[Editor's Note:
Two authors in a row have skipped. This ain't cool at all, Beavis.
Fortunately, I've got this omake which isn't too plot impacting, but
is nice and fun and timely released on Valentine's Day, so, guess
what? Here's Ultra #35! Thanks to Lurker for the hard work.]
Jack grinned as he hung up the phone. Scheduling a last-minute live
attendance-only special event had certainly rattled the sponsors, not to
mention the ticket offices. Not that it mattered...he trusted his people to
get butts in the seats, and concession sales alone would more than make up
for the sponsors who refused to cooperate with his latest plan. Fortunately
for Jack, none of them had decided to pull their funding from Ultra entirely
over this stunt...ah well. If they had, he'd have found other sponsors
anyway, so neener.
Looking up at his luscious android secretary, Jack smoothed the pink,
heart-decorated tie he'd selected especially for this day, and smiled. "Oh,
Nuku-chan," he said in a sly tone.
"Hai, Jack-san?" the bright, bubbly catgirl asked, setting down the file
folders she was carrying.
"Could you please go to the locker rooms and inform everyone...all the
fighters, Hiroshi, Yotsuya...and whats-his-face, the boring one..."
"Daisuke?" Nuku-Nuku supplied helpfully.
"Yeah, him," Jack replied, smirking. "Let everyone know that we're going on
live in two hours."
Nuku blinked. "I didn't know we were having a show tonight!"
"We weren't, until about five minutes ago," Jack said. "I decided to have an
impromptu event to celebrate a special day."
"Oh, that's so nice of you, Jack-san!" Nuku-Nuku replied sunnily. Then she
frowned. "But...it's a bit sudden, isn't it?" She may not have been the
brightest girl in the world, but having hung around Ultra for a few weeks,
she had begun to get some sense of how things worked. At least, enough to
know this was a very unusual procedure.
But then, this was also Controversial Jack. "Relax...they can handle it. Now
shoo, buzz, get moving. I've still got to draw up the card." With that, Jack
busied himself with dragging out his mighty Dartboard of Booking, and
Nuku-Nuku rushed off to inform the cast and crew of Ultra of the sudden,
unexpected turn of events.
<3<3<3<3<3<3
Tifa panted, sweat pouring in rivulets, matting her hair and staining her
disheveled clothing. She gazed into Bean's eyes longingly. Bean gazed back,
a dangerous gleam in his eyes. the smile on his face said he was immensely
pleased with himself; Tifa knew that her own smile of pleasure was no less
goofy, but didn't care. She was completely lost in the heat of the moment.
"You were wonderful," she told her partner.
"You know it, babe," Bean replied, smugness creeping into his lazy grin.
Tifa giggled, and punched him playfully in the shoulder. "So...shall we go
again?" she asked.
Bean shrugged. "I'm up for it if you are."
Tifa felt her heart quicken with excitement. Her hands trembled as she
reached out...
...and picked up her controller. "I'll beat you this time," she said.
Bean laughed. "Not a chance, Teef. This game was *made* for me."
And their marathon session of Crazy Taxi continued, to be interrupted
sometime later by a frazzled android on a mission.
<3<3<3<3<3<3
Misty sighed dreamily as the shoujo anime she'd taken to watching since
coming to Ultra drew to an end for the day, the last scene a powerful
romantic cliffhanger involving two lovesick guys, a girl with a lute, and an
aardvark.
Ash rolled his eyes. "Geez, Misty. How can you like that sappy junk?"
Misty scowled at Ash. "Well excuse me, Mr. Pokemon *Master*, but some of us
happen to have a romantic side!"
Ash snorted. "You? Romantic? That's a good one, Misty!"
Two seconds later, Ash was nursing a sneaker print on his cheek. Misty
hmphed, and turned her nose up, pointedly ignoring him. "Honestly, Ash,
you're such a jerk sometimes. Do you even know what today *is*?"
Ash blinked. "Ummm...no, actually, now that you mention it..."
On the other side of the room, Pikachu and Togepi were busily playing with
bits of red and white paper. Togepi seemed to enjoy the game of making
confetti out of it and tossing it around, while Pikachu was endeavoring to
be more creative. Ears pricking up at the conversation, Pikachu quickly drew
a heart on a piece of red paper with a marker, and waved it at Ash, trying
to get his attention.
