Due to consistent public demand. Here's the first part of Pissing Off Pluto, refurbished
and highly polished.
The second part will come next week since I'm going to make it a lot bigger than
what it was the last time, along with the fact that part 3 will be posted too.
**************************
Disclaimer:
The characters here are not mine.They're Naoko Takeuchi's
The Delorean and the Flux Capacitor are definitely not mine.
Yeah, I messed around with Hotaru's age. Don't worry. All will be revealed
in time.
I hope.
Apologies to Sean Gaffney, Jeff Hosmer, Chris Davies, Ben Oliver and Ken Wolfe,
all noted fanfic authors. About what, you'll find out later.
**************************
Pissing Off Pluto: Part 1
"Next on Geraldo : Mad Scientist's Daughters and Their Fascination With Black Leather !"
>From "I Really Need A Better Title" Productions
By Elsa "I'm Back !!!!!" Bibat
***************************
Hotaru Tomoe, age six, watched as her father tinkered with the weird-looking car.
Souichi Tomoe's mane of white hair was smudged with black grease as it bobbed up
and down with his head behind the hood of the car. Hotaru was not exactly a normal
girl, she was, of course, a daughter of a certified Mad Scientist(Patent Pending), but
there were other things that Hotaru wasn't exactly made of the same mold as other
girls. Maybe it was because she had above average IQ. Maybe because she had the
potential capability to blow the world to a friggin', bloody, uncountable, irreparable bits
that's the reason why we have to kill her now kill her blow her brains kill kill kill now
yess yess.....
AHEM.
To get back to the point, maybe it was the way she managed to look like a member
of the Japanese Goth underground, only chibified. Hey, a six year old who manages to
look good in black leather is a rare find indeed, so stop sniggering. But, no, she wasn't
wearing black leather today except for her shoes. She does have a father you know, and
you know how fathers are about black leather. Especially shiny black leather. My dad
freaked when he saw me in shiny black leather, so I assume that Tomoe-sensei would
freak, too.
Though Tomoe-sensei does let her wear black leather, the shiny kind to boot, when
she plays around with her friend, Key-chan, but that's another kettle of steak. Key-chan
really does need a lot of friends, however, and if you dial 1-800-I-LOVE-KEY you'll get
treated to a cute voice of a girl who speaks in third person and who wants to be your
friend. Note that if you're under eighteen or below you need your parent's permission, and
of course it's a dollar sixty per minute or whatever that is in yen. And, no, it's not porn.
Really.
Buuut, as I said that's another kettle of prawns. Steak. Whatever.
No, today she was wearing an adorably cute little dress, you know those dresses
kids wear that make them so adorable and cute until they cry into your ear because
they want an ice cream. But this particular dress was not in the usual colors, of course,
of neon banana or something similar. They were in black and lavender. When all things
are said and done about how he parents Hotaru, let it not be said that Tomoe-sensei
didn't have any color sense.
Poppa's very excited today, thought Hotaru, as she hugged Pooky, her purple teddy
bear, closer. He must be ready to test the car, she thought as she looked from one end
of the vehicle to another. Steel-gray paint, gull-wing doors and some weird looking
additions to the back, rounded out what Hotaru called 'the car'. Of course, Hotaru, haven't
having the pleasure of seeing Christopher Lloyd and Micheal J. Fox running around in
something similar, didn't know what was in front of her was a collector's item both for
movie fans and car collectors. When she asked her father what it was he called it a
De-lor-e-an. When she asked what that meant the Professor laughed heartily and told
her he'd explain when she was older.
Maybe it's something like that sex thing, that her father also promised to explain when
she was older after much coughing and gagging, Hotaru contemplated while she hugged
Pooky a little closer. The artificial fur was quite pleasant. Well, Dad did say the same
thing when I saw those videos of him and that woman that looked like her mom in the old
family albums. Lots of shiny black leather in there. Whip cream, too. Hotaru's rather
innocent fantasies of black leather and whip cream were interrupted by her father when
he slammed the hood shut with a laugh.
"I finally finished it !" The Professor said as he went to a nearby toolbox and picked
up a clean cloth and wet it in a nearby basin to clean his face. "Now all I need to do is
to test it."
"Uh, Poppa, you've been working on the car for three years now. I've always wondered
what does it do ?" Hotaru asked her father as he started to open the back part of the truck
that he usually used to transport the Delorean. Where he got the truck, Hotaru wished she
knew, but there were still quite a few bags of that white powdery stuff she foun in it back at
home.
