Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma 1/2][Repost - Updated Versions] Ranma Gets A Clue: Ch1
From: Ryoga P Hibiki
Date: 1/31/2000, 3:35 PM
To: Asayogure2@worldnet.att.net
CC: ffml@fanfic.com

	You've got a good fic here, I enjoyed it, but it does have a few little
tiny things that caught my attention. First off, when exactly is this
during the story?

    Pre-dawn in the tendou dojo.  A traditional Japanese room, 
floored
with tatami and outfitted with shoji doors.  Ranma is lying on his
back with one arm draped over his eyes and the other sprawled at a
90 degree angle from his body.  Genma preferring to sleep as a 
panda,
since it is so much warmer, is curled up about a meter from Ranma
facing away from him, snoring loudly.  Ranma miraculously enough,
has managed to stay male throughout the night, but has however,
managed  to kick the covers off of himself, and is shivering 
slightly
on his futon.  The window is open to the crisp spring-like air, and
the beginnings of the daily chirping of the neighborhood birds can
be heard faintly.
    Genma raises a massive paw to scratch an itch idly in his sleep,
letting it fall with a *thump*.  While not a loud noise, with 
Ranma's
life-time of training, it was enough to wake him instantly.
Sitting bolt upright, his eyes snapped open, his hands up in a
defensive position, and his heart beat wildly as his still groggy
mind and eyes scanned the room for the unknown threat. 

	Tell that to Ryoga, he tried to wake Ranma up in one of the early
Takabon stories, volume one I beleive. He even tried to beat him up and
screamed in Ranma's ear and it didn't rouse him. It took Genma throwing
him out the window and into the koi to wake him. It's hinted heavily in
the manga that Ranma is not a light sleeper. You need something bigger to
wake the martial artist up.

 Glancing
over at Genma realization hit him, "Stupid old man!" he thought,
glaring at his father, " he just lives to torment me, "he mumbled.
    Ranma debated with himself whether or not to attack his father 
for
awaking him, or to try to go back to sleep, sleep won.  Rolling over
he pulled the covers back up and  closed his eyes trying to go back
to sleep.  His mind however was now wide awake and ready for action.
Rolling back to lie flat on his back with a resigned *sigh*, Ranma
allowed his thoughts to drift where he usually forbade them.  He
started to think about the one thing in his life that he had no
control over, and had absolutely no idea how to deal with... he
thought of Akane.
    Images and memories of her flooded his mind in rapid fire, her
beautiful smile, her cute haircut, every detail of her face, mind 
and
body, his minds eye traced every detail that he knew of her, and he
blushed when he remembered just how much he knew, remembering
their first encounter as opposite sexes.  How shocked he had been
to see her out of her gi, and her turning out to be so...well cute!
    With another *sigh* Ranma let his fantasy of her speak to him, 
not

	Ranma! You're thinking about me naked again aren't you! PERVERT!

    Shattering this perfect moment of tranquillity came the feminine
cry of "Dinner's ready!"  Ranma without missing a beat recoiling his
left fist from a punch, changed the right strike to a chop, his palm
facing upwards and his hand like a knife edge, the pole looked
unaffected for a moment, then a hairline angled cut appeared, and
the top of the pole slid off slowly, hitting the ground with a 
*plop*.
With a self satisfied grin on his face, Ranma turned and leapt the 
few
meters from his spot to his customary seat at the table, next to
Akane.

	I've never seen any indication that Ranma can do something like this, is
this later in the manga? Perhaps after the Umisenken storyline? The Cat
Fist might be able to, but it's a relatively small divergence.

    Silent as a ninja, Ranma practiced his stealth as he slinked 
down
the hallway.

	I'll take this as a yes to the Umisenken story, I've never seen Ranma
giving any indication he practiced stealth before then, he's a Martial
artist and he wouldn't need it; or want it for that matter. 

Akane while sleeping, had managed to uncover any...sensitive areas.
He closed the door behind himself, and just stood there, at the
doorway listening to her breathe.  Smirking inwardly to himself he
thought,
  "She would kill me if she found me in her room just staring at 
her."
Ever so slowly, he raised his eyes, starting at the foot of her bed.
Where her feet were, he raised his gaze, noting how unlike him she
was, in that she usually managed to keep her covers on herself while
sleeping,
  "I guess she isn't violent all the time,"

	Actually Akane is a pretty violent sleeper, see the story where Happosai
tries to dress up like P-chan and get into bed with her. She beats the
crap out of him in her sleep and Ryoga comments that she's "Calmer than
usual."

stairs.  His code of honour would never allow him to injure anyone 
whom
could not defend themselves, even accidentally, especially a woman, 
and
especially someone as sweet and innocent as Kasumi. 

