C&C Below. Snippage throughout.
So you thought you'd get back at me for *my* C&C, eh?
What has gone before in "The Taming of the Horse": Ranma
began formally training Akane.
Akane domesticated her pet. A riding crop was involved.
Ranma and Akane transferred to
St. Hebereke's School for Girls and made new friends there.
There were a lot of Saint Ecchi jokes.
Cologne took Shampoo and Mousse back to China shortly before
Akane and Ranma's (successful) wedding.
(Although it's not terribly pertinent to this story.)
Previously in "Centaur": Akane and Ranma, joined by their
St. H friends, seceded from Kodachi's gymnastics team to form a
rival team, with Akane as captain.
Although she prefers being called "Princess".
(Did I mention the riding crop?)
Hasegawa-sensei, the gym
coach, decreed that playoff matches between the teams would
decide which team would represent the school in meets with other
schools.
Hasegawa: Nietzsche was cool!
Of course, with two groups of vastly different skill levels,
Kodachi's team is never likely to win, becoming bitter and
resentful, their pride making them unable to join Akane's team.
Hasegawa: I like Dragonball Z!
Team Akane won the last playoff.
Ranma took umbrage at this, and formed his own Team Ranma.
However, they have not been able to arrange any new fights
since the Legendary Phoenix.
[...]
This chapter is for fellow Kodachi-fan Bert Miller, and for
the people who wanted to know what happened at the Furinkan meet.
(I hadn't originally intended to write this, actually. :)
However, it was quickly established that Vince can be brow-beaten.
(Remember, he wasn't going to originally write Centaur either,
folks!)
Thanks to June Geraci and Dave Roeder for ideas and support.
Two very different types of ideas and styles of support,
I'm sure. ^_^
[...]
Chapter 2.5: The Pineapples of Defeat
It doesn't work too well with a text document, but I really
think 2 1/2 would be a more appropriate chapter, given the
series...
[...]
"What's the big deal about Furinkan? It's not like they
have much of a martial arts rhythmic gymnastics team...." Ranma
gave Akane, up to her neck in steaming water on the other side of
the furo, a puzzled look.
Don't they? In fact, before Akane and Ranma's arrival, I'd say
that *Hebereke* was the one that didn't have much of a team.
It was just Kodachi.
[...]
"Baka, baka, baka," Akane said, thumping herself on the
forehead. She noticed Ranma's annoyed frown. "Not you, me.
Do you need the commas? It's not like Akane's making a list...
"Baka, baka, baka, hentai, ecchi..."
Well, you too; you didn't notice either. Our team worked so hard
to beat Kodachi's team so we'd get to go to the match... but if
I'd noticed that the match was against Furinkan, I would have
just let Kodachi have it and tried for the next one. What a
waste."
punc: you didn't notice, either.
(Commas are your friends, Vince! You can never have too many!)
suggest: Kodachi's team, so we could go
(Uses fewer little words.)
[...]
"Okay. In the meantime, loosen up. Come over here and I'll
rub your back."
"Mmmm... will you rub my front, too?"
Ranma: I don't think massaging will help them grow. OW!!
[...]
Akane almost retorted "That's 'Saotome' to you!" but managed
not to. "We've decided to let your team have this next match."
punc: retorted, "That's
[...]
Kodachi's smile didn't falter. "Perhaps. Nevertheless, I
decline your offer... unless...." She watched Akane carefully.
cap: Unless
(It sounds like a new sentence.)
[...]
Smiling, Kodachi watched her go. *So. They want something
from me again. Excellent.*
Again? What did they want the first time?
[...]
Ranma plopped herself down on the bench seat a comfortable
distance away. "That wasn't nice," she said darkly, carefully
not looking at Kodachi's legs.
Of course, she had to periodically check where the legs
*were*, so she knew where she wasn't supposed to look.
[...]
"Urk." Ranma suddenly looked very nervous. "Uh, lemme
check with Akane on that," she said, getting up.
Whipped, I tells ya! Whipped!
"Oh, Ranma-sama, how wonderfully domesticated you are!"
Kodachi exclaimed.
When Ranma's buttons are just so big and shiny,
how can one resist not pushing them? ;)
[...]
"Now wait just a damn minute! I can make up my own mind!"
Okonomiyaki!
[...]
"Jeez, what's with all the questions?" Ranma protested.
"Just out. You gotta be with me every minute of every day?"
Akane: Of course, not. But you'll have to wear this radio
collar, so I can find you if there's trouble.
Ranma: [dubious] I guess...
Akane: [pulls out harness with two black squares on either
side] And you'll need this blind, so your eyes won't
wander...
*Yes!* Akane thought. "No...." It occurred to her that,
buddies or not, married or not, she'd like a little private time
now and then herself... and if she did, how must Ranma be
feeling?
I imagine he'd get antsy if he were alone. He's always had his
father, fiancees, and rivals to keep him company in the past...
Nodoka had spoken of this, and how to deal with it;
since Ranma didn't appear to planning a ten-year training trip,
Please. They start out at a month long. Wait till you have kids.
the advice seemed sound. "All right. I guess maybe I've been a
bit clingy." Ranma flinched, but she didn't notice. "I said I
would try to trust you more." Ranma flinched again. She walked
up to him, rose up on her tiptoes, and kissed him on the cheek.
"Hurry back," she whispered, smiling.
I hope Akane wouldn't take advice from Nodoka. She's not
exactly a shining example of the right way to keep a man.
And don't put to much faith in statements like "This is what
I did wrong," either.
[...]
Akane almost snickered at the sudden image of Ranma wearing
a saddle and bridle, but managed to turn it into a snort.
"Domesticated? You? Nonsense."
"She said I couldn't make my own decisions...."
I'd say this chapter shows just how right Kodachi is. ^_^
[...]
Ranma boggled. "Huh? You mean it's all right with you?"
Akane half-smiled. "'All right' is not the way I'd put it.
But you made your decision, and I said I'd trust you, so I'm not
going to stop you."
