C&C as I go along, so bear with me...
All right. I have a special request for any of
you who read this fic. If you are reading it then please
send me c&c on it. Because right now I'm honestly only
aware of six people who read this fic. If I'm going to
spend my free time writing this dinky thing it would be
nice knowing that someone enjoys it.
So, for the love of whoever, if you want me to
keep up with this fic just send me a comment already.
Now onto the fic. Sorry for whining.
As well you should be! Imagine! An author wanting C&C on their
work? What's wrong with you? :)
Seriously, though, I've enjoyed this series immensely, and if I
haven't commented before (I think I have, but I'm not sure), it's not
because I don't like it. It's because I don't have -time- to do much
of anything, lately.
Anyway, on with the fic:
It was a quiet day in the village of Joketsuzoku.
At least, it was quiet until a large group of male outsiders
arrived demanding to speak to Grocery Bag.
After a few moments, the meek and rather gaunt looking
farmer appeared before the outsider males with a look of definite
worry on his pale features. Not much for physical exertion,
Grocery Bag spent most of his time in the fields tending to the
vegetables there.
You mean there actually IS a Grocery Bag? OMG. Heh!
He was a botanist of sorts who loved to mill around in his
garden and come up with ways to improve the stock of their
vegetables and plants. Because of this, he was well respected in the
village despite his horrible lack of fighting skills. But then again,
he
was a male. So why would they want him to be fighting anyway?
Well, Mousse fought... sorta. :)
<snip>
Whirling around to face the other boys, their leader
shouted loudly, "Shut up you guys! I have to ask him the question,
remember?! We all agreed on this!"
"Oh yeah..."
"Sorry, Shiro."
"Yeah, we're sorry."
"We'll be good."
How many times have we heard stuff like THIS before? "We'll be
good." <Snort>
Coughing at this, Shiro turned to face Grocery Bag who
wore a wary look on his face. "Our question," began Shiro very
carefully. "Is quite simple, actually."
Suggest:
"Our question," began Shiro very carefully, "is quite simple,
actually."
The way you have it written, it's two sentences, but in normal
dialogue - speaking - it'd be one.
A long pause of silence passed before Grocery Bag
decided to bite the bullet and asked, "What is question?"
At this, all the boys gave a simultaneous chuckle that was
both low and disturbing.
Shivering now, Grocery Bag could barely look into the
eyes of the boys which were gleaming with an almost manic light as
they stared at him.
Y'know, one almost gets the impression that these lads are upset
about something....
"The question is this," Shiro murmured as he took a slow
step towards Grocery Bag who instinctively backed away from the
other boy. "Do you want your body bag to be paper or plastic?"
"What?" Grocery Bag squeaked.
Instead of replying, the boys roared, "GET HIM!!"
<SNARF!> Oh, man, that was rich. Probably more so since I've got
Ghostbusters playing on the TV right now... :)
Very nice.
<snip>
Happosai was busy concentrating.
Oh dear god... when he concentrates, that means there's SOMETHING
around to be worried about.
Busy concentrating on the mass of naked females that were
displayed before him through the small peephole he'd made into the
women's side of the public bath, that is.
And as far as Happosai was concerned there really wasn't
anything else he'd rather concentrate on.
But just as Happosai was really getting into his
concentrating a low rumble filled the air and the ground began to
shake in a somewhat ominous manner.
"Eh?" Happosai murmured as he reluctantly looked away
>from the feast of female flesh before him.
That was when he was met with a sight that was almost as
appealing as the denizen of naked girls inside the bathhouse.
And what Happosai saw was around a thousand silky
panties flying directly at him at top speeds.
Could his day possibly get any better?
Only if Ranma models them for him... wait, that won't work in this
one, will it? Or maybe so... how's Happy feel about Ranma in this
one? :)
Could just have Akane model them for him... :)
"Sweet!" cried Happosai while he bounded towards the
panties which continued on their thunderous path as they flew
towards him.
For the men who were watching the scene take place on
the bustling Nerima street they didn't know what exactly to pay
attention to. The dirty old man bounding towards the flying panties,
the hoard of flying panties itself, or the women whose panties were
flying off.
Most of them divided their attention between all three.
Well, at least until the dirty old man got swept up inside the
hoard of flying panties which continued on its strange path of panty
stealing destruction throughout all of Nerima.
Because honestly, who wouldn't pay attention to that?