"Simple," Hotaru's father said with a smile,"It travels through time. Now, Hotaru get in
the front. We're going to test-drive it at the racing track."
He laughed that weird laugh of his before launching on a tirade about how he was going
to prove to everyone in the scientific community that he was not a crackpot and etc.,etc.,
yackety shmackety, blah-blah. Hotaru tuned that out since she'd heard it all before. Being
a daughter of a certified Mad Scientist(Patent Pending) was a twenty four hour job and you
get used to your father's idiosyncracies or you have a nervous breakdown.
Hotaru went to the front of the truck utterly convinced that, no matter how nice her father
was, he was totally nuts.
***********************
Setsuna Meiou, also known as, Senshi Pluto was playing cards in at the little workstation
she had beside the Gates of Time. It was a change from playing solitaire with a real deck
of cards and it was nice to finally play Gin Rummy after all these centuries. Though they
did call it Maeyrlian's Folly back in the old days. And it was more like strip poker than
anything else. She really didn't miss that particular aspect of the game, since back then
she was probably the worst card player in the entire solar system. How a person with the
capability to see the future of humanity be a bad card player ... let's just say she'll kick my
ass if she found out I told you.
She'll probably want to have my head on the stick for starting this story, but then that's
another kettle of fish.
Hah. You thought I'd say eels or something weird, right ?
Anyway, after she soundly defeated the AI yet again, she felt a little something tugging
at the back of her head. She looked around. No, the Smurfs weren't up to their old tricks.
And she quite distinctly remembered getting medieval on their collective asses and
squeezing them all into the consistency of toothpaste for what they did the last time with
her hair. Setsuna was quite sensitive about her hair and always tried to keep it always in
perfect condition, and woe betide any who messed with her hair. She put that Wolfe fellow,
in quite a pickle when she found out about that little stunt he pulled, something involving
tar, feathers, superglue, a septic tank, thirty meters of rope and a CD of Barry Manilow's
greatest hits, a fate I would not wish to share with him, and I will wisely promise that no
matter what amount of crap I put Setsuna-chan into, I will not touch that magnificent mane
of viridian that she constantly dyes to keep the gray hairs from showing.
Oops, shouldn't have let that slip out. Anyway, on with the story.
She closed her eyes and, concentrating her power, she had a premonition of a blinding
headache. A premonition of a headache is quite something for the Guardian of Time and,
as Ben Oliver oncely wisely wrote in his Nuke 'Em Till They Glow that it was one of the
signs of the Apocalypse. Or maybe that was St. John in his Revelations.
Hell, both of them were fixated with mushrooms ! What's the difference ?
To return to the matter at hand... eyes suddenly flashing open, Pluto took her staff from
it's convenient holding place, a staff holder she jury-rigged to her workstation. Having to
always hold it would have made her arm ache since back in the Silver Millenium they didn't
have any of those lightweight plastics and consequently the Time Staff weighed like a ton if
you didn't have the proper training, Pluto winced at the the thought of those boulders she
had to carry, and even then you'd still have to put it down once in awhile. Setsuna would
have gladly traded in her Time Staff for a newer lighter model but no one builds a Time Staff
nowadays except for Washuu and you know how Washuu is, always putting in those really undocumented features that blow up in your face in the most inopportune moments.
Pluto was sure that someone was going to try travelling through time again. It was a good
thing that she caught that Wells guy awhile back, though she had to admit the people who
were trying this were getting a lot sneakier and slippier. That phone booth was especially
slippery but she'll get the idiot driving that one, too. She walked over to the side of the Time
Gate, standing two feet away from the Gates of Time like she usually did and waited for the
inevitable. And as Agent Smith said, heard the sound of inevitability, the thrum of high-octane horsepower was coming towards the Gate at incredible speed.
Inevitability however was did not look like what she expected. Being Guardian of Time does
have disadvantages, and one of them is not knowing your personal future. Yeah, everyone
thinks that Pluto knows everything that's gonna happen, which she doesnot. She's just really
good at faking things. So, she didn't expect a Delorean, going way over the speed limit,
speeding towards, and then through the Gates of Time leaving parallel tracks of fire in it's
wake.
Setsuna blinked.
Blink.
Blink.
