----- Original Message -----
From: Dave Uptegrove <greenlion81@hotmail.com>
To: <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2000 7:47 PM
Subject: [FFML] [Fic][Ranma]Mobile suit Ranma
This is a good idea. The fic, however, needs a LOT of work. Specifically,
your use(or lack thereof) of exclamation marks, question marks and commas.
Also, the move is the 'Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken.' It can be shortened to
'Tenshin Amaguriken,' or just 'Amaguriken.' I don't like 'Tenshin
Amaguriken' because it sounds wierd.
This fic uses a lot of scenes(not-so-tastefully recycled) from the anime,
particularly the points where Sasuke is caught in the middle of sibling
rivalry, and where Tofu tears up the map.
On the whole, this could be a very good(and very funny) fic, but the humor
is spoiled by sloppy writing. Don't let that stop you, however, keep at it,
rewrite, and I will read it again and offer my C&C.
I like the idea of the Anything Goes Bathing Suit competition, it's exactly
the sort of thing that would have happened in the original show. At the end
of the contest, however, you might put in something like 'So sorry, it's
monopoly yen,' and maybe have Kuno's mecha break down(that's what you get
for buying cheap-only 1 trillion yen!)
Thomas Hood
thood@cs.mun.ca