Well, yeah, you got a point there. I'm kinda curious about the
whole flying panty thing, though... as I imagine all the women in
Nerima are too. :)
---
"I can't believe she has me doing this," muttered Cologne
under her breath as she pogoed down the street holding a small
grocery bag in her arms. Forming a slight scowl she mimicked
Siren's voice and said, "Be a dear and fetch me some things won't
you Cologne-chan? After all, I have an apprentice to train while
you have the whole day free."
Hee... Cologne's finally getting some of her own back. :)
Ignoring the strange looks she was getting from the people
she passed on the street, Cologne continued in her griping as she
said, "As if I'm her personal servant! She hasn't changed in the
slightest. She's still the same sneaky, presumptuous, and--"
And you aren't, Cologne-chan? :)
Before Cologne could say anything more her she felt her
dress fly up only to fall a second later, causing her to freeze. The
fact that her dress swept up wasn't what made her freeze rather it
was what was under the dress.
Or what WASN'T under the dress.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!
Oh, man, I'm going to need therapy sessions after that image... >P
<snip>
Ryoga was having a hard time walking.
Uh... I'm not going to be scared by this, am I?
The reason he was having a hard time walking was
because Nabiki had her arm hooked in his and was resting her
head just the tiniest bit on his strong shoulder.
Oh, ok. *whew* What with the Cologne panty-stealing bit, I'm not
so sure about you anymore.... :)
All in all, this served to distract Ryoga mightily.
I can understand that. I imagine just about any healthy hetero
male would be distracted by Nabs doing that...
But not enough to keep him from noticing when a huge
hoard of panties went flying past him.
Uh-oh... I've got a bad feeling about this.
While the hoard of flying panties was a strange sight for
even Ryoga what he found most odd was the fact that the panties
suggest: ... even Ryoga, what he found ...
were somehow shouting the word 'sweet' over and over in horribly
ecstatic tones.
"Wow," said Ryoga in shocked tones. "What do you
suppose that was all about, Nabiki-chan?"
Oh yeah, this is gonna be frightening.
When he didn't receive an immediate reply, Ryoga turned
to regard his iinazuke who wore what could only be described as a
dark and murderous look on her lovely features. On seeing it,
Ryoga jumped backwards, fearing that Nabiki had decided to take
back her forgiveness for his actions with Kuonji.
"N-N-Nabiki-chan?" stammered Ryoga. "What is it? Is
anything wrong? Did I say something to upset you?"
Nabiki's only response was a twitch of her forehead before
she roared, "HENTAI!!!"
Now thoroughly scared out of his wits, Ryoga did the only
thing that he could do under his current set of circumstances.
He passed out from sheer fright.
I'm with him! <thud>
Leaving him unconscious as Nabiki chased after the hoard
of flying panties, thinking that they were her best lead for finding
the
person that was responsible for her sudden lack of underwear.
The only thing that Nabiki was thankful for was the fact
that she just happened to be wearing a skirt today.
Otherwise... well. She didn't even want to consider the
consequences of that particular scenario.
Um... yeah. This implies that the panties actually are slipped
off, rather than just *pop* vanishing off the lady in question and
*pop* reappearing in the flying horde of lingerie. Yes/no?
Elsewise, it implies something else that... <smack>
OOOOkkaaay.... turning hentai mode off now, thank you very much.
<snip>
A huge mountain of panties that were heading right towards
her. A huge mountain of panties that, for some reason, she felt
herself being dragged towards despite the fact that she was
frantically beating her small pixie wings in hopes of going in the
opposite direction.
"Tiiiiiiiinnnnnnnk!" wailed Perfume.
I'm just curious as to why she's being dragged towards it.
<snip>
It was the sight of Kodachi trying to pry a pair of black silk
panties off the window to the shop. Kasumi was standing next to
her wearing a very perplexed expression.
"Sensei," said Kasumi who turned her head on sensing the
magic influx that heralded Siren's return. "Will you help us, please?
Our panties are... well... stuck to the front window to the shop for
some reason."
My mental picture of Kasumi saying this is just... disturbing.
Very.
"Do tell," Siren said as she titled her head to one side. "I
can't imagine how that would come to happen."
"Dachi?" asked Ranma as she walked over to her girlfriend
who was still attempting to yank her panties off of the glass.
Pausing to peer at Kodachi's bottom which was nicely covered in
her tight black jeans, she said, "But how in the heck could your
panties come off? Your pants aren't torn or anything like that..."