	The same code of honor that would keep him from practicing Ninjitsu.
Ranma practises the Anything goes style true, but I doubt if he would
actively train as a Shinobi would on a whim. If he was challenged by one
maybe. Perhaps he started because of Konatsu or Sasuke? I doubt it
though, because Sasuke is no challenge and Konatsu actually likes him. A
Martial artist's and Shinobi's methods and motivation would clash too
much.

    Stopping in front of the frame to the shoji leading to the
backyard, he ran his hand over the noticeably newer wood of the left
side, where Shampoo's bonbori had smashed through, when she was
trying to kill Akane that day she had showed up from China.  In fact
there were little patches of new all over the Tendou residence,
especially in the dojo, where either due to circumstances beyond
their control or overeager training, Ranma or others had managed to
destroy parts of it.

	In most cannon the Dojo is shown in good if not pristiene condition.
It's Soun Tendo's legacy, lively hood,[That one is questionable] and
pride, he would repair any damage done to it with more than just a quick
patch up job.

  "Um A-Akane?" He voiced hesitantly.
"Y-Yes..." she answered.
Smacking himself mentally, Ranma forced the words out in a rush,
  "Wouldyouliketogopracticewithme?"

	Why so nervous? Akane uses Ranma as a punching bag all the time, there
are a few scenes where he's training with her in several places in the
Anime and Manga. She just get's frustrated because he won't fight back.


  "I think that that is the first time Ranma has ever touched me,
without it being absolutely necessary."  She was reeling.

	Untrue, Ranma and Akane are shown doing various things together. He
pat's her on the back and acts friendly with her most of the time. He
just doesn't know when to quit and keep quiet. His tactlessness is what
get's him in trouble most of the time with her.


"I have got to ask her where the hell she keeps that thing someday,"
he thought wryly.

	The same place Mousse keeps his. A fanfic convention that gets on my
nerves, Akane doesn't use a mallet that much. Usually she just hits him.


  Grinning ear to ear she
mentally pictured Ranma trying to dance normal dances, or say, the
funky chicken!

	A truely frightening image.

    "She really does have a kind of grace when doing this kind of
stuff."  He thought.  Finally they reached the end of the kata, and
Ranma went to the north wall and sat down against it,

	I can accept this given the context of the fic, a more cannon approach
would be Akane screwing it up badly and getting angry. She's a clutz, but
she can learn it. Just not immediately like depicted here. It took her a
little while to get the hang of the gymnastics stuff Ranma helped her
train in. [And then she hurt herself anyway.]

you are about to throw, try not to look where you plan on punching,
don't turn your back to me after that kind of kick."
    Getting into the spirit of things, Ranma threw soft kicks and a
few punches at her.  Akane instead of trying to imitate Ranma's 
speed,
simply blocked his techniques.  "Harder!" She fairly screamed. 
Wanting
him to actually spar with her for once.  She increased the intensity 
of
her attacks, trying to goad Ranma's anger so that he would attack 
her
and stop his constant dodging.  But Ranma's training had conditioned
him to accept pain, and while a few of her techniques were actually
connecting now, he refused to use even 1/4 of his full speed or 
power
against a girl, especially THIS girl.  Akane was starting to get 
angry
now.  

	Waaayyy OOC here, I suppose he's just trying to be nice, but Ranma in
the manga seems to be deathly afraid of even accidentally harming Akane
in training.

She couldn't help it.
    "Why does he do this to me?  Why won't he treat me like an 
equal?

	Because she isn't and she knows it.

Why can't he just ignore that I am a girl for once?"  Starting to 
glow
a slight red, Akane launched a suicide attack at Ranma, aimed right 
at
his head.

	Actually I think that's the exact opposite of what Akane wants from
Ranma, but it works here.

  Showing her his eyes, which at the moment were filled 
with
something that was confusing the hell out of Akane.  She didn't know
how to deal with this Ranma!  This Ranma was kind and sensitive
and very patient with her.  He wasn't behaving like he was supposed
to!

	RAAANNNMMAAA! What have you done! I know you did something cause you're
being so nice to me!