You're behind the times, man! Would you use "all
together"? "All ready"? Be progressive! Alright? ;)
[...]
Akane sighed noisily and ran her fingers through her bangs.
"Ranma, I'm having a hard time keeping myself from pounding you
flat, screaming at you, and chaining you to the floor--"
"Now THAT'S my Akane."
"--but I realized that I can still do that to you after you
get back."
[...]
Ranma eyed the seats available in the cozy room: a long
couch and a shorter couch, but no chairs. He sat at one end of
the longer couch, leaving plenty of room, but Kodachi sat next to
him, trapping him against the arm of the couch. "Urk."
suggest: trapping him against the arm.
(I'd tend to delete the repeated word, but
I'm not sure how clear it leaves the sentence.)
[...]
"Perhaps," Kodachi said lightly. "As I told that person, my
team is still demoralized. They would not be at their best for
the match."
I think you need some sort of emphasis on "that person."
Perhaps an ellipsis before it?
Ranma cocked an eyebrow. "So? Since when does your team
fight a match? You don't look demoralized."
"No? It's very kind of you to say so, Ranma-sama, but in
truth my spirits are quite low." Kodachi sighed dramatically.
Ranma: Um... That's your neckline.
[...]
Ranma grimaced. Even though she'd tied him to a bed,
paralyzed and wearing a towel, to be discovered tied to a bed
wearing a chain mail bikini was.... "Yeah, I guess so. Sorry
about that."
This needs to be clarified a bit. Specifically, that the
second half of the sentence refers to what Ranma did to
Kodachi.
[...]
"Yes, or very close to it," Kodachi said in a slightly edged
voice. "I had hoped for so much more. I still do. A hug, a
kiss, to be swept up in transports of ecstacy...."
sp: ecstasy
[...]
"We have discussed this before, Ranma-sama." Kodachi
acquired a nostalgic look. "Oh, that was such a fine evening...
it lives brightly in my memory still." She turned a little on
the couch to face him more directly. "You touched parts of me
that had been sleeping for a long time that night, you know."
"I what? I didn't! I didn't hardly touch you at all!"
Ranma protested.
:j
(Isn't this when Ranma notices Kodachi's hand in his lap?)
Kodachi smiled briefly. "No, alas not. But for a while I
was able to be myself, free of the constraints imposed on me by
my minions and my roles."
Is Kodachi constrained by *anything*? ^_^
"Yeah...." Ranma remembered Kodachi's face without the
haughty sneer or false archness... and noticed that Kodachi was
showing him that same face again.
It's the I'm-about-to-drug-you face!
[...]
"As I am now, you mean? I regret the necessity. But to one
who does not ask, the answer is never 'yes'.
How true, how true. [nod]
You know what I want."
"Yeah. But it belongs to Akane. Sorry."
Ranma: Akane, this is getting out of hand.
Akane: You did say it belongs to me, right?
Ranma: Yes, but...
Akane: No buts!
Ranma: But do you need to come in here...?
Akane: I said no buts! Now unzip!
Ranma: [sighs, and complies]
Akane: Now I'll hold it, while you...
Ranma: [thinks] I gotta start going to the girls'
bathroom, instead of using the urinal...
Maybe I should have put a "sick" warning above that? ^_^;
[...]
"I had so hoped to be your first," Kodachi said with a
woeful sigh. "But I am willing, even eager, to be your second."
Such a practical girl! :)
"Urk."
Kodachi turned to face him again and seized his hand.
"Think about it, Ranma-sama," she urged him, gazing imploringly
into his eyes. "At the time you were wed, I am sure you had
sampled none of your fiancees' charms. Was this wise? You chose
one without knowing any of the others. You owe me a chance!
Give me one night, or even a few hours, to prove that I am a
better lover than-- than that person!"
How can you fault that logic?
[...]
"No way," Ranma said, shaking his head for emphasis, but
part of him couldn't help noticing how lovely and passionate
Kodachi was, and wondering how she compared to Akane. [...]
And there all those comments Hiroshi and Daisuke made about
"gymnastics girls"...
Kodachi's eyes filled with tears, and her proud head
drooped. "Alas, I am rejected again," she said brokenly,
producing a handkerchief and dabbing at her eyes. She arose from
the couch, stepped around the coffee-table to the other couch,
and seated herself there. "Please stay for a while and console
me with conversation, Ranma-sama...."
Now that she's successfully disarmed his better judgement...
"Sure," Ranma said, still quivering a little. "No harm in
that."
"Thank you. You're very kind. Perhaps you'd like some
refreshment?"
...bingo. ^_^
[...]
"Sure, thanks!" A moment later, he was munching happily.
Kodachi poured some coffee from the Thermos into a demitasse and
sipped. "Aren't you gonna have some?"
Might I ask, why is the coffee in a thermos? Wouldn't she use
a coffee pot and/or hotplate? All things have their place,
especially for a proper lady like Kodachi.
[...]
"I'm so glad. I made them myself."
Ranma froze. He looked at his fingers. He looked at the
platter. He looked at Kodachi. "Oh, crap. Sleep or paralysis?"
"A little from column A, a little from column B..."
Kodachi looked hurt. "Neither one, darling. Not after
their shortcomings were so clearly demonstrated." She put down
the demitasse.
cap: Darling.
(It's being used as a proper name, or title.)
"Oh. Sorry," Ranma said, relaxing.
"No, I employed a very expensive and difficult-to-acquire
compound," Kodachi continued, examining her fingernails. "It
merely renders one... open to suggestion."
Ooh, and in an oral form, too! Usually that stuff has to be injected.
[...]
"You really don't want to leave, Ranma-sama." Kodachi's
silky voice sounded so reasonable, so compelling....
And how is this different from any other time? ;)
[...]
Kodachi looked up and smiled. "Now, darling, promise me you
won't go running away this time," she told Ranma.
cap: Darling
"No running away," Ranma agreed.
Asuka: If only it were that easy...
Rei: I do not understand.
Asuka: Neither would Vince. He doesn't watch NGE.
