if you so wish, you may return to mortal life. But I ask you,
what is the first duty of a martial artist?"

<Wha-What...?> Rubbing the backs of her hands over her eyes, she
blinked across the desktop at the hidden being. <I don't...
understand... the first duty?>

"Um... t-to protect those who c-can't protect themselves," she
recited from rote, her voice cracking.

Ranma waited for some response, but all she received was the sense
that He was waiting on her. <What? I don't... first duty? Why is
that important now?>

It was true; it was part of the canon that had been drilled into her
since she could remember. Of what value were all the skills and,
eventually, all the power at her disposal as a martial artist unless
one had a noble cause in which to employ it? She'd been obliged to
learn the family Art as a matter of giri and the need to carry it
forward, but the sheer power and potential lethality of her skills
and abilities was a heavy responsibility, and Ranma had committed
herself to seeing that they were used for the better good. But what
did that have to do with being a goddess?

<Okay, Saotome, think this through. First duty... What's different
about the first duty then and now?> She protected them then, when
asked, and she could protect them now. <What's the difference? What
about bein' a goddess makes the first duty... different...>

The reason became blindingly apparent. The difference was not in the
duty, but in the degree. What was one of the fundamental principles
upon which she lived her life? The first duty. How best could she
fulfill the first duty of all martial artists: as a mortal or a
goddess?

Ranma closed her eyes and breathed. <Why me? There are better folks
for this... aren't there?>

Words spoken yesterday and a lifetime ago rang in her memory with
Skuld's voice. <"...we were about to undo the godhead, but Kami-sama
spoke and said no."> <"You *know* how Kami-sama is. Capital-F Fate
this; capital-D Destiny that.">

Fate. Destiny. Ranma wasn't too sure about both at the same time,
but one or the other had been playing with her for most of her life.
Maybe she wasn't the best, or the most deserving, but she was the
one standing here now, with the opportunity to fulfill the first
duty beyond her wildest expectations. And wasn't that all she could
really ask for in life? Better meaning would not easily be found.

With that meaning behind her, she would do her best. She would even
confront her femininity head on. She would do it, *had* to do it;
for herself, for Kamisama... for Akane.

Shakily climbing to her feet, Ranma smiled back at Urd, and then
faced forward. "If... if You'll have me, if... if You think I'm...
worthy enough, then I... accept. I will be a goddess."

She could feel Urd's elation, but Kamisama exuded nothing. After a
long moment, He seemed to move, and then vanished. Before she could
react, the palm of a hand appeared in front of her. She caught a
glimpse of the face behind it and thought, <Oh, gods! It's so-->
before the palm connected with her forehead marking and her mind
went white--

     ~~~~~

"So, are you married, Moira-sama?" Nodoka had recovered a great deal
of her composure and quickly fell into the time-tested social arena
of The Tea.

"Oh, please, Nodoka. Just Moira. I'm not a goddess; I'm a Valkyrie
flunk-out."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I don't know what I would've done if I didn't have a flair for
clerical work. Oh, well. No matter. I didn't relish lugging around a
broadsword and shield, anyway. Besides," she said in a whispered
aside, "I get far more respect here than I ever would duking it out
on the battlefield."

Both women snickered.

"Now my daughter, on the other hand. Well, she's cut from a
different bolt than me; all 'Kiya!' and 'Have at Thee!' and 'Taste
my sword!' She's her father's child, that's for sure."

"You must be very proud," Nodoka beamed.

Moira winked. "Yes, I am, but I'd never admit it to my husband."

They both giggled for a good thirty seconds.

After they'd calmed down, Moira rubbed her moist eyes and said, "And
you! Your daughter's going to be a first-rank goddess, of all
things! YOU must be proud."

Nodoka's face grew a little troubled. "I am, but it was... not the
future I had envisioned. It seems Fate had other ideas."

Moira nodded wisely. "Yes, Fate can be a real problem, sometimes. So
can Destiny. You should meet *their* daughters. My goodness!"

Nodoka blinked at that.

     ~~~~~

--and she collapsed into Urd's arms, trembling, shaking, and blind.

"Are you all right, Ranma-chan?" Urd hugged her gently.

"I... hurt," Ranma whispered. "My body hurts, my brain hurts... my
teeth hurt."

"Rebirth, Ranma-chan; it always hurts."

Ranma blinked heavily, regaining her vision, and stared into a
section of darkness in the room. "That was a point of no return,
wasn't it?"