Ash noticed Pikachu's actions, and wondered what was up with the
Pokemon...then, amazingly, a rare thing happened. Ash's brain kicked in and
spit out an answer. "Ohhhh! Now I get it!"
"Well, Ash, there may be hope for you yet," Misty said.
"It's...umm...National Heart Day!" Ash proclaimed in his most confident
tone.
Misty facefaulted. Pikachu treated himself to a massive sweatdrop.
"Ash Ketchum, you are a complete and total LOSER!" Misty screamed, before
storming out of the room, slamming the door.
"Gee, what's wrong with her?" Ash wondered, scratching his head...then
glanced at the television, and the greeting message the station displayed
briefly before starting the next program.
Ash blinked. "So THAT'S it...hmmm..." Lost in thought, he barely registered
the urgent calling of Jack's secretary from the other side of the door.
<3<3<3<3<3<3
"Excuse me...is the Tendou dojo anywhere around here?"
Jack looked up, and blinked at the scruffy, travel-worn young man standing
in front of his desk. "Hey, you're that...the kid that gets lost all the
time looking for Ranma, right?"
"Ranma?" Ryouga Hibiki asked. "You know where he is?"
Jack chuckled. "Why yes, my boy, I do. He's--" Jack paused. "Hey...wait a
minute. You have some kind of feud with Ranma, right? Over a girl?"
Ryouga narrowed his eyes. "Not that it's any of your business, but...maybe.
What's it to you?"
Jack grinned. "My good man, you've just given me a hell of an idea for
tonight's show."
"Show?" Ryouga blinked. Then he took a closer look at Jack. "Hey, you look
familiar..."
Jack stood, and patted Ryouga on the shoulder. "Yes, I think this could work
out nicely. Don't you think so, Mr. Duck?"
*SQUEAK!*
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
LIVE!
FROM THE ULTRADOME!
THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE
IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME
SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
AND IMPROFANFIC!
IT'S TIME FOR...
{ M A G I C A L T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
{ C R O S S O V E R F I G H T I N G }
{ F E D E R A T I O N }
{ .-----------. }
{ | U-L-T-R-A | }
{ `-----------' }
{ http://www.improfanfic.com }
Episode #35: Broken, Bruised, and Bleeding Hearts!
Episode written by The Eternal Lost Lurker
MTCFF Ultra concept by Twoflower
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
>From across the land, they came. In two short hours, the stretch of road
leading to the Ultradome, completely deserted on what was supposed to be an
off night, spontaneously grew a choking bottleneck of a traffic jam, as word
of the special live-and-untelevised event spread. Within the first half hour
after the announcement, ticket and concession sales were already reaching
seven figures in yen.
Not to mention in other, less common currency, such as the small pile of
gold coins being laid on the ticket counter by a young man in somewhat dated
clothing. His companion, a girl garbed in an odd tunic, ribbons, and myriad
other fashion nightmares, looked around, a slight frown on her pretty face.
"This is kind of a weird place for a date, don't you think?" she asked.
Her date waved a hand dismissively. "Nah...it's perfect! It's entertainment,
and it's Valentine-themed..." *And maybe for once I won't have to deal with
a bunch of ridiculous questions that I can't answer without pissing you
off,* he added to himself.
"Well...if you say so..." the girl replied, rather dubiously.
As they approached the entrance to the Ultradome, they were stopped by a
group of small robots with yellow heads. "Hold it," the lead robot said in a
high-pitched voice. "No weapons allowed in the Ultradome."
The boy frowned. "We don't have any weapons."
"What do you call that strapped to your back, then?" the security robot
asked, a nonexistent eyebrow raised.
The youth fingered the massive hammer strapped to his back absently. "This?
It's not a weapon. It's a tool."
"It's a hammer," the robot said.
"It's okay, let him pass," a girl's voice called out. A girl in magenta
coveralls and an impossible hairstyle rushed up. "Sorry about that," she
apologized. To the security force, she snapped, "How many times do I have to
tell you? Hammers never count as weapons!"
"We thought you meant mallets, and only when girls had them," one of the
robots said.
"Well, that's what I meant..." the girl said, thoughtfully. "But...this is
an exception, okay? I know a tool when I see one, and that's a mighty big
tool." The tone in which she said the last could have been horribly
misconstrued; the youth thankfully decided to ignore it. His date, however,
seemed to scowl a bit. Or maybe it was just a trick of the light.
