Rainman,

I'm breaking from my normal read-read-comment routine.  For the first time, I'll comment *as* I read for the first time.  I will be refering to the first three chapters occasionally to make sure I don't miss anything major.  This is going to be *interesting*.

******** LIME TAG NEEDED! ********

(The practice and furo scene.)

Well done.  Looks like you've cleaned up the teaser.  On to part 2/3.

Tom

     "You know, Tendo-kun, that does look to be true often," Genma stated,
scratching his chin thoughtfully.  "Sometimes, I wonder if our constant
pressuring was what had kept the wedding plans at bay.  Perhaps we were a bit
too eager in trying to get them married as soon as possible.  Maybe we should
have let them grow into love, and not pushed everything onto them all at
once, then let them make plans for the wedding in their own time."

     Both men looked off at nothing in particular, thinking on those words.
Soon, their eyes met, and they laughed heartily.  Taking the sake into hand,
they simultaneously said, "Nah...what were we thinking?" then knocked the
drinks back.

[For once the IQ level rises above room temperature.  And true to form, drops to where ever it was before.  Nice job.]

     "RANMA NO BAKA!!"

     "...but I lo-lo...care about her, even if she is a violent, kawaiikune
tomboy.  Don't I?"

     "...they are in love..."

     "Oh my...this wasn't suppose to be happening..."

     The flood of broken memories sudsided just as quickly as it came.  'No
matter what I say, the truth is a lie...but all the  real lies were all true
to her.'

     Ranma blinked hard.  Twice.  "Man, I've been around Kuno too long; I
think I actually understood all of that."

     "What did you say?"

[I commented on the "refracted flashback" before.  Now having read the growing flashback since chapter 1, I finally have to say that it works.]

     Her anger deflated like a balloon, and she sighed.  "Ranma...I...I did
it again, ne?  ...and just when I thought you really wanted me..." She
started to go down into the kitchen and apologize to him, but her eyes roamed
back up towards Kasumi's room.  "It bothers me, though, that you're hiding
something from me.  And it involves Kasumi, too."  Her face screwed up at a
few thoughts, then she shook her head.  "Get a grip, Akane; Kasumi would
never have done that to you."

[Kabooom!  The setup here is almost heavy handed, I agree that Akane would not expect Kasumi to betray her.  I contend that if Kasumi thought something was in the family's best interest, Kasumi would, and could, hide the Yamamoto under her bed if necessary.  Akane would understand this.]

     She looked down the stairwell, then back to Kasumi's room.  "I wonder
what's wrong with oneesan, though.  It's not like her to shut out her family
like so...and why only Ranma?  What makes him so special now?  It's not as if
he had to deal with Ukyou and Kodachi today."  She grumbled under her breath
at the nagging memories very fresh from an hour and a half ago.

[This suspicion is valid.]

     An internal struggle began.  One side of her wanted to believe in
Ranma's words and go into the kitchen to apologize to him; the other side of
her was far more concerned about Kasumi and wanted to see her, despite what
Ranma had said.  She looked  down the stairwell, then back up towards her
sister's room.  Again.

[She just figured Ranma and Kasumi hiding something *together* and now she has two separate thoughts.  She should be VERY curious as to what is going on, and why Ranma was so protective of Kasumi.  It makes sense, but for some reason it just doesn't jive right.  I think it is the *together* part that's missing.]

     That was when she noticed that she was in front of Kasumi's room door.
She stared at the wooden nameplate with the small cluster of miniature
artificial flowers decorating one corner for a long moment, wondering if she
should knock or leave.  Finally, the decision apparently taken out of her
hand, she made a fist and rapped her knuckles just below the plate softly,
then grimaced as the tiny floral arrangement dropped to the floor.  Akane
bent down and picked it up.  "Twelfth time this week...oneesan needs a
stronger brand of glue...." she spoke under her breath, thankful for the
small distraction provided for the moment.