"Yeah, you could say that. But... I'm glad. Welcome, student." Urd
kissed her on the forehead.

"Th-Thanks, Sensei."

Urd helped Ranma to her feet, and they both stood in front of
Kamisama, who was again seated in shadow. He had one more item of
business.

"There is a man," He said, "that will teach you the way of the
sword."

A card appeared in midair. Ranma reached up and brought it down,
reading the name and address. "This is... back home?"

One could almost sense an unseen eyebrow going up. "He is possibly
the finest swordsman on any plane, and his benefactor... owes me a
favor." There were volumes unspoken, but no clarification was
forthcoming. "Show him the card. Study well and learn. From him and
from Urd... and from others that you will happen upon."

Ranma clutched the card to her and bowed low. "I will...
All-Father."

Kamisama paused, then said, "If they wish, include your beloved and
your mother."

Straightening awkwardly, a confused Ranma said, "Of-Of course,
All-Father."

"Urd, come back and see me for a moment after you take Ranma out.
Also, take her to see the head of personnel before you leave today."

"Personnel? Um... Oh!" She grinned. "Right."

Ranma was still somewhat out of it and not a little confused, so Urd
supported her as they left the office. Ranma's eyes caught and
followed the grain of the wood in the hallway floor. She smiled.

<It *did* go well, didn't it, Sensei?>

     ~~~~~

"And what does your husband do, Dear?"

"He is a martial artist," Nodoka said, sounding a bit stuffy.

Moira raised an eyebrow, but before she could respond, the doors to
Kamisama's office opened. Urd came out, helping an obviously shaken
Ranma. Nodoka was out of her seat in an instant, but Moira merely
smiled and stayed seated.

"Ranma! Are you all right?" Nodoka fussed over her, dabbing at her
child's eyes with a handkerchief.

"Yeah, Momma. I'm okay. Just a little tired."

"She did very well," Urd beamed. "She accepted her Destiny before
Kamisama."

"But, but... she doesn't look good! What happened?" Nodoka was not
impressed with Urd's good cheer.

Urd sighed, smiling. "Ranma is now fully a kami. Her essence is of
this plane."

Nodoka straightened. "Wasn't she already?!"

"Almost completely, yes, but without commitment and without the
Final Understanding."

"What...?"

"She committed herself to her new life before Kamisama, and she
underwent the Final Understanding. Ranma?"

Ranma removed herself from Urd's grasp and leaned into her mother's.
"I... I was everything, and everything was me. I... I saw it all! I
was all! And now..."

"And now," Urd finished for her, "you are small and blind again."

Ranma nodded her head.

Urd put her arms around both mother and daughter. "It's always a
shock to the mind and to the system to suddenly be crammed back into
yourself after that experience. It's very... humbling."

"And," Moira chimed in, "they often have to carry them out
unconscious. Ranma's very strong to have held up this well."

Still unsure what to make of events, Nodoka hugged her child to her
a little more tightly, far from ready to have the apron strings
fully cut.

"Please excuse me, but I'm not quite through." Urd released the
Saotomes and strode back into Kamisama's office, the doors again
silently closing behind her.

     ~~~~~

Ranma, Urd, and Nodoka were silent as they rode the elevator to
another section of the building. Nodoka's mind was awhirl with the
implications of Urd's and Ranma's description of what had transpired
while she'd waited with the secretary. She briefly smiled at the
promises she and Moira had made to visit, should the occasion ever
arise.

Ranma was slowly coming back to herself, but the clarity with which
she now viewed her life was still strong. She firmly resolved to put
paid to a number of issues when she got home. As she absently
fingered her katana, she hoped the after-effects of the Final
Understanding would last till then.

Urd was puzzling over Kamisama's last instructions. <"In future,
Ranma may want, or need, to know about avatars. You will understand
when the time comes.">

<Avatars? What in the world would a trainee goddess want with an
avatar?> Urd shook her thoughts loose as the elevator car slid to a
stop and opened onto a scene out of any busy office... except for
the persons floating to and fro, the occasional winged angel or
other being, and assorted other oddities.

Ranma flicked a glance over to the elevator control panel. It read:
47th Floor - Personnel. "What are we doing here, Sensei?"

Urd managed to hide her smirk on the other side of her face. "You'll
see."

Ranma and her mother exchanged curious glances as they stepped out
of the car, following Urd through the maze of desks and busy office
persons. They had to stop once to allow a train of bizarre creatures
go by that Ranma was sure were not of her Earth.