"Thanks, miss!" the youth said, grabbing his date's arm. "Come on, Sodina!
We wanna get to our seats before the fun starts!"
Sodina yelped as she was dragged along. "Hey! Are we at least gonna get
something to drink first?"
Tron Bonne smiled as she watched them go. Happy couples were so cute. And so
were huge blacksmithing hammers.
She blinked at her last thought. *I must be hanging around Skuld too
much...*
<3<3<3<3<3<3
"Daisuke! Hurry up! We're on in ten minutes!"
"I told you, I'm not going out there tonight! No way in hell! You're on your
own!"
"Dammit, this isn't funny! Work with me, Daisuke!"
The door opened, and an undyed, unpowdered, red-eyed head poked out. "Say
that one more time, and I will *hurt* you." The door then slammed shut.
Hiroshi stared at his partner's door in shock for several seconds. Then he
shrugged it off. "Okay, so don't work with me." He glanced at his watch,
then quickly headed for the arena.
<3<3<3<3<3<3
Thanks to the diligent efforts of the This Old Dojo repair crew, the
Ultradome sported a brand new look for this special event. The seats were
all reupholstered in plush red, white, and pink velvet, the announcers'
tables were festooned with frilly decorative fluff, all the steel folding
chairs had been given a quick-dry coat of Valentine-themed paint, and the
UltraTron sported a huge, heart-shaped wreath of pink and red roses.
The biggest change to the arena, though, was the ring. The repair crew had
outdone themselves in replacing the standard rectangular ring with a huge,
heart-shaped affair, sporting numerous cornerposts and turnbuckles to
accomodate the red, white, and pink ropes in the odd new configuration.
Some things, of course, never change. Whenever there's a show at the
Ultradome, the seats are always full, the crowd is always noisy, and...
"Are you ready for some...ULTRA LOVIN'?"
...Hiroshi would always be there to say something absolutely corny that
would, nevertheless, incite the crowd to become even more unruly. As the
noise level increased to seismic proportions, Hiroshi continued to work the
mic, doing his best Barry White impression...which sounded, in all honesty,
like Lucky the leprechaun with a cold. Not that this deterred him, or
lessened the enthusiasm of the audience. "That's right, all you violence
lovers, tonight we've got a special love thang goin' on in the Ultradome.
It's Valentine's Day, the day of love, the day of passion, the day of
romance...and the day your favorite Ultra superstars are gonna dish out a
little violence from--and to--the heart." Losing the bad impression, he
continued, "We've got a great card for you tonight, so sit tight, snuggle up
with your date, and get ready for some romantic ass-kicking!"
As the crowd roared its approval, Hiroshi glanced down at his notes.
Ominously, the first match was left rather vague, but he could deal with
whatever came up. Confidently, he worked the crowd up for the first
spectacle of the night. "And starting things off with a bang, we've got a
special interdivision grudge match, the long-awaited feud to settle a
bizarre love triangle! And...here comes our first challenger now!" he added,
as the prompt buzzed in his ear.
Five seconds later, Hiroshi was thankful that his pale complexion made it
impossible to see all the blood rush from his face, as the Ultratron
throbbed with the hard rockin' riffs of Rob Zombie's "Living Dead Girl".
Images of pulsing AT Fields, giant blue mecha, and determined red eyes
flashed across the screen in time with the music, as Rei Ayanami strode down
the ramp, grabbing a microphone from a technician as she approached the
ring. Climbing through the ropes, she turned to take in the entire crowd,
her eyes finally resting on Hiroshi, who gulped. Rei tilted her head
slightly, raised one pale eyebrow, and spoke into the mic.
"finally, the rei has come back to ultra."
The crowd exploded with applause, signs appearing spontaneously out of
nowhere as the strong contingent of Anayami fanboys in the audience cheered
on their idol.
Once the applause died down somewhat, Rei spoke again. "lilith aensland, get
your lolicon demonic ass out here, because i want a piece of it."
An upbeat techno piece played as Lilith floated down the ramp, working the
crowd and pulling a series of fanservice poses for any cameras that might be
hiding in the audience. Landing lightly in the ring, she leaned toward Rei.
"Oooh, I didn't know you were into that kind of thing," she said in a
seductive tone of voice, winking.
Rei actually seemed to be slightly flustered for a moment, but recovered
quickly. "i've let you chase after my man for far too long, slut. it ends
tonight."
