Finally decided to try to do one of those 'one hour challenge' fics (though
it's not an FFIRC one). Ordinarily I wouldn't try to do such a thing,
considering none of my ideas could possibly be written in under an hour,

Oy, there I can sympathise.

him. After a moment of indecision, and pushing his glasses back up his
nose, he began to speak. "I'm expecting visitor today."

*a* visitor.

Fuyutsuki knew Gendou had kept secrets from him, he kept secrets from
everyone, but this was something altogether different. "Ikari, I have to
say I don't think I like the way this is affecting you. Why don't you calm
down and tell me-"

Hmmm. That's a little too empathic for my liking. Fuyutsuki and Gendo are usually a little more terse.

The rest was cut off as, without preamble, the door to the office opened.
Within the doorway stood a figure, black cloak wrapped around the front and
obscuring the body of the individual within.

*whoop! whoop! whoop!* Melodrama alert!

"Shinji," He paused for a moment, then laid his hand on the smaller boy's
shoulder. "Son, I want you to come forward with me. I want you at my side."

Er..When did Gendo start calling him Son??

Unit-01 was a living object? It was just a very advanced robot, wasn't it?

Oy, the boy'll never learn /_\.

a label

with different writing on them, but they were in a language Shinji couldn't
understand.

Some description of the characters might be good.

eye. "God willing, your retirement as pilot." Before Shinji could

Again, a little OOC.

As Gendou fell to the ground with the unconscious woman in his arms, crying
and refusing to let go,

To my mind, a simple smile and meaningful look would be more his style...

to be splashed with that first water as well.

That needs a closing ".

little bit of water from Chiisuiton, and all to turn what was obviously a
very expensive robot into a girl. It would have been much more practical
(and cheaper) to use a simple animal. Truly the Japanese were an
exceptionally stupid people.

Surely Gendo would have been smart enough to ask first, wouldn't he?
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