"Out of work deities from other, ah, realities and worlds,
especially those with single, unified cultures," Urd explained. "We
always have more work than anybody else. That's the problem with
having multiple religions with hundreds of variants. Not enough
grunts to take care of all the day-to-day stuff."

"... ... Oh... ... Aliens?!" Ranma gawked.

"Yup." And she took off again.

Ranma looked back, noticing that one of the creatures sported a
tiger-striped outfit. She shrugged and turned back around.

Their sojourn quickly ended before a large, oaken door. <What is it
with oak up here?> Ranma wondered. The title on the door read: Vice
President - Personnel.

Urd knocked once, heard the invitation to enter come through the
door, and opened the door and stepped in. Ranma and Nodoka looked
around Urd to see a woman leaning back in a leather office chair,
rubbing her eyes. Nodoka thought the woman looked oddly familiar,
but she couldn't quite place from where.

Ranma, on the other hand, knew her features intimately well and let
her jaw hit the floor and bounce back up. Letting her weapons fall
to the ground, she bounded over to the woman and cupped her face in
her hands.

"A- A- AKANE?!?!" Ranma's gaze darted to and fro, recognizing a
number of beloved facial features.

The startled woman blinked her eyes open, rings of fire flashing in
her irises. Ranma then came to the correct conclusion that no, this
wasn't Akane.

"Oh, hello!" The woman smiled at Ranma. "Um, no, child. My name's
Amaterasu."

Every ounce of blood drained from Ranma's face, her eyes swallowed
her skull, and her mouth started working without much guidance.
"Ama-- Ama-- Ama--"

Amaterasu nodded happily. "Amaterasu Oumikami. What's your name?"

"AAAIIIIEEEEEEE!!!" Before everyone's astounded eyes, Ranma began
bouncing around in place, freezing for a split-second in various
poses, most of them penitent.

*Zip!* Bowing before Amaterasu. "Ack! Sorry!" *Zip!* Facing away
with warding signs. "Sorry!" *Zip!* Hands in claws beseeching the
sky. "Gah! Amaterasu!"

Then it got weirder.

*Wham!* Prostrate against the wall, about three feet up. "Ack!
Sorry, sorry!" *Thunk!* Wedged in one corner of the ceiling, curled
into a ball. "Amaterasu... EEEEEP!!!" *ZIP!* Kneeling *on* the
ceiling, placing her forehead against a suspended tile. "Gomen
nasai, Amaterasu-sama! Gomengomengomengomen--"

Amaterasu was starting to get annoyed.

*ZIP!* *Snag!* WHUMP!

"Yeah," Urd quipped, "I had to do that too, when we first met."

Amaterasu let go of Ranma's leg. Ranma was staring up at her with
pinpoint eyes.

"Hello, Urd. Long time. Who is this, anyway?"

Urd walked forward and knelt at Ranma's side. "Saotome Ranma, the
new Class One Goddess of Sex in training."

"Oh! Her!" Amaterasu's eyes sparkled as she picked Ranma up from the
ground and looked her over. "Ooo! A nice native girl from back home!
How nice!" She looked Ranma up and down once. "Hai, she'll make a
fine sex goddess with a build like that."

THAT snapped Ranma out of it. "Hey! I'm a guy! ... EEP!
Akanemeratsu! EEP! I mean, Amane! Um..."

"There, there, child." Amaterasu hugged her tight. "None of that.
You're one of us, now."

Ranma's eyes bulged at the thought of THE goddess from back home
calling her 'one of us'. But the sentiment was genuine, and Ranma
calmed slightly and weakly returned the hug. "Uh... thanks,
Amaterasu-sama."

The elder goddess tsked and pulled back from the hug. "Now, now. All
my friends call me Ama-chan. Ne, Ranma-chan?"

Ranma blink-blinked. Surely not! But if Amaterasu said so, it should
be so. Right? Surely not! Right? Sure--

The fire in Amaterasu's eyes flared briefly, and she said, a little
harder, "Ne, Ranma-CHAN?"

"Eh?! Ah, sure... Ama-ch-ch-chan," she squeaked.

Amaterasu beamed sunlight at Ranma. "That's more like it!" She sat
Ranma down and noticed the third member of their party. She floated
over to Nodoka. "And what's your name, Dear?"

Nodoka was frozen.