"You're right, Rei, it's gone on far too long. It's time we settled this,
and for you to stop bothering MY Hiroshi-kun." Lilith blew a kiss toward the
announcers' table, causing Hiroshi to blush.
Offspring's "Come Out And Play" boomed from the Ultratron as Controversial
Jack made his way to ringside. "Well, girls, it's about damn time!" he said.
"And it just so happens, I have the perfect match lined up for you two
tonight." He snapped his fingers. "Bring it in, boys!"
A group of technicians wheeled in a huge freezer, which was placed at
ringside. Grinning, Jack opened it, revealing...
Ice cream. A *lot* of ice cream.
"Tonight, while the other matches are taking place in the ring," Jack
proclaimed, "the two of you will sit over there with Hiroshi, and eat ice
cream. You have to eat it slowly and seductively, because this is a love
thang after all," he added. "One spoon at a time, work it with your tongue,
make it sensual...and keep going until you can't eat any more. The first one
to stop, loses."
"Hmm. That's kind of strange, but..." Lilith smiled. "It could be fun."
"i agree," Rei added.
Jack beamed. "Glad to hear it! If you'll take your positions, then..."
Hiroshi gulped. This was going to be a *loooong* night.
<3<3<3<3<3<3
Three figures met in a dark room in the bowels of the Ultradome.
"So, are you guys in?"
"As much as my master would loathe and protest this course of action...he is
currently at rest from a hard night of legendary drinking and carousing.
Therefore, yes, I shall indeed accomplice this endeavor."
"Good. And what about you?"
"Any chance to make Saotome pay for his crimes against women...I'm in."
"Good. Oh, and we're over here. You're talking to a chicken suit."
<3<3<3<3<3<3
Meis Triumph returned to his seat, loaded down with assorted snacks. "Did I
miss anything?"
"Not...really, no," Sodina said.
"Great!" Meis handed her a bottle of Sprite, and a small paper tray. "Here,
you should enjoy these."
Sodina took the tray, and eyed the contents, a corn dog and a large pickle,
warily. "Why am I not surprised?" Sighing, she picked up the corn dog, and
took a large, vicious bite out of it.
Meis choked on his Sprite.
<3<3<3<3<3<3
"And now, it's time for the first of two love challenge matches!" Hiroshi
shouted into his microphone, trying to ignore the two girls to either side
of him. Lilith was putting on quite a show of sensually licking frozen
creamy goodness from the spoon resting between her lips. Rei, for her part,
was slowly and deliberatly thrusting spoonful after spoonful of ice cream
into her mouth, letting the spoon dangle until the cold confection melted
and slid down her throat. Sweating a bit, the announcer continued, "First,
we have a challenge from a Gamma contender who hasn't seen much ring
action..."
"Touch My Heart" throbbed from the Ultratron, as Yohko Mano, 108th
generation mamono hunter, ambled down to the ring, waving and posturing,
eating up the applause from the crowd. Leaping gracefully into the ring (and
thereby giving the hentai regiment of the audience a massive gratuitous
panty flash), she landed in a fighting stance, her ample chest bouncing
with the movement as she summoned her soul sword, edge dulled to comply with
Gamma rules.
"And her opponent, a long-standing favorite and one of the biggest badasses
in Ultra..."
Grinding industrial music pounded as Iori Yagami stalked down the ramp,
climbing into the ring with little fanfare, and scowling at his opponent.
\\// GAMMA LOVE CHALLENGE
\/ YOHKO vs. IORI
FIGHT!
"I don't know why you challenged me," Iori said dangerously, "but if it's a
beating you want, it's a beating you'll get."
"Bring it on," Yohko said, smiling in a far too pleasant manner. "I've been
looking forward to this chance."
Iori blurred into motion, and snapped a kick at Yohko's midsection. The
devil hunter dodged, and used the flat of her blade to take Iori's other leg
out from under him. Recovering quickly, Iori kippuped to his feet, and leapt
straight up, dodging a kick aimed at his chest. Yohko was stunned by a kick
to the head, giving Iori the opportunity to knock her to the mat, disarming
her in the process. He was about to lay the smack down, when Yohko suddenly
locked her legs around his neck, and threw him into the ropes. Pushing
herself off the mat with a pelvic thrust, Yohko recovered her sword, and
eyed her opponent, chest heaving as she took several deep breaths.
