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Ranma 1/2: Another Approach
Part 11
By Jack Staik, Bookkeeper-At-Arms
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Akane mumbled nasty things about her sensei as she got ready
for bed.
Sure, she had improved noticeably since he arrived, and had
learned several superior martial arts skills (like blind-
fighting, the Ja Jinku defense, and precision throwing
skills - not to mention her enhanced balance and endurance
training), but the bastard still pissed her off!
"'You'll be good when *I* say so' - I'm good *now*! Smug,
superior, self-righteous S.O.B. -"
The sleeping mat was uncomfortable as hell. She missed her
bed. She could probably get it back ... but no way would she
let that arrogant sex-changing ass say she was weak or soft!
A quiet chuckle could be heard in the room.
Akane's head jerked toward the ceiling, where a girl in a
leotard hung, holding a mallet.
Before she could do anything, the mallet connected, slamming
her out the window, showering the yard with broken glass.
"Hmph," Kodachi remarked. "I heard that she had been trained
recently by some brilliant Master. Perhaps rumor exaggerated
her prowess."
Akane pulled her head out of the dirt and headed inside,
determined to pound that bitch. As she went through the
laundry room, she noticed something ...
Since her recent re-dedication to the Art, she'd been trying
to get rid of the excessive cuteness she'd surrounded
herself with - her Hello Kitty posters, her stuffed animals,
her frilly clothes ... and those damn cute pajamas with the
piggies and kittens. As a result, she'd been sleeping in her
underwear.
There was no way she'd waltz through the house in bra and
panties! Especially with some weirdo in the house! And Ranma!
(Oh sure, he'd already seen her naked, but that just re-
doubled her determination to never show him anything like
*that* again!)
She hurriedly went through the clothes hamper in the dark,
trying to find something by touch. She located a pair of
shorts and a t-shirt; those would do fine.
* * * * * * * * * *
Soun was snapped awake by the crashing sound from the other
room. The thought of something happening to one of his
daughters brought him to full alert. Hopping out of his
bedroom window, he saw the broken glass glinting in the
moonlight.
Opening a nearby window, he climbed in and kicked a large
panda and young man in the head.
"HEY!"
"Grrrrr..."
"Intruders!"
Ranma and Genma-panda instantly became alert. [You sure?]
read the panda-sign. Soun nodded.
Ranma headed for the window. "I'll check Akane's room. You
two check the grounds."
As the two older men hopped off the roof, Ranma went to
Akane's room - only to find Kodachi Kuno climbing out.
"You!" he spat. "What did you do with Akane??"
"Don't interfere in an honorable martial arts match,
commoner," she sneered.
"How does attacking someone in their sleep consitiute a
'martial arts match'?" he asked incredulously.
"We were going to meet eventually - I just struck the first
blow," she explained. "Is it my fault she was no match for
the prowess of the Black Rose?"
"'Prowess' THIS!!" Akane cried, launching herself foot first
from her bedroom door.
Kodachi hardly had time to notice Akane's return before the
blow landed between her shoulder-blades.
"EEEEEEEE!!!" Kodachi cried, sailing through the air.
* * * * * * * * * *
Soun heard a feminine cry, then saw a figure sailing through
the air from Akane's window.
"Akane-chan!" he cried, rushing to intercept.
With well-honed martial-arts reflexes, he got underneath the
flying figure and caught her before she hit the ground.
"Are you all right, dear? I - oh, excuse me," he said,
seeing that this was some strange girl he'd never seen
before.
Kodachi felt the strong arms around her, and gazed up into
the darkly-handsome, mature face framed by the waterfall of
black hair and illuminated by the moonlight. "You - you
saved me, strange hero! How art thou named?"
"Er ... Soun Tendo, child ..." he answered nervously,
wondering if he should call Doctor Tofu, despite the
lateness of the hour.
"A present for you, my savior!" she proclaimed, pulling out
a bouquet of dark flowers.
"Well ..." he said nervously, "I was just doing my duty -
ACK!!" A look of shock was frozen on his face as the
paralysis gas took hold.
Kodachi leaned him against a tree and kissed his lips. "I
have a little business to take care of, Soun-sama. Then I'll
return, take you home and - reward you properly." She allowed
her tongue to linger on his lips before she dashed back
toward the house.
Soun's eyes bugged out as he big-sweated.
* * * * * * * * * *
"What's all the friggin' noise?!?" Nabiki protested,
stumbling into the room.
