As before, comments as I read.

     'Just feeling so confused and torn that becoming like Kuno is looking
really good and-WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!'  He shook his head violently to
rid himself of the thoughts.  "It's...it's nothing..."

[Ranma is confused.  You just confused me.  What's the deal with Kuno?]

    "No, Kasumi!" he said a bit quickly.  He really hate hurting anyone that
did not deserve it, and to even think of hurting the oldest Tendo daughter,
it was tantamount to blasphemy.  "It's just the rain.  I was thinking of
going up on the roof when it started."

     "Oh."  She padded into the living room then.  "What do you do up there,
Ranma?"

     "Mmm...thinking, mostly.  With my life, I hardly ever have time to do
that sort of thing, you know?"

[Know the song, "Up on the Roof?"  (I think it's by the Temptations, relased about 1965 or so.)  If you don't you should listen to it.  It's one of my favorites, and it fits this scene absolutely perfect.]

     Walking behind him, she answered.  "I don't know exactly.  I think it
was called 'Three of a Kind.'  Mariko recommended it."

     He shrugged after a moment of thought.  "Doesn't ring any bells."

[It doesn't ring a bell with me either.  That's not saying much, though.]

     "Let's watch it then."  Ranma hopped over the couch, landing neatly on
the cushion.  Tossing his pigtail back, he added,"I'm willing to try
something new."

[Need a space after the comma and before the quote.]

     "R-really?"  She had a small look of surprise on her face.

     "Mm hmm.  It's not as if something bad's going to happen if we try to
watch a movie."

     As if to answer the challenge, a tongue of lightning lashed out from the
dark, rainy sky, then the borrowed house went black.  Thunder rolled across
the weighty sky laughing its rumbling bass tone.

[Nothing less than a power outage.  This is the story of my own life.  If anybody says something about this being too much of a co-incidence, whack'em for me.]

     Two candles burned in a forked candleholder sitting on the coffee table,
illuminating the house's two occupants.  Kasumi sat beside Ranma as close as
she could but keeping some distance between them at the same time.  Her hands
laid in her lap, palms up to the ceiling, her loose ponytail resting at her
back.

[Comment about the scene described above.  I don't know what season of the year it is, but if it's not summer, the house can get cold quickly.]

     "Would you ever believed that I was more like Akane when Mother was
still alive?" she said suddenly.

[How nervous and frightend is Kasumi?  Something should show in her voice above.]

     "...and, it was my fault that she died."

     He turned his head fully to the eldest Tendo daughter. "Huh?"

[That's my reaction as well.  In surprise.]

     "One day, I resisted a bit too..."  She paused, looking for something it
seemed.  "...a bit too enthusiastically, and Mother had sent me to my room
for the night.  I was so angry with her...I wanted to get back at her, but I
didn't know how."

[Now I'm wondering how old Kasumi was when this occured.]

     Taking in this new information, he nodded slightly.  "What did you do?"

     "I was caught in a storm before I knew it, and I could neither find
shelter, nor turn to any of my friends, because Mother would know where I
was.  I was chilled to the bone as well as frightened of the unrelenting
storm, but I was too prideful to admit it.  So, I pushed on, hoping to find
someplace to get out of the rains.

[Grammar question: is it "out of the rain" or "out of the rains"?  Generally, when I hear "rains", I think in terms of "seasonal rains.]

     "No one does, besides Nabiki."  She turned her head to face him.  "You
are the second person I've ever talked to about Mother."

[Personally, I was a witness to an accident where the victim should in all rights died.  To this day the visions shakes me; I still can't talk about it.  This type of confession is one of the hardest to make, Kasumi should be emotionally raw to the core.  What Ranma says and does over the next few minutes will either break Kasumi or strengthen her.]

     He considered her words carefully.  "It must mean a lot to you, huh?
Feeling comfortable enough around me to tell me that.  So, that's why you
take care of the place?"

[Choppy here.  The last question is the only one in place and should be verbalized.  Ranma should think the first question and first sentence.]

    Without thinking, he slipped a comforting arm around her shoulders.  The
warmth, familiar and alien, began to seep into his body again, filling him up
and warming him to his very core.  It was revelling, but it was terrifying at
the same time.  He wanted to pull away, but he couldn't do it...it felt so
right....

[Ranma would have to be made of stone to not want or NEED to console Kasumi.]

     No, it was because...because...because she was scared, that's why.  She
was scared and she needed him...no, that didn't come out right.... Ranma
gritted his teeth as his thoughts waged their silent war.

[It did come out right.  She is sitting there, wide open and vulnerable.  She is scared, she needs company, she needs to be shown that she's loved.]

     She trembled a little under his arm, but she replied.  "Forgive me...for
what I'm going to do...."

[Trembled a little, after that confession?  And with what I think is going to happen?  She'd be shaking like a bamboo pole with a lunker bass on the hook.]

     Sddenly, light flooded the entire house, shattering the surreal fantasy
that had so encumbered them.

[Suddenly]

[Whoa, man.  Timing is everything.  Nope, not yet, and it doesn't seem that this is a dream.]

*     *     *

[Flash to current time.  This is a little jarring, I was so suckered into the kiss scene I thought we were still there.]

     Slowly, Ranma pulled away from the kitchen window.  'Kuso, did I ever
screw up then.  It felt so much like a dream when the power finally came back
on, but realizing that me and Kasumi were still kissing...what a baka I am.
I should've held my ground instead of running away that night...

    'If only I held my ground....'  He blanched no sooner than he thought
it, then sighed.  'No, that won't do...not now...especially since...'  He
shut his thoughts off abruptly.