[This flower scene... I commented back in December/January when the incomplete draft came out that it was a nice touch.  Reading it again, I think I understated it.  Excellent thinking here.]

     Startled out of her reflections of the past, Kasumi turned her eyes to
her room door.  'Haven't felt the house shudder, no explosions or loud
shouting...Ranma must have finished making the tea without getting into a
bigger fight with imoutosan.'  "Come in, Ranma.  The door's unlocked."

     "Um, it's Akane, oneesan."


     She perked a brow.  'Again?  How many times has it fallen in the last
two months?  I even used a super strength glue the last time.'  "Would you
hold onto it until the morning?"

[Timing, everything is timing.]

     "Okay.  Good night again."

     "Good night."

     Footsteps treaded down towards Akane's room, then she heard the door
close.  Kasumi realized that she had been holding her breath, and she
released it.  Her mind wandered back to the unborn child growing in her womb.
 Painstakingly, she traced her index finger over her belly, imagining what it
looked like now.  'Is it a boy or a girl?' she thought silently, then sighed.
 'Does it matter?  I don't even know if Ranma wants the child.  He hadn't
said anything about it before he left.'

     Another sigh escaped her lips.  'Nor did he say anything about wanting
me...'  She briefly thought about the kiss he (who was a she at the time)
gave her a short while ago.  It was a sign, but a sign of what?  Not really
knowing an answer, she stretched out on the bed, her mind already slipping
back into time.

[Dang.  Rats.  Bummer.  Your flow is so tight, if I wasn't reading, writing and nitpicking at the same time, I couldn't make this comment: what is Akane's reaction?   I guess what I'm saying is that you don't even give the reader a chance to even ASK that question.]

*     *     *

   She pursed her lips for a moment, thinking about what Mariko had said.

     "All...all right, Mariko, but...how...?"

     "Don't worry; I got a plan.  All you have to do is this..."

[The evil Mariko has a plan.  <grin>  Kasumi isn't dumb, but she is innocent.  Is she so innocent her imagination is stymied?  Yes, and that's one of Kasumi's charms.]

*     *     *

     'Where did that come from?'

     Ranma hunched over panting, sweat dripping off of his forehead and
soaking immediately into the cool earth beneath his bare feet.  The practice
dummy had been severed from its stand and now laid on the ground from a
powerful thrust kick.  Tiredly, he examined his handiwork, wondering what had
came over him moments ago.

['Where did that come from?'  I'm assuming the power for the kick or the kick itself.  A tad confusing, it took me two readings to put it all together.]
[Seduction scene comments: Good.  It makes sense, the timing of the call and Kasumi's actions are appropriate.  Ranma's mental reaction is excellent, although I think he should have been able hold out longer than written.  If I remember chapter 3 right, he is still confused about Kasumi's admission to Mariko and he's not sure about his own feelings for Kasumi.  Her actions here would certainly clear up the confusion, but I think Ranma's defenses would be stronger at this point.  Ranma needs to have some event or thought before this scene to fog own mind just a tad bit more to make this work right.  Shampoo does something similar to this (glomps him) occasionally and he resists.  Ranma KNOWS Shampoo is attracted to him, and he resists Shampoo just fine.  In this case, he knows that Kasumi loves him and cannot resist her charms at all.  I understand they had a successful "date" (minus one cat), plus a week or so alone together, but is that enough to wear him down?]

   He was alone in the yard.  Daydreaming, no less.

[Oh, it was a daydream.  Wow!  You had me suckered.  Uh, remember I said he needed some event to mess his mind up?  You just did it.]

    "Ite."  He looked at the resulting blood seeping out of the puncture
wound.

[Puncture wounds aren't necessarily profusive bleeders.  If he squeezes or pulls the wound it'll be a mess quickly.]

