Pale Reflection
a Hime-chan's Ribbon fanfic
by Scott Schimmel
"I do."
I almost cried, hearing those words. It was the
perfect wedding, really. Replete with yards of white lace
and pink silk and red roses. The vaulting cathedral
bedecked with stained glass, filled by the grand, joyous
rhapsody of the pipe organ. Like a storybook come to life,
it was. Like a dream.
A Western-style wedding, yes. Naturally. As little
girls, we'd always thought they were more romantic than the
traditional Japanese kind. I'd been no different.
No, that's not true. That little girl was another
person. But I still feel that way. I'm sure anyone who'd
been there would have thought the same. It was...
beautiful. There's no other word that could do it justice.
So I almost cried, almost. And instead, I half-turned
to glance at him. Daichi. He hasn't changed a bit. He
looked quite dashing in formal wear, although he didn't seem
entirely comfortable. He'd been constantly tugging at his
bow tie earlier -- thankfully, he'd refrained during the
ceremony -- and his expression was almost one of boredom.
But that's just the way he is; he always has been a little
reluctant to face his feelings. That doesn't matter,
because his eyes give him away. I didn't notice that for
the longest time, but I think it's always been true, if only
I'd known to look for it. I think Daichi was on the verge
of tears himself.
If it had been Daichi, saying those words, to me...
I turned back, but not, I'm ashamed to say, without
reluctance. Not that I'd needed to worry about being
spotted by the happy couple. Tetsu-kun and Manami were
still kissing.
That was a surprise. No, not the kiss; that Manami
would ever be so serious about one man. It wasn't that she
didn't like Tetsu-kun; quite the contrary, obviously. She
just liked Daichi, too. And Hiroshi-kun. And
Morita-sempai. And... I've forgotten his name; the sempai
on the soccer team. And Sei-sama. And dozens more. She
was rather infamous for it.
Anyway, I guess she and Tetsu-kun finally had bounced
off of each other often enough that they decided to try
holding onto each other instead. And they're a cute couple.
I'm sure they'll be happy.
They always have been, at least as far as I know; I'll
admit I hadn't paid that much attention to them at first.
But I'm pretty sure that they always have been. Especially
Manami. And I've seen how their emotions feed off each
other, when they're together.
Just like I've often thought that Daichi and I...
Afterward, Manami lobbed the bouquet practically right
toward I-chan and me. I stretched like everyone else, but I
wasn't the one who caught it. Always the bridesmaid, never
the bride, I guess.
Well, maybe next time.
I'm pretty sure I-chan only made a token effort. She
hasn't so much as dated anyone in... nearly a year, now.
Manami used to tease her about it, but she didn't mind. She
just smiled. And said she hadn't met anyone worth the
effort, yet. I can respect that, but she was so... blunt.
Of all of us, she's the one who's changed most, I
think. Even more than I have. She was the most practical,
down-to-earth one, but now she's become more cynical, even
acerbic. That sense of humor is as strong as ever, though,
and much more strange at times.
There are times when I'm not entirely sure how I ended
up becoming friends with any of them, but I-chan is the one
I question most. Not that she's not also a good friend; she
is, in her way. I saw that when she, Manami, and Hime-chan
banded together to prove the strength of "women's
friendships."
They proved the strength of theirs, anyway. I was
impressed, and I wasn't nearly as credulous or naive as
Hime-chan was. It must have been that day that set the
stage for my later friendship with the girls.
Daichi surreptitiously grasped my arm, and I blushed,
realizing that I'd just daydreamed through most of the
reception. I rose along with him. And we danced.
The clothes, the music, the dance; it reminded me of
long ago. But that had been a dream to me; this was real.
Daichi was real. His arms around me, real; his steps
smoothly, gracefully, guiding my own so that they seemed as
natural as walking. Real. I melted into his embrace and
prayed that it would never end.
But end it did; the spirit was willing, but the hours
of dancing had taken their toll. I practically collapsed
into a chair. Manami took a moment to corner me, a grin of
innocent malice playing across her lips. "What, tired
already?" she teased. "And you were always so energetic,
too. I practically expected you to dive for the bouquet."
"I'm just as energetic as I ever was," I protested,
returning the smile. "The problem is, my body is twice as
big now, so it's only half as concentrated."
Manami giggled, rolling her eyes. "Perfectly logical,
as ever."
"Oh, and you're one to talk about logic."
She arched an eyebrow. "Daichi, which of us is more
logical?"
"There's no way I'm going to even try to answer that."
Daichi made a valiant effort to hide behind the floral
centerpiece; Manami and I both laughed.
"Well," Tetsu-kun chimed in, walking up behind Manami
and enfolding her in his arms, "Manami had the sense to
marry me, so she's the winner."
