This is not mine!  I'm just posting it for Elsa.
Please respond to:  aerolbj@i-next.net
             and:  aerolbj@yahoo.com
-- Angus



----------------------------
Please I want C&C this time. I joined the FFML like all the
others wanting their egos stroked ^_^

This is also a highly revised piece so any new comments and
public praise will be quite welcome. ^_^

----------------------------
Disclaimer:

Okay, let's do this the smart way.

All Sailormoon characters are copyright Naoko Takeuchi
All Ranma characters are copyright Rumiko Takahashi and
I promise to use them only for this chapter. Hopefully.

Hell, with all the characters in this ...

All characters obviously not created by me, well, they
belong to their owners. It's gonna be a surprise.

Apologies to the following people:
Ben Oliver, John Biles-sama, Mike Loader, Lara Bartram,
Richard Lawson, Rebeka Thomas, The FFML Moderation Team,
The Eternal Lost Lurker, Megane 6.7, Chris Davies, and
well, a hell of a lot of other people.

Trust me, I have a good reason to apologize.

I hope no one takes offense. And if they do, please note,
offense was not meant but all in the name of fun.

And also because I didn't get enough C&C the last time.^_-

But first, a little prologue.

----------------------------

    The Wheel of Time turns, as is often said by a certain
author, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become
legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten
when the Age that gave it birth comes again. In one Age,
called the Third Age by some, an Age yet to come, an Age long
past, a wind rose. From where, well, I'm kinda lost there
since I'm all out of maps. It was not the beginning. But, hey,
at least it was a beginning. I mean, all that metaphysical
carp about ending and beginnings, well ... I kinda have a fic
going, so, let's just go on.

    The wind, well, did what all winds did. It blew across
a plain of green grass. It flew over the blue waters of a large
ocean. And it blew right up to a really big thing.

    To the untrained eye, it looked like a mountain, this
massive rock that was the center of a city. The trained eye
would notice that it was actually a gigantic fortress, seemingly
carved from stone and molded into its current form. Also one
would notice it was bright green. Neon green.

    The wind blew and blew, and wisp of it curled around
the green fortress and went up. Up and up, it went, this wisp,
until it reached the top. Until it reached the banner, flying
free in the wind.

    That's where we find the Wheel of Time has been seriously
derailed.

    For those who think themselves in the know, the fortress
is called the Stone of Tear. Well, you're wrong. This is not the
Stone of Tear. And that up there, is not the Dragon Banner.

    Look at it.

    Yes, closer.

    Closer. Hup.

    There.

    Does that look like a dragon to you ?

    To be more honest, it looks like a rodent.

    An electric, yellow rodent with a lightning tail.

    To find an answer to the question that seems to be
on everyone's minds, let us look down and through one of
the windows that can be found in the large face of this
fortress that looks so much like the Stone of Tear.

    "He is the one."

    "Yes."

    "I mean, he is the one ?" One could hear the trembling
arched eyebrow and the sweatdrop in the voice.

    "Yes."

    "You sure about that ?"

    "He retrieved Callandor. And the Viridian Stone has
fallen."

    "Yes, but him ?"

    One could see, well, one could see someone who remarkably
looked like ... well, looked like Nurse Joy from Pokemon dressed
in a blue dress with a blue gem dangling on her forehead. Her
companion was someone who looked remarkably like Misty from the
aforementioned show.

    "Yes, it cannot be denied anymore. Ash Al'Ketchum is
the Pikachu Reborn."

    "But he owes me a bicycle !?!"

    "Hush, Misty Cauthon, your needs are inconsequential
against the needs of the Pattern."

    You there. Yes. You. Stop sniggering. This is serious.
The Pikachu has been Reborn. He's gonna go out and Zap the
World, so shut up.

    Yes, this is a DB Sommer-patented Fusion That Should
Never Be(TM), but this is quite serious. The Forsake- uh,
sorry, Team Rocket are loose and all we have is a kid with
a baseball cap and and a crystal pokeball that everyone
seems to insist on calling as Callandor to stop them. Not to
mention Moko- The Fluffy One is rising.