"Dear?"

A stiff thump echoed in the room as Nodoka fell backwards, straight
as a board.

Ranma bounded over and checked her mother's condition. "She's okay."
Ranma stood. "Momma's a real traditional lady; visits the shrines,
says her prayers, honors her ancestors. Ummm, meeting you was
probably a bit much for her ta take. Probably worse than Kamisama
woulda been. A-heh."

Amaterasu tsked again and picked Nodoka up with no obvious strain
and carried her over to a couch.

<Jeez, she's as strong as Akane, too.>

"Urd-chan, would you get a cool, wet towel for me? Ranma-chan,
you'll find some tea things in the corner. Oolong today, I think."

"Hai." "Hai."

Their host settled onto the couch with Nodoka's head in her lap.
____________________


"Prokofiev, Symphony 3, Third Movement."

The quirky strains of the folk-music-based scherzo filled the large
room with its controlled expression of energy and chaos.

It suited his mood perfectly.

Kamisama often envied the inhabitants of Midgard, the mortal realm.
Their lives were largely their own, and the sense of never knowing
exactly what was going to happen next lent the occasional dash of
excitement. Of course, there was always the fear of eventual or
accidental death, but even that was not necessarily an ending. All
of these factors combined to create and maintain joy in life and a
constant striving for the better, even if it became twisted in some
individuals.

He could have maintained a vigil over every single action on
Midgard, but since He did set it all in motion, it was far more
satisfying to simply see where they took themselves. The end result
was worth every moment of sadness and difficulty in holding Himself
back.

One such fascinating result had but recently left His office. He
kept His eye on numerous mortals for various reasons. Some because
they were a cut above, or below, the norm. Still others seemed to
generate conflict by their simple existence. Yet others drew the
strange and unusual like moths to a flame. And even more rarely, a
handful combined all of these traits and even managed to draw others
of like disposition. The image of Ranma settled in His mind.

Conversely, life on the kami-plane was starting to become a little
stagnant. For its own health, it needed a little shot of chaos now
and again. He'd been considering a number of possible remedies for
some little while, but as usual, circumstance, Fate, or Destiny,
whichever suited you, wrought a far better and more effective
solution.

He chuckled. Ranma was perfect beyond His expectations and would
indeed stir the pot and keep folks on their toes, none ever quite
knowing from which direction His will would next manifest. Yes, far
better to simply allow things and events to have their head.

And far more entertaining.

Looking down at what awaited His newest goddess upon her homecoming,
He chuckled again. Perhaps Ranma could use a *small* edge. He
reached out and tapped a few keys on a console set flush with the
top of His desk, adjusting a parameter in the coded guts of the
Yggdrasil system. The system churned, processing the change.

Satisfied, He leaned back in His chair, sipped His wine, and enjoyed
the music.
____________________


The sounds of conversation slowly brought Nodoka back to
consciousness. She cracked her eyelids, but found her vision
obscured by a wet cloth.

"Anou..."

"Oh!" a voice exclaimed.

The towel was lifted away, and Nodoka looked up into a pair of fiery
eyes. She panicked for a second, and then a great calm descended on
her. "I'm ready," she said softly.

Amaterasu blink-blinked. "For what?"

"To face my fate. I know I haven't been the best of mothers, but
I've tried to uphold the honor of my clan, and to see to it that--"

"Dear."

"Hai?"

"You're not dead; you fainted."

It took a second for that to sink in and to recall the events just
previous. "Oh."

A spate of giggling from beyond her feet caused Nodoka to sit up and
look at a red-faced Urd and her matching daughter. Nodoka glared at
Ranma, and she shut up, although she was still having some
difficulty keeping a straight face.

"Hmph!" Nodoka seated herself a little closer to the one person not
laughing, and turned to speak to her host. Amaterasu's eyes gleamed
back at her.

"... eep..."

"It's very nice to meet you, Mother to Ranma. As I'm sure you heard,
I'm Amaterasu Oumikami." She bowed from the waist.

"U-U-Ummm, I-I'm S-S-Saotom-m-me N-N-Nodoka... Amaterasusama!"
Nodoka bowed fully from the waist, placing her forehead on the
cushion.

"Now, Nodoka-san, this is my day job, not a temple." She pulled
Nodoka upright. "Now, sit right here and keep me company."

"All r-r-right. If that is your will, Amaterasu-sama." Nodoka sat
stiffly, looking straight ahead.