Rei: Watch what?
Asuka: Why am I talking to a space cow, anyway?
Rei: Would you cook for me for the rest of my life?
Asuka: [flings self at Rei] Yes! I'll show that Kodachi this time!
[...]
"Oh, Ranma-sama, we're going to have such fun!"
"We're going to have such fun," Ranma said obligingly.
And the tape player recorded everything...
[...]
Ranma's gaze traced over the taut curves of Kodachi's body,
easily visible though the translucent fabric of the long black
negligee she wore, decorated with black-rose lace. "Nice legs,"
he said admiringly.
He comments on what he can see all the time? Doesn't he have
any interest in the hidden delights? I'm so disappointed in him.
[sigh]
Kodachi clasped her hands beside her blushing cheek. "Oh,
Ranma-sama, this is a dream come true! Please come here,
darling." Ranma complied, only a little unsteadily. "Now kiss
me," she whispered, flowing up against his muscular chest.
Ranma balked. "Akane wouldn't like that," he muttered.
Whipped! Whipped!
(All further Darlings comments snipped.)
"Drat," Kodachi said under her breath, stamping a foot, then
addressed Ranma again. "Listen to me, darling. This is all
right with Ak-- Akane. She wants you to persuade me to take the
match. She sent you here. She wants you to kiss me."
All the other times Kodachi stutters about Akane, it has to do
with the fact that she Ranma's wife. I think a leading pause
makes more sense here.
[...]
"Oh, Ranma-sama, you kiss like a young god come to earth for
dalliance!" she exclaimed. "I beg you, sweep me up in your
strong arms!" Ranma complied, with ease that inspired the
unpleasant little thought that he'd done it many times before.
Nabiki: Yes, I remember the time he swept me up in his arms...
[...]
This time "drat" just didn't cover it. *His will is so
strong, to resist the drug so!*
She turned her head, frowning. *Or he's too stupid...*
For a moment Kodachi considered
suggesting to Ranma that she was Akane, but then her pride tore
the notion down and trampled on it; that way lay utter defeat.
Besides, it was already done in another fic.
Kodachi: That wasn't me, it was the Asuka the White Lily.
C&Cer: True...
Kodachi: So when do I get my turn?
She decided to console herself with what pleasures were
attainable. "Twirl me once around, darling, and kiss me again,"
she suggested hopefully.
I wonder how much this could be doing for Kodachi. She could
continue to order him, but Ranma's already established that he
is capable of doing some things to please her without explicit
directions. Like, "Tell me how I look," not, "Tell me I look
pretty."
[...]
Kodachi, clad in a flowing negligee and wiping her mouth
with her hand, blinked back at him. She was being held cradled
in the arms of-- the pigtailed girl!
All sorts of interesting and entirely unwholesome visions filled
his mind, but Vince has no plans to write the menage-a-trois-et-
une-moitie (avec inceste) scene.
"Pigtailed girl!" Kuno shouted, flinging his arms wide. "My
heart swells with joy at thy sweet presence! Come to my bosom!"
"Or at least let me rub my face in yours!"
"Okay," the pigtailed girl agreed, dropping Kodachi on her
rear with a thump and stepping over her. [...]
suggest: her well-padded rear
or: her ample rear
or: her two, perfect, well rounded...
(er) Maybe you can keep it as is.
[...]
"It WAS PERFECT for this circumstance! I had him RIGHT
where I wanted him, and YOU let him ESCAPE! IDIOT!" Kodachi
scooped up a couple of clubs from the floor and advanced. "Dear
brother," she crooned, "how shall I express my displeasure?"
"How shall I count the ways...?"
As it turns out, counting to one thousand
doesn't take too long, at all. ;)
Whackity-whackity-whack! "Oh-hohohoho!" POW!
In some ways, Akane and Kodachi are very much alike... ^_^
~~~~~
"Hi, honey, I'm home!"
cap: Honey
(Do I have to go over this again? :)
Akane came galloping down the stairs at the call, looking
glad but a little surprised. "'Honey'? Ranma, what--" She
caught sight of him and blinked. "Lipstick?!"
"Lipstick?" Ranma said, still smiling.
suggest: "Lipstick!"
(Is he parroting everything he hears, or agreeing with it?)
[...]
SLAP! "RANMA, YOU BAKA!!"
"Yup, I'm a baka," Ranma agreed, getting up with one cheek
already beginning to swell. "Whinny!" He paused, looking
puzzled. "Say, what kinda noise does a deer make, anyway?"
Uh...
[...]
"Hi-hi, Kasumi-oneechan," Ranma said brightly. "I'm a
horse, deer."
Groan. Only the lowest of the low would use a horrible pun
like that. (Or quote another person's C&C back at them...)
[...]
"Yeah. She said I kissed like a young god," he said
reflectively. "I wonder which young god she kissed."
Saffron: I have no comment at this time.
"You BAKA!"
"Hmm," Kasumi observed. "He does what you tell him to."
Akane: Oh, yesss!
Kasumi: Oh, dear...
Akane: Tell me I'm cute! No, wait! Tell me I'm feminine!
And a good cook! Tell me I'm the most graceful person
you know!
Ranma: ... [head smokes]
Kasumi: Perhaps you can't make him say something patently false?
"I told him to tell me the truth," Akane said, catching on.
She paled. "If he was doing what Kodachi told him to... oh, no!
Ranma, did Kodachi tell you to, um, make love to her?" She held
her breath.
"Yeah," Ranma said in surprise. "How'd you know?"
"Eeeee!" Akane stopped shaking Ranma, looking like she was
about to faint.
"Akane, I don't think you should ask questions you don't
want to know the answers to," Kasumi said reprovingly.
Where's the fun in that?
"Ranma, who else do you love?" Kasumi asked quickly.
"Well, there's Momma," Ranma replied. [...]
Akane: Ew!!!
"And I like you a lot, Kasumi-oneechan."
Akane: My sister!?!
"Oh, my," Kasumi said faintly, blushing.