    How this particular mess got started... well, we got
to go back to another Age that has past, an Age yet to come.
An Age where the Guardian of Time is currently holding on
for her life on top of a collector's item Delorean that happens
to be a Time Machine.

----------------------------

Pissing off Pluto: Chapter 2

"Time For This Baby To Live Up To Its Title !!!"

From "Are you sure you really wanna do this ?" Productions

By Elsa "Guardian Of Time" Bibat

-----------------------------

    Hotaru screamed as the windows flashed with bright
cerulean light, hugging Pooky tighter. The lavender bear was
quite squished as it was but somehow managed to stay intact.
Hotaru, being a daughter of a certified Mad Scientist(TM),
was quite used to a lot of Tomoe-sensei's idiosyncracies that
would have driven other people to throttle him on general
principle. But being only six and his daughter, she managed to
not do that on occasion. The one thing about her Poppa she
really never did get the hang of was what he did when he drove
really fast. Poppa usually laughed like a maniac when he drives
fast. Not his usual mad laughter, no, as Soun Tendo has his
particular variations to his crying jags so does Souichi Tomoe
have his various forms of maniacal laughter for various
occasions. He could probably make a book of his many laughs
and he did, but that is a story for another time.

    The young raven-tressed girl prayed to whatever god was
listening and pushing Pooky-chan's chances of survival as she
fervently thought to herself: I hope he doesn'-

    Professor Tomoe's laugh filled the car as he pushed
the Delorean to new heights of speed. "The Pakistanis ain't
ever catching me !", Souichi Tomoe raved as he put the proverbial
pedal to the metal.

    Hotaru just buried her head into Pooky's plush purple
fur.

    The professor was way too much into his mad laughter,
and Hotaru in her teddy bear, that they failed to notice the
mists around them. Or the gate that was in their path. And
they most especially didn't notice the green-haired woman
with the key-shaped staff that they were about to hit.

    All they noticed was a dull thump.

    "What was that ?" Hotaru looked up from her close-up of
artificial purple fur at the sound.

    "Speed bump ?" her father said before another flash of
cerulean light enveloped their vision.

*****************

    Setsuna really hated doing this. Not that she usually held
on to the top of a speeding car that was hurtling down the timestream
at incredible speeds. No, she was quite used to something a lot
safer. Preferably a scooter, especially one of those neon green ones
they have on sale.

    For a Senshi with superhuman strength holding on to the roof
of a speeding car should be a piece of cake. Well, a piece of very
large cake, but still nothing more than a piece of cake. But having
to hold onto something that doesn't usually have handholds on the roof
is something that's very hard to do. Holding on with a Time Staff can
be rather difficult.

    So that's when she decided to jam the Time Staff into the car
via the window. A crash of glass later she was able to heave a sigh
of relief as she hefted the Time Staff into the Delorean.

    "AAAAHHHHH !!!!!!!! The Flux Capacitor !!!!!!!!!!!!!"

    From the scream, Setsuna decided that _that_ was a Bad
Thing(TM) to do.

*******************

    The professor was driving like a maniac while he looked back
at the damaged Flux Capacitor. Hotaru looked at it, too. It seemed,
as if out of nowhere, a really big white staff thingy topped with a
really big garnet on top had smashed into the driver's side window.
Thankfully it did not hit the white-haired Mad Scientist(TM) which
would have resulted in a really big fireball and none of the fun
that would ensue in quite a few moments. But, anyway, it did hit
something. That particular something was what the Professor screamed
out a little earlier.

    Hotaru contemplated what her father was referring to when
she heard her father scream. You know, that particular scream that
was the harbinger of lost hope and large amounts of pain. Hotaru
tuned that out like she usually did.

    "Poppa, why are you screaming ?"

    The professor stopped to catch his breath and looked at his
daughter. "The Flux Capacitor is the thing that makes this thing go
through Time. If it's destroyed then we're out of control !!! We'll
be thrown all across Space and Time."

    Hotaru, being a daughter of a certified Mad Scientist(TM) knew
more about this science stuff that normal kids so she decided that the
aforementioned explanation was a good enough reason for screaming.
So she joined her father for the next-round of screaming, pointedly
ignoring the 'No Screaming' sticker that was stuck on the glove
compartment.

