David Lindquist wrote:
----- Original Message -----
From: Jamie and Bridget Wilde <wildeman@psn.net>
To: <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Sunday, February 06, 2000 7:37 PM
Subject: [FFML] [Fanfic][R1/2][Fusion] The Saotome Gambit Part 4
<big snip>
"And nothing's changed! I don't want to marry this pervert."
I don't know about her calling him a pervert. He hasn't done anything
that could really be considered perverted other than his curse.
If you want to keep it though(I think you should btw) I suggest that
you have Akane fumble a little for a word to call him then latch onto
pervert. suggestion:I don't want to marry this...this pervert!!
I think I'm going to go with 'freak' instead of pervert from here on
out.
<big snip of grammer/spelling comments. Next time the wife will
proofread this instead of me jumping the gun.>
Chapter Six
Fisherman's Wharf, City of San Francisco,
North American Protectorate,
Planet Earth, Sol System
24 February 3025
<Snipped>
Her thoughts flashed to her older sister as she said this,
but her face remained stern and unyielding. **Everyone but Kasumi,
anyway, and what can she do?**
Why do I now have the image of Kasumi shooting Nabiki in the back of
the head execution style?:)
Because you expect it of me? :)
<snipped>
END OF PART FOUR
Overall another excellent chapter. A little more serious than i'd
expect from a Ranma 1/2 crossover but it works. The look into Kuno's
mindset was very good and his conversation with Nabiki was chilling!
Glad you enjoyed it!
A few notes though.
1. Akane calling Ranma a pervert: In this fic, it really doesn't have
a strong foundation. In the manga, he lied to her and saw her nude.
In her mind anyway, it makes a pretty strong case to call him that.
Here though a lot of that didn't happen. I still say to keep it but
try to make it clearer that she just called him that because she
couldn't think of anything else to say.
This has been a common complaint, and so I shall bow to the pressure and
use the word 'freak' instead.
<snip of #2>
3.Ranma getting injured: Normally people like to potray Ranma as near
invincible. To see him get hurt in this fasion makes him mortal. And
to me, that makes this story a lot more interesting. Especially now
that I don't expect him to destroy the entire Furikan Combime
military force with his little pinky.:)
Well, maybe with one arm tied behind his back... :p
4. Genma and Ranma's relationship:All I have to say is that I can't
wait for the final blowout.:)
I really want to write lots of Ranma/Genma interaction in this story,
which is something I haven't really done at any other time in my
fanfiction. "Ruler of the Raging Main" really doesn't count because
Genma is such a shallow charicature in that story.
5:Shampoo:Why do i see her bursting through one of the tendo palace walls in
a panther screaming "Ranma I kill!":)
Hmmm... Maybe not in so many words...
That's it! And I will try to send some comments on this series whenever I am
able..
It's always appreciated!
David Lindquist
fido@rma.edu
Quote= "Fanfic writing is like building a car with C&C being the tune-up!"
Jamie
--
"I choose you - PIKASPEW!!!"
Jamie to 2 month old daughter Madeline,
shortly after being spat up upon...
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