"Akane's picking fights in the middle of the night," Ranma
commented.
"Am not!" she protested. "Some weirdo broke in and attacked
me! But I kicked her out!"
"That was Kodachi Kuno," Ranma explained. "Trying to do you
dirt."
"Hmph," Akane snorted. "She'll never get a chance to try
again!"
Nabiki looked her baby sister over. "That doesn't explain
why you're wearing Ranma's underwear."
Akane's eyes bugged out as she got a good look at what she
was wearing; one of Ranma's t-shirts and a pair of his
yellow boxers, exactly like the ones he was wearing at that
moment.
"YEEK!!" Ranma and Akane both exclaimed.
"They were the first thing I grabbed!" Akane tried to
explain.
Nabiki looked at Ranma, one eyebrow raised.
"I don't know how she got them!" he protested.
"He doesn't!" she agreed. "I got them in the dark!"
Nabiki put a hand to her mouth in an imitation of prim
shock. "Oh my! Akane-chan!"
"What's happening?" Kasumi asked as she extered the room.
"Imouto-chan's stealing Ranma's underwear!" Nabiki said.
(Nabiki knew better, of course - it was probably some
outlandish accident. No way would her sexually-paranoid
sister and ultra-prude boyfriend do anything like *that*.
But no way would she allow an opportunity for chuckles-and-
grins like this slide past!)
"Oh my!" Kasumi said, putting her hand to her mouth in prim
shock. "Akane-chan, that simply isn't proper! Ranma-kun is
your sensei! *And* your sister's boyfriend!"
Ranma shook his head sadly. "Teishi! I thought you were over
this silly crush!"
"Wha - huh - no!! No!! It isn't like that!" Akane protested.
"OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!"
Everyone jumped as the demented laughter echoed in the room.
Black flower petals began blowing through like wind-swept
snow.
"So, a common trollop like Akane Tendo thinks to crush the
Black Rose through base trickery?!? You will learn a costly
lesson, girl!"
"Just a second!" Ranma protested. "Who do you think -"
Kodachi's ribbon wrapped around his neck and hurled him out
the window. A muted splash was heard.
"Now, since there are no distractions - "
A bucket of water hit Kodachi in the head, then her ribbon
was jerked out of her grip.
Ranma-onna slammed the bucket over Kodachi's head and hog-
tied her with her own ribbon in less than a second. "It
takes more than *that* to put down Ranma - er, Ranko
Saotome!"
"Oh my!" Kasumi exclaimed (Sorry, I had to write it!)
"I was about to take her!" Akane protested.
"Look again, teishi," Ranma-onna commented, pointing to
Akane's leg.
Akane glanced down, as did the other Tendo sisters.
Her leg was bleeding freely.
"You re-opened your stitches!" Ranma-onna criticized. "Let
me take care of that," she said, pulling off her t-shirt.
"I'm all right! It's nothing!" Akane protested as Ranma-
onna tied her t-shirt around her thigh as a makeshift
bandage. "I'll clean it off and wrap a bandage around it!"
"Nope," Ranma-onna said, lifting Akane off her feet.
"HEY!"
"For re-opened wounds, you get a doctor to look," Ranma-
onna explained. "And since it's too late to see Doc Tofu,
you're going to the emergency room at the hospital."
Akane's eyes widened; like all the Tendo girls, she'd
harbored a deep fear of hospitals since her mother died.
"NO!! I'm fine!! Really!! I'll see Tofu-sensei in the
morning! I promise!"
"No. Now." Ranma-onna swept up Akane in her arms, brooking
no more argument from her disciple.
Meanwhile, Kodachi managed to get her ribbon loose and
pulled the bucket from her head.
The first sight to greet her was a trembling Akane Tendo
being held in the arms of a short but athletic red-haired
girl - one who was naked from the waist up. As a fashion-
conscious girl, she immediately noticed that the shorts
both girls wore were a perfect match.
"So - the rumors I'd heard about the notorious Akane
Tendo's romantic preferences were true," she said.
"HEY!!" Akane and Ranma-onna cried together. "It ain't like
that!"
"It matters not, sapphic ones," Kodachi said airily. "Your
wound is most dire, Akane Tendo. I see no need to battle
further ... until our match." She smiled a dangerous,
toothy smile. "I trust you enjoy your lover's healing
ministrations, for after our match, you'll have to enjoy
them for a very long time! OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!"
With a twirl of a ribbon and a flurry of black rose petals,
Kodachi vanished.