*********************

    Ami Mizuno, age thirteen, average student, was walking on her
way home, the sidewalk she was taking being strangely empty. She
sighed. Walking home. Eat. Study. Sleep. Wake up. Go to school. A
daily routine that was starting to become very boring. She wished for
adventure, for fun, for friends.

    Her wish was about to come true. Well, we all know that her
wish would come true anyway, but this particular wish fullfilment was
a bit too early.

    She looked up from her observation of the ground, to notice
a phone booth. Well, that wouldn't be quite out of the ordinary if
the particular phone booth in front her wasn't a phone booth
typically found in London. You know, kinda like Doctor Who's phone
booth.

    Yes, just like it, Ami thought to herself with a faint smile,
being a kind of Doctor Who fan herself. Unknown to most people, Dr.
Mizuno had a very, very complete and up-to-date collection of Doctor
Who memorabilia and videos, for what reason her daughter never could
find out. When asked, her mother would just give her a mysterious
smile and say something about a few friends of hers and how her
teenage years were spent. Whatever that meant.

    Ami started watching Doctor Who at the age of eight and she
would keep on watching as avidly as her mother at times. At the age
of ten, she took advantage of her mother's Internet account, something
that was still quite rare nowadays, and set up a small fan website.
A few days after that she found out about fanfiction and, well, as
all fanfic authors do, started right in. Nowadays, she was known on
the Internet as probably one of the best fanfic writers of Dr. Who
fanfiction and also as Dr. Mizuno. Anyway, I digress too much and we
do need to return to the story.

    As Ami Mizuno stood and considered the mystery of the TARDIS
look-alike phone booth in fron of her, a Delorean burst forth from
the rip in the fabric of Space and Time several meters away from her.
On the sidewalk where she was staring at the red phone booth. With a
squawk of surprise, she dove into the nearest form of protection, no
matter how flimsy looking, unknowingly the footsteps of her mother
two decades before.

    The phone booth in front of her.

    Before the Delorean even ever reached it, the TARDIS look-
alike phone booth did something characteristically TARDIS-like.

    You know... that thing it does. It's been years since I ever
watched Doctor Who, so you better fill in the blanks.

*********************

    Pluto swore as she saw the phone booth disappear with its
unknowing passenger. She knew she should have blown that damn thing
to bits when she first saw it !

    Pain lanced into her brain as the basic fabric of reality
decided to do a few contortions because of what was happening.

    She held on as the Multiverse's equivalent of a really bad
ulcer started and the worlds were not as they were, afterwards.

*********************

    A young girl strode down the street angrily. Her clothes
were dirty and rumpled. Haruka Ten'ou, age ten, was definitely
not having a good day. Her blond hair, tied in a pony tail,
swished left and right as she walked. Bruises covered her pretty
face, the evident result of another of those scraps she managed
to get herself into. Her dad would be quite angry. Her mom would
be furious considering the fact that her mother really didn't
want her acting like a tomboy.

    "Who needs boys anyway ?" she pouted as she started
across the street. She was so angry that she didn't notice
a Delorean with a Time Guardian on its roof appearing in a
flash of light down the street.

    Haruka looked up at the sound of screeching tires and
saw a weird-looking car bearing down on her. Her eyes widened
as she saw that it was about to hit her. Suddenly everything
was a blur.

    She was on the sidewalk as the car disappeared in a flash
of light. She looked at the person who had saved her. It was
someone a little under her age in a red chinese shirt and black
pants. She could see a pigtail and blue eyes that were so beautiful
she felt that she could fall into them. I think we all know who
this is, right ?

    "Are you okay ?"

    It took over a minute for this to register in little
Haruka's brain. It would also be noted that there seemed to be
something shifting, the feel that the universe was going to
change in a really drastic way. Ranma Saotome does have that
effect on the natural laws of human relationships.

    To put it simply, Haruka Ten'ou wasn't supposed to like
boys. That is an immutable law of personality set forth in her
basic character archetype.

    Well, she liked them now.

    "Wha ?"

    "I said are you okay ?"

    "Yeah, I think so." Haruka said as she blushed and stood
up.

