If there is anything I ever disliked, it was horrible formatting
so excuse me as I fix this damn thing.
There !
Due to consistent public demand. Here's the first part of Pissing
Off Pluto, refurbished and highly polished.
The second part will come next week since I'm going to make it a
lot bigger than what it was the last time, along with the fact that part
3 will be posted too.
**************************
Disclaimer:
The characters here are not mine.They're Naoko Takeuchi's
The Delorean and the Flux Capacitor are definitely not mine.
Yeah, I messed around with Hotaru's age. Don't worry. All will be
revealed in time.
I hope.
Apologies to Sean Gaffney, Jeff Hosmer, Chris Davies, Ben Oliver
and Ken Wolfe, all noted fanfic authors. About what, you'll find out
later.
**************************
Pissing Off Pluto: Part 1
"Next on Geraldo : Mad Scientist's Daughters and Their Fascination
With Black Leather !"
>From "I Really Need A Better Title" Productions
By Elsa "I'm Back !!!!!" Bibat
***************************
Hotaru Tomoe, age six, watched as her father tinkered
with the weird-looking car. Souichi Tomoe's mane of white hair
was smudged with black grease as it bobbed up and down with
his head behind the hood of the car. Hotaru was not exactly a
normal girl, she was, of course, a daughter of a certified Mad
Scientist(Patent Pending), but there were other things that Hotaru
wasn't exactly made of the same mold as other girls. Maybe it
was because she had above average IQ. Maybe because she
had the potential capability to blow the world to a friggin', bloody,
uncountable, irreparable bits that's the reason why we have to kill
her now kill her blow her brains kill kill kill now yess yess.....
AHEM.
To get back to the point, maybe it was the way she managed
to look like a member of the Japanese Goth underground, only
chibified. Hey, a six year old who manages to look good in black
leather is a rare find indeed, so stop sniggering. But, no, she wasn't
wearing black leather today except for her shoes. She does have a
father you know, and you know how fathers are about black leather.
Especially shiny black leather. My dad freaked when he saw me in
shiny black leather, so I assume that Tomoe-sensei would freak, too.
Though Tomoe-sensei does let her wear black leather, the
shiny kind to boot, when she plays around with her friend, Key-chan,
but that's another kettle of steak. Key-chan really does need a lot of
friends, however, and if you dial 1-800-I-LOVE-KEY you'll get treated
to a cute voice of a girl who speaks in third person and who wants to
be your friend. Note that if you're under eighteen or below you need
your parent's permission, and of course it's a dollar sixty per minute
or whatever that is in yen. And, no, it's not porn.
Really.
Buuut, as I said that's another kettle of prawns. Steak.
Whatever.
No, today she was wearing an adorably cute little dress, you
know those dresses kids wear that make them so adorable and cute
until they cry into your ear because they want an ice cream. But this
particular dress was not in the usual colors, of course, of neon
banana or something similar. They were in black and lavender. When
all things are said and done about how he parents Hotaru, let it not
be said that Tomoe-sensei didn't have any color sense.
Poppa's very excited today, thought Hotaru, as she hugged
Pooky, her purple teddy bear, closer. He must be ready to test the
car, she thought as she looked from one end of the vehicle to
another. Steel-gray paint, gull-wing doors and some weird looking
additions to the back, rounded out what Hotaru called 'the car'. Of
course, Hotaru, haven't having the pleasure of seeing Christopher
Lloyd and Micheal J. Fox running around in something similar, didn't
know what was in front of her was a collector's item both for movie
fans and car collectors. When she asked her father what it was he
called it a De-lor-e-an. When she asked what that meant Tomoe-
sensei laughed heartily and told her he'd explain when she was older.
Maybe it's something like that sex thing, that her father also
promised to explain when she was older after much coughing and
gagging, Hotaru contemplated while she hugged Pooky a little closer.
The artificial fur was quite pleasant. Well, Dad did say the same
thing when I saw those videos of him and that woman that looked
like her mom in the old family albums. Lots of shiny black leather in
there. Whip cream, too. Hotaru's rather innocent fantasies of black
leather and whip cream were interrupted by her father when he
slammed the hood shut with a laugh.
"I finally finished it !" The Professor said as he went to a
nearby toolbox and picked up a clean cloth and wet it in a nearby
basin to clean his face. "Now all I need to do is to test it."
"Uh, Poppa, you've been working on the car for three years
now. I've always wondered what does it do ?" Hotaru asked her
father as he started to open the back part of the truck that he
usually used to transport the Delorean. Where he got the truck,
Hotaru wished she knew, but there were still quite a few bags of
that white powdery stuff she found in the back of it at home.