"And a startling recovery by Yohko," Hiroshi said, actively focusing on the
battle and trying to ignore the...other battle going on to either side of
him. "Looks like Iori's ready to have another go at it, though."
Indeed, Iori was ready to go again, launching into his patented Maiden
Masher technique. Yohko tried in vain to defend herself, but too many of
Iori's blows were connecting. A vicious claw swipe struck her full in the
chest, and a distinct ripping sound filled the air.
Followed immediately the shotgun sound of a hard *slap*.
"Ecchi!" Yohko shouted, glaring at Iori, blushing, and trying in vain to
cover the damage to her dress, which was giving the audience quite an eyeful
of her...talents. The nosebleed section erupted in a waterfall of red, to
the disgust of those in the next few rows down. Two thirds of the audience
stared appreciatively at the buxom young devil hunter's exposed chest. Much
whistling ensued, causing Yohko to blush harder. She continued to glare at
Iori. "You could at least have the decency to take me out first!"
Iori, for his part, blinked. "What exactly are you talking about?"
Yohko blinked, not quite expecting that response. Nor the disinterest with
which Iori was regarding her, as though he were merely waiting for the fight
to resume. A sudden realization hit here, and she banished her sword. "I
forfeit." She turned to leave the ring.
"Wait." Iori's voice stopped her. "Why did you challenge me?"
Yohko glanced back. "Didn't Jack tell you? This was a love challenge. If I
won, you were supposed to take me out on a date."
Iori blinked, then frowned. "Feh. What useless nonsense." With that, he left
the ring, pausing only to shrug off his shirt, and toss it at Yohko. "You
should cover yourself up."
Yohko stood, stunned, for several moments, before wrapping the shirt around
herself and running from the arena.
"Well..." Hiroshi coughed nervously. "That was...an unusual finish to a
match. If the contenders for the next match would come to the ring, please,
we'll move right along..."
<3<3<3<3<3<3
"Wow, that girl was STACKED!" Meis shouted. "Woohoo!"
*SLAP!*
"...ow..." he muttered, nursing his rapidly swelling cheek.
Sodina hmphed. "Jerk."
<3<3<3<3<3<3
"You want us to WHAT?"
"That's absurd."
"And humiliating."
"But it could be fun."
"I don't see the fun in *that*."
"It doesn't matter. It's in your contracts."
"..."
"I knew you'd see it my way."
<3<3<3<3<3<3
Yohko ran into her dressing room, slammed the door, threw herself onto her
vanity bench, and promptly began crying her eyes out. "That...that jerk..."
she sobbed. "That...stupid...JERK!" She ripped off Iori's shirt, and began
drying her eyes on it. After a long moment, she stared down at the garment,
and sighed. "But...he's so *gorgeous*..."
The 108th generation mamono hunter pondered this latest crisis in her life
for quite some time.
<3<3<3<3<3<3
Rei glared at Lilith.
Lilith glared at Rei.
Rei licked her spoon.
Lilith licked her spoon.
Hiroshi sweatdropped. "Ahhh...are the next competitors ready? Yes? Good.
Alright, ladies and gentlemen! Next up, we have a special Lambda match! Here
to announce the stipulations for this event is the head cheese himself,
Controversial Jack!"
Jack stepped into the ring, allowing himself a chuckle as he observed the
continuing contest between Rei and Lilith. "Well, I don't know about you,
Hiroshi, but I'm certainly having fun tonight." At Hiroshi's decidedly
uncomfortable grimace, he snickered. "Well, it's time to shed new light on
an old feud here at Ultra," he announced into the microphone. "Mr. Duck came
up with this shortly before the show, and it's his most brilliant idea
ever!"
*SQUEAK!*
"Exactly, Mr. Duck. Well, folks, the match you're about to witness is what
we like to call a 'Confess To You' match. Very simply, the losers of this
match will have to confess something to the winners...and since this is
Valentine's Day, we're talking about a love confession here."
The audience oooohed.
Jack grinned. "And as for the players in this little game? Well...they've
faced each other countless times before, but never quite as you're going to
see them tonight." Clearing his throat, he launched into a Rod Roddy
impression. "Team Rocket and Team Pokemon, come on down! You're the next
contestants on The Price is High!"