Amaterasu tsked for the third time and sighed. "If Ranma-chan can
call me Ama-chan, so can her mother, ne?"

Nodoka was mortified.

"I insist."

Nodoka nodded slowly. "If that is your will, Ama... chan."

"Besides, Nodoka-chan, the days of my real importance are long past.
Brrrr, Susano-oh, caves... Brrr, I say."

Urd chuckled. "You're still spoken of in reverence, though."

"Habit, more like," Amaterasu amended with a wink. "My, but it's
been a long time since I was back. How does my land fare?"

"Well enough, I guess," Urd answered. "Hard to say, since I wasn't
there when you were. Technology is the new god, I think."

"Mmmm, it's been that way here since I can remember. Ne, SysOp Urd?"

They cackled, while Ranma tried to figure out the joke and Nodoka
managed to unlock a couple of her many joints.

"While I'm really glad for the visit, what can I do for you, Urd?"

"HE wanted me to bring Ranma to you. Ranma's carrying something that
belongs to you."

"Oh, yes. I noticed my old blade. May I see it, Ranma-chan?"

Ranma jumped. "Of course!" She bounded over, fetched the katana, and
bounded back.

"My, you're certainly energetic!"

"You don't know the half of it, Ama-chan," Urd snickered.

"Senseeeei," Ranma growled.

But before they could get into a friendly squabble, Amaterasu stood
and drew the blade. The flare from the Tiger's Eye on the pommel was
painful, even if you weren't looking. The glow from the blade was
only exceeded by the brilliance of Amaterasu herself. She *was* the
Sun.

<Now that's POWER,> Ranma thought, and Urd's musings echoed it.

It had been a long time since Urd had seen one of the higher-ranking
deities express their abilities, and even though Amaterasu was
technically the same rank as Belldandy, Amaterasu demonstrated that
there was ranking even within the Class Ones, and Amaterasu was
*very* high on a long list.

Amaterasu dimmed and went out, except for her irises. She sheathed
the blade and admired it. "That brings back some memories. Been a
long time since I put the fear of permanent dissolution into the
hearts of demons." She shook herself. "Oh, well. Better times are
with us now."

Urd snorted, thinking of Mara.

"Does... does it have a name?" Ranma asked quietly.

"Hoshi-no-shinzou."

"Star Heart," Ranma repeated reverently. The idea of a weapon had
begun to grow on her... a little.

"Treat her well, and she won't let you down."

"I will!" Ranma said with shining eyes.

"Oh! Let me show you a nice trick you can do with the sword."
Amaterasu concentrated briefly, and the sword vanished.

"URK!"

Amaterasu winked at Ranma. "Never fear." She held out her hand and
called, "HOSHI-NO-SHINZOU!!!" The unsheathed blade appeared in her
hand, flaring into life. After a second, the scabbard appeared in
Amaterasu's other hand, and she sheathed the blade and handed it
back to Ranma. "Now you try."

The Tiger's Eye flared lightly as the katana changed hands.
Boggling, Ranma said, "How?!"

Smiling patiently, Amaterasu instructed, "For the first time, close
your eyes." Ranma complied. "Now feel the sword's weight in your
hand and picture it in your mind. See it?"

"... Yeah..."

"You should also be seeing an afterimage of it off to one side.
Picture the sword moving onto the afterimage."

Ranma's hands were abruptly light, and her eyes shot open. "ACK!
Where'd it go?! Where'd it go?!" She fanned her arms in panic.

"Calm down, Ranma-chan. It isn't lost! Hold out your sword hand,
picture yourself holding it, and move the sword from the place of
the afterimage into your hand."

Ranma squinted her eyes shut and grunted.

"You're trying too hard. Again."

Ranma found something of her center and concentrated. She felt the
sudden weight in her hands and almost dropped the sword in surprise.
It tried to flare, but guttered out from the confused state of
Ranma's mind. "Wow! But, but... I didn't call out for it!"

Amaterasu waved her hand absently. "Oh, that's just for show."

Ranma face-faulted, forgetting the live blade this time.

"Remember what I said about style," Urd admonished, wagging her
finger.

"Uh, right," Ranma mumbled from the floor.

Urd became wistful all of a sudden. "It was good seeing you,
Ama-chan, and as much as I'd like to stick around, we should think
about finding Skuld and heading back."

"Yeah," Ranma said as she got to her feet, "it'll be suppertime
soon."

