What's the point? This is basically the same thing repeated four times
with a little change each time. You don't explain anything about why
this is happening, and there really isn't any characters to speak of. I
mean, if this was the start of a series, I'd say this idea might have
merit, but it doesn't make any sense as a shortfic.
I'm going to have to disagree with you, and say that this was a pretty good
shortfic. A shortfic isn't supposed to be some great piece of literature
that people hundreds of years later would recommend as one of the most
brilliant piece of fiction written. This particuluar shortfic was a very
simple, cute, and humorous piece of fiction; the whole purpose of which was
to make you laugh or grin. Nothing more, nothing less. At least that's the
impression that I got when I read this. I think you were trying to get more
from the piece of work then there actually is.
Oh, and Scott, the only problem that you had, that I personally found
annoying, was that you were missing some comma's. That and that you should
change some of the periods into exclamation marks. After all, if I went
back in time to beat somebody up, I wouldn't just go and calmly say my name.
I'd go with the dignified shouting and ranting about how hated that person
was and other insults. But that's just me.
--CCMax