Manami smiled smugly.
"At least," he added with a grin, "until you two
finally-- oof."
Manami gently elbowed her husband. "Hey, you're
supposed to be on my side."
"Sorry, dear," he replied contritely.
She beamed, a sweet smile. "I forgive you."
"Gah," Daichi interjected. "If marriage makes everyone
this sickeningly cute..." But he trailed off as he glanced
at me.
I tried not to blush. Failed miserably, judging by
Manami's sudden giggling fit, but tried nonetheless.
Marriage... Could it be? I'd dreamed of the day when
Daichi would ask me...
Would he? No, surely not, but if there was even a
possibility... It seemed like I'd been waiting my entire
life, and yet... there had been days when I'd thought there
was no longer any chance for us. Or even that there never
had been. Okay, maybe I didn't ever admit it, but I wasn't
delusional...
He glanced away, suddenly uncomfortable. Relief and
disappointment waged a struggle within me, but Tetsu-kun
made some innocuous comment, and I was able to let it
distract me before I had to decide which had won.
I didn't forget Daichi's reaction, though; I knew full
well what it meant. Once Manami and Tetsu-kun had drifted
away to speak with other guests, I tried to think of a
subtle way to bring the matter up.
I settled for reaching out and touching his shoulder.
Subtlety, it's true, was never one of my virtues. But it
worked; he turned to look at me again.
"You're thinking about her, aren't you?" It wasn't
really a question; like I said, his eyes give him away. But
I asked anyway, and he nodded. My poor Daichi. Still in
mourning.
Not that I blamed him. It's that compassion that had
attracted me in the first place, and besides... I felt the
same way. No matter that I'd wished Daichi would pick me.
As desperately as I'd wanted that to happen, I never wanted
it this way.
I'm sure he knew that. I'm sure.
"Let's go see her," I suggested. It had been a few
weeks, after all. Slowly, he nodded. I forced a small
smile.
We did wait until the day after the reception,
naturally. Neither of us wanted to be so rude as to leave,
and it was already late. Besides, Daichi was the best man,
and there was still a speech to be made.
He didn't go nearly as hard on Tetsu-kun as I'd
thought. They must really be close friends. Tetsu-kun sure
looked nervous, though. I guess he wasn't expecting Daichi
to go easy on him, either. Naturally, Manami loved the
whole thing.
It was a wonderful day. If only it hadn't led directly
into this.
Now, we stand before a wooden door in a sterile
hallway; even the lighting seems pale and antiseptic. It's
a stark contrast to the frivolous decoration of yesterday.
He is beside me, and takes my hand; seeking or offering
comfort, I cannot tell which. Perhaps both.
I dread these visits. Not because of her, although I
still feel a little shame each time I enter her room.
Because of myself. Every time we step through that door, I
hope to see her sitting up in bed, smiling that carefree
grin.
Almost ten years, and still... every time.
I step through the doorway, feeling the familiar pangs
of disappointment and sorrow when she doesn't greet me. He
steps forward first, purposeful, and I see that his fist is
clenched as he struggles to keep himself from betraying
emotion. I quietly circle to the other side of the bed,
looking down at it rather than up at him.
She hasn't changed at all since the last time; there's
no sign she's so much as moved. Her body is still, a fly
trapped within a web of medical equipment and monitors,
slowly wasting away -- she looks pale and thin, though no
worse than she had. At the same time, somehow, she looks
almost angelic; wrapped in sheets white as clouds, white as
wedding dresses, she seems utterly at peace. I find myself
profoundly thankful for that as I whisper, "Hime-chan..."
"Nonohara," Daichi murmurs, stroking her gaunt cheek
delicately. "Nonohara..." It's almost a sob, and I turn
away just a little, offering him what solitude I can without
leaving her side.
"I'm sorry," I say softly, as Daichi quietly cries. I
take her hand, careful not to disturb the IV lodged in her
arm. "I'm so sorry..."
"Don't." Daichi's voice is ragged, but I force myself
not to look; he doesn't want me to see him like this.
Perhaps if I were Hime-chan, he wouldn't mind so much, but I
realize that I can't offer him as much comfort as she might
have. Even now. He may have come to love me, but it looks
like I'll always be in Hime-chan's shadow. "It's not your
fault."
"I know," I answer. "But that doesn't help. And I...
I miss her, Daichi."
He simply nods; there's little more to say about that.
So I give him something to say. "Daichi... I'm getting
tired of living this way." He looks like he's about to
protest, but I forge ahead. "I think we should take the
risk." We should have a long time ago, I think, and it's my
fault that we didn't.