"Simple," Hotaru's father said with a smile,"It travels through
time. Now, Hotaru get in the front. We're going to test-drive it at the
racing track."
He laughed that weird laugh of his before launching on a
tirade about how he was going to prove to everyone in the scientific
community that he was not a crackpot and etc.,etc., yackety
shmackety, blah-blah. Hotaru tuned that out since she'd heard it all
before. Being a daughter of a certified Mad Scientist(Patent Pending)
was a twenty four hour job and you get used to your father's
idiosyncracies or you have a nervous breakdown.
Hotaru went to the front of the truck utterly convinced that, no
matter how nice her father was, he was totally nuts.
***********************
Setsuna Meiou, also known as, Senshi Pluto was playing cards
in at the little workstation she had beside the Gates of Time. It was a
change from playing solitaire with a real deck of cards and it was nice
to finally play Gin Rummy after all these centuries. Though they did call
it Maeyrlian's Folly back in the old days. And it was more like strip
poker than anything else. She really didn't miss that particular aspect of
the game, since back then she was probably the worst card player in
the entire solar system. How a person with the capability to see the
future of humanity be a bad card player ... let's just say she'll kick my
ass if she found out I told you.
She'll probably want to have my head on the stick for starting this
story, but then that's another kettle of fish.
Hah. You thought I'd say eels or something weird, right ?
Anyway, after she soundly defeated the AI yet again, she felt a little
something tugging at the back of her head. She looked around. No, the
Smurfs weren't up to their old tricks. And she quite distinctly remembered
getting medieval on their collective asses and squeezing them all into the
consistency of toothpaste for what they did the last time with her hair.
Setsuna was quite sensitive about her hair and always tried to keep it
always in perfect condition, and woe betide any who messed with her
hair. She put that Wolfe fellow, in quite a pickle when she found out about
that little stunt he pulled, something involving tar, feathers, superglue, a
septic tank, thirty meters of rope and a CD of Barry Manilow's greatest
hits, a fate I would not wish to share with him, and I will wisely promise that
no matter what amount of crap I put Setsuna-chan into, I will not touch that
magnificent mane of viridian that she constantly dyes to keep the gray
hairs from showing.
Oops, shouldn't have let that slip out. Anyway, on with the story.
She closed her eyes and, concentrating her power, she had a
premonition of a blinding headache. A premonition of a headache is quite
something for the Guardian of Time and, as Ben Oliver oncely wisely wrote
in his Nuke 'Em Till They Glow that it was one of the signs of the Apocalypse.
Or maybe that was St. John in his Revelations.
Hell, both of them were fixated with mushrooms ! What's the
difference ?
To return to the matter at hand... eyes suddenly flashing open, Pluto
took her staff from it's convenient holding place, a staff holder she jury-rigged
to her workstation. Having to always hold it would have made her arms ache
since back in the Silver Millenium they didn't have any of those lightweight
plastics and consequently the Time Staff weighed like a ton if you didn't have
the proper training, Pluto winced at the the thought of those boulders she
had to carry, and even then you'd still have to put it down once in awhile.
Setsuna would have gladly traded in her Time Staff for a newer lighter model
but no one builds a Time Staff nowadays except for Washuu and you know
how Washuu is, always putting in those really undocumented features that
blow up in your face in the most inopportune moments.
Pluto was sure that someone was going to try travelling through time
again. It was a good thing that she caught that Wells guy awhile back, though
she had to admit the people who were trying this were getting a lot sneakier
and slippier. That phone booth was especially slippery but she'll get the idiot
driving that one, too. She walked over to the side of the Time Gate, standing
two feet away from the Gates of Time like she usually did and waited for the
inevitable. And as Agent Smith said, heard the sound of inevitability, the
thrum of high-octane horsepower was coming towards the Gate at incredible
speed.
Inevitability however was did not look like what she expected. Being
Guardian of Time does have disadvantages, and one of them is not knowing
your personal future. Yeah, everyone thinks that Pluto knows everything that's
gonna happen, which she does not. She's just really good at faking things.
So, she didn't expect a Delorean, going way over the speed limit, speeding
towards, and then through the Gates of Time leaving parallel tracks of fire in
it's wake.
Setsuna blinked.
Blink.
Blink.
Then she asked herself, why she didn't just take her mother's advice
and went into necromancy ? Being a Queen of the Undead and all was better
than this. At least then she could go around in black leather. Shiny black leather
at that.