* * * * * * * * * *
It was decided to bother Doctor Tofu after Genma-panda
brought in a paralyzed Soun. In less than an hour, Akane was
patched up and Soun was recovering from Kodachi's paralysis
poison.
"I'm gonna kick her ass!" Akane snarled. "I'm going to pull
her guts out and use them to clean my shoes! How dare she
break into my house?!?"
"Akane ..." Tofu began, "That probably isn't a good idea."
"He's right, teishi," Ranma concurred. "You did some more
damage when you re-opened your wound. Just training could
do permanent damage - never mind a fight with an opponent
who will use every dirty trick."
The sensible portion of Akane's mind agreed.
But the other part was in control - the part that never
backed down, the part that never admitted to being not as
good or better than an opponent.
"You think I can't do it!" she argued. "Well, not only will
I face her, I'm going to *win*! I'll start training in the
morning - with or without your help!"
Ranma and Tofu watched her limp out of the examination room,
worry on their faces.
"You're going to have to do something, Ranma. She'll hurt
herself - or get hurt."
"I know, Doc. But there's not a lot I can do short of
clubbing her and tying her up in the attic. It's an affair
of personal honor for her, as well as the honor of Furinken."
"Still, try to manage her training. She has a tendency to get
carried away. When she was younger, she broke her leg and
rebroke it twice before it healed because she wouldn't stop
her martial arts training."
"Yeah," Ranma agreed, nodding. "I've gotten a good idea how
stubborn she is. I'll do my best."
* * * * * * * * * *
The next day ...
Ryoga looked on in amazement at the Tendo home - He reached
it within an hour of starting out in Juuban!
Staying at Nodoka's place had been an education for him
(especially considering how often the woman walked around
her home in the nude). He had been especially enlightened
about the existence of those mysterious things called
'taxis' - one phone call, and a car would arrive and take
him *exactly* where he wanted to go! Amazing!
In broad daylight, it was easy to keep the dojo in sight.
As he approached, he thought about his vengeance - first,
upon that cheating tomboy Akane Tendo, then upon his true
enemy - Ranma!
Walking in the door, he noticed Ranma in a white gi and
Akane in a red sport halter and black bike pants, like a
skin-tight feminine version of Ranma's regular Chinese
outfit. Ryoga thought she looked pretty good in it, although
when he compared her to Nodoka, she came out a distant second.
"Kakuto Shintaiso is almost the exact opposite of Musabetsu
Kakuto Ryu," Ranma explained. "Where Anything-Goes Martial
Arts concentrates on improvisation, Martial Arts Rhythmic
Gymnastics is almost pure form. Anything-Goes concentrates
on war, while Rhythmic Gymnastics is mainly artistic and
sport related."
"I know that, baka-sensei!" Akane protested.
"Well, know *this* - you can't train at full efficiency
because of your injury, your opponent is highly skilled *and*
dishonest, and you only have five days left. You have to
*think*! Outsmart your opponent, don't just bull your way
through. Tactics are *real*, and if you don't remember that,
you'll lose."
"Hmph," Akane commented.
"You'll think 'hmph', teishi," Ranma answered. "Since
Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics is such an artificial form,
we should be able to make a low-impact routine that will help
you. Remember, the judge's decision is as important as whether
you win or lose the combat, so if you look good, you'll do
well on points."
"And what about weapons training?" Ryoga said loudly.
Ranma and Akane turned. "Hiya, Ryoga," Ranma said in a friendly
fashion.
"Hi, Pig-Boy," Akane said. "Sorry I can't beat you up right
now, but I'm in training."
"Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics?"
"You know it?" Ranma asked.
"A bit."
"Perhaps you'd like to help Akane train?"
"Ha!" Akane laughed. "Like *he* could teach me anything except
how to get kicked across town!"
Ryoga felt his temper rise. "Just because you got in one lucky
shot doesn't make you a martial artist, little girl!"
As he saw the shadow of the mallet head toward his face, Ryoga
wondered if he'd made a mistake.
<WHAM!!><CRASH!!><SPLASH!!> "BWEEE!!"
Ranma sighed. "Why don't you practice those Tai Chi katas,
while I fish Ryoga out of the pond."
"Let him swim a bit," Akane commented as she did the first
moves. "Perhaps he can work off some of that fat in his head."
Ranma shook his head sadly. "Just because he was your opponent
once doesn't make him your enemy. He doesn't think of himself
as a bad guy."