Now he does protest, vehemently. "We don't know
what'll happen! She-- It might not work! And then... and
then, what if you've given your life for nothing?" There is
anger in his voice, but also fear. He doesn't want to lose
me, and that knowledge makes me feel warm inside. I even
manage a small, forlorn smile.
"Daichi," I tell him, smiling, "I'm dying." He stares
at me, horrorstruck, and I continue; it's taken me weeks to
find the courage to do this, and I'm not going to back down
now. I guess a little of Hime-chan's determination has
rubbed off on me. "Daichi, it's been ten years. I-- I
didn't want to try before, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I
was so scared... still am so scared..."
"Then don't," he pleads quietly. "Don't do this." I
ignore him -- one of the hardest things I've ever done.
"No... I know... I've been so selfish, for ten years.
Because I was scared, and I wanted so much to live. But...
Daichi, I'm going to die. You know I'm not as strong as I
was. But I've been thinking. Maybe, if I can give her a
chance, even a chance... it won't have been for nothing.
Hime-chan... she's... it's because of her that I was able to
have these ten years, with everyone... with you. I-- I
just..." If only I had her courage, this would be so much
easier.
He fixes me with a solemn, unwavering gaze, and my
words trail off into thin air as my mind blanks. "You don't
have to do this," he repeats again, like a mantra. In his
eyes, I can read the question: Are you sure? And I want to
scream no, I'm not; I want to let myself fall into those
eyes forever, until I drown. I want to live, but I've been
getting weaker almost since the day that Hime-chan fell
comatose.
I nod. "I... owe it to her," I say. I owe her my
life.
"Now?" he questions, still reluctant, but a little bit
hopeful. "What if Erika--?"
"Today," I affirm. "We both know that Erika can't
help, as much as she wants to." She'd given Hime-chan half
her life once already, and had offered to do so again. But
that, her grandfather had revealed, was simply not possible;
they were already sharing, and it couldn't be done a second
time. There were no third chances. And though Erika had
continued to search for a solution, it seemed that the realm
of magic had held none. None that wouldn't endanger my
life, at least, and neither Erika nor Daichi would allow
that.
Quietly, I continue; each word is a struggle, but I
feel much better for finally saying them. "And maybe-- I
hope you'll have Hime-chan back." Taking a deep breath, I
try to hold back tears. "You'll remember me, won't you?"
It isn't really a question, but I ask anyway, in a sudden
fit of vulnerability.
"I love you," he says. Answer enough.
I stare into her face one last time, willing her eyes
to open, her lips to form a smile or a greeting. Again it
fails to happen. Yet still I manage a smile as the memories
of her play out vividly in my mind's theater. I had wanted
to live so much, even resented her for a time... but here I
am, ready to risk what remains of my life for her.
Hime-chan certainly has an effect on people.
"Daichi... my love... whatever happens..."
"Yes?" He still sounds worried. He'd never have asked
me to do this, I know, and in that moment, I love him
wholly, completely. The way I once thought I had.
"Try not to have any regrets," I conclude. An
expression of confusion passes fleetingly across his face,
followed by a comprehension, of sorts. I sigh quietly; I
can't help it. "I don't." It's a small lie, but an
important one. "Except one. That I wasn't even half the
woman she was. No, don't talk," I add quickly. "It'll only
make this harder. Let's do it."
He nods, slowly, tears rolling openly over his cheeks
now. "I'll try," he promises. He leans forward; his lips
brush lightly against mine. Then he whispers once again, "I
love you... Himeko."
I hesitate momentarily; I've been avoiding an answer
for nearly ten years, after all. But I'm resolved; I don't
run away this time.
"Hai," I whisper back, embracing the magic as it
crashes over me.
*
Author's notes:
This is my working final draft, meaning it's final until I post
it, at which point all of the mistakes I've managed to miss will
suddenly leap out and bite me. ^_^
I'd like to thank everyone who commented on my initial posting
of this fanfic. I never expected such a response to a fic
based on what is, admittedly, a fairly obscure series. I'm glad
to see stories like this have an audience.
I didn't end up adding a whole lot of backstory again, after all.
This is still Himeko's fic, and the details of what happened to
Hime-chan are somewhat irrelevant, as far as it's concerned.
Maybe one day I'll do a prequel; there's more than enough room.
But for now, I wanted to keep the focus squarely on the duplicate.
I hope I've added enough about the situation to alleviate the
confusion.
Why [TKOContest]? Because I don't remember seeing many entries,
and I remember from running the non-Ranma fanfic poll a few years
back how discouraging it is to get few replies. So here's one,
at least.
Thanks again for reading.
Scott Schimmel Ex ignorantia ad sapientium;
Ex luce ad tenebras
"You really aren't normal, are you?" - Miki Koishikawa