She sighed. No, she got this white spandex leotard with a short skirt.
With a bow in the front. Serenity could have at least asked Versace to do the
uniform designs, but no, Versace was thousands of years in the future and she
couldn't do that. Besides if she told that to Serenity, then she'd have to tell her
about the _other_ things. Sighing again, she went closer to inspect the Gates
for any damage. Thank the Kami she had the entire thing insured after she
heard about that trial incident that Gaffney fellow started and the mess that
Hosmer and Davies caused. Being a Guardian of Time nowadays was
starting to get really dangerous with all those authors running roughshod all
over the place.
She neared the Gates when the grey streak of the intruding car passed
by her again, leaving it's trails of fire in it's wake. But unlike earlier, this time,
Pluto got a glimpse of what was inside it.
Pluto shook her head.
A small purple bear ? She didn't know of a time period where small,
intelligent, purple-hued bears managed to evolve.
Unless it was those Gummi Bears coming back for vengeance.
************************
Professor Tomoe whooped in joy as the Delorean reappeared in a
flash of light. Hotaru blinked. OK, so her father may not be nuts after all.
The car coasted to a stop before them as her father used the remote
control he rigged into the Delorean. Hotaru was still quite angry at him for
cannibalizing her remote controlled Teddy Ruxpin doll, but hey, it was for
science and Teddy was asking for it. Tomoe-sensei shuddered as he
remembered the song coming from those furry lips. Besides, he did get
Hotaru Pooky. At least he was safe and didn't sing. He opened the gull-wing
doors and pulled Pooky out, proudly presenting the lavender teddy bear to her daughter. His daughter snatched it from his hands and inspected the bear for
any damage that it could have sustained and hugged it cutely and looked up
at him with a pout. Well, Tomoe-sensei didn't see the pout since his Shiny
Glasses(TM) were shining again and you know what that means.
"There he is, Hotaru. The first succesful passenger of the Tomoe
Temporal Conveyance.", he said with a wide grin before he burst into another
round of patented maniacal laughter. Let me rephrase that, she thought as
she held Pooky tighter in her embrace, not _totally_ nuts. Just a little.
Her father's laughter was halted when he noticed a van approaching
from the distance. Face paling, he shooed his daughter into the car. "Hotaru,
get in the Delorean. Now."
"Why ?" she asked as she turned around at what he was afraid of.
Someone was putting out a very unfriendly-looking machinegun from the
window. Hotaru quickly got into the passenger side of the car, with the
speed of borne of constant practice. Being a daughter of a certified Mad
Scientist(Patent Pending) gave you a bevy of skills that usually involved
running away very fast from people who were out to get you or to be more
exact out to get your father.
Damn Pakistanis, Tomoe-sensei thought, as he went to the other side
of the car and opening the gull door and slipping in, steal a little high-grade
plutonium and they all get pissed off. He started to revv the engines and
noticed Hotaru wasn't belted in yet.
"Hotaru-chan, what did I tell you to do when you first get into a car ?"
"Umm...dad...can we do this later...we better go !", Hotaru responded
as she heard the sound of a machinegun starting it's little tune.
Rat-tatta-Ratata-tata. Kinda like Showtunes when you get down to it.
Terrorists can be quite talented if they only put their mind to it.
"Not until you repeat what I told you, young lady."
Tomoe-sensei being a certified Mad Scientist(Patent Pending) and all,
tended to get quite distracted when he focused on something. Hotaru looked
at her father, one eyebrow trembling and both hands hugging Pooky so tightly
that one of his button eyes seemed to bug out. She looks so much like her
mother when she does that, Tomoe-sensei thought with a smile as bullets
whined outside.
"Okay...okay, I'm fastening my seatbelts ! JUST GO DAD ! GO !"
Tomoe-sensei's fatherly smile widened and ruffled Hotaru's hair a little
as he shifted car into high gear. He was so lucky to have such a good girl for a daughter.
**********************
Pluto was examining the tracks left by the thing that had passed earlier.
She had stamped out the little fires that were left behind and was looking at
the tiremarks with great interest when she once again heard the roar of engines.
The sound of inevitability.
Two glaring headlights filled her sight as she looked up.
Can you say like a deer caught in front of headlights ?
Good. I knew you could.
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As always C&C is welcome !!! It's nice to be back !
I hope to gawd I managed to correct the formatting and I also corrected
some of the mistakes that managed to slip through
Time to send this out again.