<Delurk>
Interesting comments below, I just felt I had to bu^H^Hchime in...
At 11:56 AM 2/8/2000 +0100, you wrote:
Well, negative though my comments below might sound, I still enjoy
this series.
One general problem that I want to point out that I have
with it is that it often feels perhaps a bit too expository in the
way it presents aspects of alien culture and whatnot. Snore snore.
I want to experience a story, not read a fact blurb about some race
or costum or whatnot. (no, I'm not much for hard SF, how'd you
guess? ^_^)
Well, I grew up on Asimov, so I didn't really notice, but you do have a
point there. I just chalked it up to 'texture' for the story.
Being the Mihoshi-fanboy I am, every bit of Mihoshi and Tenchi
growing closer is candy for me, and there was a significant amount
of that in this chapter. Nice. ^_^
"I think it's my turn to pull the sled now, Tenchi."
This insistance at taking her share - and particularly the serious
way in which it is presented, felt un-Mihoshi enough for me to comment
on it even though I hadn't been planning to C&C this in the first place.
Well, this is supposed to be OVA Mihoshi, who has been
semi-consistently(biggest exception is the Mihoshi "Washuu can't use a gas
grill... uh-HUH" special) portrayed as gung-ho in her own way. In a
situation like this, I can believe that she would decide to share the load
with Tenchi and insist on pulling her own weight. Bullheadedness is one
of the ways she gets into trouble, after all...
"It was bigger than anything I ever had before. I was so proud of myself. I
managed to swallow the whole nine inches on the first try."
Not to be rude, but really, this innuendo feels just too *CRUDE* to
be at all amusing. Yes, it offends me; not because of vulgarity, with
which I have no problem, but because it feels like an insult to my
intellect that I'm supposed to find this funny - it's on a level much
lower than the rest of the fic. (for comparison, I *did* grin at, for
example, the bit on the speeder bike)
I guess the humor here was a matter of "yeah, it's a double entendre, but
they aren't going to go over the.... oh wait, we PASSED the line 60 miles
ago" humor. YMMV, to coin a cliche.
"I suppose that was around the time her performance rating started to drop.
In the beginning, she was a fine officer, though I had only encountered her
at a handful of award ceremonies. I heard odd stories about her in the
I have to note that the (cliche) idea of Mihoshi *really* having been good
once but later turned into the clumsy naive self we know is one I don't
care much for. IMO, she's always been the way that it is, and her very
special brand of competence gives good results, but in ways that causes
most people to complain and talk behind her back.
Well, that could give a person screaming flashbacks to such creative works
as "Hong Kong Phooey" and "Inspector Gadget," so you're cliche either way
if you don't put some english on the concept.
For example, I'm getting the impression that Mihoshi may have been
disturbingly casual about procedure and normal logic since the beginning,
but the 'breakdown' only started when she developed her tendency to PANIC
when things go wrong. Possibly a pattern like: Mihoshi screws up ->
Mihoshi vows not to do that again
->Mihoshi has unescapable feeling things are going irreparably wrong ->
Mihoshi panics -> Mihoshi screws up ->Lather, rinse, repeat.
I don't know whether this matches your view of Mihoshi, Sommer's view, or
anything sane, but it does reconcile OVA characterization and backstory for
Mihoshi. But again, YMMV.
But that's just me.
"I was surprised by my composure. There was no fear anymore, just a calm
feeling of control. I reacted just like a professional I was. I made it
look like a mugging that went bad and immediately headed off planet. I was
terrified for weeks that someone would find out what I had done and arrest
me for murder, but no one ever did. The crime was listed as unsolvable, and
everyone forgot that little waste of oxygen ever existed." Funuyaki rubbed
her temple and smiled. It was the first time she had ever told the whole
story to anyone. In an odd way, it felt good to get it off her chest.
I feel like Funuyaki's opening up too much. Sure, she's telling the
story, but would she go deeply into how she felt about it? Especially,
for example, the first few sentences in the paragraph I quoted - not
only is it very cliche, it's also something I can't really see her
bothering to say in front of this bunch who's mostly already hardened
killers.
Well, given that the exposition-fest has already started, and that she's
telling this so Malgaunt won't, I suppose Funuyaki might have just gone
into high gear while telling the story just to vent.
Indeed, generally, I have to say that the entire storytelling thing
feels to out-of-place and unmotivated. They're telling their stories
for the sake of the reader, not for each other, and it's too obvious.
Maybe, but at this point it's either that or just sit there and brood at
each other.
And then there was nothing.
Finally Tenchi gets some credit. ^_^
---
Ronny Hedin, thark@mangakai.org, http://i99ronhe.island.liu.se/
"Baka baka, minna baka." -Hoshino Ruri, Nadesico
"How embarrassing to be human." -Kurt Vonnegut
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H. Bernard Walker
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