Ok... so I guess that rules out the first implication I thought
of, above. Oh, man...
"I don't know how they came off!" Kodachi replied
irritably. "But it's obviously clear that they did!"
<snicker>
Before Ranma could comment any further, a loud rumbling
met their ears and suddenly both Kodachi and Kasumi's panties
smashed through the glass.
Hesitantly looking up, Kodachi met the blue eyes of Ranma
and realized that the blonde elf had protected her from the brunt of
the shattering glass with her body.
"Ranma darling," said Kodachi softly.
"Heh," Ranma gave a strained chuckle and formed a
reassuring smile as she said, "I'm fine, Dachi. It's not like some
stupid shards of glass could really hurt me."
"Right," Siren murmured in amused tones before she
casually passed her hand over Ranma's back and the elf gasped as
she felt a warm feeling surround her while the pain that had
previously engulfed her senses left her body.
Smiling warmly, Siren said, "Feeling better, dear?"
"Yeah," said Ranma with a gasp. "Lots."
Hmm... I'm thinking I pictured this scene wrong, maybe. Weren't
they -inside- the shop? And weren't the errant panties pinned to the
inside of the glass, trying to get out? If so, the glass would've
shattered outwards more so than inwards....
<snip>
"Of course I want them back!" Kasumi exclaimed. "It's
just... I was wondering... what about you?"
"Me?" Siren blinked.
"What about your panties?" asked Kasumi.
"Oh, that," said Siren as she gave an almost nervous laugh.
"Let's just say that I don't put much stock in them and leave it at
that, apprentice."
Eeeeeeeeeeeeek. Aw, man...
Snickering while Kasumi turned red, Ranma said, "Pretty
risque for an Amazon Elder like you."
"Elder?" repeated Siren coyly. "Whoever said that I was an
Elder? I may have experience but that's a position I would never
want to hold. They're far too stuffy."
Y'know, if the word panty is still stuck in your head when you
read this, the resulting mental image is rather... wrong. My brain
replaced Elder with panty for some odd reason...
I think I'm going to go bang my head on the wall for a while
now... :)
"Excuse me!" Kodachi shouted in definitely annoyed tones.
"But shouldn't we be pursuing my wayward underwear that--"
Once again, a loud rumbling met their ears and they turned
to look out of the broken window and saw a very unusual sight.
It was even unusual for Ranma and Siren, who were in fact
the ones responsible for causing it.
And it was the sight of more than a thousand panties flying
past in a huge hoard. And the hoard, for some reason, was
Um... hoard, or horde? I guess either could be applicable...
shouting the word 'sweet' which was accented by the sound of very
irate musical bells.
Hee. I've always liked the image of a pissed-off Tinkerbell. :)
They were irate musical bells that sounded all too familiar
to an always attentive Kasumi.
"Perfume-chan?" said Kasumi as her eyes went wide. "Is
that you? Oh no..." Turning to regard Siren, she said hurriedly, "We
have to help her, Sensei! She sounds terribly upset with her current
situation!"
"I can't imagine why," said Siren who couldn't help but
form a small teasing smile.
Neither can I....
<snip>
"You mean underwear?" asked Chocolate. She shrugged
then said, "I never wear the stuff. It makes me itch. And I don't
think I'm going to start wearing it now if it tends to just disappear
off of peoples bodies for no reason."
Twitch. Twitch. <thud>
<picks self up off of floor>
Ouch.
While Shampoo twitched on hearing this, the rest of
athletes did what they always did when there was any type of crisis
situation on campus.
They sought their beloved Akane's opinion.
"Captain! What happened to our panties?!"
"Yes, Captain Akane! What's going on?"
"You must know, Akane! You must!"
"Please, Akane-chan, tell us the answer!"
Blinking at the sudden outbursts from her teammates,
Akane said easily, "It's the panty collector."
Well... ok. This was certainly unexpected.
There was a moment of deafening silence before all the
basketball players said together, "The what?"
"The panty collector," repeated Akane. She frowned then
said, "Don't tell me that you guys have never met him. He comes to
my house once a month asking for all my old panties. Apparently
he's like the tax collector except he collects panties. My panties
pay for our family gas bill."
Repeat twitch scene above. And if you keep this up, I'm sending
my medical bills to you! :)
Another long pause of silence filled the air as everyone
considered just what Akane's words meant.