    "Thanks."

    "Don't mention it," the boy said as he brushed dust from
himself and started to walk away. Haruka decided that since
he did save her life, she should at least give him something.

    "Um..wait !"

    The boy looked at her.

    "Well, since you saved my life, I should at least reward
you. You look hungry. How about coming to my house and I'll ask my
dad to fix us some food ?"

    The boy looked dubiously at her, but his stomach growled
and he agreed. As they walked to Haruka's house, she asked his name.

    "Ranma Saotome. Me and my pop are on a training trip and we
camped out near here. How 'bout you ?"

    "Haruka Te'nou. I live near here."

    Haruka decided to change her opinion of boys as she looked
over at Ranma as they walked to Haruka's home. Ranma, being
thick-headed as usual, didn't notice the little hearts that seemed
to appear in Haruka's eyes.

*****************************

    Makoto Kino, age four, looked at the two children before
her. Both of them were older than her by at least two years and
she regarded them with suspicion. She blew a wisp of her chestnut
brown hair out of her face as she looked at the pair.

    One was a young boy, seven years old by the look of it,
and was dressed in a hakama and gi. He held a bokken in his right
hand and stood ramrod straight. He had that feeling of strength
around him and he seemed to radiate an air of arrogance. He was
also quite cute, Makoto thought to herself with a smile. Maybe
this wasn't so bad.

    The other one was a young girl. She seemed to be the
complete opposite of her companion. She was pale and seemed to
be as fragile as porcelain. Her black hair was tied up in a
ponytail by a black silk ribbon and she was dressed in a simple
black and white dress. Shy would be understating what the girl
was. She looked like to be on the verge of running away.

    Makoto decided to take the initiative. "Hi, my name's
Kino Makoto." She bowed to them formally like she was taught.

    "Kuno Tatewaki." The boy introduced himself and bowed.
His voice had that aristocractic tone to it. He sounded like
one of those samurais in the movies she saw with her Papa.

    "Kuno Kodachi." The girl bowed. She seemed to be getting
a lot more nervous. Makoto smiled at her to set her at ease.
The girl smiled back, weakly.

    "Mako-chan !" a female voice called out from the large
house.

    "Here, Momma !" Makoto answered waving her arms towards
a beautiful woman with chestnut hair that matched the same shade
as her own. Dressed in a beautiful green dress, she looked like
a queen. She was accompanied by a tall handsome man in a business
suit and a black-haired woman who wore a red dress as beautiful as
the other woman's.

    "I see you've met Tate-chan and Kodi-chan," the woman
with raven tresses said as she moved to give the other two
children a tight hug which the two of them happily responded to.

    Makoto's mother smiled at the other woman after she gave
her young daughter a kiss. "I hope they get along well. She'll be
staying here for awhile. You sure it isn't any trouble, Kensaiko ?"

    "No. None at all. Everything will be fine, Achika. Besides,
you'll be back after a week, right ?"

    "Yes. Okay, Mako-chan, your things are with Kuno-san. We'll
be back in a week. So give me and your father a big hug. Because
we're gonna miss you a lot. But don't worry. We'll be back."

    It was a teary-eyed goodbye between Makoto and her parents.
They never did come back.

    How is this involved with the trio who are currently
rampaging around space and time in a Delorean ?

    Kensaiko Kuno met Achika Kino, when the latter saved the
former from a being run over a rampaging car which suddenly
disappeared with a flash of blue light. Otherwise, they would
have never met and would never have developed a friendship that
would last for twenty years.

    If a butterfly's wings could cause a hurricane, what the
hell do you think a car with a certified Mad Scientist(TM), his
daughter and a Guardian of Time stuck on its roof could do ?

*****************************

    To describe what particular wrongness that was caused by
the havoc-wreaking Delorean next would be quite hard.

    Even I, the all-knowing female voice of the narrator,
couldn't even comprehend the levels of depravity that the author
of this fic would sink to for a little attention.

    As always, she blames Ben Oliver for this.

    Anyway, to outline the events that lead to this particular
catastrophe would take awhile. Which in simple terms, it's a
very long story, so let's settle for the immediate results.