Kasumi: You said it'd be our secret...
"And I'm kinda fond of Pops, even if he is a lazy pain in
the butt."
Akane: In the...? [passes out]
Akane snickered, feeling much better. "Do you love
Kodachi?"
"No way," Ranma said indignantly.
"But she's really flexible. Wink wink nudge nudge,
know what I mean?"
[...]
"All right, all right," Akane said petulantly. "You're no
fun at all, Onee-chan. Come on, Ranma, let's get you cleaned up
and then go to bed."
So how come it's "Kasumi-oneechan", but "onee-chan"? Looks
like you need to drop the hyphen from the latter, or add one
to the former.
[...]
"Oh-ho-ho--" Slap! Kodachi hadn't even seen Ranma's hand
move, but the sound and the pain in her cheek left no doubt what
had happened. Ranma had put little force into the blow, but its
significance was unmistakeable.
sp: unmistakable
"You really do care for me, Ranma-sama..." Kodachi breathed.
She lowered her hand from her cheek and the worshipful look in
her eyes faded a little; she concealed them behind long, dark
eyelashes. "I will do as you say."
Why do you do this to me, Vince? Do you want me to strain myself,
or something, trying to hold back all the obvious masochist
comments?
"Good. Now I got students to work with. See ya later."
Ranma turned and walked back into the gymnasium, trying to ignore
the familar feeling that things hadn't turned out quite the way
she and Akane had planned.
sp: familiar
Actually, that feeling is Kodachi clinging to your legs, staring
up at you with adoring eyes.
[...]
Hasegawa frowned. "Really, Saotome-san, I am very
disappointed in you. Your team won the playoff fairly, and you
should be proud to represent St. Hebereke's, even against your
former schoolmates."
"But that's not--" Akane stopped and bowed her head. "Hai,
Sensei. I'm sorry."
I was expecting a look or glare from the coach before Akane
bowed her head.
"And you, Kuno-san," Hasegawa continued, wiping Kodachi's
smug smile off her face. "I'm surprised that you're willing to
accept the fruits of victory without earning them. You should
have known better than to agree to this."
Kodachi hadn't actually said she agreed to Akane's idea, yet.
(At least to Hasegawa.)
[...]
"No, I mean about keeping our secret. The smartest thing
would be for you to stay home--"
"What?!"
"--not that you'd ever do the smartest thing." Akane gave
Ranma an impish smile, and Ranma realized that she'd been teased.
Akane: Or even a smart thing. Hell, even the reasonable--
Ranma: I get the point, already!
"Hmph."
"Second smartest would be for you to go as a woman, and stay
a woman the whole time."
"Well, duh. I have to be a woman to fight my match, dummy."
Ranma dodged the casual retaliatory swipe of Akane's book bag.
Has Ranma always referred to his cursed form as a "woman" in your
series? I seem to recall him using "female" or "girl". Woman
has certain connotations of femininity and maturity that I can't
associate with Ranma. ^_^;
[...]
"It's not. If enough of our schoolmates see you as a man,
they might put two and two together.
Especially if he forgets not to change out of the Hebereke uniform.
[nod nod]
But I'd, well, I'd like you to go as a man anyway."
punc: man, anyway."
(I think.)
Ranma raised her other eyebrow, noticing that Akane's ears
were quite pink where they showed through her hair. "How come?"
"'Cause I want to be seen with you, you insensitive jerk!"
Akane burst out, flushing.
Akane: [kick stomp punch squeeze] You're so cruel!
[...]
"You egomaniac," Akane said fondly. "That's why I didn't
want to say it; I knew your head would get all swelled."
Someone should really jump on that "swelling" remark.
Too bad I'm much too naive to do such a thing.
[...]
Thunder rumbled faintly in the distance.
~~~~~
The sky didn't look thunderous the day of the match, but
Ranma cast a cautious glance upward anyway at the gray clouds and
the scarce patches of blue visible between them.
gram: The sky didn't sound thunderous
(You don't see thunder. Although this is hardly reads well, I'm
under the impression you want to keep the "thunder/thundrous"
parallel.)
"What do you think?" Akane asked, walking beside him clad,
like the others, in a warmup suit; Ranma wore his usual Chinese
garb.
sp: warm-up
Ranma shrugged. "It might rain, or it might not. With my
luck, it will." He brandished his umbrella, furled for the
moment, and shrugged again. In his other hand he carried a bag
full of team gear.
Does Ranma even know *how* to operate an umbrella?
Ranma: [opens umbrella, and flings it like a top, up and through
the air. It arcs out of sight, but it's effects are seen,
as it flies through the cloud cover, breaking it up.]
"And that's the official Ranma forecast," Michi said in
tones of mock gravity. "Man, with a chance of woman later in the
day, the probability rising directly with the likelihood of
embarrassment."
50% chance of woman? Is that mostly womany, or partially womany?
I guess it depends on whether you're an optimist or a pessimist...
;)
[...]
"Oh, lighten up," Michi retorted. "I checked first." She
gestured to the street around them; the nearest gaggle of St.
Hebereke's uniforms was well out of earshot. The match had been
set for afternoon, right after school got out. A few dozen of
their schoolmates had accompanied them, only a fraction of the
multitude that would have attended a match held at their own
school.
No curiosity factor? I don't recall if this is the first non-
Kodachi-led tournament, but even if it isn't, I'd think that
people would want to see what Akane does versus her old school.
They turned the last corner, blinked, and stopped in their
tracks. "Good heavens," Akane said in astonishment. It seemed
that their whole former class at Furinkan High had turned out and
gathered at the gates. A cheer went up as the small crowd
spotted them and a large banner unfurled, reading "Welcome Back,
Ranma & Akane!"
Don't kid yourself.
Mob: Akane!
Akane: Oh, no... [smacks head]
Mob: How could you do this? Leading the St. Hebereke Gymnastics
team against your own alma mater! We won't let you fight.
[proceeds to attack Akane]
Akane: For the love of...
[...]