"Akane-chan," said Chocolate after a moment. "Will you
do me a favor?"
"Of course I will, Chocolate!" Akane exclaimed as she
beamed at her girlfriend. "I'll do whatever you ask!"
"Don't give your old panties to this panty collector person
ever again. Let your Dad pay the gas bill from now on, okay?" said
Chocolate as she formed a sweatdrop.
Thank you, Chocolate. Yeesh.
"Well... okay, if you want me to I will, Chocolate," said
Akane rather reluctantly. "But I'll have to tell Dad that I'm not
paying for it anymore with my old panties."
Umm... does this mean that he knows?
<snip>
"I don't have any panties," said Chocolate as she averted
her eyes from all of the girls. "But all of you can take these pants
and cover yourselves up with them."
"Mousse," said Shampoo as she took her pair of pants and
shimmied into them. "Where you get these?"
Gainax!
Sorry, couldn't help it. The word 'shimmy' is just TOO
descriptive... heh.
<snip>
"Akane," stammered Chocolate. "I can explain. I--"
"Is her surname."
Turning to look at Shampoo with confused eyes, Akane
asked, "What do you mean? I thought that in your Amazon tribe
you didn't have surnames."
"Chocolate is very... unusual," said Shampoo who formed
a sly and very wicked smile. "She only one in tribe to have last
name. Real name is Chocolate Mousse. She no like this name so
asked to be called by one or another. I used to call her Mousse but
now," Shampoo paused to regard Chocolate solemnly. "I will do as
she wishes and call her by true self. I will call her Chocolate."
O_o Who are you and what have you done with Shampoo?
<snip>
"There!" said Taro as he gained his breath. "It's right there,
Akari! It's finally stopped moving!"
"About time," Akari huffed. She frowned as she looked at
the hoard of panties which were floating above the front yard to a
local high school. "What the heck is that thing anyway, Taro? And
why did it take my panties?"
Sheesh! Is no one safe? :)
<snip>
"It figures that Amazons would be behind this," Nabiki
muttered lowly. "Now I'm really going to kick your ass, Perfume!
And not even Kasumi can stop me!"
"What is you saying?"
Turning around, Nabiki met Shampoo's fiery scarlet gaze
and snorted. "It's only you," said Nabiki in dry tones. "Don't try to
stop me. I know that your Amazon sister is behind all this. I can
hear her inside there."
Ah, Nabsie, Nabsie - haven't you learned by now not to jump to
conclusions?
<snip>
That was when the hoard of panties cried out in rather
ecstatic tones, "Sweet! It's so sweet! All these silky darlings just
for
me and me alone! Life is sweet!"
"You was saying?" commented Shampoo dryly.
"Shut up," Nabiki said darkly as she scowled. Bunching her
hand into a fist, she shouted, "Get out of there you dirty hentai!!
Get out of there and let me beat the crap out of you already!!"
"Oh, that a good way to persuade them," Shampoo
muttered under her breath. Turning to look at Akane who had
observed all of this in silence, she said lowly, "Is you sure that
she
is really your blood sister, Akane? She not at all like you and your
sister Kasumi. Is much crazier."
Hah! ROTFL!
My ribs! Ouch ouch ouch...
Whoo. Very nice.
<snip>
"Right," said Cologne in droll tones. "You want to prove
me wrong? Go ahead and expose the real thief."
Um... no. Please god no. I would rather have a pin-up poster of
Cologne wearing nothing but a smile than see Happosai... exposed.
<whimper>
"With pleasure," said Siren with certain flourish. Giving
Cologne a saucy smile and a wink, she turned to face the hoard of
panties. Raising her hands high into the air she chanted in low tones
and the panties began to fall away and seconds later they landed on
the ground with a thunderous crash, causing a gigantic crater in the
front yard to Furinkan High. On seeing this, Siren gave an almost
sheepish laugh and said, "Sorry about that."
Wow. That was a LOT of panties...
No one really noticed Siren's apology because they were
too busy focusing on the pile of panties. Or rather, what lay on top
of the pile of panties.
And what lay on top of the pile of panties was the figure of
a dirty old man who was hugging them to his body.
In a split second, all the enraged and panty-less females
present realized exactly who the old man was.
He was the one who stole their panties. And he was going
to pay and pay dearly for what he had done.
Not that I mind Happy being pounded, but wasn't this the result of
someone else's actions, and not his?
