Subject: [FFML] Re: [C&C]Re: [Spam] Newbie here! (SM fic included!)
From: Disruptor
Date: 2/17/2000, 5:17 PM
To: Jed M Bidwell
CC: ffml@fanfic.com
Reply-to:
mathews1@gte.net

Jed M Bidwell wrote:



        The figure standing in the doorway vaguely resembled a woman. She
was covered head to toe in a suit of strange blueish-green armor, the plates
resembling a beetle's hard carapace, or even bone. Beneath the armored
plates, a purple fleshy substance covered what they did not. A silver
medallion rested in the center of her forehead, just below a long,
backward-curved fin.

<SNIP>
"Just a concerned citizen." She said, looking at the ball of energy that was
forming in her hand as though she had never seen it before. "Warrior will
do." Almost casually as her arm snapped forward, hurtling the energy ball
across the ballroom to smack the youma on the chest.

        Now, if I'm reading this right, Molly has no clue how to use the
Guyver. However, the Control Medal can take control for the host when
needed, and can automatically use the weapons. I like it, this prevents
Molly from being too much of an ass-kicker from the start.

It staggered back, hissing loudly.

        But, this Youma got hit with a gravity bomb (best term I can think
Gravity shock wave
of), and doesn't have an enormous hole in its chest. Those things have to be
tough! ^_^

"I'm here to kick ass and take names." Warrior said as blades slid forward
out of her forearms and over her hands.

        SInce these are sonic swords, blades that emit sonic vibrations that
match the frequency of whatever they hit, perhaps you should describe the
slight glow they seem to put off.
As well as the slight hum.
<SNIP>
"Dunno, as she put it, and I qoute; 'Warrior will do'" Jupiter said, helping
Sailor Moon to her feet.

        sp. qoute---quote

The man who walked through the hallways was not happy. He was tall, athletic
man, with bright red hair, and cruel eyes. He wore a vest over his bare
chest, green pants, and boots.

        This sounds like the vest is covering everything else he's wearing.

<SNIP>
"A Guyver Unit!" Hissed the man on the throne.

"Guyver Unit?" Asked the voice from the crystal.

"A device created by a long dead alien race. They were sent to planets that
either had or possessed the potential for sentient life. They're a type of
bio-armor and they fuse with lifeforms in a symbiotic relationship, providing
protection and physical enhancement in return for some of the host's life
energy."

        Okay. First, you're revealing too much, too soon. Pace yourself a
bit, let the reader draw his own conclusions first.

        **SPOILER ALERT!**

        And second, that's not entirely true, unless you're going by the
second movie. In the anime/manga, the race of aliens had come to earth to
develop the perfect weapon. Over the millinea, they experimented with
countless lifeforms until creating their template, humans. From the humans,
they created Zoanoids, and then the Guyvers. The Guyvers couldn't be
controlled, and the alines eventually left.

<SNIP>
Not exactly, said a dry voice in her mind

        The Guyver is talking to Molly? No, the unit doesn't work that way.
It allows telepathic communication with other Guyvers, but the host and the
unit don't communicate like that. Unless, of course there is something
special about this unit, like it being a prototype the aliens had developed,
yet hadn't had teh chance to test befor eleaving the earth.
Sounds more like Detonator Orgun than Guyver. The Gigantis unit might
have that ability, but that's the spaceship at Mt. Minakami.  Maybe
there was a small Advent spaceship(shuttle) in the bottom of the lake
and it was dying.  The ship sees this human real close by and merges
with the human to save its own life by detatching its control sphere and
enough matter to form a Guyver unit.
        All in all, this wasn't a bad idea at all. I've seen one other
Guyver/SM crossover, and it wasn't that well done. This one, however, seems
Mine.  Oh well.  Can't please everyone.  I just write to please myself.
BTW there is a third Guyver/Sailor Moon, but that's a spamfic.
to be quite promising. Get yourself a good prereader (I'm willing to lend a
hand, if you want), and this could take off. I can help you with the Guyver
aspects of the fic, being a rather avid fan of that series, but I know
nothing about Sailor Moon.

        Looks good, and keep writing!

Jed


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