    Hino Rei hurriedly changed her clothes from the red and
white shinto maiden robes to her school clothes. She really
shouldn't do these early morning fire readings !

    She chewed a piece of toast as she ran out.

    Damn ! Grandfather was in one of his weird uniforms
again ! No time for that now !

    "Bye, Grandpa ! Gotta go !"

    "Goodbye, Rei," her grandfather said with amusement
twinkling in his eyes.

    Her grandfather smiled as he watched her run down the
steps, pushing up his tinted glasses with one gloved hand, and
watched as Rei's long light bluish hair flew in the wind.

    The old man smoothed his white beard as he contemplated
the sight. Then he looked around. The Hikawa shrine was empty
of every person. Only the ravens remained cawing on the torii
arch.

    No one would come for a few hours. He had time to check
on the other Reis.

    Hino Gendou ran his hand through his thinning hair as
he pulled a remote control from his pocket and pushed a button.
A opening revealed itself not far from him, light hitting a
metal staircase.

    Gendou chuckled to himself as he swiftly walked down the
staircase. The cover to the entrance smoothly went back to its
original position, leaving the ravens cawing on their perch.

    Time to check on the other Reis.

*****************************

    Let's take a short break, shall we ?

    It was a saloon. It could have been a saloon anywhere but
it had that distinct Mexican feel to it. It might be the mariachi
band. It may have been the good tequila. But, anyway, all I know
is this was supposed to be a Mexican saloon. We're not here for the
native colour or the ambience. We're here for those two over there.

    Yep, those two at the bar.

    A young man and a woman, both roughly the same height,
sat drinking and talking at the bar. The young man was a fairly
nice-looking fellow with a handsome face and black hair, and for
any fan of the SM parody fanfic, looked remarkably like the Atomic
Starlight Knight. The mode of dress, however, was not A.S.K.'s
normal style. A worn pair of black slacks and a shirt that had
these words written on the back: I AM THE AUTHOR OF NETTG !!

    Yes, that's him.

    Ben Oliver, renowned author of Nuke 'Em Till They Glow,
was making an unauthorized cameo appearance. Unauthorized by him,
of course, and considering how much Elsa likes him, this won't
likely be _just_ a cameo.

    With that note, we go to Ben's drinking partner. An
attractive young woman, with a Hotaru-like hairdo and really
bad taste in clothing. I mean, who goes around wearing a lavender
business suit at a bar ? Anyway, to find out who this is let's
eavesdrop on their little conversation.

    "Elsa, you're kidding, right ?!", Ben asked with disbelief
in his voice.

    "Nope. Tybalt's gone. The FFML Moderation Team's now
doing his job." Elsa Bibat, doing some blatant Self-Insertion,
downed another tequila.

    "Whoa. I mean I knew the FFML would change a lot after
I was gone, but this ?!" Ben sipped at his drink.

    "Yup. Everything's changing so fast." Elsa sighed. "I mean
back in the old days, Tybalt had those cool black helicopters and
those funky Seal Team Six guys to take out those who stepped over
the line. Nowadays, they just send someone over to break a leg or
two."

    Ben smiled a little at the memories of Tybalt's death
squads and arched an eyebrow. "They just break legs ?"

    "Arms, too. Too easy to get over. Heard that Rebeka Thomas
kid managed to find a way to use her computer with a double arm
cast."

    "Rebeka Thomas ?"

    "After you left. I think. My memory's not all that good
you know."

    "What's she like ?"

    "Good enough author. Some of her stuff has that magic to
it. Though she does need polish. Anyway, she's just a bit too
enthusiastic at times, so Biles-sama sent Guido over."

    "Guido ?"

    "Yup, he's moonlighting. He usually works for the Mafia
but you know how the FFML is."

    Ben responded with a light shake of his head and another
sip of his drink.

    "Well, even though they disbanded the other death squads,
at least they kept the Rubber Chicken Guys."

    "The Rubber Chicken Guys ? I haven't heard about that one.
Tybalt musn't have sent that one out often."

    "Yup. Heard they were sent after the guys and gals who
quit."

    "Quit ? I haven't been attacked by a rubber chicken, yet."