"Hmph!"
Ranma left his student and went to fish Ryoga-buta out of the
koi pond. "She has *got* to learn not to hold grudges."
A few minutes (and a kettle of hot water later), Ryoga and
Ranma were sitting in the Tendo's dining room. Ryoga wore a
bathrobe while Kasumi washed his clothes.
"So, what brings you by, buddy?" Ranma asked cheerfully.
"To challenge you - and defeat you! To take revenge for you
destroying my life!"
"I didn't destroy your life! And I already told you - if my
student can beat you -"
"Yeah, yeah. I understand that." Ryoga sighed. "And I can't
fight her until her injuries have healed."
"And she'll probably get new ones in the Rhythmic Gymnastics
match."
Ryoga looked irritated. "Why are you letting her fight?"
"It's not a question of 'letting' her," Ranma answered.
"She feels an obligation to her school. Besides, after her
opponent tried to ambush her in her bedroom last night, she
needs to get some payback."
Ryoga nodded. He could understand payback.
"And if I train her, I can help her minimize her injuries."
"If she had some more ki training, she could heal up, not
to mention the enhanced abilities."
"She never had any training before I came along."
Ryoga looked surprised. "But - her battle aura, that
ballistic kick -"
"All natural talent," Ranma explained. "The Tendos and
Saotomes all have a natural inborn gift for harnessing
battle aura. That's why our families are the only
practitioners of the higher forms of Anything-Goes; we can
learn ki-abilities much earlier than most people."
"Oh," Ryoga said. "And what about her ki-training?"
"I've started her on the basic exercises, and Doctor Tofu
helped align her chakras, but she's still months from
harnessing her abilities."
Ryoga looked thoughtful. "Do you know about the Tibetan
Crystal technique?"
"Yeah, but we don't have any Tibetan golden quartz."
Ryoga pulled over his backpack and began rummaging around.
"Lessee ... socks, cole slaw, the skull of Brian Boru, a
portable hole, boxers, pickled eggs, the French Royal
Jewels, spare bandanas ... here it is!" An he pulled out a
chunk of smoky yellow crystal the size of a man's fist.
"Thanks anyway, but that still takes two weeks, and the
match is in five days."
Genma walked into the dining room, munching on leftovers.
"Hello, boys. What are you discussing?"
"Akane's ki training," Ranma said.
"Well," Genma suggested, "You could teach her the way I
taught you -"
"NO WAY!" Ranma yelled, jumping up. "This is just a school
match! I won't put her through *that* hell for something
so trivial!"
"What way did you learn, Ranma?" Ryoga asked.
"I taught him myself, in the Manner of the Touched Soul,"
Genma said prouldy.
"NANI?!?" Ryoga yelled in shock. "The Horrible Secret
Technique?? The one that kills half the people that try
it and leaves the rest babbling madmen??"
"A mild exaggeration. My son turned out alright. I'm sure
Akane-chan could do quite well -"
<WHAP!!>
"Ite ..." Genma groaned from inside the hole in the floor.
"That's for even *thinking* something that stupid, Oyaji!"
* * * * * * * * * *
Kodachi had spent much of the day thinking about the
previous night; her opponent, Akane Tendo; her uncouth-but-
handsome sensei, Ranma; the cute girl who was so obviously
Akane Tendo's lover ... and the gorgeous Soun-sama.
She had inquired of her imbecilic brother, and had learned
that Ranma was dating Nabiki Tendo, the girl was Ranma's
sister, and that Soun was Master of the dojo, as well as
Akane's father. And that the girls were indeed lovers. (At
this point, he went off on one of his monologues about how
he would 'free' them from their perversion, and Kodachi
tuned him out.)
So, her opponent had another weakness besides her injury ...
her lover. That could be useful.
And she knew what she must do.
"Sasuke!" she snapped.
The tiny ninja hopped up to her and stood at attention.
"What is your wish, Mistress Kuno?" he asked nervously.
"I require ten thousand - no, a *hundred* thousand! -
fliers printed up and ready as soon as possible!" She
handed him the paper with the statement on it. "When
they are ready, hire a plane to drop them all over
Nerima!"
Sasuke bowed. "At once, Mistress!"
As he departed, a faint mumbling could be heard; " ...
crazy bint ... can't just buy commercial time ..."
"Soon, Soun-sama!" she cried out, twirling in place.
"You will see that I am your perfect mate! And you
will be mine *mine* *MINE*!!!
OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!"