<snip>
"It seems the blemish has returned to cause even more
trouble in our lives, Cologne-chan," said Siren as she formed a face
of definite distaste. "I'd say finish him here but he's like roaches
and
twinkies. He'll survive whatever we manage to throw at him."
Roaches and Twinkies. Oh, man... that phrase is going to stick
for a while. :)
BTW - Twinkies should be capitalized.
"Happosai?" repeated Nabiki. She frowned and said, "You
mean that guy who trained my Dad? He was the one who did this?"
"Yup," said Ranma with a nod of her blonde head.
"Apparently the guy is a first class pervert. Right, Dachi?"
"Indeed," said Kodachi as her violet eyes glared at
Happosai's crumpled form. "He's a pervert in all ways and I would
very much endorse in destroying him right now."
suggest: ... very much endorse destroying him ...
"Destroy Barnacle-chan?" asked Akane with wide eyes.
"But he's harmless! He just likes to hug a lot!"
_Barnacle-chan_? Did I miss something?
"Barnacle-chan?" Nabiki said as she turned to her sister.
"And what do you mean by he likes to hug a lot?"
"She didn't mean anything!" Chocolate cut in as she gave a
nervous smile and clasped her hand over her girlfriend's mouth. She
then turned to Akane and said in quiet tones, "I thought I told you
to stop letting him hug you like that, Akane. He's a person and not
a barnacle! Not much a person but still..."
"But he looks like a barnacle," Akane pouted.
You'd almost think she -likes- getting hugged....
<snip>
"Perfume-chan! Now that's just mean!"
"Tink tink. Tink tink, tink."
"Well, I do understand but honestly..."
Just have to say, I LOVE these interludes with Perfume. Having to
guess at what she's saying is MUCH more interesting, I think. :)
<snip>
Ignoring their looks of wonder, the Clefairy walked over to
where Happosai still lay in a crumpled heap and closing it's eyes it
held its fingers into the air while rocking back in forth in a dance.
Seconds later, a huge explosion erupted.
It was an explosion that surrounded Happosai and sent him
flying high into the air only to land seconds later back inside of
the
now smoldering crater with a loud thud.
The Clefairy wore a smug smile as it hopped into the crater
and produced a rope out of nowhere to tie the martial arts master
up with. It then drug Happosai out of the crater and towards the
amazed onlookers.
"Fairy, clefairy," said the Clefairy with a smile.
"Well," said Kodachi after a moment. "That certainly was
an apt punishment if I ever saw one."
Well... maybe. Seemed kinda anticlimatic, to me. I mean, surely
the NWC can do worse than just -that- to him.
"Oh yeah," said Nabiki with a nod. "Very apt."
"And oh so much fun to watch," murmured Kodachi. Tilting
her head back she continued, "Don't you agree, Ranma darling?"
Pausing as she saw Ranma hiding behind her and shivering
uncontrollably, she said, "Ranma darling? Is something the matter?
What troubles you?"
"Cle-Cle-Cle-Cle-Clefairy," stammered Ranma.
"Clefairy?" echoed Kodachi in confusion.
"Clefairy!" Ranma said with a terrified squeak.
"Clefairy, fairy?" asked the Clefairy as it neared the group
on hearing its name being said.
"CLEFAIRY!!" screamed Ranma in maniacally kawaii
tones that were more than a bit frightening.
That was when it was finally revealed. The secret technique
and the secret shame of Saotome Ranma.
Otherwise known as the legendary pokefist.
AAAAAAArrrghgh... Should've seen THAT one coming. Oy vey. :)
To be continued...
Cool!
Um... so who was the real panty thief?
Very nice work, as usual. One thing you -might- want to consider,
and this is just my opinion, is cutting down the number of
present-tense verbs that you use to start sentences. Ex:
Ignoring their looks of wonder, the Clefairy walked over to
and
Turning around, Nabiki met Shampoo's fiery scarlet gaze and snorted.
and the like.
They can work, but I find that I prefer a fic to remain all
past-tense, if possible. The above lines could be done like so, for
example:
The Clefairy ignored their looks of wonder as it walked over to
Nabiki turned around to meet Shampoo's fiery gaze, and snorted.
Just my opinion. :)
Keep it up!
Brian Payne
sofaspud@sofaspud.org
Grab a seat at the Couch! Submissions welcome.
http://www.sofaspud.org