I just figured I'd send along a couple comments and a couple point-outs (provided that's a word...).


 (In the mine-shaft)

"The one on the platform."  She scratched her head, puzzled.  "He
reminds me of someone.  Who does he remind me of?"

"Your sempai?" suggested Makoto, grinning.

"Don't you start."  Minako scratched her head.  "He reminds me >of ... he reminds me ..."  She blinked, suddenly looking

With the amount that Minako is scratching her head, I hope she doesn't have lice... ^_^
(just pointing out a repetition... after reading it a couple times it does sound awkward, but the first time I completely missed it...)

She shot out her Love-Me Chain, wrapping it around the scoop she was
standing on.  Then, quite deliberately, she simply off the scoop,
holding onto the chain.

Simply... *what* off the scoop?

Crying was new agony, but she cried for a long time.  She wanted to >bury the Queen, but she could not even manage to lift her body.  In >the end, she had to leave her lying there, and that was worse than >anything else.

Eventually, she thought to look for the Ginzuishou, but it was >nowhere to be found.

The streets of Crystal Tokyo were filled with crystites, lying silent
and motionless.  It looked as though they had simply fallen over and
turned to glass.  She kicked one, and it broke into pieces with a >faint clink.  She gave a thin, rusty laugh.

Alternately crying and laughing, half-mad with grief and pain, Hino
Rei staggered away from Crystal Tokyo, into a dark future.


                                   **
                                ********
                            ****************

**takes a deep breath...**

Wow.  Incredible.  **claps** You are one of the best storytellers I have ever read.  I hope you don't mind needless praise... ^_^  I just wanted to highlight the ending to give the list another chance to read this, for of this whole flashback I love this part most.  I would go more in-depth, but I really lack the time at present... especially since I would like to complete reading this.  (I haven't read the fourth part yet.  But that will be rectified shortly)
Great job, and definitely... keep up the great work!

--- S. "Zoogz" Jamison
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