Please forgive me this bit of sophomoric drivel from an overworked
series that no one wants to read about anymore. I should be flayed
alive
and fed to wild dogs for wasting everyone's time...
Having a bad day? O_o
Well, damn.
Did you help design the FASA books? Because I've never seen such
attention to detail, even in sanctioned books set in the universe.
Wow.
Although the bit with Nabiki is still bothering me... I'm praying
that she's not REALLY out to take over the Nerima Combine, especially
(I hope) not through treachery. Don't tell me; part of the fun lies
in getting there :), but I can hope... :) (Doesn't look like I'm
right, though... darnit. :)
Very good work. I don't have much to comment on, really... as
usual, your fic surpasses the majority of the work I see. I wish I
could write like this! :)
Just a couple of minor bits:
Ranma looked down at himself and shrugged. The formal outfit
was
borrowed, as he had no previous need for such a ridiculous get up.
Kasumi
was just trying to make him feel better about this whole nightmare.
**Easy
for her to say, he thought. **She's not the one getting
railroaded.**
Missing thought marks at the end of Ranma's thoughts. Personally,
I'd leave thought marks out altogether, but it's your call.
Genma nodded half-heartedly. Life would be much simpler for him
after
the wedding that he was rather impatient. All the same, even he
could see
Suggest adding the word 'so' in between 'be' and 'much'. I had to
read this sentence several times before it parsed correctly, as-is.
"Conn, Communications; Receiving hails from the JumpShip
_Acropolis,_"
the Communications Officer announced. "They request permission to
depart
the Quarantine Zone under normal drive."
"Conn, Sensory; Confirming Contact Romeo Four as FCJS
_Acropolis_ by
IFF transponder and JumpCore EMS Emissions Signature," the Sensory
section
added.
Have I ever mentioned that I _love_ bits like this? Where you
capture the feel of a REAL crew so effectively, it's amazing. Of
course, I say this not having experienced it myself, so I could be way
off-base, but hey - it works, it feels like what I THINK a crew would
feel like... stick with it! :)
I had something else I wanted to add, but I'm drawing a blank.
Sigh. Well, if I remember, I'll pass it along. :)
I'm eagerly looking forward to more of this!
Brian Payne
sofaspud@sofaspud.org
http://www.sofaspud.org