Brian Payne wrote:
Please forgive me this bit of sophomoric drivel from an overworked
series that no one wants to read about anymore. I should be flayed
alive and fed to wild dogs for wasting everyone's time...
Having a bad day? O_o
Not at all. This was my pithy response to a certain recent FFML thread
regarding certain forms of Ranma 1/2 fanfiction.
Well, damn.
Did you help design the FASA books? Because I've never seen such
attention to detail, even in sanctioned books set in the universe.
Wow.
I'm thrilled that you think so, but I'm really just winging it. I
haven't played Battletech in ten years, and the last time I owned any of
the books was before I joined the Navy. My current references are
memory, my personal military experience, a copy of the basic rules, and
a copy of the 3025 Tech Readout (both battletech books are borrowed).
Although the bit with Nabiki is still bothering me... I'm praying
that she's not REALLY out to take over the Nerima Combine, especially
(I hope) not through treachery. Don't tell me; part of the fun lies
in getting there :), but I can hope... :) (Doesn't look like I'm
right, though... darnit. :)
Believe it or not, Nabiki does have a tiny shred of good intent with her
actions. At least at first. She really does hate the mindless
destruction of the Succession Wars, and would love to see the Inner
Sphere once again united under the Star League. The Furinkan Combine
seems to her the most likely candidate for doing this, and selling out
the Confederation is a means to that end.
On the other hand, she's also upset to have been born into a House on
the losing side, and is eager to see what gains she can make out of
losing. Now that her plans have been thwarted in the moment of her
triumph, she's more than a little pissed off and vengeful.
Very good work. I don't have much to comment on, really... as
usual, your fic surpasses the majority of the work I see. I wish I
could write like this! :)
Just a couple of minor bits:
Ranma looked down at himself and shrugged. The formal outfit
was
borrowed, as he had no previous need for such a ridiculous get up.
Kasumi
was just trying to make him feel better about this whole nightmare.
**Easy
for her to say, he thought. **She's not the one getting
railroaded.**
Missing thought marks at the end of Ranma's thoughts. Personally,
I'd leave thought marks out altogether, but it's your call.
Yeah, I've gotta eat that one (and numerous other typos and such gaffes
with Part 4). Chalk it up to my number-one proofreader (the wife) having
an old friend from out of state over that day, and me being too
impatient to post when I should have waited.
<snip>
"Conn, Communications; Receiving hails from the JumpShip
_Acropolis,_" the Communications Officer announced. "They request
permission to depart the Quarantine Zone under normal drive."
"Conn, Sensory; Confirming Contact Romeo Four as FCJS
_Acropolis_ by IFF transponder and JumpCore EMS Emissions
Signature," the Sensory section added.
Have I ever mentioned that I _love_ bits like this? Where you
capture the feel of a REAL crew so effectively, it's amazing. Of
course, I say this not having experienced it myself, so I could be way
off-base, but hey - it works, it feels like what I THINK a crew would
feel like... stick with it! :)
This gets back to prior military experience. Though I was a snipe,
sweating aft in the engine room of the boat, I spent enough time forward
(members of the Section Tracking Party included on-watch people from the
Engineering Department) to get a good example of the crew interaction on
a ship during tactical situations. Incidentally, I'm a firm believer in
applying whatever life experiences one has towards one's writing, and
talking to as many people that I know as I'm able, so that I can draw
upon what they have experienced.
I had something else I wanted to add, but I'm drawing a blank.
Sigh. Well, if I remember, I'll pass it along. :)
I'm eagerly looking forward to more of this!
I'm trying for next Sunday on Part 5. Battles write themselves
sometimes.
Brian Payne
sofaspud@sofaspud.org
http://www.sofaspud.org
Thanks for your input!
Jamie
--
"I choose you - PIKASPEW!!!"
Jamie to 2 month old daughter Madeline,
shortly after being spat up upon...
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Bridget and Jamie Wilde!
wildeman@psn.net
http://www.psn.net/~wildeman/