Then she asked herself, why she didn't just take her mother's advice and go into
necromancy ? Being a Queen of the Undead and all was better than this. At least then she
could go around in black leather. Shiny black leather at that.
She sighed. No, she got this white spandex leotard with a short skirt. With a bow in the
front. Serenity could have at least asked Versace to do the uniform designs, but no, Versace
was thousands of years in the future and she couldn't do that. Besides if she told that to
Serenity, then she'd have to tell her about the _other_ things. Sighing again, she went closer
to inspect the Gates for any damage. Thank the Kami she had the entire thing insured after
she heard about that trial incident that Gaffney fellow started and the mess that Hosmer and
Davies caused. Being a Guardian of Time nowadays was starting to get really dangerous with
all those authors running roughshod all over the place.
She neared the Gates when the grey streak of the intruding car passsed by her again,
leaving it's trails of fire in it's wake. But unlike earlier, this time, Pluto got a glimpse of what
was inside it.
Pluto shook her head.
A small purple bear ? She didn't know of a time period where small, intelligent, purple-hued
bears managed to evolve.
Unless it was those Gummi Bears coming back for vengeance.
************************
Professor Tomoe whooped in joy as the Delorean reappeared in a flash of light. Hotaru blinked.
OK, so her father may not be nuts after all.
The car coasted to a stop before them as her father used the remote control he rigged into
the Delorean. Hotaru was still quite angry at him for cannibalizing her remote controlled Teddy
Ruxpin doll, but hey, it was for science and Teddy was asking for it. Tomoe-sensei shuddered
as he remembered the song coming from those furry lips. Besides, he did get Hotaru Pooky.
At least he was safe and didn't sing. He opened the gull-wing doors and pulled Pooky out,
proudly presenting the lavender teddy bear to her daughter. His daughter snatched it from his
hands and inspected the bear for any damage that it could have sustained and hugged it cutely
and looked up at him with a pout. Well, Tomoe-sensei didn't see the pout since his Shiny
Glasses(TM) were shining again and you know what that means.
"There he is, Hotaru. The first succesful passenger of the Tomoe Temporal Conveyance.",
he said with a wide grin before he burst into another round of patented maniacal laughter. Let
me rephrase that, she thought as she held Pooky tighter in her embrace, not _totally_ nuts.
Just a little.
Her father's laughter was halted when he noticed a van approaching from the distance. Face
paling, he shooed his daughter into the car. "Hotaru, get in the Delorean. Now."
"Why ?" she asked as she turned around at what he was afraid of. Someone was putting out
a very unfriendly-looking machinegun from the window. Hotaru quickly got into the passenger
side of the car, with the speed of borne of constant practice. Being a daughter of a certified Mad Scientist(TM) gave you a bevy of skills that usually involved running away very fast from people
who were out to get you or to be more exact out to get your father.
Damn Pakistanis, Tomoe-sensei thought, as he went to the other side of the car and opening
the gull door and slipping in, steal a little high-grade plutonium and they all get pissed off. He
started to revv the engines and noticed Hotaru wasn't belted in yet.
"Hotaru-chan, what did I tell you to do when you first get into a car ?"
"Umm...dad...can we do this later...we better go !", Hotaru responded as she heard the sound
of a machinegun starting it's little tune.
Rat-tatta-Ratata-tata. Kinda like Showtunes when you get down to it. Terrorists can be quite
talented if they only put their mind to it.
"Not until you repeat what I told you, young lady."
Tomoe-sensei being a certified Mad Scientist(Patent Pending) and all, tended to get quite
distracted when he focused on something. Hotaru looked at her father, one eyebrow trembling
and both hands hugging Pooky so tightly that one of his button eyes seemed to bug out. She
looks so much like her mother when she does that, Tomoe-sensei thought with a smile as bullets whined outside.
"Okay...okay, I'm fastening my seatbelts ! JUST GO DAD ! GO !"
Tomoe-sensei's fatherly smile widened and ruffled Hotaru's hair a little as he shifted car into
high gear. He was so lucky to have such a good girl for a daughter.
**********************
Pluto was examining the tracks left by the thing that had passed earlier. She had stamped out
the little fires that were left behind and was looking at the tiremarks with great interest when she
once again heard the roar of engines. The sound of inevitability.
Two glaring headlights filled her sight as she looked up.
Can you say like a deer caught in front of headlights ?
Good. I knew you could.
************************
As always C&C is welcome !!! It's nice to be back !