The crowd roared in anticipation, ready to launch into the singalong version
of the Team Rocket speech. But nothing was forthcoming. Silence quickly
ensued.
Finally, four figures strode down the ramp. James and Ash, clad in tuxedos
(and Ash minus his trademarked cap for once), approached the ring first,
then turned to await Jessie and Misty...
Who were resplendent in expensive, stylish evening gowns and high heels.
Many appreciative whistles issued from the crowd, to which Jessie waved and
blew kisses, and Misty just blushed. The younger girl's hair was down for
once, making her look older and more sophisticated.
"Now, here's the deal," Jack said. "Having Team Rocket face the kids yet
again in this kind of match...well, it'd just be boring. Sooo...we're doing
something a little different. This time, it's going to be James and
Ash...against Jessie and Misty. And as you know...the losers have to make a
love confession to the winners!"
The crowd ooooohed again. The four youths in formal wear shifted nervously.
Jack grinned. "You can use two Pokemon per person. Without further ado,
let's begin!"
\\// LAMBDA "CONFESS TO YOU" MATCH
\/ JAMES/ASH vs. JESSIE/MISTY
FIGHT!
"Ummm...you can go first, if you want," Misty said to Jessie.
Jessie smirked. "Whatever, kid." She stepped elegantly into the ring.
"This one's yours," Ash said, pushing James into the ring.
"HEY!" the blue-haired teen protested. "You little..."
"Just get it over with," Ash muttered. This was *not* his idea of a good
time.
"Right," James said, nodding. "Well, Jessie? Are you ready?"
Jessie laughed. "I'm always ready to defeat a loser. And as we both know,
losing is something you're very good at."
A vein pulsed in James' forehead. "Why you...I'll get you for that, later!"
"Only if you win," Jessie said, favoring him with a wink. James reddened.
"Now, why don't you send out Victreebel, hmm?"
Flustered, James pulled a Pokeball from his pocket, and expanded it.
"Alright then, Victreebel, go!"
The crowd--and Ash--sweatdropped as the pitcher plant Pokemon immediately
proceeded to eat its trainer. "Tag out," Ash sighed, stepping into the ring
and pushing James out, pausing only to make sure he tagged the hapless
youth's hand. Throwing a Pokeball, Ash shouted, "Bulbasaur, I choose you!"
"BulbaSAUR!" the froglike plant Pokemon roared.
"Very well then...go, Arbok!" Jessie tossed a Pokeball, and the cobra
Pokemon emerged, looming over Bulbasaur. "Poison sting attack, now!"
"CHAAAAAAABOK!" the snake hissed, descending upon the plant Pokemon.
Bulbasaur dodged nimbly.
"Bulbasaur, vine whip!" Ash called.
"Bulbasaur!" The twin vines lashed out, smashing Arbok into the ropes. Arbok
shook itself groggily, then slithered toward the other Pokemon.
"Bind it, Arbok!"
Arbok launched itself at Bulbasaur, and wrapped around the froglike Pokemon,
constricting it. Bulbasaur struggled to escape, but the snake's hold was too
firm.
"Bulbasaur, return! Squirtle, I choose you!" Ash recalled Bulbasaur, and
threw another Pokeball, dispensing the small turtle Pokemon.
"Arbok, return! Lickitung, go!"
Squirtle faced off against the ugly pink dinosaur-like Pokemon.
"Squirtle, water gun!"
"Lickitung, give it your tongue slap!"
A jet of water slammed against a powerful rope of muscle, the two attacks
struggling for dominance. Finally, Lickitung's tongue split the liquid blast
neatly in half, and lashed outward, smacking Squirtle out of the ring.
The bell rang, and Jack stepped into the ring. "That's game, set, and
match!"
Ash stared. "I...lost?"
Jessie smirked. "You lost, twerp."
James, finally having extracted himself from Victreebel, stepped into the
ring. "Does this mean..." He gulped.
"That's right, boys and girls! It's confession time!" Jack cackled
maniacally.
"This should be interesting," Hiroshi mused.
James stood in front of Jessie, tugging at his collar nervously. "Jessie,
I..."
"Yes, James?" the female Rocket said, arching an eyebrow.
"I...I..." James stammered, then blurted, "I love your impeccable sense of
fashion!"
Jessie powerposed. "Why, thank you."
"Wimp," Ash muttered. He then gulped nervously as Misty stepped in front of
him.
