On Mon, 7 Feb 2000, Scott Schimmel wrote:
No problem. I like KOR fics. And Hime-chan fics, for that matter.
Heh heh, they are fun to read when they come around aren't they..:P;;
Eh, it wasn't unreadable, like some fics I've seen. Just
bothersome. And I didn't want to send a line-by-line commentary
composed almost entirely of "You're missing a comma" and such.
The actual plot/character issues took up relatively little space.
I'll treat the editing like a big english exercise, that way I'll be
forced to learn something..^^
Many of the more recent word processors have an automatic grammar
check (in addition to the spell-checking). They do occasionally
highlight sentences that are perfectly fine, if unusual in
structure, but you might find it useful anyway; if nothing else,
an indicated sentence will bear a closer look.
I have a distrust of grammar checkers, but I think the one in WordPerfect
8 is supposed to be pretty good so I'll maybe run it through that and see
what happens.
That wasn't bad. Although grammatically, it should be
"Kimagure na Rib(b)on", rather than "no".
I can deal with Japanese "triggers" (like the "ni nare" phrases),
but using them -and- the English ones together is a bad idea.
*nod* I thought the ni nare was nonesense myself after looking at Doi's
page to brush up, but I guess I was wrong. Or I made the mistake of
trusting the Artic Fansub of Hime-chan's I watched too much..:P
Okay. Don't capitalize "desu", though.
Dang..I thought I'd elminated most of the rogue capitals...:P
Nobody is. You know what you intended to write, and sometimes that
prevents you from seeing what you actually wrote. It does help to
put a "finished" chapter aside for a week or so, then come back and
do a final proofreading/revision. But even that way, chances are
you'll miss a couple of things.
I left the final product alone for a couple of days before I did the
editing and shipped it out but I still missed stuff (I got the obvious
mistakes though...:). I'll probably leave this alone for another few days
while I work on other stuff and then take a look at it then so I can do
some more corrections.
<nod> That's valid, too. We don't really know -how- academically
gifted she is, just that she is.
And it really gets vague at what areas shes good in outside of Music and
English (Her seiyuu did a great job of speaking English compared to others
I've heard...:)
<nod> You might want to make that clearer during the first lecture,
then. (Although the "fighting" part is canon for the anime.)
I'll think about it, though I may just want the Vice-Principal to be a bit
of jerk so...:)
(Notice, though... she doesn't like being compared to Ami;
presumably, she wants to be judged on her own merit. That's
kind of antithetical to the purpose of the ribbon.)
Yeah, I might want to reinforce her reasons for doing that...
(And this is the point where I admit my fears about writing Madoka, given
all the layers she has. If I manage to get one layer down, I have a
feeling I ignoring another..-.-;; Of couse she is fun and challenging to
wirte...)
"You're". (Sorry, but this is one of those things that came up
a lot in the fic. "You're" is a contraction of "you are"; "your"
is "belonging to you". Same situation with it's/its and they're/
their.)
D'oh!!!
Then, by all means, write it. ^_^
heh heh...Will do..:P
You might need to watch your tone, then. It sounds like you're
planning to make this a light comedy series, but this first chapter
was neither light nor very comic. If I hadn't read this reply, I
would have thought you were writing a dramatic fanfic.
(No reason you can't do both, of course. It's not easy, but
hey...)
I'm going for the tone of the first KOR series, although with the
Hime-chan stuff I might swing into a more lighter tone. And since KOR
itself played to light comedy mixed in with some serious drama I figure
that's the plan I have to play with (Even though it is hard...:).
But yeah, I might need to add a bit more humour into the story. Maybe a
section or two more while she's being Ami (Like an unkowning poke at
Sailor Mercury...:)
Hm. I wonder whether she'd gain the powers, if she tried that.
I know Hime-chan gained some basic knowledge, as shown in the
horseback-riding episode, but it's a bit different.
Probably not, given that Esper powers are a bit different than magical
powers. But that will probably add to the fun say if she ever turns into
Kurumi and runs into Manami...:P;;;
Well, with Madoka as the lead character, the number of uses of
the Esper power should automatically be cut down, because you
won't be focusing on the Espers. What you're planning should be
interesting, though.
Most of the stuff will take place off-screen, so floating mid air
Jingoro's won't be happening in this fic. But the occasional teleport and
telekensis will happen...
And then I've got to work the psecifics out of how Kasuga will try to find
out Ayukawa's secret...^^
I look forward to seeing more...
Thanks!!!
Ja ne!!
Richard Beaubien
----------------
Suzuki Arimi, Mizuno Ami, Aya-san forever!!!! WAI!!!
Fanfic homepage http://www.anime.sobhrach.com/~beaubird/