"I didn't know we were," Akane replied, blushing. A smaller
banner unrolled: "Welcome St. H Babes!" Akane rolled her eyes
and groaned. "Oh, no. Not them."
Daisuke: What, we're the only people who welcome your friends, and
you insult us?
Hiroshi: How cruel!
Ranma snorted. "Who else? Hiroshi and Daisuke."
Daisuke: How come his name is always first, huh? Why can't my
name ever be first?
[...]
"SAOTOME!" A path cleared as though Ranma were Moses
parting the Red Sea and there stood Tatewaki Kuno, breathing
heavily and brandishing a bokken. "How is it that thou darest
show thy face here after my defeat of thee in epic combat?!"
suggest: after I defeated thee
or: after your defeat by me
[...]
"Silence, villain! AAAAAH!" Kuno raised his weapon and
charged. Ranma skimmed forward fast enough to preempt Kuno's
strike, still carrying his bag and umbrella; his perfectly-timed
snap kick sent his assailant soaring skyward, accompanied by the
bokken.
I don't think Kuno's getting fair treatment, here. He's a
nuisance, but he shouldn't be *that* easily gotten rid of.
If he's going to get punted, at least let him get a good
line or two in!
Kuno: Do you deny fleeing from me at our last combat?
Kuno: And stay out of my sister's bedchambers, you preying fiend!
[...]
"Awk!" the speaker emitted, then continued at a lower
volume. "Look, I'm sorry, Akane-kun, but Kuno-sempai insisted--"
The announcer's voice cut off, and Akane's voice could be heard,
but too faintly to make out the words.
PA: "Oh god, my arm. My arm!! It's not supposed to bend that
way! Mercy! Please, someone help me!"
"Ah. Well, when you put
it that way.... Ladies and gentlemen," the voice resumed at full
volume, "a slight-- awk! Er, an important correction: that's
Saotome Akane, not Tendo Akane."
Akane was back shortly, dusting her hands together with a
self-satisfied look. "Honestly, some people."
[...]
Both looked disappointed. "We were really hoping to see you
in a St. Hebereke's uniform," Hiroshi said.
While displaying one hopefully.
"Or a leotard," Daisuke added.
While displaying one hopefully.
Ranma eyed both of them warily. "Do I want to know where you
guys got those things?"
"But your ordinary clothes would do, as long as it wasn't a
guy in them. Really, Ranma-kun, wouldn't you rather be a pretty
girl?"
"With big gazongas?"
"And no modesty?"
Ah, fine examples of the Id and Sub-Id. ^_^
[...]
"Look, Ranma-kun," Daisuke said urgently, seizing Ranma's
arm, "you can't deny that you've done the deed any more. You're
married, for cryin' out loud! And Akane-kun wouldn't be smiling
at you like that if you'd left her, uh, unscrewed."
Why am I having This Old House flashbacks?
"As for the cause of poor Bob Villa's suffering,
when Bob is splashed with cold water..."
[...]
"It's gotta have something to do with your intimate
understanding of exactly how it feels to be a woman," Daisuke
chimed in.
Hiroshi: Is it so wrong for us to want to benefit from your
superior experience and knowledge?
Ranma: Well...
Daisuke: Yeah, so change back into a woman so we can feel you!
"You owe it to mankind, or at least the men of Furinkan, to
share your knowledge," Hiroshi followed up immediately.
"It does not! I do not! You guys are nuts!" Ranma
protested.
Hiroshi: We thought you'd say that.
Daisuke: Fortunately, Kodachi was polite enough to give us THIS
[holds up vial] to... "convince" you to tell us everything.
[attempts to chuckle malevolently]
Hiroshi: Yeah, and she gave us the leotard and uniform, too.
[smells said clothing.]
Daisuke: So now what are you going to do, now? [laughs]
[A minute later, after sounds of violence]
Daisuke: Next time, give him the drug first, *then* gloat.
Hiroshi: I know I shouldn't be happy that he put these things
on us, but it feels so comfortable. [blushes]
Daisuke: [indignant] That because YOU'RE not the one wearing
the girl's leotard!!!
[...]
"Sure," Ranma said. "Look, no sensei's gonna take a student
who doesn't at least have some promise. You guys are almost
seniors and you're getting magazines all sweaty instead of
getting some, heh, hands-on experience. Pathetic."
Daisuke: That's not sweat on the magazines!
Hiroshi: Yeah, and I have plenty of hand experience!
Ranma: ...
[...]
"Hands-on experience," Hiroshi said to Daisuke.
"Sounds like good advice to me," Daisuke agreed.
"And there's a lot of cute girls here today."
"Cute girls who don't know us yet."
The two youths struck determined poses. "Sensei, we will
make you proud of us!"
Is this how Soun and Genma started?
[...]
The girl's eyes widened. "How'd you know my name?"
Ranma grimaced. *Moron! She thinks we've never met! She'd
better not figure out that we HAVE met!* "Uh, just a lucky
guess? You look like a Miyoko?" He grimaced again with the
lameness of his answer, but it seemed to go over.
If girl-type Ranma is supposed to be boy-type's sister, why
not just say that she mentioned Miyoko before, and he thought
he recognized her?
[...]
"Don't be silly, Tomoe," one of the other girls said. "He's
twenty centimeters taller, he must weigh ten kilos more, and his
bust is, um, different. Way different." She sighed admiringly.
Miyoko: Are you sure? [pats Ranma's chest]
Tomoe: Well, we could use some hands-on evidence.
[feels Ranma up, too]
Akane: Rrranma!
Ranma: ...
Daisuke: [seeing Ranma already got the girls] You bastard!
Hiroshi: [yelling into sky] Now how are we going to get any hands
on experience?!?
[All the girls look at the pair with sickly expressions
on their faces.]
Tomoe: Ew! They want to touch Ranma-san too!
Miyoko: Perverts!
Daisuke: [seeing approaching horde] Why is our life never easy?
Hiroshi: We really need to find another way to get close to
the girls.
Ranma relaxed again.