  Grinning, Ranma completed the movement,
and their lips brushed.
    His touch was like fire!  Akane's whole body felt like it was
glowing!  Where he was resting his hands on her back, she could have
sworn she was getting burned, her back arched involuntarily towards
him as his lips brushed hers, and she faintly *moaned* her assent
again.  Ranma then leaned in and kissed her closed mouthed.  His
lips were somewhat moist and the electric sensations he was
provoking in her were making her blush furiously and she tightened
her grip on him.  *moaning* into his still closed mouth, Akane 
opened
her lips slightly prompting without words for Ranma to go further.
Ranma in turn parted his lips slightly, and Akane with very little
control left accepted the tip of Ranma's tongue, this being the most
intimate she had ever been with him before, or any other man for
that matter, Akane's head was swimming.
    Ranma was shocked as all hell, she had opened her lips and was
sucking gently on his tongue.  Unfamiliar feelings were building up 
in
Ranma, and combined with the heat of her body, the scent of her, and
what she was allowing him to do, Ranma allowed something inside of
himself to snap, and opened his mouth fully, sucking crazily on her
tongue, and rolling her over on top of him so that he could feel 
every
part of her touching him.
    Akane was a little shocked at first when Ranma responded like he
did, but her mind was not in any kind of a state to stop, nor think
reasonably, and she let go entirely and felt herself falling, the 
room
seemed to dim out of view, and then she closed her eyes and let the
sensations rule her, caressing his teeth and sucking alternately on
his tongue and lips.  Akane was enjoying letting herself be female,
even more so since she was doing this with HIM!  Even more 
important,
while she was enjoying having Ranma touch her, the fact that he had
been so kind and open with her, and the way he was behaving, meant
the world to her.
    Ranma was also in his own little world where only Akane existed
was starting to feel TOO light headed, and so gently he broke the
kiss.  His head was swimming, he looked up at Akane and saw a
flushed face, lightly coated with sweat and a happy grin plastered
across it.  She was panting slightly,and neither one of them knew
what to say.

	Part 1: Eeewww.
	Part 2: Genma and Soun skipped away from the door of the Dojo giggling
to themselves. "We'll have the wedding tomorrow morning Tendo!"
	"Right Saotome, I'll make a few calls and get everything ready!"
	"At last our two families will be joined!"

    Akane however noticed the position of the sun, and the fear of
someone walking in on them overpowered her desire to lay on Ranma
all day.  Gently she rolled off of him, and sat facing him.  "Ranma
I..."

	Genma and Soun seem to be pretty early risers in the Manga, both appear
to wake up before any of the younger children. Kasumi has to wake up
early so she can cook breakfast.

    Akane leapt away from Ranma, and as he got up , they both just
kind of stood there, neither sure how to end the moment nor if
anything was necessary to say.   Akane still giddy and way to
confused, with emotions and feelings still running through her, 
simply
smiled at Ranma and turned her back to him and walked out of the 
dojo.
Ranma following suit, though after he exited the dojo, he leapt up 
to
the roof top and into his room, so he could come down the stairs and
therefore not raise any suspicions.

	Why would there be any suspicions about the two of them in the dojo?
They both practice martial arts. The only thing I could see happening
would be a little teasing from Nabiki, that is if she even notices.

    Humming quietly to himself, Ranma walked down the stairs this
time.  Pausing at the landing to simply watch his new family.  Genma
as usual trying to inhale everything, even the plates if he wasn't
careful, Soun sitting at the head of the table with a toothbrush in 
his
mouth reading the morning paper. Nabiki yawning into her teacup and
looking disheveled.  Kasumi looking perfect as always sitting by 
Nabiki
and refilling their plates and Akane sitting at her usual spot next 
to
Ranma's eating daintily.
    With a grin Ranma waltzed into the room, and sat next to Akane,
not saying anything he simply smiled at her and sat down and started
eating.  No one seemed to notice, and Akane just blushed as she 
looked
up, then continued eating.
_______________________________________________________
End.

	Most of what's wrong with this falls under characterization. A few
stories you either forgot about, never read, or decided to ignore. Like I
said earlier it's a good fic and I think I'm going to enjoy reading the
rest of it. I like the pace you've given Ranma and Akane's romance, a lot
of fics rush it and try to get the pair madly in love, and have them
getting along like newlyweds in a chapter or two.


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