On Thu, 24 Feb 2000, Forrest DUNOTS Walker wrote:
Well, being the expert on mint juleps that I am, I thought I should give
just a big of C&C. :)
Whapt!! Getting a little tired. Krapakt!! That sort of hurt.
Thwupmt!! Arm is burning. Kraplakto!! Shit!! Getting sloppy.
Hit the wood. Ow. Time to stop for today.
I guess this is the start of the fic, it's really hard to tell. There are
some really bizarre formatting problems in this piece. I don't really have
time to correct grammar/flow errors, gonna stick to the facts.
Unfortunately, she had missed the rope-covered part once and
scraped her knuckle on the rough wood. Apparently it was
bleeding a little. She examined her hand a bit more closely
in the hallway, noting how the leaking blood was being sopped
up by the pair of panties that had just landed on her hand.
Panties? Landed? Happosai.
Is there really any reason for her hand to be bleeding? It isn't really
mentioned in the rest of the work, and you set it up like it's important.
Genma walked into the hallway just in time see a small
man careening about the hallway like a pinball. As Genma
began to scream in horror, he caught a faceful of crusty
Haposai. He muttered some vague obscenities as he peeled the
Happosai
foreign wrinkeled flesh off his own. Scowling, he put his arm
wrinkled.
Disturbed by what had just happened, Ranma wandered into
the dining room, collapsing next to the table. He
unconciously picked up the drink on the table and finished it
off. It tasted a little minty, but with a sort of burning
flavor. It was kind of good.
There is also that distinct sweet flavor. Though I have no idea why
there'd be a mint julep in the house. Or in Japan at all. Heck, I have
problems finding people who know what they are north of the Mason Dixon
line. But you are correct in that they have a minty fresh sweet taste, and
if prepared correctly, you can hardly tell it has alcohol in it. The Tendo
house seems more like a saki/beer house though.
"Take good care of my daughters, Ranma? Got that?!!!?
RIGHT!!??!!" said Soan Tendo, giant tongue waving out of his
Soun
"Hmph," Soan breathed as he and his best friend walked
Soun
For about a minute, Ranma sat, letting the breeze pass
over his face, moving his hair slowly. Suddenly, he jumped
into the pond and back again, this time enjoying the summer
sunset a little more.
?? Why on earth would he jump into the pond on his own?
Picking up the white cup, Kasumi looked inside and said
politely, "why, that was a mint julep. Would you like
another?"
It's properly served in a 11 oz tin or silver cup or a highball glass in a
pinch. It should have crushed ice and mint leaves and powdered sugar in
it. They're heavily associated with the Kentucky Derby, are you trying to
run a horse parallel here?
"Yeah, guess so. 'S pretty good, I guess. Kinda
relaxing."
Kasumi nodded slightly and glided smoothly into the
kitchen.
To find her stash of bourbon? I guess a good cook is prepared for
anything.
Nabiki slipped her left shoe on, thus completing her
ensemble for her business venture tonight. She stood quickly,
smoothing her black skited and straightening her black
Her black skited?
"No, no, I'm okay. Don't worry about me, I'm okay. I'm
always okay. No one ever cares about me. No one ever thinks I
have any feeling DON'T I MATTER?!?" stated Ranma as she began
to sob, reaching for Akane.
So Ranma's an emotional drunk, hmm?
"A.. Akane?" said Ranma weakly, snapping Akane out of
her reverie, "I... just wanted to... thanks. I needed that.
You, you're so nice, really. I mean, I always say you're
uncute and all, but, it's like, I'm having a bad day, but
you'll be at home, you know? I... don't let me... don't..."
Or maybe a horny drunk...
As he began to down another mint julep, he felt a tap on
his shoulder.
Is he getting them from a pitcher or what?
Oh really?!? Akane unfroze, preparing to orbit punch.
"But I, I kinda like it. Iuknow, It just sorta seems...
Iuknow?
"TO AKANE: When I call you a tomboy, I am being mean.
Then you hit me. I think I don't want you to hit me. That
hurts and I don't like it. I like you. Don't get mad at me
again, ok? You should get mad at Kuno, because he is stupid
and I hate him. He tries to feel me up, but that's gross. I'm
a guy so he's gay. I think you're hot, and I'm a girl now, so
am I gay? If you think I'm hot as a girl, it would be cool. I
think I'm gonna fall asleep. I lo... [Scribbling trailing
off]"
Aw, how sweet.
So what does the community think? Funny? Stupid?
Revilable?
It was okay. There were a lot of awkward moments and it was somewhat
OOC. Why mint juleps, if I may ask...
Colleen