Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE TWENTY FOUR: The Stairmaster.
SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where
the shadows of Mikage Souji and Chida Mamiya are seen sitting
inside of it. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the
background.
MIKAGE: (Looking through a pair of binoculars.) Utena certainly is
the persistent sort, isn't she?
MAMIYA: (Gives a dreamy sigh.) That she is.
MIKAGE: (Looks at Mamiya suspiciously.) I didn't know that you
swung that way, Mamiya-chan.
MAMIYA: (Eyes widen.) Of course I don't! Just the thought of girls
in that manner makes me... (Mamiya turns green and shudders.)
Ugh, the horror of it all. I could never...
MIKAGE: (Still eyes Mamiya suspiciously.) If you say so. (He turns
back to watching Utena climb up the never-ending flight of stairs with
his binoculars.) But that's what Saionji said at first too. Now look at
his obsession with Anthy.
MAMIYA: (Heaves a sigh.) That's true. He was a great loss to the
community because of how fun he was at a parties.
MIKAGE: (Looks through his binoculars.) And he had stamina.
MAMIYA: (Nods.) That too.
SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is slowly making
her way up them. As she does so, the song Zettai Unmei
Mokushiroku or the Absolute Destiny Apocalypse plays in the
background. The Sunlit Garden (yes, I'm going to keep mentioning
this) no longer plays faintly in the background
UTENA: (Grumbles.) How many of these stairs are there?! Why the
heck couldn't they have made this place with an elevator or at least
an escalator?! At this rate, by the time I reach the top I'll be too
exhausted to duel Akio. (As she continues to walk up the stairs she
ponders.) Whenever I reach the top of the stairs Anthy is already
there. I wonder how the heck she gets there so quickly?
SCENE: The Dueling Arena. Himemiya Anthy is wearing her
standard red dueling dress. She wears an impatient look on her
features. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the background.
ANTHY: (Folds her arms across her chest.) Honestly, Utena-sama.
You're taking longer than usual. One might think you're getting out of
shape in your old age. (Murmurs thoughtfully.) Maybe I should put
her on a diet...
SCENE: Some random place in Ohtori. Kaoru Miki is wandering
around wearing a scowl on his features. The Sunlit Garden no longer
plays faintly in the background.
MIKI: (Scowls.) God dammit! You just had to remind me of that
didn't ya, you stupid author?! But don't you worry! I'm gonna get my
stereo fixed and spread my wickedly insane tunes across the whole
campus until they drive people mad!
AUTHOR: (Sweatdrops.) Er... Miki. Everyone is pretty much mad
here already.
MIKI: (Scowls deeper.) Not mad, angry, you dimp! I mean mad
like insane in the membrane sorta psycho mad!
AUTHOR: (Coughs.) So did I.
MIKI: (Stops scowling. Blinks.) You did?
AUTHOR: (Nods.) Yep. I mean, consider the fic and how everyone
acts in it, Miki. Aren't we all mad here?
MIKI: (Frowns and mutters.) I guess so... dammit. You just ruined
my brilliant plan, you know that?
AUTHOR: (Sounds sheepish.) Sorry, Miki. But I'm sure you can
come up with another. You are a college level genius.
MIKI: (Face brightens. He smirks.) You're right! I am! (He gives an
arrogant laugh.) I'm smarter than all of y'all! You're all a bunch of
ignoramuses next to me! You suck! SUCK! I'm smart and I'm sexy
and I'm rich and I'm bishonen! I damn well got it all! I'm superior to
everyone else in the world!!
AUTHOR: (Sweatdrops.) Ehmm... right.
(Just then, Takatsuki Shiori appears out of nowhere. She's running
across the campus with a wet, naked, and drop dead gorgeous
Arisugawa Juri slung over her shoulder.)
MIKI: (Dimly watches Shiori exit. Whistles.) Damn. That's
something that you don't see everyday.
SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely
and frequent sunset. The figures of the Shadow Play Girls A-ko,
B-ko, and C-ko are seen. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly
in the background.
C-KO: (Rants.) Why does Shiori always get to be around Juri-sama
when she's naked?! (Wails.) It's not fair!
B-KO: (Dry tones.) And suddenly she turns into Jennifer Connelly
from the Labyrinth.
A-KO: (Blinks.) Who?
B-KO: (Shakes her head.) Never mind. So what are we going to
use for an eerie moral this time?
A-KO: (Slowly says.) I have no idea...
C-KO: (Interrupts and wails.) Juri-sama! Don't let Shiori molest you
while you're naked! At least wear clothes!
(As C-ko continues to wail the scene fades to black.)
To be continued...
All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm extremely
bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words
don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will
Mikage and Mamiya still be, for whatever reason, in the elevator?!
How long will Anthy wait for Utena to reach the top of those never-
ending stairs?! And will Juri get a cold from being wet, naked, and
drop dead gorgeous as Shiori runs all over campus with her?! Stay
tuned!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html
To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to:
http://michiru.com/utena/
A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:
"Pu!"
-Mokona; Magic Knight Rayearth-
NANAMI: (Looks up. Kawaii tones.) Oh no! That's the same quote
as last time! What are we going to do? We can't analyze the same
thing twice in a row.
KOZUE: (Shrugs.) Doesn't matter to me. I'd rather watch the duel
anyway.
NANAMI: (Blinks.) Duel?
KOZUE: (Turns to point at the scene before them.) Yeah, the duel
between Chu Chu and Mokona over Umi the Blue Bride.
NANAMI: (Skeptically.) The Blue Bride?
KOZUE: (Shrugs again.) Hey, you do the best with what you have.
And you have to admit, other than Ami from Sailor Moon, Umi is the
bluest looking girl in all of Anime.
NANAMI: (Slowly pronounces.) I suppose...
Juri Rules All.
Mokona is Satan.
Yes, I'm a girl.
-Quotes from me-