% DF Roeder wrote:
WAI!!! I finally got to finish C&C'ing this monster. :)
% Only 80+K. It wasn't that long. ^_^
hold you in a forcefield from now
until the day you die."
"The thought never crossed my mind, Princess."
"But since you frequently speak without thinking, it could still
pass from
your lips."
Point to Aeka!
% She does have an unusually snippy mouth for one that's supposed to be so
refined. ^_^
"Miya miya."
"No, Ryo-Ohki. I don't feel like eating any fried 'Dweller of the
Deep'.
Thank you anyway."
Heh.
% Them alien intelligences taste good with a little cocktail sauce.
resulted to her interior. Even keeping themselves in check, Ryouko
and
Aeka's fights were still as discomforting as a bad case of carrot
induced
carrot-induced
heartburn.
LOL!!!
% heh.
Aeka said. "But there is no need to worry. They are
undoubtedly drawing closer so that they may bask in my august
personage."
*SNORT!*
% Or getting real close so they have her well in her sights.
a gravely voice said, "Repent your numerous
sins and prepare for death, royal scum."
Aeka paled as Ryouko said, "Hey, they seem to know you pretty
well. Are you
sure you've never met them before?"
The Yagdagron dreadnought targeted all of its weapons on Ryo-Ohki
and
opened fire.
*Reader falls out of his chair and clutches his sides, the laughter
painful.*
That opener is officially one of my favorite fanfic scenes of all
time. :)
% What, better then the 'Undersea Monster Grabs Ryo-Ohki' scene from two
chapters ago? ^_^
% I have to admit, in spite of using Aeka and Ryouko for little more than
comic relief, they have been some of my favorite scenes to write.
Mihoshi kept her gun leveled at Malgaunt. "I do recognize you,
Sir. I'm
placing you under arrest for betraying the Galaxy Police,
conspiracy to
commit criminal acts, attempted murder, aiding and abetting known
felons,
and a whole bunch of other things when I find out what else you've
done.
Now put up your hands!"
Heh, never underestimate Kuramitsu Mihoshi. She'll get ya every
time. Cool. :)
% True. Although it was Fera who tipped Mihoshi off to Malgaunt being a bad
guy.
"I recognize you," Mihoshi said from her position next to the
Shihana.
"You're Sa'bre Stargrave, the fourth most wanted criminal in the
galaxy.
You're under arrest too. Everyone is under arrest. Lieutenant,
throw down
your gun or I might be forced to do something very not nice to
you."
:)
% Well, given her usual behavior, I figure this is the nearest thing that
would qualify as a threat from her.
Sa'bre looked at Tenchi, and for one brief instant, understood
exactly what
his grandnephew was. A soft smile parted Sa'bre's lips. "So you
were
willing to die for your cause. How noble. Maybe it's better this
way, and
perhaps the emperor will yet be forced to pay for the wrongs he's
done."
Hmmm... Did Sa'bre realize at that last moment that Tenchi is
Tsunami's Champion or something of the like? Interesting.
% It is deliberately left vague
[snip]
That ended any thoughts of trying to risk a shot at Mihoshi. He
could see
the tension in her trigger finger. There was no way he could get a
shot off
without her firing into the stasis field. Likewise, there was no
way she
could risk a shot at Malgaunt without him shooting Tenchi. A
classic
Juraian Standoff.
Badges?! We don't need no stinking badges!! :)
% Heh.
within her
cringed at the words. Bargaining left too much power in the hands
of the
criminal, but again she could not let Tenchi die.
Good. The little interjections of standard police procedure really
dresses up the prose.
%Thanks again.
"NOOO!" Tenchi cried out as Mihoshi's eyes closed and she fell
limply to
the ground.
Heh. Another fine mess you've gotten me into! :P
% It's one of the things I live for. ^_^
Very nice, DB, but I have a couple of thoughts.
The work you did with Funuyaki's and Stargrave's stories was
important in that it made the villains, with the exception of
Malgaunt and, to a lesser degree, Onita, sympathetic.
% That was intentional. Not all of the villains were supposed to be all
that sympathetic. Just varying degrees of it.
The only
unfortunate thing is that you waited until near the end before doing
so. In future, you might want to consider letting bits of the
villains' past leak out as you go along, and then glue all the
pieces together at the end. It's far more satisfying to be worrying
about the fates of both the heroes *and* the bad guys. :)
% True. And here is where I have something of a confession to make.
Funuyaki's was sort of deliberately left towards the end as a sort of 'red
herring' to imply she might survive. Most people won't develop a character
that close to their demise, which is exactly what I did. (I messed up on
the timing or Ariana's background leaving it too close to her death. It has
since been moved back several chapters to keep the same thing from
happening there.)
% As to Sa'bre's origin, his was the more standard, 'bad guy reveals his
secrets at the end' sort of thing. And since there isn't going to be a
'Vacation Days II,' his story has to be resolved here. Now as to his full
origin, I wanted to keep from giving too many hints away early on to his
identity so people would be able to guess what it was without knowing for
certain. As I wrote it, I was uncertain as to how much to give. Now that
it's over and I can view the rough draft of the (almost) whole story, I see
I can now give a few more exact details of his life at the very least
without giving too much away. I'll drop several lines earlier in the fic,
like him mentioning how either the Emperor or the Empire killed her mother,
perhaps a reference to him being driven into hiding or forced to be poor by
them. That sort of thing which might help a little.
Second thought. Tenchi has one hell of an ace up his sleeve relative
to Azusa.
% Yep.
You might want to give some thought as to how he's going
to handle his next meeting with great grandpa, if you're planning to
go that far with the story
% Oh, I have a resolution to that fact figure out all right.
. Methinks Azusa won't want Funaho and
Misaki to know that the former galaxy's fourth most wanted was his
own illegitimate son and was capable of wielding the Wings of the
Light Hawk, which Azusa himself can't do.
% Yep.
Interesting that a mating
with a commoner produced such a person -
% Why? Tenchi comes from even more common stock. Both his grandmother and
father watered him down, and he can still use the wings.
that doesn't bode well for
the future of the monarchy in and of itself. It would also raise the
ugly question of whether or not more such persons are roaming the
galaxy, having slipped through the pregnancy-test net.
% Yep. Sa'bre's mother seemed to think it was a fluke. Still, how much does
she really know?
No, Azusa
would rather keep that info to himself, I'm thinking, which brings
me back to my initial point. What is Tenchi going to do with that
information?
Of course, Tenchi could just tell Funaho and Misaki and let Azusa
take his lumps. Poor Emperor. You've forever lost the respect of
your great-grandson.
% As I said, that shall be resolved next time.
Very nice, DB. Look forward to the next.
% And last. Thanks a lot for the comments. They've helped a lot, as always.
D.B. Sommer