"Ranma! Damn it, boy! Stop!"
[Okay, so maybe the Neko-ken wasn't such a good idea.] Genma
Saotome
thought as he ran after his young son. [But it sounded pretty good, and
who really reads every page of a manuel these days?]
This again. Well worn place for an opening but still good.
It's a fresh change for me. i've never read one that started here, save for
Way/Ninjitsu...
But
more importantly, once he starts to use it in matches, he'll be rich!
Which
means he can support me in my old age. Now, how do I train him to use
I never really saw any evidence of this in the manga. So far as I could
tell, Genma trained Ranma solely for the sake of the art, not for the
profit. Thats what he sold, indentured, and rented him out for.
you can't sell something that's not marketable.
[Uh-Oh. This could be bad. How will I explain losing my son to
Nodoka?]
Tell her he's busy peeping on women.
Sad thing is that'd work.
Just as Genma was about to continue on he heard what sounded like
...purring?
But the sound was a bit...off.
Being a great ellipse hater, I would recomend you ditch the first one
and see if the second could be replaced. And don't start a sentence with
a conjunction.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
^^^
"Your son will most likely go insane within 2, maybe 3, years.
D'oh! IMBS again.
What?
irreversibly into the Neko-ken." she replied, still in that calm, even
Neko-ken," She replied,
change either the . to a comma or the s to an S, not both.
As Genma walked away he tried to figure out why he gave in that
easily to an
old woman. [Her eyes. It had to be her eyes. I've never seen eyes like
that. Red
to the point of being sapphire. They gave me the creeps. Brrr. And the
Red to the point of being blue? That doesn't make any sense.
i got the meaning even though he used the wrong gem.
The eyes of Sailor Pluto.
while in this situation you can get away with the fragment, I really
recomend making that a complete sentence. They were the eyes of Sailor
Pluto. or some such.
or some such. as above, you're being a hypocrite. calling something a 'tyop'
or saying that someone mispeled something is one thing, that's universally
accepted. but this doesn't even look on-purpose.
As she picked him up and carried him into the house, only one
thought went
through her mind: [Great, I've got two more people who are a bit
mind,
this use is appropriate, but lose the [brackets]
almost feel sorry for Ranma. He's really a good kid. He doesn't deserve
what his
father will put him through, especially Jusenkyo.]
hey. It's an alternate universe, it might not happen.
It's shown here that it will.
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