"But he wears his hair the same-- and look, he even has a
ring braided in the same way!" someone said from behind Ranma.
"Eeep!"
Tomoe: "And he makes the same squeaking noises!"
"Oh, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for that,"
Miyoko said. She eyed Ranma, smiling, and waited for it.
"Uh, I, uh, she, uh, copies me! Yeah! You know how, uh,
sisters get," Ranma improvised. "I did kempo, she did kempo. I
braided my hair, she braided her hair. I got married, she got
married.
Ranma: "I sleep with Akane, she sleeps with (er) you get the idea."
[...]
"Hmm." Tomoe nodded. "I guess that makes more sense than
what we heard."
Miyoko: I guess he's not a dark sorcerer after all...
[...]
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Listen, Kuno, tell these gals about
the pigtailed girl, willya?"
Kuno: Ah the pigtailed girl, my love...
Tomoe: So he's Ranma's husband?
Miyoko: Sounds like it...
Ranma: [bigsweat] Wrong!
[...]
"But she's not me, right?"
Akane: [smacks head]
[...]
Ranma shrugged. "My parents have done lots of weird
things." It was the first completely true thing he'd said in
several minutes, he reflected.
What will he do if they find out about the "man among men"
promise? Will they assume "their" Ranma made a similar (but
opposite) promise? Will they help her fulfil it?
[...]
"So, what's it like being married to Akane-kun?"
"Uh, fine so far." Ranma hoped girls wouldn't ask a guy
about the intimate details.
A guy? I'm missing something,
or it should be "ask about any of the"
[...]
Ranma smirked. "It was more exciting than nice, but it
worked. Spend your wedding fighting off crazy gatecrashers, and
you know you got a good mate."
Akane: C'mon an' help me wrestle this croc'!
"Eeew." Miyoko made a face. "That doesn't sound romantic
at all. Do you bring Akane-kun flowers, or take her dancing, or
on moonlight strolls?"
"Uh, no...." *Not unless rooftops count.*
"Hmph. Well, what good ARE you, then?"
Ranma: She says I'm hung like a horse, with the endurance to match.
Tomoe: ... [glances down]
Miyoko: ... [wipes drool off]
A lazy grin slid over Ranma's face. "She ain't complainin'.
An' I taught her to do this." He sprang up out of the circle of
girls, planted one hand on the railing of the balcony above for
an easy-over flip between two startled onlookers, and landed
gently on the balcony.
This didn't read too clearly for me.
"Hah. Try THAT, why don'tcha," he
muttered, heading for the stairwell. Behind him, he heard a
sudden commotion on the level below:
Why is he boasting to the girls?
"Hey, babes! That was our sensei! Welcome to Furinkan!"
"EEEEK!" Slap!
Daisuke: What? We welcomed you and you hit us?!
Hiroshi: You're so cruel...
[...]
"Hey, kanaka, how you like dat school fo' wahines, eh?" Kuno
bellowed.
First I have to deal with Japanese words, and now I have to
figure out Hawaiian? [sigh]
I'm thinking that all (or mostly) caps would be quite effective
for the principal's speech. :j
[...]
"Why, Saotome-kun! You watch your language, or I'll have to
wash your mouth out with soap!" Hinako-sensei warned.
Ranma suddenly recognized the trap looming before him.
"Hell, it's no problem at all!" he added hastily. "Those nuns
aren't THAT bad. I can take whatever they dish out. All that
impossible homework don't faze me a bit. So what if I can't even
take a leak without Akane callin' me a pervert and clobberin' me.
I wouldn't transfer back to Furinkan if ya paid me." He tried to
look like he was trying not to look haggard and desperate, fully
aware that his poker face wouldn't fool anyone with an ounce of
perception--
"Poor, poor Saotome-kun," Hinako chirped, skipping over to
Ranma and patting him on the shoulder. "It's for your own good."
"Can't make da kine omelet without crackin' one coconut,
bruddah!" Kuno-kocho added smugly.
"You bastards!" Ranma snarled, raising a clenched fist with
one finger extended. He whirled and bounded down the stairs,
feigning rage and dismay as best he could and marveling at his
luck.
I've gotta say that this passage really didn't do anything for
me. Ranma's explanation was confusing ("trying to... trying not
to...") and I didn't see the "trap" that Ranma was referring to.
I guessed, but it wasn't clear.
[...]
"What?" Akane looked up. Even over the murmurs from the
crowd, Ranma could almost hear the klaxon go off inside her head
as she identified the large, ornate pineapple surmounting the
trophy. "Oh-- dear!" She frantically looked around for the
principal, but she knew it was too late even before she spotted
him behind the Furinkan gymnasts.
Daisuke: So the pineapple in the title didn't have to do with
some tropical/citrusy content for this fic?
"Man, dat one FINE trophy," Kuno-kocho said reverently, his
eyes glittering with avarice behind his sunglasses. "I goin' get
dat fo' my office, yeah!" He struck a dramatic pose and
addressed the team. "Keikis! Fo' de honor of Furinkan! You
goin' win today, or--" he gestured with the hair-clippers that
had appeared in one hand-- "you ALL gettin' buzz-cuts!"
suggest: ALL be gettin' de buzz cuts, yeah!
(Well, it *is* his quote, right? :)
Actually, with Ranma gone, wouldn't the entire school already have
da buzz and de bowl cuts? There's no check or balance to Miss Hinako
and the principal(!) Or even Kuno.
[...]
"The principal's a pineapple freak," Ranma said succinctly.
"Well, he's a bunch of other kinds of freak too, but pineapples
drive him bananas."
"In other words, he's a tropical fruitcake?" Junko quipped,
smirking.
The pun police will find you, Vince.
[...]
Gong!
Hiroshi: But my turn-a-boy-into-a-girl act was perfect!
Ranma: UnTIE me!
[...]
"This is gonna be sweet," Ranma said contentedly. "Ha, she
ran out of mercy." Eriko had discarded the rope and called for a
ribbon; she caught it, dodging a desperate club attack, and began
the final stalk. The Furinkan gymnast put up a brave defense,
but the outcome was not in doubt.