    "Well, they're sent out only if a fellow quits without
promising a comeback or something like that. Then they send the guys
out to kill the fellow with a rubber chicken."

    "You're pulling my leg !"

    "I heard the Lurker was beaten to death with a rubber
chicken."

    "What ?!"

    "Well, he could have been stabbed to death with a rubber
chicken. The grapevine can get mixed up a little. All I know for
sure is that Mr. Golden Age was taken out with a rubber chicken."

    "Sounds like the guy with the Chicken Cannon to me."

    "Yup. Rumor has it that Megane 6.7 is actually the head
of the Rubber Chicken Guys."

    Both of them sat in silence as Ben sipped at his drink
again while Elsa slammed down another tequila.

    "Did they ever find out who Tybalt was ?"

    "The Moderation Team said it was passed around through
a few people for awhile, but I don't believe them. Nabiki paid
them off."

    "Geez. Nabiki again. What's with the Nabiki is Tybalt
thing of yours ?"

    "If you're so smart, who do you think it was ?"

    "Pluto." Ben answered with a sip of his drink. "She's
always been messing around. You know anyone else who could
have pulled it off ?"

    "Pluto !?!" Elsa answered with an unladylike snort.
"You're always blaming Pluto ! Besides Nabiki could have pulled
it off !"

    "You sure you ain't Lara Bartram in disguise ?" Ben
asked while Elsa was downing another round. Her reaction was
quite priceless. You don't know how much tequila hurts if
it gets in your nose.

    After a few moments of coughing and spraying her drink
over the bar, she gave Ben a look that would have impaled a
lesser man. But, hey, the guy pissed off Pluto in his entire
series and he managed to survive her wrath, that's something
you can boast to your grandkids.

    Anyway, let us return to the conversation at hand.

    "What makes you say that ?!"

    "I mean the Nabiki fetish thing. We always end up
talking about Nabiki the entire evening. I mean, we started
talking about my Ranma/SM fic and you started to rant about
Nabiki being not included. We talked about fanfics and we
ended up talking about Nabiki fics. There are quite a few
people I know who have that little Nabiki thing going, but I
don't think Jeff Hosmer, or any of the other guys I know,
would dress up in drag for a little visit like this."

    "I am not Lara Bartram !! If I were Lara Bartram, I'd
be talking to someone else, like Loader or Lawson or Biles-
sama !"

    Ben gave her a strange look. "You're right. I can't
imagine Lara Bartram dyeing her hair and wearing a lavender
business suit." He motioned to the bartender for another drink
and looked at Elsa again.

    "Elsa, you've been calling Biles, Biles-sama the
entire evening. You sure you ain't on some weird grass or
something ?"

    "Well, that is the only way to address the Great Lord
of Anime Fanfiction."

    It was Ben's turn to spray his drink on the bar top.

    After a few coughs, he gave Elsa another one of his
looks. You know, the looks that said you're a complete nutcase.
"If Biles-sama were your 'Great Lord', why am I doing the
unauthorized cameo appearance, not him ?"

    "Restraining order." Elsa answered curtly.

    "Restraining order ? Okay. Right." Ben moved a little
to the left to give her space.

    "I mean, it's not my fault that he's a great writer,"
Elsa began, "I mean, the prose. The beautiful stories. I mean,
I just had to follow him around you know. You understand don't
you ?"

    "Oookay. Let's change the subject shall we ? Why do I
look like this ? Breaking the fourth wall and all, I don't
think I look like this in real life ?"

    "Well, this being a fic and all, well, I think the
writer took the liberty of adjusting everyone's appearance to
my personal belief of what they look like."

    "So, you think, I look like the Atomic Starlight Knight ?"

    "Yep. That's my mental image of you, the one I got
from reading your stories and some of the stuff I heard about
you."

    "Okay. So everyone in the FFML looks like how you believe
them ?"

    "Well, that's what the narrator told me before we started
the scene. I mean, for example, Rebeka Thomas, I told you about
her earlier, didn't I ?"

    Ben answered with a nod for her to continue.

    "Anyway, the mental picture I get from her writing is a
like a fourteen year old Eudial or Mimete, so if on the off
chance she shows up in the fic, she'll look like Eudial in a
sailor fuku with a crazy glint in her eye. That's the same with
the others."

