Author's Note- Yes, I know this is short, but I still have to flesh out
the rest of the story
That you do.
I don't want to over characterize or point the story in any given
direction.
In not doing so, your story lacks an overall purpose, and in that lack, the
readers have no incentive to continue reading.
All I have done is set a simple guideline of the Platinum
universe. And to answer any questions, yes Ash wins in the first
paragraph (It's supposed to mimic the ending of the gameboy game), and the
rest of the story is set 10 years after. Ash is now PokeLeague Champion,
Gary has taken over for his grandfather(Oak's fate will be shown later),
Brock is an university professor, probably lecturing in Pokemon breeding,
Misty went back to Cereulean, and Pikachu has since evolved into the
lovable Raichu.
Outlining all this here in advance makes us know half the story already. Why not
detail it in backstory?
Still have to decide on the ramifications of the last
sentence. Also, has nyone play Gold/Silver yet? If you have, can you
send me a list of cities with Gym trainers.
Write what you know.
This is my first real try at a fanfic (Well, the first project to be
finished) so C&C is welcome and encouraged. PRE-READERS WANTED!!
Aside from punctuation errors, grammar disagreement, and some other technical
issues that mar the fanfic, it's decent. It's not terribly interesting, as there
are a ton of other future Pokefics out there (I preread one of the best, IMHO)
executed with more style and direction. I also do not like Ash receiving a
sibling--his father was mentioned in passing in the anime, and never at all
during Red/Blue/Yellow, so where would he come from? It's too plot-convenient
for me to suspend my disbelief long enough to finish.
Anyways, work on this and it may grow into something interesting.
--
bellreisa <<-->> Jeff Yang
http://bellreisa.cjb.net
"Don't worry. I am myself."
--Lain Iwakura, Serial Experiments Lain #4