"Always the stomach, ne, Ranma?" Urd teased.

"Ha ha."

"Oh, it was so very nice to meet all of you!" Amaterasu beamed. She
gathered Ranma up in a hug. "I'm counting on you to do well for home
and country!"

"Su-sure!" Ranma stuttered and exercised her manners. "Um, if you're
ever down, don't forget to drop by."

Amaterasu leaned back and held Ranma out at arm's length. "How
sweet! I just might!"

Ranma paled slightly. "A-heh."

She turned her attention to Nodoka. "It was a pleasure, Nodoka-chan.
Take good care of yourself and Ranma-chan."

"Of-Of course, Amatera-- er, Ama-- chan." Nodoka had to fight off an
urge to rush to the nearest shrine. Then she realized that there
probably weren't any... up here. Or the whole place was one big
shrine. Or--

"Urd-chan, take care."

"I will. Don't give the faceless masses too much trouble," Urd
smirked.

"Taa-taa!" Amaterasu waved at them.

Waving in reply, the threesome stepped out of the office and made
their way back through the maze of desks, Nodoka being led by the
hand.

Sighing, Amaterasu shut her office door and shuffled back to her
desk. Shaking herself, she returned her attention to the pile of
forms in front of her. After a few moments, her attention wandered
and she stared through the paper at some unseen point.
Unfortunately, the force of her gaze was something to contend with,
as well.

Everyone in the office pool jumped as a shriek tore through the air.
The VP's door slammed open, and smoke and bits of burning triplicate
billowed out.
____________________


Belldandy had managed to mostly sneak away from the arguing women,
although she'd gotten a nod of acknowledgment from Cologne. She made
her way to the dojo, and stopped before the faintly-glimmering
shield she'd placed around the structure to protect the gate.

Raising her palms to the magical ward, she intoned, "Mine essence
begat thine. Suffer me to pass."

She pushed through the shield with her upright hands, the vertical
energy pooling around her arms like liquid. Satisfied, she easily
walked through, and the mark of her passing rippled outward with the
same effect a pebble makes when dropped into still water.

Entering the dojo, she made for the gate, but she espied a small
shrine to one side. Debating for a moment, she decided on the
shrine. <It'll do in a pinch.>

Kneeling before the diminutive structure, she clasped her hands,
closed her eyes, and concentrated. However, the noise of the
bickering women, inconveniently unblocked by the shield, made it
difficult.

"Urd, Sister, Norn, and Goddess of the Past, HEAR ME!"

     ~~~~~

As they strolled back towards the Yggdrasil complex, Nodoka and
Ranma took the time for a last marvel at the sights. Urd was
enjoying their gawking.

She abruptly stumbled.

"Sensei?"

     ~~~~~

Belldandy rose, bowed to the shrine, and left the dojo.

<I hope she got that okay...>

The shouting outside rose and fell in intensity.

<What a mess! Well, at least Urd should end up having the time of
her life.>

Chuckling, Belldandy returned to the house proper.

     ~~~~~

<What? Bell! What?>

"Sensei?" Ranma's tone was a little more insistent.

Urd snapped her head up. "Oh! Ah... Just got a message from Bell.
Something about... a promise? I haven't promised anything...
lately."

Confused, Urd continued on. They collected a waiting Skuld at the
entrance to the complex and made their way back to the gate.

As they approached the courtyard that contained the transport gate
that they'd arrived on, Ranma paused and looked around, trying to
take in all the sights once last time. She noticed Urd stop and
approach.

"Don't worry, student. You'll have ample opportunity to come back in
future. This is part of you now."

Ranma sighed, then smiled and nodded at Urd, stepping towards the
courtyard and promptly floating away, out of control. The satchel
and battle spatula fell to the ground with a thump and a clang.

"WAAAAHHH!!!" Ranma scrabbled at the air and bicycled her legs.
"Whaa-What?! EEP!" She bumped into a stone arch.

Urd rolled her eyes and said, "Ranma, just will yourself down and
then will the levitation to stop! It's that simple!"

"Says you! All this magic stuff... GAH!"

"Just try? For me?" Urd wheedled tiredly.

"Yeah, yeah... Hold on." Ranma concentrated for a second and then
fell out of the air with a splat. "Iii... teee..."

"Down first, then off. A child could do it! You weren't having this
much trouble before!" Exasperated, Urd threw her hands in the air
and stalked through the arch.