    "Sooo, that's why I look like one of my characters ?"

    "I always thought A.S.K. was a bit of self-insertion."

    "Okay. So what would Biles-sama look like if he managed
to be included in this fic ?"

    "Oh. Well, he'd look like a blond Tom Cruise. But with
glasses. And with a pet wombat on his shoulder."

    "Well, I suppose, Mike Loader would probably look like
oh... a psychotic Ranma ?"

    "Yup. That's why I try to ignore or avoid photos of the
people on the FFML. They tend to kinda ruin your preconceptions.
Heck, I've run across a caricature of Chris Davies as a man with a
goatee and glasses, but I prefer my version of him."

    "What ? That he's really a lesbian biker babe ?"

    "You reading my mind or something ?"

    "No, but you become quite predictable if anyone's spent
enough time with you."

    "Oh." Elsa didn't know if that was a compliment or not,
but she let it slip. She did like Ben and wasn't going to mallet
him out of hand.

    "Anyway, why do you look like that ?"

    "What ? Does it look that bad ?" Elsa said with a cursory
inspection of herself.

    "No. I always thought you were actually an intelligent
chihuahua. A fairly intelligent one, of course, but a chihuahua
nonetheless."

    One mallet strike later...

    "Elsa, you didn't have to do that !"

    "Not do that, my foot."

    "It was a joke, you macho tomboy !"

    "What did you call me ?"

    Ben took a deep breath and counted from one to ten. I
really should lay off on the Ranma, he thought to himself.

    "I called you a ... very assertive young lady."

    "Good. And I'm not a chihuahua !"

    "It was a joke. You can't expect me to do a cameo without
at least showing off my incredible wit and humor ?"

    Elsa grumbled a bit as she downed another tequila. "I'm
hungry. Any place to eat around here ?"

    "Well, there's the restaurant across the street. But..."
Ben left the statement hanging.

    "But what ?"

    "They serve only spam."

    Elsa groaned. "And I thought Monty Python wasn't going to
get into this fic."

    "Hey ! It ain't that bad. At least it ain't Viking Night."

    "Viking Night ? What the hell are Vikings doing here !?"

    "You know... Mexican Vikings."

    "Okay. Mexican Vikings. Right. Why didn't I realize that
before ? There's Chinese Amazons and Chinese Vikings, why not
Mexican Vikings ?" Elsa gave Ben a regarding look. "You sure you
don't know a guy named Robert Haynie Jr. ?"

    "No. Who's that ? Sounds like Robert Downey Jr."

    "Kenjiko. The guy who wrote Girl Days. I think he was
after your time."

    "I don't seem to recall... What does he look like ?"

    "He looks like Ranma-chan."

    "Isn't that sort of contradictory ?"

    "Well, that's my mental picture of him."

    "So he writes about Ranma-chan a lot ? Is he one of those
lemon writers with the weird fetishes or something ?" Ben arched
an eyebrow, a habit most SM writers develop after watching Michiru
do it too much, and gave Elsa the Look. "You really sure you ain't
Lara Bartram ?"

    "I'm not Lara Bartram ! And Kenjiko does comedy !"

    "Okay ! Okay ! You're not Lara Bartram !" Ben emptied his
cup, he turned to look at Elsa. "Being curious and all, what _would_
Lara Bartram look like if she showed up in this fic ?"

    "A blonde Nabiki. In shiny black leather. With a whip."

    Ben shook his head and smiled a little. "You still hungry ?"

    "Yep."

    "Well, let's go. Wouldn't want to miss tonight's special."

    "What is it ?"

    "Spam on hollandaise sauce."

    Elsa shuddered at the thought, but since hunger was one of
her body's driving forces decided to go anyway. She slammed down
another tequila, stood up from the bar and took Ben's offered hand
and walked as if she was as sober as a rock.

    "You know, Elsa, this being an unathorized cameo apperance,
I'm going to get even when I get back."

    "Oh, that's all right. I always wanted to be in Nuke 'Em !"

    "Oh... I wasn't thinking of putting you in NETTG."

