Okay, I've wanted to see another Patlabor fanfic for a LONG time. I don't
know Rayearth all that well (I've only seen the first 8 episodes total),
but I'm willing to put up with it for Patlabor (though I'm not willing to
put up with certain other series, such as Evangellion, which while it's a
popular series I despise it because there's no-one in the series I care
about enough to bother watching, or Tenchi, which I don't know at all).
But I also want to see it characterized properly... So this C&C may seem a
little harsh, but that's because I care about it.
This C&C contains some spoilers for the TV series...
Crack. Ohta managed to break the mirror with his head as he jerked
at the sound of Noa's sneeze. He checked to see if it was bleeding; it
wasn't.
"Seven years bad luck, Ohta," Kanuka Clancy remarked as she viewed
the damage.
"Who cares about some stupid American superstition?" Ohta grumbled
as he felt a bump swell from the area of impact.
"Believe what you like then," Kanuka said as she turned to leave.
"Nobody asked for your opinion, Kanuka," Noa managed to say as she
recovered from the sudden fit.
"Go back where you came from," growled Ohta, glad to see that she
was on her way back to the States.
*blink*
Okay, explain to me why everyone's treating Kanuka so hostilely right from
the start? Ohta is IMPRESSED with Kanuka- she's one of only two people who
can control him in even a limited sense, and she's an officer to boot (Ohta
likes to brown-nose officers, even American ones). In fact, when Kanuka
returned to America the first time, he made a show of saluting her- his
highest sign of respect. This doesn't make sense at all. And Noa, while
she disagrees with Kanuka at times and feels jealous about her ability at
times, is genuinely friends with her- as all the other SV2 people are.
This scene really doesn't make sense... Unless you're only basing this fic
on the Movie alone, but even then there was no hostility between Kanuka and
the others....
The captains' office was completely silent save for the sound of a
cup of coffee being filled. It wasn't much, but it was about the only
luxury to be enjoyed by SV2's commanding officers.
Heh... sort of. I get the feeling the coffee maker is contraband, since
it's basically a sterno stove he makes it on...
"Good coffee, Gotoh," Shinobu Nagumo complimented her sometime
partner in crime.
... I guess it doesn't matter much, but I really have a hard time seeing
Shinobu starting conversation over coffee. She rarely shares the coffee he
makes, anyway...
"Thanks. If those odd hours we keep getting have taught me
anything, it's that there's nothing more essential to good policework
than
coffee," a jovial Kiichi Gotoh replied.
Jovial? I'd hardly describe ANYTHING about Gotoh as Jovial... well, unless
he's muttering to himself about how cute Shinobu is... he makes jokes and
has a sense of humor, but he speaks in a rather bored and laidback sounding
voice, pretty much all the time (except for a total of ONE scene in the
second movie, where he shouts at his superiors)
"Speaking of good policework, have you got a replacement for Noa
Izumi yet?"
"Oh, that? Headquarters hasn't gotten back to me on that just yet."
"It's too bad she caught the flu on your unit's shift. Kanuka only
came for your special assignment at the Ark, so we very well can't expect
her to stay any longer."
Replace Noa because she has the flu? They didn't replace her when she had
to have dental surgery that was impairing her ability to work, why would
they replace her when she's got the flu and technically can still work?
The Police never replace the SV2 for any reason- Takeo Kumagami, in the
first Griffen ark of the TV series- was SHOT, Asuma Shinohara was rendered
medically incapable, and they didn't replace either of them. That was the
FIRST time Kanuka came back, and she was very welcome by the gang.
"Well, things will start to look up from here on," came a somewhat
laidback response from Gotoh.
"How can you say that? You don't have a pilot for Ingram 1. What
if an emergency comes up?" shot back Captain Nagumo.
"I'm sure headquarters will have sent us a temp to fill in for Izumi
before that happens."
They will? Never have before...
"Yeah, captain. I mean, didn't HQ send us someone experienced with
operating an Ingram?"
Er, that would be kinda hard. The only Ingrams in use (at least, that we
know of) are IN the SV2. They could have TRAINING for the Ingram, but it
would be kinda impossible to get someone experienced... at least, not
without going outside of the jurisdiction of the SV2...
"Well it isn't as if there's an awful lot of available officers to
assign to our division."
"But captain, she works with _dogs_," Shinohara couldn't help but
point out.
Shinohara's current partner treats her labor as a pet, and forces him to
buff and wax it clean if it gets even slightly scratched... He didn't
complain when the Idol Singer Kana came to practice in an Ingram... I don't
think he'd complain about a police officer who's worked in the K-9 Corps.
Well, unless he's upset at having to work with ANYONE except Noa, who he's
used to and sort of likes (never confirmed, but it's pretty obvious...)
It did seem strange to her that she would be reassigned to a labor
division, when her training specialization was with police dogs. She had
packed her clothes, as she understood the necessity of living here while
on
duty, rather than commuting back home. Her brothers weren't exactly
thrilled at the thought of her leaving home, even for just a little
while.
Noa's got the flu- she's not got anything that'll keep her out for more
than a few days. And all she'll need will be a uniform and maybe a
training outfit... well, and toiletries. But she shouldn't think of it as
much more than a few day trip....
"Do you like it here, Hikari?" she asked her dog, who, through some
bureacratic oversight or fit of generosity, was allowed to stay with her.
He let out a contented bark that she understood perfectly.
You could do what Noa did- name her cat after her dog, then name her labor
after her cat. Noa's likely to like Hikari... well, if she ever meets him.
"Nice to meet you all." Asuma noted the child-like cheerfulness in
her greeting.
Hmm... well, Noa can be pretty child-like herself....
I have some idea of where to go with this, namely how Umi and Fuu fit in,
but
other than that I haven't got much of a coherent plot. Suggestions,
questions, and comments are all welcome..
Well, I suggest you get ahold of the TV series- or at least the OAVs- to
improve the characterization of everyone... story ideas, well... from this
start, I don't really have many suggestions. It's a very flexible series,
however- I've already got over 70 ideas for Patlabor fanfics (a large
number of which have been used or will be used in my currently ongoing
Patlabor fanfic), so you can do just about anything you want.
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