     "NO!"  She recoiled back violently, causing Kasumi to step back from her
forcefulness.  "Ah...I-I mean, don't risk getting wet for me.  I wouldn't
want you to ruin such a pretty dress on you and-GAH!  I-I-I mean I can get
myself out, and...uh...ju-just stand back..."  Had she been looking up
instead of babbling madly, she would have caught a blush running across
Kasumi's cheeks.  The eldest Tendo daughter did as she said, taking a few
steps backwards.  Onna-Ranma lunged forward and onto the cool grass and stood
up, then shook off the excess water.

[Man, I can see that whole thing.  Very Takahashi-esque.]

     Kasumi reached out and took her arm.  "Come, Ranma, let's get that wound
cleaned before it becomes infected."

     "itsallrightkasumiicandoitmyself!"  The words came out so fast, Kasumi
had to blink.  Onna-Ranma was on the fringe of complete panic, her daydream
about Kasumi coming back full force.  Desperately, she tried to bring her
body under control--then realized he was a she.  "um...sorry, about
that...just...didn't expect you, is all....ah..."

     "It's all right, Ranma.  Finish what you were doing; I'll draw a hot
bath for you.  Afterwards, we'll eat breakfast."  She smiled at him.

     "O-okay, Kasumi.  Be there in a few minutes."

     "Oh, and Ranma, please clean that injury before you do anything else."

     She nodded, wet red locks blocking her vision temporarily.  "H-hai."

[Should Kasumi have a clue of *why* Ranma reacted the way (s)he did?  I think so.]

*     *     *

     "Ranma?"

     There was no answer from the bathroom.  Softly, she knocked.  Still no
answer.

     "Well, if Ranma's not inside..."  She pushed the door open, letting
herself in.

[She should knock once more, harder just to make sure.  I would.  I think she would too.]

[Another dream?  Whew.  You are setting this up, aren't you?]

    Just as she was within a few feet of the bath's door, it was flung open.
 Ranma emerged from within, a panicked, disoriented look etched on his face
as he tried to take in his surroundings.  Panting, he said, "Man, it was
just..."  He turned his head towards the eldest Tendo daughter.  "...a..."
Their eyes met, or rather, not met, as the woman took one look at him, then
hastily cast her eyes to the floor.  "...?"

     Something wasn't right.

     Kasumi was virtually glowing red, and her eyes continually shifted from
the floor up to about his waist before hastily slamming down to the floor.
She was ramrod staight, almost like she was paralyzed, and...was that sweat
on her forehead?  'What's going on?' he thought.  "Why is she just standing-'
 He took a glance down to see what elicited such a response as the one Kasumi
was having...

[Buck Naked Ranma!  Saw that one coming, but that's why it works.]

     ...and blushed very darkly in abject horror.  He snapped to and squawked
out, "Gomen nasai!  Gomen!" as he desperately threw himself into the nearest
room.  Unfortunately, it was his fiancee's oldest sister's room.  Another
squawk, then silence.

[Ranma panics.  Would he run back into the bathroom, or dive forward to the nearest *other* room.  A dilemma for you.  This being Ranma, the *worst* choice should occur.  Hence, he should run into Kasumi's room.]

     "...well...he certainly...lives up...to...his name..."  Suddenly, Kasumi
needed another bath and a change of clothes today.

[Just about every lemon has Ranma hung like his name.  Why can't he be normal?  Just once?]

     Kasumi's mind replayed the events from earlier.  She remembered hearing
him cry out her name, then sprint out of the bathroom...  Her cheeks burned
with the thought of what she saw pointing at her.  Quietly, she drained her
glass of water, hoping it would cool her down.  It didn't, of course.  She
sighed to herself, taking up a mound of rice in her chopsticks and putting it
into her mouth.  She slid the glossed pieces of wood out between her lips
very slowly.  She almost choked when she realized what she was doing and
almost threw her utensils down.  'Maybe this was a bad idea, after all...'
She smoothed out her floral pattern dress absently.

[<Giggle>  I know the chopstick reference, but it isn't used often that I can think of in anime.  Is it common enough for the casual otaku/fanfic reader?]