    Elsa stopped and gave Ben another of her considering
looks. "You're gonna put me in Going At It Like Wild Rabbits ?"

    "Naw, I think I'll make a fic just for you ?"

    "Really ? And what sort of fic would that be ?" Elsa was
starting to become really suspicious.

    "Oh, I haven't tried my hand at a lemon yet..."

    "Don't you dare !"

    "Hey, if I remember correctly, you once told me you'd give
an arm to sleep with Haruka !"

    "I was telling you about my cousin !"

    "And what about that remark about Usagi being hot when she's
Serenity form ?"

    "An innocent remark."

    "Well, I don't - Hey ! What's that ?!"

    Ben pointed behind Elsa. Elsa looked around and she saw it.

    It, in this case, was a collector's edition Delorean thundering
down the main thoroughfare of the Mexican town with someone suspiciously
looking like Setsuna Mei'ou hanging on to its roof. The fanfic
authors jumped out of the way as the car speeded past and suddenly
disappeared in a flash of blue light.

    "What the hell was that !?" Ben said as he stood up and
dusted himself. Elsa was standing already and had a thoughtful look
on her face.

    "I don't know... though it did look like something from one
of my fics."

    "What fic ?"

    "'Pissing Off Pluto'. Don't you remember it ?"

    "Ah, yeah. That one. Ever finished it ?"

    "Nah. Got tired after the first chapter."

    Ben finished dusting himself off and considered dusting
Elsa off, since she seemed to have forgotten about that and had
dust all over her suit. Especially around the chest area.

    Nah. She'll probably hit me again with that mallet. Where
the hell did she hide it anyway ? His gaze wandered from Elsa to
the street where he noticed something.

    "What's that over there ?"

    Elsa spared a look at where he was pointing and her eyes
widened. "Way cool !"

    "What ?" Ben asked as he saw Elsa heft a really big staff
like thingy from where it must have fallen from the passing
Delorean.

    "Ben, you recognize this ?" Elsa asked as she held the staff
up with some difficulty. It was quite heavy. But it was worth it as
she gave it the once over.

    "Cool ! That looks like Setsuna's Time Staff from Sailormoon !
Look at the detail !" Ben pointed at the intricate designs as Elsa
held it with both hands.

    "Whoever made this must have spent a lot of money ! Man, I
didn't know there was an anime convention around her."

    "There _is_ no anime convention around here."

    "Then how do you explain this ?"

    "Really bad cosmic accident ?"

    "Yeah, right. Anyway, let us not wonder the whys and
wherefores, Ben, at least we have it now. This'll be cool the next
time I go out. Look, Ben, Elsa Bibat, The Guardian of Time !" Elsa
smiled as she struck a pose. She also struck the staff to the ground
with goodly amount of force. And that was, well, a very Bad Thing(TM)
to do.

    There was an explosion of red light that engulfed the pair and
they disappeared.

*****************************

    Hotaru heaved a sigh of relief after she managed to push
that staff thingy out of the window. Whoever carried that hunk of
metal must have carried boulders for practice. At least her dad
could now get on with the repairs without it getting in the way.

    There was a thump from the roof. Hotaru looked up and
hugged Pooky tighter. Pooky, having been squeezed constantly by
the young Tomoe had his button facial features doing the teddy
bear equivalent of turning blue.

    Another thump followed another as it built a steady
rhythm. Hotaru frowned.

    That sounded like someone hitting a head against the
roof. She'd heard the sound many times when Dad forgot that
he had closed the door to the lab and went right up against
six inches of plate-armor steel.

    Yup, that was someone beating their brains out. She
wondered who was up there as the Delorean went on speeding
through a multitude of worlds and times.

*****************************

    And so went the Delorean on its merry way, wreaking havoc
all over the Time Streams, with a particularly irate Guardian of
Time on top of it. She was starting to find out how much it hurt
to smash one's face to a Delorean's roof.

    A lot of worlds got really messed up that day. To some
they brought salvation. To others they brought damnation. But one
thing was sure.

    The multiverse, or this particular part of it, was really
fucked up.

    And you ask me how the hell did Ash Ketchum become the
Pikachu Reborn.

*****************************