All these characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi. Bow down to her.
Love is in the Air
Spamfic
"Ranma no BAKA!!" the uncute fiancee Akane shouted as she swung her mallet
around for a serious pounding on the personage of one Ranma Saotome, the best
martial artist ever to walk the earth. He dodged it barely. Why "barely"?
Mainly because he had one Shampoo, a really sexy Amazon from China, draped
around his neck like a purple scarf, which he couldn't shake off.
Behind Akane came super-cutie-pie-of-a-fiancee Ukyou Kuonji wielding the
woman's-wrath-given-spatula form overhead. "Let go of my fiancee, you hussy!"
The eternally lost boy Ryouga wandered onto the scene, saw Ranma and Shampoo
with Akane chasing them, and put two and two together and got, "Ranma,
prepare to die!!" Whipping off a bandana and his trusty umbrella, he leapt
into the fray.
Mousse, a really cool guy if you can get over the fact that he's blind as a
bat _with_ his glasses came roaring in front of them, crying out, "Saotome,
let go of my Shampoo!!" He sent a dozen weighted chains at his intended
target. It didn't matter that he had attacked a telephone pole.
Really-cool-looking-guy-but-a-complete-moron Kunou brought forth his bokken,
dropping about a Shakespeare play's worth of archaic speeches about Ranma the
foul sorcerer bewitching the lovely Akane Tendo and his "pigtailed-girl."
"StrikeStrikeStrike!" he shouted, launching him and his weapon at pretty
remarkable speeds. Not Amaguriken level speeds, but inpressive nonetheless.
And last, but not least, ultracool, ultrasexy, ultrabitch Nabiki held a
camera in one hand, a fist full of yen in the other, smirking sardonically
around a fence, taking pictures and bets alternatively. "Let's see what
trick will Ranma-baby pull out of his hat, today..."
Ranma finally had enough. Shaking lose Shampoo, he sprang up to the highest
point, in this case, a telephone pole and held up his hands in a halting
motion. "Stop it!!"
The Nereima crew came to a sudden stop, some crashing into others, most very
surprised by this outburst.
After the dust cleared, Ranma hopped down. "I'm going to make an
announcement, so y'all be listen up and listen good!" He then turned to
Akane, her mallet still poised to strike. "Akane, I love you."
"Re-really?" The mallet fell to the ground.
"Yes. Will you marry me?"
She grinned like there was no tomorrow. "Yes! YES!!" They smooched like
there was no tomorrow.
Everyone was shell-shocked by the turn of events. The first to break the
stunned silence was a wailing Shampoo. "Shampoo no become bride--! WAAH!!"
Mousse touched her shoulder. "Don't worry, Shampoo. I'm still here."
She looked up. "Even after I treat you like dirt...?" He nodded. "W-why..?"
"Because I love you, Shampoo."
She smiled. "Shampoo love you, too." She yanked him down to her in a really
hot, passionate kiss.
Kunou was so shocked, he became sane. "How..."
"Does it really matter, Kunou baby?" Nabiki said right next to his ear.
"No, I suppose not..."
"Over them now?"
"I...I suppose I am..."
"Good; let's go back to your place and have a Tendo-Kunou joining...if you
pay right, that is..."
"Okay!" He and Nabiki went back to his home for some intense monkey-loving.
Ukyou cried for losing her chance for Ranma's heart. "Why, oh why, Ranchan?
Why...?"
Ryouga looked as though he was ready to break into diamond dust pieces.
Hanging his head, he spoke, "The world is a dark, cold place." He trodded
off in one direction, bumping into Ukyou by accident.
She looked up. "Ryouga..."
He looked up. "Ukyou..."
"We're both lonely now..."
"Yeah...what do we do now?"
She suddenly smiled. "Let's get married!"
He blinked. "Really?"
"Yes, jackass! I'm lonely, you're lonely, it's prefect!"
"Wow. I never thought of it that way..." He smiled then. "Who needs Akane
when I got you?"
Ukyou jumped up, and smooched him all cute-like. Well, cute-like as far as
tongue went...
* * * * *
All over Nerima, eight people jerked from their slumber simultaneously.
"What the hell?!" Ranma yelped, then looking all around. Settling down, he
sighed. "Whew, just a dream..." He was put back to sleep by a wooden sign
with the words, [Be quiet boy, and go back to sleep!] scribbled all over it.
* * * * *
Akane looked around, a blush sitting on her cheeks. "It was just a dream..."
Her cheeks burned brighter at the thought, though.
* * * * *
Mousse grinned like a madman, then frowned. "Shit...it was just a dream...."
* * * * *
Shampoo shivered for a few moments, then got angry. She stalked into
Mousse's room, whose eyes got all wide and a madman's grin returned on his
face. "It wasn't a dream! Wahoo!!"
The normally bubbly Amazon pummeled the myopic boy into a dreamless
submission, splashed him with water, tossed him into a cage, then went back
to bed a whole lot calmer and happier. "Back to Ranma."
* * * * *
Kunou looked all around his room roaring at the top of his lungs. "What in
the nine hells doth that foul sorcerer Saotome thinks he does?! By tricking
mine mind, he makes to situate me with the evil mercenary Nabiki Tendo,
whilst he whisks away my fair loves Akane Tendo and the pigtailed girl! I W
ill not stand for such a mockery!! I will smite him this eve!!"
Really-sexy-but totally-freaky Kodachi walked into her brother's room.
Without so much as a word, she whacked a black rose into his face, which put
him to sleep. Well, if you consider not being able to move for the next six
hours sleeping.
* * * * *
Nabiki studied her hands, then her camera. "That's it. No more associating
with Kunou. That was just...disturbing."
* * * * *
Ukyou grabbed her battle spatuls by reflex and tore into a bedstand. Then
she dropped the weight thing and violently shook, her skin crawling. "Ew!
Ew! EW! Ew! EW!! Ryouga?! That Jackass?! I'm going to be SICK!! EWW!!!"
* * * * *
Somewhere in the middle of Nerima, an entire block was disintegrated by a
mighty column of greenish-blue energy. In the middle of it stood one person,
who looked nauseated. "Me and Ukyou? Just because we're lonely? Blech..."
Then he shook a fist into the air. "Ranma! I don't know how, but this is
all your fault!!"
* * * * *
Cupid sighed, looking at his list. "This has got to be some deity's idea of
a cruel joke....Honestly-!!" He fluttered off, not even bothering to notch
his bow. "The hell with this...I'm taking a vacation. Nothing's worth this
kind of headache..."
End.
It was just something that popped into my head last night, which the muse
beckoned me to write. Probably because of the season. And the stereotyped
pair-ups I've been seeing as of late.