Gong!
Daisuke: But my turn-a-boy-into-a-duck act...
Mumu-chan: Wak! Wak!
Spectator: Actually, this duck-throws knives at idiot act
looks pretty good...
[...]
"Hey, Ranma-kun, introduce us!"
This comes outta nowhere. Maybe note that the voices came from
behind?
Ranma sighed and waved a hand at the speaker without looking
over his shoulder. "Eriko, this is Hiroshi."
"And I'm Daisuke."
"They're not my fault," Ranma finished.
Daisuke: Everything is your fault, Ranma.
Hiroshi: Just ask our special guest-star...
Ryoga: [appearing out of nowhere] Rrranma!!!
[...]
Daisuke landed somewhere in the third row. Hiroshi looked
reproachfully at Eriko. "He was just being nice. How come girls
get away with that and-- YIPE!" Hiroshi jumped in the air and
spun around.
"Hi, handsome." Michi smiled and waved with the fingers
she'd just used to goose him. "Try it again when I win, hmm?"
If she's cute, I'd say Hiroshi would still go for it. They've
already established they're not bright enough to recognize a
situation when they see it, right? ^_^
Hiroshi goggled. "Uh. Er. Excuse me, I, uh, gotta, uh,
take my buddy to see the nurse!" he said rapidly while walking
backward.
Michi, pouting, watched him go. "They all do that," she
complained. "What's the nurse got that I haven't got?"
Sakura: [sighing] It's still better than Tomobiki
Daisuke: Miss Sakura, she hit me in the lips. Kiss and make it
better? [hopeful look]
[...]
"Yeah! Dey cheatin' like one mongoose! You gotta punish
'em, yeah!"
Like one mongoose? As opposed to, say, multiple mongooses? ^_^;
Michi: Somebody say "goose"?
[...]
"No," Hinako declared. "Saotome Akane-san has never given
me the least trouble. It's just not possible."
What about the swimming challenge? Or when Hinako was putting
the moves on Soun? She may not be a delinquent, but I think
she's given Miss Hinako trouble.
[...]
Akane's retort was cut off by a call from Michi. "Captain!
We're about to start!" She tossed Kodachi a scorching glance,
gave Ranma a warning look, and hurried back to ringside.
Ranma: [putting himself out] I think she got the scorching and
warning glances mixed up.
Kodachi: Dear, your pigtail's still smoldering.
[...]
"I'm just here 'cause there ain't nowhere else to sit,"
Ranma maintained stoutly.
Kodachi: Yes, my little teapot.
Akane's eyes met Ranma's. "Did you hear anyone say
something about fifty yen?" Akane asked Junko.
You mean five yen?
(Shush, Dave.)
[...]
"No, Ranma," Akane broke in. "It's my responsibility. I'll
try to talk her out of it. Please, just go back and--" she
forced the next words out-- "sit with Kodachi."
Kodachi: I'm afraid someone took your seat while you left...
Ranma: [bad attempt to act upset] Gee, that's too bad.
Kodachi: However, there's still room in my lap.
Ranma: Uh...
[...]
Hinako tried to dodge around Akane one way, then the other,
then tried a quick fake-out, but Akane managed to stay in her
path. "Akane-san, be a good girl! I have to punish her, in the
name of the lol-- of the principal!"
Hinako: I'm 'Pop, the Sailor Scout!
Akane: Ack.
Ranma: Ack.
Michi: Ack.
Eriko: Ack.
[...]
Akane stared, aghast, then snapped a quick strike at
Hinako's hand. The five-yen coin spun away, but Hinako evaded
Akane's pile-driver punch at her midsection deftly. "Well, Kuno-
kocho was right," she said softly, measuring Akane with her eyes.
"You HAVE fallen in with bad companions. You'll have to be
punished too."
Hiroshi and Daisuke: Can we watch?
[...]
"You got it," Ranma vowed, his hands flexing into the three-
and-two-fingers shape of the tsubo strike that would disable
Hinako's ki-draining ability temporarily. "She's history."
*No, she's English.*
Pun Police: An unrepentant offender, we have here.
[...]
Approaching the entry, she suddenly heard excited female
voices. "He went this way! Quick, let's go see!" Ranma jumped
up to the roof over the entryway and flattened herself there, but
her groupies didn't go out into the rain. She could hear them
easily, though. "Do you see him?"
"No...."
"How about a girl wearing the same clothes?"
Tomoe: You're weird, Miyoko.
"No, just rain. Who'd be dumb enough to stay out in the
rain?"
"The world... is a cold... and rainy place..."
(Or rather, "Buki!")
On the roof immediately above, Ranma grimaced, then silently
started peeling off her outer layer of clothing. She cached the
damp bundle in the dryest spot she could find and left, bounding
up and over the gymnasium.
So now we have Ranma bounc^Hding around with a wet undershirt
and no bra?
[...]
Then the doors slammed open. "You bitch, what did you do to
the other Ranma?!"
Um, that's an odd thing for Ranma to say.
[...]
"Bad timing, moron." Ranma trotted up to the bleachers and
stopped, facing Hinako. "Come on, let's settle this woman to
woman," she challenged the little teacher, beckoning. "Let's see
what you got."
Hello? ^_^ Ranma (not a woman) is telling this to Hinako (also
not a woman)?
Chibi-Hinako: [waving arms angrily] I am too a woman!
[...]
Hinako pulled out another coin, a silver one, and smiled.
"Happo Go-juu-en Satsu!" The fifty-yen attack could drain its
target's ki even if fighting spirit wasn't manifest, but Ranma
blurred and vanished, and a couple of hapless spectators found
themselves drained to virtual husks instead.
Ranma appeared behind Hinako, crouched and smiling grimly,
but Hinako was already in motion. Her long legs carried her down
from the stands with Ranma in hot pursuit. She wheeled, coin
ready, but Ranma circled her at blinding speed. "Happo Go-juu-en
Satsu!"