Growling, Ranma crawled to her feet and dusted herself off. "Yeah,
yeah," she grumbled and followed, picking her items up from the
ground.

Nodoka and Skuld waited outside the ring of the gate.

"What was all the fuss, Dear?"

"Uh... seems I can float again... all of a sudden."

Skuld looked up at Urd, confused. "How?"

Urd shrugged. "HE must've done it. How else?"

Muttering, Skuld walked to the center of the gate.

Urd looked at her. "Aren't you and Ranma using the pool?"

"After last time?! No thank you!"

"Hey! It wasn't my fault!" Ranma cried.

Urd massaged her temples. <This job is going to be more trying than
I thought.> She dropped her hands. "Never mind. Let's just go."

The rest followed her onto the gate.

Centering herself, Urd began the necessary chant for the return
trip. Ranma could feel the magic gathering around her. She abruptly
floated off the ground again.

"ACK!"

The exclamation broke Urd's concentration, and she gazed balefully
at the hovering redhead. "We have GOT to teach you control. The
first thing, in fact." Urd paused. <Funny. That's what Bell's always
saying to me. Hmph.>

Urd grabbed the hem of Ranma's goddess robes. "Hang there. It won't
matter."

Restarting the incantation, Urd closed her eyes and concentrated.
Ranma watched as the courtyard was replaced by pearly white.
____________________


Retsuji stopped in front of the gates to the Tendou compound and
waited for Mara to come stumbling up. Her hair was stringy, her
breath stank, and her eyes were still bloodshot. Retsuji waved his
hand in front of his face.

"Maybe you should've cleaned up a bit first."

"Never mind that," Mara said, puffing and wheezing.

"Are you sure about this? I don't think you're of the proper
mentality to be, ah, man-hunting. And you're still full of whiskey,
as well." He pulled out a comb and straightened one of his hairs
that was out of place.

"You fop. I don't care. Let's go."

"I don't know *what* you see in this mortal," he sighed
dramatically.

Mara stood as straight as she could and leveled her current best
direct gaze at her companion. "Is your memory that bad? He looks
just like... just like..."

"Ah." Retsuji thought for a moment. "It's unlikely to *be* him, you
know."

Shrugging, Mara said, "I'll take what I can get."

Nodding in understanding, he turned to examine the wooden gate
before him. "Well, my dear, shall we sneak?"

During their short conversation, they failed to notice a little man
bounce over the wall and into the yard.
____________________


"Oh, yeah?! Just you wait till MY Ranchan gets back, Sugar, and
we'll SEE who he talks to first!" <You wouldn't disappoint your
Ucchan, would you, Ranchan?>

Ukyou's foul mood from earlier had returned in force, thanks to the
presence of two of her major irritants. The argument had moved into
the backyard, everyone stepping over or on a still-unconscious
Tatewaki, but surprisingly, Kodachi was content to watch the other
two insult each other.

"Aiyaa! Stupid Spatula-Girl no good womans for Airen! How Airen say
no to this?" Shampoo rubbed her hand up and down her body. "Now no
stupid engagement with Pervert-Girl, Shampoo no have big obstacle!"

Kodachi raised an eyebrow and begrudgingly acknowledged the
immigrant's partial point. <Of course, not that he WOULD, with such
as you.>

Ukyou worked Shampoo's statement around in her head and discovered
the insult. "WHAT?! You sayin' I'm not an obstacle?! I'll show you,
you, you HUSSY!" She reached back again and groped for the
non-existent battle spatula. "DAMN! RYOOOOOUGAAAA!!!" she bellowed.

Still seated at the tearoom table, Ryouga cringed and looked
desperately for cover. The little chat he was having with Akane, as
stilted as it was because of his embarrassment, was effectively
over.

Ukyou stalked back into the house. "I want money for a new spatula
NOW! I've got some Amazon BUTT ta kick!"

"Um... but... I don't have any!"

"WHAT?!"

"I didn't see you looking for my pack, and you didn't give me time!"

"GRRR!"

Akane found herself in the unusual position of mediator. "Ukyou,
please calm down. I'm sure Ryouga-kun can pay you back..." She
looked at Ryouga appraisingly. "Somehow."

"The lost pig-boy?! C'mon, Akane! He doesn't have two yen to rub
together!"

"Hey! Who you callin' pig-boy!"

Ukyou laughed. "What's a matter, 'P-chan'? Truth hurt?"

"Don't call me 'P-chan'," Ryouga growled.

