brewst <brewst@mediaone.net> wrote:
I have my 2nd fic loosly sketched out, and comments on plotline would be
appreciated:
Already written
-Ranma arrives in Kong Hong by Genma
-Ranma is sold into a whore-house by Genma
Okay, I'll be the one to ask.
WHY on Earth would Genma do something like this? He's never shown any
particular interest in sex (look at vol. 11 where he's in a hot springs
full of naked women, and all he seems to care about is finding the
scroll with the happodaikarin on it.) What he *has* shown a great deal
of interest in is (1) making Ranma into a great martial artist, (2)
getting Ranma hitched off to a Tendo daughter, and (3) not being
skewered by his wife's katana. Any of these three things would be a good
reason *not* to do what he does here.
This is, of course, the problem with reading a plot outline rather than
an actual story; we really don't get to see *why* things happen in an
outline. But unless you can make this a lot more plausible than it
sounds here, might I suggest that you have Ranma kidnapped, or simply
lost? (We're talking about a Ranma who's 6-10 years old, right?)
-Ranma finds out about Genma's fraud/engagements and is so pissed off
that he becomes an assassin for the triad
For reasons Allyn Yonge already pointed out, this doesn't make a lot of
sense either.
What's more, this pretty well destroys Ranma's likeability. In the
manga, we can cheer for Ranma as he fights his battles, because all in
all despite his very real flaws, he's a basically decent guy. This one
sounds like he's anything but. So why should I care whether he or
Pantyhose becomes the head of the gang?
-Ranma nearly kills Genma, only stops when Genma promises to teach him
Forbidden Techniques.
-Ranma goes to Jusenkyo with Genma. Genma falls into panda-pool.
-Ranma falls into uncursed pool, makes pool of drowned Ranma.
-Ranma and Genma go to Jotensuzuku. Ranma affianced to Shampoo. He
andRyoga (who fell into ? ) train under Cologne.
-Fastforward a couple of months to Nerima.
-Ranma arrives at Furinkan during fight, wins it. Realizes to his
dismay that he's hit Akane.
He's willing to kill people in service of organized crime, but he's
still squeamish about hitting a girl?
What's more, why go to Nerima at all? It isn't like there's a lot of
"Forbidden Techniques" to be learned there.
Again, I'm handicapped by not being able to see the actual story. Maybe
you can make a plausible case for some of these things. But as it
stands, I really don't see it.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html