If Ranma "blurred and vanished" with the first attack,
Hinako would not have long legs to carry her down the stands.
[...]
Akane nodded towards Michi, who was looking decidedly unfit
for combat. "She's got the last match. I think I can win mine,
but if she forfeits we lose anyway!"
Ranma: No problem, I can recharge her ki.
Akane: Really?
Ranma: Sure, she just more of it in her, right? So...
MOKO TAKABISHA!
"Oh, crap! How about a substitute? Eriko's fine-- no, she
can't fight twice! Damn rules!" Ranma's face lit up. "Hey, I
can substitute for Michi!"
"Not wearing that, you can't-- and we didn't bring your
leotard!" Akane wailed.
Hiroshi: No, you can't have this one! It's mine!
[...]
Akane stood frozen for a moment. "Fight," she growled,
swinging around with her fists clenched. The referee recoiled
from the blaze of her eyes.
And the spray of aqueous humor, as the fire caused the
liquid in her eyeballs to boil and explode open.
[...]
Kodachi's eyes widened and she covered her smile with her
hand. "Oho. Let me understand you clearly, Ranma-sama. I have
only to deny your request, as you have often denied mine, and
your team-- no, that Tendo person's team-- will lose, or worse,
forfeit, and crumble in ignominy?"
Ranma's eyes dulled in betrayal and disappointment. "Yeah,
that's about the size of it."
"All right."
"I shoulda known you'd-- say what?"
Kodachi smiled thinly. "I said all right."
"But--" Ranma's eyes narrowed. "OK, what do you want for
it?"
Kodachi: One half of your soul.
Ranma: !!!
Kodachi: [petulant] It's only half...
"You know what I want," Kodachi said seriously. "As all of
my efforts to that end have been in vain, though, I will try
something else. I leave my reward for this favor to your
conscience. Beware, however; should I feel that I have made a
poor bargain, I shall once again resort to drugs, bombs... and
perhaps even cows. Ohohoho!"
^^^^
Do we even want to know? ^_^;;;
Ranma shrugged in eloquent resignation. "It's a deal.
Gimme."
Kodachi looked uncomfortable. "It's not quite that simple,
Ranma-sama. I'm wearing it at the moment, under my uniform."
"I warmed it with my own body." ^_^;
[...]
"Oh, if only you were a man, and could offer me an incentive
to disrobe," Kodachi's amused voice came from inside the stall
over the rustling of cloth.
Awww. No striptease, then?
[...]
"Damn. You're right." Ranma stripped them off quickly to
stand nude before Kodachi, tapping her foot impatiently.
"Er... no panties?"
Ranma snorted. "Not bloody likely. They pinch something
awful if I get hit with hot water."
I guess girls who change into boys have it easier. I mean,
the cold water would... But I suppose that's not relevant,
right now.
[...]
"Where'd you get dat leotard, eh?" the principal asked
suspiciously. "Looks like one of Kodachi's, yeah! You mugged my
lil' wahine!"
Outtake 1:
Principal: An' you be wearin' her clothes!
[produces kettle from nowhere and pours it on Ranma]
Ranma: Eeep!
Girls: Ew! [bludgeon]
Outtake 2:
Principal: An' you be wearin' her clothes!
Kuno: The pigtailed girl, wearing my sister's leotard?
This is so disturbing... [twitches in thought]
I would have them both!
[...]
Ranma smiled grimly at her opponent. "Let's dance."
Opponent: Stop leading!
Ranma: [bashful] Sorry. Habit.
[...]
"Well, that's what I do with my friends, right?" Ranma
looked away, twisting one toe on the floor in a slightly-
embarrassed manner. "You've been a pretty good enemy, really. I
kinda miss fighting you since you found out about girl-me. And
it's something we can do for fun that nobody can complain about."
Did Ranma ever fight Kodachi? I seem to recall him fleeing
a lot, getting tied up and drugged, but no fighting.
[...]
"You put that very delicately, Ranma-sama," said Kodachi,
sounding a little surprised. "You needn't be so modest. I am
well aware of your formidable skills in both combat and
instruction."
Kodachi: However, only I can teach you bouchuu:
transferring ki through sex.
Ranma: Really?
"'Cause it's fun. 'Cause you need the training, student."
cap: Student.
(In this use, anyway.)
"Didn't you have enough fun with your OTHER student?"
Ranma: But the fun filled me up with ki. I'm all hyper, now...
[...]
"But Kodachi really is different from the girls on the team.
They all know you're mine. She just won't acknowledge that.
That's what really drives me up a wall."
"Well, she's beating her head against it. Eventually she'll
get the idea."
After all, Kunos are known for their understanding... :D
Vince Seifert Fanfic Analyst FFIRC Frog
Prime: seifertv@csus.edu
Backup: seifertv@myrealbox.com
Techie: http://webpages.csus.edu/~seifertv/
Fanfic: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/
Ideas are worth their weight in gold.
"Their weight?" So in other words, they're worth nothing? ;_;
I liked most of this, but I think you're unfairly discounting
some characters. You're great at keeping a fair portrayal of
them, but they seem, well... Useless.
Like the Furinkan gymnastics team. Why say they're no problem
at all? I'd assume, what with the (er) rambunctious nature of
Furinkan, that some of the best athletes would be there
(Ten-K runs chasing perverts is a great cardio-vascular workout!)
And poor Kuno! He *does* serve a purpose other than to be a
punching bag. Maybe he could actually use some of his skills?
Or at least get to be a bigger nuisance before they manage to
punt him away? ^_^
Your portrayal of Kodachi felt right on the mark. It'd be nice
to see more of this than the typical insane / grieving from the
loss of her mother characterizations from other authors.
Although I haven't seen black roses in a while. Where are the
rose petals? :)
Looking forward to another highly C&Cable fic. Keep 'em coming!
Doug
----
Douglas MacDougall "You were nicer when you were evil.
http://www.dougmacd.net Cuter, too. Definitely more sexy!"