Akane looked confused, then annoyed. "You, too?! What is it with
calling Ryouga 'P-chan'?!"

"URK!!" Ryouga presented warding signs.

"Oh, wake up, Akane," Ukyou muttered. With that, she stalked back
out to give a certain lavender-haired harlot more pieces of her
mind, tripping over Tatewaki in the process.

The kendoist sat up and brandished his bokken. "I fight on!"

*Klonk!* Ukyou removed her fist from his head.

"That hurt, you know."

Ukyou snorted and walked away.

"Honestly! I'll never understand Ranma and his friends!" Akane shook
her head ruefully and turned back to Ryouga, curiosity on her face.
"Why would Ukyou be looking for your pack?"

Ryouga paled. "Heh... heh-- Ara?"

The floor and the ground outside thrummed, and Belldandy could be
seen hurrying back to the dojo. Everyone instantly understood that
Ranma was about to return! The ensuing mass scramble left busted and
dangling shoji in the house and ruts in the yard.

Well, almost everyone. Tatewaki rubbed his head and stood up. "What
sorcery from the depths of Hell hath Saotome now called forth?" He
began to run towards the dojo. "Fear not! Kunou Tatewaki, the Blue
Thunder of Furinkan High, will save you, fair damsels in distress!"

Tatewaki slid into the dojo, bokken at chudan-no-kamae, to see
everyone else splatted against an invisible barrier.

"Zounds! What manner of--"

"Please stay behind the line," Belldandy cautioned from within the
protected area. She then turned back to the gate.

Tatewaki nodded distantly and relaxed while everyone else peeled
themselves away and began rubbing noses and other offended
anatomical areas.

The thrumming abruptly died and then restarted after a moment. The
gate began to glow and walls of light sprang to the ceiling,
eliciting cries of surprise from those who hadn't witnessed the
earlier departure. The vibration died away with the light and left
four persons revealed.

Most knew Mrs. Saotome, having met her on various occasions. The
other two women, strange markings on their faces, were unknown. The
taller of the two let her hand drop from where it had been holding
onto the fourth. She wondered why the audience was larger and why
Bell looked a little tired. The three standing noticed that everyone
else was staring at the fourth member of their party, the afterimage
of the light show still playing with their eyes and lending a
strange quality to the levitating object of their amazement.

Shampoo gaped and then grew disturbed. All of her instincts told her
that this was a *woman* she was watching float over the ground, not
someone who could be her airen. She flexed her hands, unconsciously
readying for her bonbori. Cologne sighed in resignation as she saw
that the same Aura of the Kami around Belldandy was now around her
former Son-in-Law, as well. She then smiled mischievously. <It just
got more interesting.>

Ukyou felt grubby again, compared to the ethereally-beautiful
redhead that Ranma had become. Annoyed, she tried to see through the
woman to find some sign of her Ranchan. Akane felt her heart swell
with a feeling she was rapidly learning to name. There was also a
healthy dose of awe... and some fear for the future.

The remainder only noticed that something was even more different
about Ranma than before, although it was subtle and evaded
description. However, Nabiki could put words to a part of it. <She
is one of them now... maybe more so than of her family.>

Ranma floated forward a bit, smiled weakly, and waved. "Um... Hey,
gang. What's--" A familiar, urgent gurgle of protest from her middle
echoed dimly in the training hall. "--up?"

Abashed, Ranma put her hands over her stomach and bobbed slightly.
"Anou..."

The collective sigh of relief was both heartfelt and loud.


====================

END THE ACCIDENTAL GODDESS 4

====================

     ----- Acknowledgments -----
Prereading kudos go to Liath MoonShadow, Lord Talen, T.H. Tiger, and
Vince Seifert. I would also like to thank Andrew Norris, Donny
Cheng, and Ed Becerra for their input and spot prereading on the
FFIRC. If I've forgotten anyone, you may frog me at your leisure.

Further thanks go to Vince Seifert for the additional preread and
for making me look like a better fic writer than I am. *Deep bow,
forehead on the floor.*

     ----- Disclaimers -----
Ranma 1/2 and its characters are the property of Takahashi Rumiko,
Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogakukan, Kitty TV, and Fuji (Japan), and
Viz Communications (USA).

Aa! Megami-sama and its characters are the property of Fujishima
Kousuke and Kodansha (Japan) and Studio Proteus and Dark Horse
Comics (USA).

FIN




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