"Well, Ash?" she said.
"Ummm...ummm...what?" Ash stalled, loosening his collar.
"Do you have anything you want to...confess?" Misty asked.
Ash turned red. "Well, um, um...ah, that is, ah...heheheh...what would I
have to confess?" He rubbed the back of his head nervously.
Misty scowled, veins throbbing in her forehead. "Ash Ketchum, you little..."
*PUNT*
"LOSER!" Misty stalked out of the ring, as Ash collided with a ringpost and
passed out.
"Boy, she's got a temper problem," Jessie noted.
"Yeah, reminds me of you," James said without thinking.
*PUNT*
"Men," Jessie groused, making a graceful exit from the ring.
"Aheh...well, that was interesting...and now, we take you to the remote
venue for our second love challenge of the night, an Omega division
battle..."
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"That scene looked awfully familiar," Meis commented, munching popcorn.
"Gee, I wonder why," Sodina remarked, rolling her eyes. She took a large
bite out of her pickle, and made a supreme effort to not wince at the bitter
taste.
Meis choked on his Sprite again.
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A pair of portals opened, disgorging two figures onto the deck of a luxury
liner. A lavender-haired schoolgirl, projecting the very image of poise and
nobility, faced off against a black-clad, silver-haired swordsman.
"Why have you challenged me?" Sephiroth asked calmly.
"The reasons for my challenge will become clear, once I have defeated you!"
B-ko stated confidently, before ripping off her school uniform.
Sephiroth blinked at her combat attire. "How ridiculous," he remarked.
B-ko chuckled. "The Akagiyama-23 battle bikini...truly the only armament
which could hope to demonstrate my impressive skill, intelligence...and
beauty." She slid her visor closed, and assumed a battle stance.
"A pity it will provide little protection against my blade," Sephiroth said,
unsheathing the Masamune.
"We shall see," B-ko said, grinning ferally.
\\// OMEGA LOVE CHALLENGE MATCH
\/ B-KO vs. SEPHIROTH
FIGHT!
B-ko dodged a pre-emptive strike by Sephiroth, and unleashed a flurry of
Akagiyama missiles...which exploded harmlessly against the Barrier spell
Sephiroth had cast. "Is that all you've got?" he asked.
"Oh, not hardly. I have so much more to offer..." B-ko charged Sephiroth,
blurring into motion. The swordsman calmly, patiently blocked her every
strike, countering with the occasional backhand or strike with Masamune.
After several moments, B-ko slowed, gasping for breath, and nursing myriad
cuts on her arms and legs. Sephiroth, for his part, stood calmly, unfazed by
her attack.
"My turn," he said simply, before unleashing a Bolt spell which blasted B-ko
back several feet. Skidding across the deck of the ship, she tried to
rise...but her battle bikini began to hiss and pop, sparks shooting out of
various circuits as the armor overloaded. B-ko twitched in agony for several
seconds, then finally lay still.
"Pathetic," Sephiroth intoned.
B-ko struggled to raise her head. "I'm not...finished yet..."
"What are you trying to prove with this challenge?" Sephiroth asked.
"That...I'm worthy..." B-ko said, gritting her teeth.
Sephiroth paused for a long moment, then understanding flashed in his eyes.
He smirked. "What a waste of time," he said, opening a portal. Before he
stepped through and out of sight, he tossed back over his shoulder, "I'm
partial to French cuisine. You shall pay, of course." And then he was gone.
B-ko lay still for a long moment. Then she began to giggle. "I lost...but I
won." Then, she passed out, and the Ultra medtechs retrieved her.
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"Well," Hiroshi said, "that certainly turned out better than the other love
challenge. And now, it's almost time for our final match of the night...but
first," he added rather nervously, "an update on our...other little
contest." He paused. "The girls seem to be slowing down, and it looks like
this could be over any second now..."
Rei and Lilith glowered at one another, each raising a spoon of ice cream to
her lips. Rei was visibly straining. Lilith's hands were trembling.
A loud clatter rang out, as both spoons dropped to the table simultaneously.
"i cannot eat any more," Rei said.
"Neither can I," Lilith moaned, grimacing.
Hiroshi sweatdropped. "Well...it, ah...seems like we have a draw here."
Recovering as best he could, he launched into excitement mode. "Now, it's
time for our final match..."
