At 04:52 PM 2/24/00 +0000, E.L. Toh wrote:
"Jinnai probably told it to," Makoto reasoned as he clung
tightly to Afura's waist.
<snip>
"Just keep quiet and get ready to do your thing. And watch
where you put those hands."
"Say, Afura?" asked Makoto, "Is all this danger and my close
physical presence turning you on?"
"I refer you to the alleged Afura/Shayla subtext in Chapter Ten,"
replied Afura.
"Shucks."
"But I'm the male lead," Makoto persisted. "By the laws of these kind of
things, you're required to become infatuated with me."
"No, remember, this broke off at the end of the first OVA series, before
El-Hazard became A Thousand and One Tenchi Nights."
"Damn."
Afura, airborne, had no difficulty; neither did Miz, who was
easily capable of navigating rough seas. Shayla, however, whose
position even upon the flat water had been only a little less
precarious than that of a skipped stone,
<snip>
A sudden increase in speed made his stomach drop like a
stone.
<snip>
"I nailed it," the fire priestess crowed triumphantly.
"Sank like a stone. Miz and Fujisawa went down after it."
is it just me, or is the 'stone' metaphor being used a lot?
Well, it ain't just you... :)
He hit the water painfully, back-first and arms flailing.
Breath fled his lungs at the stinging impact of the water, but he
had enough presence of mind to clamp his mouth shut as the sea
closed over his head. Awkwardly positioned, sinking rapidly,
tasting salt upon his lips, he struggled to orient himself
properly and fight for the surface. The baggy Roshtarian
clothing he wore soaked up water like a sponge, and was about as
easy to swim in as a lead suit. Worse even than that,
Even worse than that?
Hmm. I'll look at how the whole sentence flows, and decide.
This close, Lethiaphan's bonded presence felt almost like a
second mind within his, cold and steely like a blade, filled with
memories of old killing and an obedience reaching beyond
fanaticism into something purer, deadly and simple and
relentless. How could human hands have designed something so
alien?
Jinnai is not its true master, that's for sure.
Yeah, I think everyone's pretty much figured that out by now. :)
Finished its monotone recitation, Lethiaphan bowed, one arm
still pressed against its dark-smoking chest. Makoto struggled
to reconcile this inconsistency with his previous experience of
Lethiaphan, failed to achieve that, and simply gave up.
me too. *something* sent it to Jinnai.
await to see how this fits into the 'God' thread.
It'll all tie together in the end, I promise. :)
bits of deepening mystery as the story progresses -
fine line between being interesting/enticing and being
overly cryptic. but overall, good balance still.
Good. I'm always trying to strike a balance between suspense and obfuscation.
"Don't you have something cleaner?" A wheedling note in his
voice would do it, yes, all those days in the Shakespeare Society
of Shinanome were paying off, he'd seen Jinnai do Caliban two
years ago, he knew how to whine...
just a little surprised that Jinnai would agree to play Caliban.
Well, he wanted to be Prospero, but Makoto got the part instead. :)
and great fight/action scene.
Thanks.
"Poor, poor Ifurita," clucked Osilis. "You are without a
master to serve now; don't you realize that we have no purpose
unless we have someone to obey? Humans struggle and agonize
because of their unknowable God; they ponder endlessly the
existence or nonexistence of their maker and master, his nature,
what he wants. That is why they are unhappy."
interesting theology. though i lean towards Hegel and Nietzsche
myself.
Just like Jinnai, then. :)
"One's maker is not necessarily a worthy master," Ifurita
said softly. "Nor is one you call master necessarily worthy of
your service."
erm. assuming this is a God who is the Creator in this story,
Ifurita's logic could most definitely apply to it.
Well, people use the word "God" to refer to many different things.
Possibly even within this story. :)
A scuttling of tiny sharp legs towards her as she fell...
ohmigod. Osilis is after Ifurita's body?
That would be telling. But, I mean, if _you_ were just a head clinging to
frail mortal bodies...
"Alielle, she's breathing. She doesn't need you to give her
mouth-to-mouth." Makoto looked down again at Afura. "Now please
check on Fujisawa-sensei."
"I never get to have any fun."
though Alliele never seemed very keen on Afura anyway.
I think Alielle would be keen on anything female. This is canon if you
accept episode 13 of Alternative World. :)
All around him, the others, Miz Shayla Fujisawa Alielle,
clamouring voices, question after question which he cannot
willnot answer, and, "SHUT UP! Shut up! Let me think! Leave me
alone!"
while not exactly grammaratically correct, the effect is
just... wonderful. a reminder of what a wonderful tool the
written word can be.
Well, grammatical correctness is less necessary in prose than it is in,
say, formal essays. Look at Joyce. :)
full of great, flowing prose. congrats.
awaiting the next part.
Hopefully, it won't be too long, I'm feeling driven these days.
Thanks for the commentary.
Ciao,
-Alan Harnum