[Ranma, hindsight is almost always 20-20.  You were lost before the kiss, you just never knew it.]

    She found herself standing just inside the doorway of the room he was
occupying for another week.  It was pretty empty, save for a tatamai mat, his
pack, and a dresser for his clothes.  'I wonder how he looks when he
sleeps...'  Kasumi blushed at the unexpected thought and lightly blew the
wisps of steam from her tea, then took a smal sip.

[small]

    Neko-onna-Ranma let loose another meow.  Then, without warning, it
sprang towards the doorway.  Kasumi squeaked, as there was a new three inch
slit in the front of her dress that extended down to the hem when the human
cat had landed.  She didn't think much more about her dress however; she was
more intent on trying to figure out how to snap Ranma out of the nekoken

[missing a period after nekoken]

     She observed neko-onna-Ranma briefly, gaping into the redhead's azure
eyes, trying to keep the fear out of her thoughts.  'This isn't what I want
to happen...not a definte answer...please, not a definite-'

    The last of Kasumi's thoughts were shattered when neko-onna-Ranma mewwed
softly, then leaned forward and pressed her lips against the oldest Tendo
daughter's.

     Her eyes flew wide at the contact, the realization of what this
seemingly innocent action meant for both Ranma and her.  "-answer.... oh....
oh.... oh, my...."  Her fingers became limp, dropping her cup of still-hot
tea.

["please, not a defninite answer.... oh...."  The paragraph in the middle broke up "definite answer", and the phrase "definite answer" never recovered in my mind.  I think you should drop the "-answer" and go from there.]

*     *     *

[Flash to present time.  This wasn't jarring as the kiss-kitchen one was.]

     The tips of his fingers traced the romanji letters of Kasumi's nameplate
briefly as he gathered up all the strength he was going to need in a few
moments.  Letting his breaths come out slow and even, a part of his mind idly
wondered whatever happened to the miniature flower bouquet that marked the
upper left hand corner of the nameplate.  Eventually, not even that remained
in his conscious thought.



     Kasumi could feel the quiet venom of his words.  "Oh, Ranma, don't say
that."

     "It's true, Kasumi."  He exhaled.  "It's my fault all of this is
happening to you.  You shouldn't have been dragged into my crazy life.  Now,
we have a kid involved..."

     After a moment of silence, she asked, "Do...do you want the child?"

     "Huh?"

     "The...baby."

     Ranma closed his eyes.  "You know, until tonight, I never thought about
having a family so early.  I...I figured that I would have one sooner or
later, and I don't really have anything against kids, specially mine, so
yeah, I want the baby.  What about you?"

     A smile conservatively spread across her features.  "Hai, I want the
child."

[Nice touch here.  Ranma saying "kid", Kasumi saying "child."  This is exactly how I would picture Ranma and Kasumi talking.]

     "Well, that's good, too."  Ranma gave her a half-smile before
continuing.  "Cause, I got something to tell you, and I don't want you to
freak out or nothing like when we first woke up together, okay?"

[Is he going to propose?  Remember I haven't read any further than this paragraph yet.]

     She studied him warily for a few moments before answering him.  "All
right, but I don't want you to do anything rash because I'm-"

     "Don't worry.  I've given this a lot of thought, for once in my life."
He looked up, meeting her eyes with his, the soft blues pleading before her.
"I tried doing what you said before we left Mariko's place, about Akane and
giving her a fair chance and all."  His eyes closed, briefly recalling the
night.

*     *     *

     It was late at night when Ranma woke up finally.  He looked up from the
bed he and Kasumi had just shared a few hours ago to the chair she sat on by
the window, clothed in a pale blue kimono.  His brain was still trying to
right itself from the new experiences he was undergoing for the last two
days.  It was a contradicting array of feelings he had: intense guiltiness;
overwhelming liberation; deep-seated sadness and regret; pure joy and
eagerness; grief; happiness; betrayal; protection.  Everything was just so
new and confusing for him; he never had any experience in this sort of
affair, so he decided to go with the flow of things for now.

["affair" is a strange word to use here.  "event" or "circumstances" are my choices.]

    His mouth started to let loose his usual barrage of insults, but paused
to think for a moment.  "Why are you asking, Kasumi...chan?"  Inwardly, he
winced as using that honorific with her was yet another new experience for
him.

     She really wished he hadn't called her "Kasumi-chan."  What she was
going to do was hard enough as it was....

[There is more that went on than I, the reader, know about.  Kasumi and Ranma had some sort of sexual experience (passionate?  loving?  desparate?  educational?).  Why would Ranma have problems saying "Kasumi-chan" and why would Kasumi have problems hearing "Kasumi-chan?"  I trust you'll give the reasons sooner or later.]

     "Can you say...you love me?  Or that you love Akane, or anyone else?"

[Whammo!  Kasumi of fan-fiction fame would truly know the answer.  Your Kasumi is human as I've seen in a long time.  She isn't sure herself, or of Ranma.  Excellent.]

     His teeth ground against one another as the internal war inside of him
flared to burning life.  Duty versus desire, his wants and needs going
against what others ask and demand of him.  His confused state of feelings
muddled the battlefield war was being waged upon, clouding lines which had
been clearly marked before, and her words were turning the flow of battle.
Overall, it was a short-lived war, ending just as abruptly as it started.
"...all...all right...." came his reluctant decision.

     Her eyes pinched tightly.  "Yes...thank you...."  Twin sets of tears
streamed down her cheeks, unseen by either party.

Wow.  (again.)