A chorus of boos erupted from the audience as Ranma strutted his bad self
down the ramp, all cockiness and attitude. Reaching the ring, he grabbed a
microphone, and shouted, "Okay, I don't know who the HELL called me out here
tonight, but I'm here, so come on out to get your ass kicked! And it better
not be some stupid love challenge, either!"
"Oh, this isn't a love challenge, Ranma," a voice echoed from offstage.
"Truly, tis more a matter of punishment richly deserved. The vengeance of
heaven is slow but sure, and your days of lechery and debauchery are near an
end, Saotome!"
"You enemy of women! I'll make you pay for your womanizing ways!"
Ranma, for his part, lost his composure, and groaned. "Not YOU three bozos.
Don't you ever get tired of this?"
"NO!" Three voices roared in unison, and as one, Ryouga Hibiki, Tatewaki
Kunou, and Mousse leapt into the ring, rushing straight at Ranma. The center
of the ring soon erupted into a cloud of dust, obscuring the action within.
\\// NERIMA-STYLE CLASSIC RUMBLE
\/ DOGPILE ON THE SAOTOME
FIGHT!
The crowd watched in stunned silence, unable to follow any of the action
within the ring. Even Hiroshi was at a loss for words, just watching the
dustcloud with an increasingly large sweatdrop.
After several long moments, the dust cleared...revealing three pulverized
martial artists, and one disheveled and very pissed-off Ranma.
"I'm out of here," Ranma spat, and stormed out of the arena.
"...and there you have it, folks," Hiroshi said. "I guess...that's the end
of the show. Thank you for coming, and we hope to see you again at our next
regular event." The crowd began to file out of their seats, and Hiroshi
glanced at his two erstwhile girlfriends, who were clutching their stomachs
and moaning pitifully. "Ummm...are you girls alright?"
Two heated glares were his only response. "Uhh...right. I'll just...be going
now." Hiroshi made a hasty exit.
"baka," Rei muttered.
"Yeah, but he's our baka," Lilith said.
The girls shared a moment of comradery over their common bond, before
remembering they were rivals. Glaring resumed, punctuated by grimaces and
noises of stomach discomfort.
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"Well, Meis," Sodina said as the pair deposited their garbage in the nearest
receptacle and made their way toward the exit, "This was...er...interesting,
but I really need to be going home now. I'll see you again soon!" With that,
Sodina parted company with the young spirit blacksmith.
Meis sighed. Another date that didn't go anywhere. Oh well...there'd always
be the next time...
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Yohko stepped out of the shower, and took a deep, cleaning breath. Wrapping
her towel around herself, she began to restyle her hair. She smiled at her
reflection in the mirror. Sure, the battle had gone badly, but the war
wasn't over. Despite what had happened, she was more determined than ever to
crack Iori's callous, indifferent facade. And then, that gorgeous hunk would
be all hers. She sighed, dreamily.
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A knock at the door brought Misty out of her sulk. "Who is it?"
"Umm..it's me," Ash's voice mumbled from the other side.
"Go away," Misty said.
"Alright...but I wanted to give you something, is that okay?"
Misty frowned. "Alright, but make it fast."
The door opened, and Ash poked his head in. "Umm...here. I just...this is
for you." He thrust a heart-shaped box into Misty's hands, then ducked back
out of the room, closing the door.
Misty blinked. Then looked down at the box. It was, obviously, Valentine's
candy. The top of the box was half red and half white, like a Pokeball, and
had a large pink candy heart embedded in the center. On the heart was
printed a simple message: "I Choose You."
Misty stared at the box of candy for a long time, a blush rising to her
cheeks. Then, she smiled.
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"My stomach huuuuuurts," Lilith moaned, leaning against the announcers'
table.
"we shall have fun drinking pepto," Rei said, clutching her stomach
pitifully. "wai."
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T H E E N D
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Author's Notes:
Okay, this is nowhere near my usual standards of production, and there's
plenty of rampant OOCness here.
The only excuse I have for that is, this was originally intended to be an
omake. I did it in five hours on the fly the day before Valentine's Day. It
was a fun write, and the #Improfanfic crowd got a few good chuckles out of
it, and that was good enough for me. But fate took a weird turn, and,
well...
So if you hate it and think it sucks, well...at least it doesn't cause any
major plot snafus, so it can easily be ignored. It's just filler. And if you
happen to like it, well hey, that's fine too. ^_^